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Thread: Post a Joke, Best Joke gets a +Rep!

  1. #481
    Joe Biden.
    "Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration is minding my own business."

    Calvin Coolidge



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  3. #482
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzanimal View Post
    What does a farmer say when he can't find his tractor?

     
    "Where's my tractor?"
    Click image for larger version. 

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    Pfizer Macht Frei!

    Openly Straight Man, Danke, Awarded Top Rated Influencer. Community Standards Enforcer.


    Quiz: Test Your "Income" Tax IQ!

    Short Income Tax Video

    The Income Tax Is An Excise, And Excise Taxes Are Privilege Taxes

    The Federalist Papers, No. 15:

    Except as to the rule of appointment, the United States have an indefinite discretion to make requisitions for men and money; but they have no authority to raise either by regulations extending to the individual citizens of America.

  4. #483
    What is blue and smells like red paint?

     
    Blue paint
    Quote Originally Posted by Ron Paul View Post
    The intellectual battle for liberty can appear to be a lonely one at times. However, the numbers are not as important as the principles that we hold. Leonard Read always taught that "it's not a numbers game, but an ideological game." That's why it's important to continue to provide a principled philosophy as to what the role of government ought to be, despite the numbers that stare us in the face.
    Quote Originally Posted by Origanalist View Post
    This intellectually stimulating conversation is the reason I keep coming here.

  5. #484
    Quote Originally Posted by Ron Paul View Post
    The intellectual battle for liberty can appear to be a lonely one at times. However, the numbers are not as important as the principles that we hold. Leonard Read always taught that "it's not a numbers game, but an ideological game." That's why it's important to continue to provide a principled philosophy as to what the role of government ought to be, despite the numbers that stare us in the face.
    Quote Originally Posted by Origanalist View Post
    This intellectually stimulating conversation is the reason I keep coming here.

  6. #485
    For a politician what is the difference between today and tomorrow?

  7. #486
    Likely a true story..................

    Brad lived in California and was a lifelong environmentalist. He was sick of the world; of Covid-19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.

    Brad drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, started the car and revved it to a slow idle.

    Two days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Brad from the car.

    A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.

    Brad is a registered California Democrat.

  8. #487
    Kamala Harris is a great and admirable woman.
    "Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration is minding my own business."

    Calvin Coolidge

  9. #488
    Two cannibals caught a missionary and cooked him. One started eating at the head, the other at the feet.

    After a while, one looked up and asked, "How ya doin'?"

    "I'm having a ball!"

    "You are eating too fast."

    Pfizer Macht Frei!

    Openly Straight Man, Danke, Awarded Top Rated Influencer. Community Standards Enforcer.


    Quiz: Test Your "Income" Tax IQ!

    Short Income Tax Video

    The Income Tax Is An Excise, And Excise Taxes Are Privilege Taxes

    The Federalist Papers, No. 15:

    Except as to the rule of appointment, the United States have an indefinite discretion to make requisitions for men and money; but they have no authority to raise either by regulations extending to the individual citizens of America.



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  11. #489
    What do you call a fake noodle?

    An impasta.
    "Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration is minding my own business."

    Calvin Coolidge

  12. #490
    A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.
    She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

    "What are you doing?!" she asked.
    "I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.
    "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
    "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
    "Love dress? But you're naked!"
    "Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me"

    The mother-in-law left.

    When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.
    Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
    "What are you doing?" he asked.
    "This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
    "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?
    He never heard the gunshot.

  13. #491
    An interviewer asked an Amish man why it was that the Amish community did not experience the epidemic of Covid-19.

    The Amish man answered, "Well, we don't have TVs."

    Libertarian Party Mises Caucus
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  14. #492
    Quote Originally Posted by Suzanimal View Post

    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	FB_IMG_1612156197275.jpg 
Views:	0 
Size:	56.5 KB 
ID:	7977
    Pfizer Macht Frei!

    Openly Straight Man, Danke, Awarded Top Rated Influencer. Community Standards Enforcer.


    Quiz: Test Your "Income" Tax IQ!

    Short Income Tax Video

    The Income Tax Is An Excise, And Excise Taxes Are Privilege Taxes

    The Federalist Papers, No. 15:

    Except as to the rule of appointment, the United States have an indefinite discretion to make requisitions for men and money; but they have no authority to raise either by regulations extending to the individual citizens of America.

  15. #493
    Joe Biden will be a great president that will not sell us out to foreign interests.
    "Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration is minding my own business."

    Calvin Coolidge

  16. #494

  17. #495
    I have complete faith in the Biden administration.
    "Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration is minding my own business."

    Calvin Coolidge

  18. #496



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  20. #497
    How do you have a party in space?

    You planet.
    "Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration is minding my own business."

    Calvin Coolidge

  21. #498
    Why did the Jews wander the desert for 40 years?

    Because one of them dropped a nickel.
    "Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration is minding my own business."

    Calvin Coolidge

  22. #499
    Irish Smiles


    Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.

    Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

    The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

    An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"
    "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

    Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
    Answer - So the English can understand them.

    Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
    "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

    Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?" - "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."

    Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?" Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

    What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? - A bachelor.

    Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.
    Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
    Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home .

    Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

    Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital.. "Quick!" He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
    "Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
    "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."

    "O' Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?"
    "It did surely," replied O' Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"

    My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs

  23. #500
    Why did the ghost ride the elevator?

    To lift his spirits.
    "Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration is minding my own business."

    Calvin Coolidge

  24. #501
    A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
    Youknow, I just hate drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.
    I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."
    The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You will have to drive around in his 2021 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."
    "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
    You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.
    This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

    The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're $#@!tin' me!"
    The social worker said, "Yeah, well... you started it." .....

  25. #502
    The United States is in good hands under Biden.
    "Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration is minding my own business."

    Calvin Coolidge

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