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Thread: Get $#@!ed by the Price of Bitcoin

  1. #1

    Get $#@!ed by the Price of Bitcoin

    Now You Can Literally Get $#@!ed by the Price of Bitcoin

    If I was heavily invested in cryptocurrency, I'd probably be obsessed with checking a site like Coinbase, which tracks the value of Bitcoin, Ethereum, and other coins. I don't know if I'd want my butt to vibrate every time the value of Litecoin went up by a penny, but I suppose that it is arguably useful, and something that now exists thanks to the porn company CamSoda.

    Bitcast is a service that tracks the real-time value of Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Litecoin in US dollars, on a chart that syncs with a line of internet-connected Lovense sex toys. When the value goes up, the vibrations intensify. When it goes down, the vibes back off. When the cryptocurrency bubble inevitably bursts, the toy overheats and blows your dick off. Okay, not really, but weird $#@! does happen with internet connected toys.

    The Lovense connected sex toy line offers standard Fleshlights and dildos, but also more discrete buttplugs, prostate massagers and vibrators, meaning you could feasibly wear a connected toy while you go about your day, sensing every change in Bitcoin price like a horny sixth sense. I mean, please don’t do this, but you could.

    "The excitement surrounding cryptocurrency could only be hotter if it brought investors to climax!” Daryn Parker, vice president of CamSoda, told me in an email. “Now, in addition to the euphoria investors receive from their investment starting to take off, they’ll be able to simultaneously get off. Tracking your investment has never been more fun. It's the ultimate high, the ultimate experience and it’s what we’re all about here at CamSoda."

    Read More: Nintendo Switch's Joy-Con Sync Issue Is Even Worse If You Put It In Your Butt

    A CamSoda spokesperson told me that Bitcast pulls its numbers from the cryptocurrency exchange Bitstamp, where people buy and sell digital coins. The price that Bitcast shows reflects the most recent price that your cryptocurrency of choice was sold for on Bitstamp, so it might differ slightly from the price on Coinbase or other exchanges.

    I contacted Bitstamp for comment on this use of its market values, and will update if I hear back.

    You might remember CamSoda from previous sex tech stunts. There was Ocast, which had me lick my disgusting phone screen to remotely control a sex toy, and OhRama, which allowed me to smell sweaty balls in virtual reality. Aside from being ridiculous, what all of CamSoda's stunts have in common is that they actually work, as far as we've been able to test them. It's not that hard to imagine someone being into them.
    Last edited by The Northbreather; 12-21-2017 at 04:58 PM.

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  3. #2
    OhRama, which allowed me to smell sweaty balls in virtual reality.
    Holy hell
    "He's talkin' to his gut like it's a person!!" -me
    "dumpster diving isn't professional." - angelatc
    "You don't need a medical degree to spot obvious bullshit, that's actually a separate skill." -Scott Adams
    "When you are divided, and angry, and controlled, you target those 'different' from you, not those responsible [controllers]" -Q

    "Each of us must choose which course of action we should take: education, conventional political action, or even peaceful civil disobedience to bring about necessary changes. But let it not be said that we did nothing." - Ron Paul

    "Paul said "the wave of the future" is a coalition of anti-authoritarian progressive Democrats and libertarian Republicans in Congress opposed to domestic surveillance, opposed to starting new wars and in favor of ending the so-called War on Drugs."

  4. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by dannno View Post
    Holy hell
    Oh yes indeed

  5. #4
    In the spirit of bitcoin does this allow anonymous, peer to peer vibrations too? As long as you're not using Darkcoin... unless you're into that sort of thing.
    “…let us teach them that all who draw breath are of equal worth, and that those who seek to press heel upon the throat of liberty, will fall to the cry of FREEDOM!!!” – Spartacus, War of the Damned

    BTC: 1AFbCLYU3G1dkbsSJnk3spWeEwpqYVC2Pq

  6. #5

  7. #6
    This is the innovation that will bring bitcoin to the masses. IT's HAPPENING!

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