Our parish has regular attendance of 140-160.
I've been trying to get a head count of the number of young eligible men and young eligible women over the last couple weeks. I always lose count of the young men around 15 or so. So it's at least 10% eligible marrying-age young men.
None of the young men are ugly. Most of them are employed, and a couple of them are what you'd traditionally consider alphas who should be drowning in women... like the 6'2" active duty marine who boxes but is still incredibly articulate and gentle and generally has the aura of a 1920s British gentleman. And they're all super smart - one of the young men there has actually read Human Action. Or there's the guy who is 20 and literally looks like a freaking Ken doll, and is so brilliant that he was given a task to teach a two hour adult class on the history of Calvinism in Europe.
I'm not counting the monks in that number. But it's part of the equation, I think, that there are a handful of young guys who have taken vows and have therefore checked out. And I meet a lot of other men of various ages who travel to the nearby monastery specifically to find out what monastic life is like. Like, two or three young eligible men every month.
On the other side: it's always the same four young eligible women. And each one, as you can probably guess, has... a great personality. I mean that earnestly. But three of them are at best solid 4s. I don't fault the young men for not being in their late 40s and understanding that time spent on pretty girls is mostly a waste, but the ratio there means someone in this group should have shown interest in the eligible girls already.
Then there's the other eligible young woman, who is a solid 6.5 or 7. I mean really pretty, but still conservative - straddling that line between hot and nice girl. She actually had a boyfriend before he dumped her and went to seminary. And at no point has there been a dogpile trying to get to her. Last week she was talking to a 67 year old friend of mine as he was drinking beers and he got all party charming, and she was practically eating out of his hand. Which was weird, but still part of this weird puzzle, because she demonstrated to everyone she's not a prude.
We had exactly one couple form and get married in the last three years, and it was two people who knew what they wanted and just went for it. But they aren't the norm, by far.
I talked to a 22yo man this morning who is actually getting to be a good friend of mine, and in the brief time we had he said young men check out or either go for porn or anime and he said we'd talked before about how he's into anime and there's nothing wrong with that and he's ready to die on that point... and I asked if he meant waifu pillow and he said no... and then I decided there were too many regular church people within earshot to continue that discussion and left it for later.
So since I won't get to talk it over with him for two weeks, and because I basically have no friends outside of church ever since everyone even slightly to the left of Adolf Hitler decided to cut me out of their lives, and because I want perspective outside of my group anyway....
What in the hell is going on? There's something that is keeping women away, and there's something keeping the men from going for it.
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