Yesterday, 08:38 AM
1 - Then why not have it?
2 - It is, IMO, something to live. But make no mistake, I fail at this regularly and have done so with some spectacle in the past and will likely do so again in days yet to come. I have held myself to a high standard most of my life. I have also at times abandoned that standard in fits of childish self-indulgence as I would whinge in some abominably irritating fashion about what's the point, or some such drivel. But to my credit I have always returned to that which I know to be true and right for me. My brothers of other mothers and myself, having trained long in the ways of bushido may not have adopted the full particulars of the samurai way, for such would prove impractical in this day, but we have taken the spirit upon us, as well as that of other schools and traditions. We were early blessed with eyes good for distinguishing the traits of the superior man, and for that we have all been thankful. We have done what have been able to model ourselves along the lines of our ideals. It is my confession that I have been the least of the group, and yet I too carry certain virtues.
It is because of my fundamentally optimistic view, all my realist talk to the seeming contrary notwithstanding, that I have chosen not to give in to the fatigues of spirit to which the rigors of this life subject any thinking man. A girlfriend's father, former ordained Jesuit scholar, once paid me the highest of compliments when he repined his pity for me. When I asked why, he told me that the man of inferior mind sails through life happily, for he sees not the horrors of the world in the way the thinking man does. I remember how self-conscious I felt before his words, particularly when he told me that I stood to live a very unhappy life. And so it has been. But in some ways it has been worthy, even if I have otherwise failed miserably.
But as I move out of one day and into each successive, I arrive some quantum closer to my own ideals of self-comportment and perception. I define myself and work to bring myself into actualization ever closer to the specification. I may not be qualified to assess my own success, but I can say that I give it my best effort. And finally to a relevant point, I own who I am and there is no power in the world that can strip that away from me, save myself.
So if anyone wishes to have the conversation, I am game. After all, the talk helps understanding, and there is still so much I do not comprehend in even the basics.