LIFESKILL...SHOPPING WITH MOM
HONESTLY, I'D RATHER HAVE A COLONOSCOPY THAN TAKE THAT WOMAN TO THE MALL. SHE WILL BUY A BUNCH OF STUFF AND I MAKE HER TRY IT ALL ON AND I SWEAR SHE'LL BE CALLING ME TOMORROW THAT WE HAVE TO TAKE IT ALL BACK BECAUSE SHE DECIDED SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT OR IT DOESN'T FIT. WTF? I'VE ASKED WHY SHE BOUGHT IT IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT OR IT DIDN'T FIT AND SHE SAYS BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING ELSE.
I LAID DOWN SOME GROUND RULES FOR HER. I TOLD HER IF SHE CHANGES HER MIND, I'M NOT TAKING IT BACK FOR HER. SHE CAN DO IT HERSELF. I'M NOT HER $#@!ING SECRETARY. IT'S AN HOUR AND A HALF DRIVE TO HER HOUSE AND SHE DOESN'T GET WHY I DON'T WANT TO RUN OVER THERE TO RUN ERRANDS FOR HER. WHEN I GO OVER THERE, IT'S THREE HOURS ROUND TRIP PLUS WHATEVER SILLY ERRANDS SHE COULD DO ANY DAY.
OH, AND SHE WANTS TO GO TO THE MALL THAT'S ANOTHER HOUR FROM HER HOUSE INSTEAD OF THE ONE THAT'S RIGHT UP THE STREET. THE ONE RIGHT UP THE STREET IS NICER, BTW BUT I THINK SHE'S FIGURED OUT THE OTHER MALL IS INCONVENIENT FOR ME SO THAT'S THE ONE SHE WHINES ABOUT GOING TO AND WHEN WE GET THERE, SHE WHINES THAT IT'S A DUMP. MR A SAYS SHE'S THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WILL FIND $100 BILL AND BITCH THAT'S THERE'S NOT ANOTHER ONE TO GO WITH IT.
AND SHE'S BEEN CALLING ME ALL MORNING GIVING ME PROJECTS I CAN DO FOR HER LIKE CALLING HER BANK ON A SUNDAY
AND TALKING TO THEM ABOUT HER CHECK CARD. APPARENTLY, SHE HAS SOME SORT OF FRAUD PROTECTION ON IT AND THEY LIMIT HER SPENDING TO 500.00 A DAY ON IT. AND SHE WANTS ME TO BUY SOME CHIN STRAP FOR MY STEPFATHER'S SNORING MACHINE. SHE SAYS SHE'S GOING TO TAPE HIS MOUTH SHUT IF THEY DON'T GET IT SOON. I ASKED IF THEY KNOW WHAT THEY NEED. YES THEY DO AND THEY FOUND IT ON AMAZON AND I ASKED WHY DIDN'T THEY ORDER IT - BECAUSE THEY WERE GOING TO "LET" ME DO IT FOR THEM.
I SOUND AWFUL AND I HONESTLY DON'T MIND HELPING MY MOM OUT WITH ANYTHING I KNOW SHE HAS TROUBLE WITH BUT SHE'S EXTREMELY HIGH MAINTENANCE AND VERY LAZY. SOMETIMES, I THINK SHE GETS BORED AND JUST SITS AROUND THINKING UP $#@! FOR ME TO DO FOR HER. SHE WILL CALL ME AND ASK ME FOR HER ADDRESS AS OPPOSED TO LOOKING AT A PIECE OF MAIL OR (GOD FORBID!!!) JUST MEMORIZING IT. I'M NOT KIDDING, SHE DOESN'T KNOW HER OWN ADDRESS.
AND THE CHERRY ON TOP IS THAT SHE WANTS ME TO HELP HER FIND A GIRDLE. SHE'S A SIZE 2 PETITE. IT'S HARD TO FIND HER GRANNY PANTIES IN THAT SIZE MUCH LESS A GIRDLE THAT WILL HOLD IN HER
FAT BONES. AND SHE MAKES ME GO IN THE DRESSING ROOM. I DON'T WANT TO SEE HER NAKED.
IT'S TRAUMATIZING. I TOLD HER THAT TOO BUT SHE MAKES ME LOOK.
RANT OVER
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