But that isn't about her. The bottom line - again: Wife #1 was not happy. Would he really have been better off if wife #1 had just decided to swallow her misery and stay in the marriage?Originally Posted by euphemia
I can't call it a loveless marriage, because he clearly loved her.
Yeah, right. Most likely he'll smile and nod, then do exactly the opposite of what you thought you agreed on. For decades.
You also cut out the "carrot" part of what I wrote.
There are no crimes against people.
There are only crimes against the state.
And the state will never, ever choose to hold accountable its agents, because a thing can not commit a crime against itself.
Because it seemingly makes the assumption that all men are physically capable of having sex and I didn't want to start THAT diversion.
It would have been best for them both to grow up and stop holding each other responsible for their happiness. We choose how we respond to situations. They could have gotten some help before the relationship devolved to divorce. They would both be happier that way.
#NashvilleStrong
“I’m a doctor. That’s a baby.”~~~Dr. Manny Sethi
Actually, the numbers are there to prove women suffer financially in a divorce. They are almost never in a better financial place afterword. Men often do better because if they remarry, they marry a younger woman who may have a job of her own doing pretty well.
People need to marry responsibly. It's a contract that is expensive and torturous to dissolve. Be mature. Marry a mature person. Be financially responsible and marry a finacially responsible person. Be willing to get some help if the relationship has hiccups. Don't wait until it's too late.
I have only seen one divorce where it worked out differently. Wife had a really good job and went on to marry a wealthier man, husband remains single to this day. Full joint custody and financial responsibility of the kids. The kids are all grown now, and it is an example that goes against type.
Last edited by euphemia; 05-30-2017 at 11:03 AM.
#NashvilleStrong
“I’m a doctor. That’s a baby.”~~~Dr. Manny Sethi
One of the worst fights Mrs AF and I ever had was over a stoopid "high efficiency" dirtying machine...which is all those $#@!ing things are, a high tech computerized way in which to make clothes smell musty and more dirty than when they went in. $#@!ing thing has been replaced twice and broke down as well...everything has to be just so, and arranged just right for the $#@!ing thing to work, so says Mrs. AF, and it is apparently beyond my ken to operate properly.
Never mind that my job has been to keep a computerized, cantankerous $62 million dollar, 9800 ton floating nightmare working...that includes four washers and dryers to do our clothes.
So I keep my hands off it.
The twenty year old non computerized dryer, that I've kept going over the years, that I will operate.
Last edited by Anti Federalist; 05-30-2017 at 11:49 AM.
Well, certainly, that is different and difficult subject.
Can't vs. won't for either side...
No, probably not.
But depending on how much and what the conditions were, that is the sort of thing that can push an already depressed person over the edge into suicide.
Which is what I was alluding to in the OP.
Last edited by Anti Federalist; 05-30-2017 at 11:47 AM.
But he was happy or at least he would have happily stayed married.
I find that so difficult to fathom...regardless of how good a false front somebody may put up and how blind one person's love can be, can't people sense in a marriage when another person loathes them?
So, the reason it's the wrong question is this: it's not all about him. Nor about her.
Me, me, me, me, mee! That's all that seems to matter to this worthless, narcissistic, self-absorbed, triviality absorbed, morbidly obese nation. @DGambler had it right.
What about the consequences to civilization? What about the long-term survival of their way of life? What about their great-great-grandchildren a thousand years from now? What about their children for that matter? Can they even be bothered to rouse themselves enough out of their narcissistic stupor to care about their own direct children? Which they directly bore (albeit with epidurals and opiods and every advanced anesthesiology they could lay hands on)?
Naturally everyone is going to care about his own happiness. And that is right. But once upon a time, people were raised to care about some other, larger, broader things as well.
And they wonder why their lives are so empty. Ah, well. Maybe another retreat or Life Quest will uncover that Meaning for them.
Indeed. Love is messed up.
Covered.
"The Patriarch"
1. Feed Mefrom your link:
And husband can to a better job of keeping the wife happy. Here is how:
He can tell his wife that he loves her.
He can show his wife he loves her.
He can talk and listen to his wife because she has important things to say and is an equal partner in their marriage.
He can talk to his wife and share with her struggles, achievements, thoughts, and dreams.
He can acknowledge her (in a non-sexual way – touching her arm, stroking her back, tucking her hair behind her ear.
He can anticipate her needs by making her life a little bit easier — loading the dishwasher, wiping off the table, making her lunch the night before.
He can remember that his wife is the most beautiful woman in the world (and make sure that she knows that he knows it).
He can recharge her battery when she is tired and worn out.
He can help her soar by encourage her in her dreams and through supporting her endeavors.
He can recognize the small and simple things.
No list provided on how the little lady can keep her man happy?
2. Have Sex With Me
3. Leave Me Alone and Be Quiet
-Major General Smedley Butler, USMC,There are only two things we should fight for. One is the defense of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights. War for any other reason is simply a racket.
Two-Time Congressional Medal of Honor Winner
Author of, War is a Racket!
- Diogenes of SinopeIt is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours.
Or some believe the old: "To keep a man, a woman has to be a chef in the kitchen, a maid in the house, and a whore in the bedroom."
-Major General Smedley Butler, USMC,There are only two things we should fight for. One is the defense of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights. War for any other reason is simply a racket.
Two-Time Congressional Medal of Honor Winner
Author of, War is a Racket!
- Diogenes of SinopeIt is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours.
"To keep a man, a woman has to be a chef in the kitchen, a maid in the house, and a whore in the bedroom."
Anybody that thinks this statement is wrong is no lover of liberty and can get the damn hell out.
- Don't lie.
- Don't cheat.
- Don't steal.
- Don't kill.
- Don't commit adultery.
- Don't covet what your neighbor has, especially his wife.
- Honor your father and mother.
- Remember the Sabbath and keep it Holy.
- Don’t use your Higher Power's name in vain, or anyone else's.
- Do unto others as you would have them do to you.
"For the love of money is the root of all evil..." -- I Timothy 6:10, KJV
I agree with you. I was just continuing the discussion in the framework presented. Happiness seems to have a rather fluid meaning. People can endure great tragedy and still love each other and work for the good of the relationship. People choose how they feel and respond. Some people choose anger or unhappiness, and nothing is going to work unless the choose to respond differently.
#NashvilleStrong
“I’m a doctor. That’s a baby.”~~~Dr. Manny Sethi
Nobody said it'd be easy.
Don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows
I know, I know. I wasn't criticizing you nor Angela. Just using your words as a muse for some thoughts I had.
Meh, I don't really care for that stereotype. I wouldn't have chosen my woman If that's all she was/did for me. Mine is my 2nd best friend --spawn having kicked her out of the #1 spot.
Last edited by specsaregood; 05-30-2017 at 01:04 PM.
Seems pretty stupid to get to that age, when you should be getting ready to relax and be a bit comfortable with your situation only to effectively double your living expenses.
Communication, support and appreciation are three key ingredients to having a healthy marriage, IMHO.
“The spirits of darkness are now among us. We have to be on guard so that we may realize what is happening when we encounter them and gain a real idea of where they are to be found. The most dangerous thing you can do in the immediate future will be to give yourself up unconsciously to the influences which are definitely present.” ~ Rudolf Steiner
Sex is right in there!
Without mutually satisfying sex you're friendly(?) roommates with a contract..
Indeed. I'm in the minority here that believes sex should be reserved for marriage. It's very hard to be casual about sex when it is reserved for marriage. It is not a casual thing and cannot really be separated from its meaning. Not judging anyone, just expressing my point of view.
#NashvilleStrong
“I’m a doctor. That’s a baby.”~~~Dr. Manny Sethi
Lots of people have sex with roommates and acquaintances without any strings either. Although a marriage is when the two become one without communication, support and appreciation that relationship cannot stand united as one.
“The spirits of darkness are now among us. We have to be on guard so that we may realize what is happening when we encounter them and gain a real idea of where they are to be found. The most dangerous thing you can do in the immediate future will be to give yourself up unconsciously to the influences which are definitely present.” ~ Rudolf Steiner
I agree that communication, support and appreciation are needed too...
I read a Jeff Tucker article years ago where he pointed out that most of the problems people have these days are with the fact that all phosphates have been removed from the detergent. He suggested adding 1tbsp of regular ol' Trisodium Phosphate to each load.
I'm not exactly a connoisseur of how white whites can get... I mainly do it because half the time I'm muttering under my breath "Well honey, I've been doing this anyway for years now and nothing has blown up, so I win", and the other half of the time I'm muttering "Screw you, bureaucrats, and your completely coincidental algal bloom, too".
There are no crimes against people.
There are only crimes against the state.
And the state will never, ever choose to hold accountable its agents, because a thing can not commit a crime against itself.
Darlin', putting a half a gallon of detergent doesn't make clothes clean. These new washers do not need that much detergent to clean clothes and when you put a lot of detergent in and jam, balled-up clothes into the washing machine, they don't get clean--just sayin'.
One of the worst fights Mrs AF and I ever had was over a stoopid "high efficiency" dirtying machine...which is all those $#@!ing things are, a high tech computerized way in which to make clothes smell musty and more dirty than when they went in. $#@!ing thing has been replaced twice and broke down as well...everything has to be just so, and arranged just right for the $#@!ing thing to work, so says Mrs. AF, and it is apparently beyond my ken to operate properly.
Never mind that my job has been to keep a computerized, cantankerous $62 million dollar, 9800 ton floating nightmare working...that includes four washers and dryers to do our clothes.
So I keep my hands off it.
The twenty year old non computerized dryer, that I've kept going over the years, that I will operate.
Last edited by donnay; 05-30-2017 at 02:56 PM.
“The spirits of darkness are now among us. We have to be on guard so that we may realize what is happening when we encounter them and gain a real idea of where they are to be found. The most dangerous thing you can do in the immediate future will be to give yourself up unconsciously to the influences which are definitely present.” ~ Rudolf Steiner
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