Stop pretending to like IPAs

[timosman]

http://www.sfexaminer.com/stop-pretending-like-ipas/

By Broke-Ass Stuart on September 28, 2017



There’s something I need to say. It’s a tough thing to do and takes bravery, but this has been weighing on my moral compass for far too long. It’s about time someone comes out with it and speaks up, so here I go:

IPAs are a lie.

There, I said it. In a few years, Americans will all look at each other and shrug:

“To be honest, I never liked IPAs.”

“You neither?”

“Nah, I just went along with it because I thought I was supposed to like them.”

“Me too!”

An India Pale Ale, IPA for short, is a strong, hoppy beer that basically gives your tongue a wedgie, noogie and purple-nurple all at the same time, while making your taste buds scream, “Uncle!” And when your little buds do scream, the IPA calls them a wuss. That’s right: IPAs are the bullies of beers, and Americans are
falling all over themselves pretending they are delicious.

I know, I know. I just heard that, too. It was the sound of speechlessness. Of pint glasses slipping from hands in cinematic slow-motion before shattering on the floor. Of beer droplets standing on the precipice of beards, beading on the end, as they decide whether or not to jump. Yes, beer drinkers, I went there. I just besmirched the mighty IPA. And no, I will not take it back.

It wasn’t always this way. The IPAs that came out 15-plus years ago, like Racer 5 and Lagunitas, were more balanced and inviting. Sure, they were hoppier and more bitter than other beers, but they weren’t $#@!s about it. And beer lists weren’t catered just toward them.

Sometime in the past decade, brewers decided beer wasn’t hoppy enough. They began one-upping each other, trying to see who could make a beer so hoppy that the drinker’s face would pucker up like an angry anus. They wanted to see whose beer could make it feel like your tonsils had been stomped out by a street gang.

They wanted to craft beer so hoppy that it would steal you soul.

That last part might be a little hyperbolic, but you get the point.

Somehow, Americans have convinced themselves the more hellish a beer tastes, the better it must be. Do you really want to drink a quintuple IPA that uses eleventy kinds of hops and has been arrested for assault? Sure, it gets you drunk quicker, but so does Mad Dog 20/20, and I don’t see you drinking that.

I’m asking you to stand up and demand good tasting beer. Put down that mean-spirited IPA and pick up something that actually makes you smile. There are so many kinds of beer out there to choose from, why go with the one that bullies your taste buds? You can get drunk and enjoy it, too.

I’ve just opened the door for you, now all you’ve got to do is step through it.

[luctor-et-emergo]

I've had IPA's that I like, brewed by a friend of mine... But most of the beer he brews is absolutely amazing...

Another time, I thought, lets buy some special beer, so I got this beer called "Life's a beach". THIS WAS $#@!ing horrible. Just gross, tasted like vomit or something. So I totally get this article...

Everything else this 'Jopen" brewery makes is brilliant but this stuff is horrible.

[GunnyFreedom]

I actually like the flavor of an IPA, but I cannot drink them because nobody makes them without Cascade Hopps, and Cascade Hopps give me migraines.

[osan]

When I started at WTSQ I ended up at Boulevard Tavern one evening after my slot. Station president, a monumental schmuck named Chris Long, got me an IPA. I had my carry gun with me and I was moved to shoot his worthless ass right there, right then.

I can barely believe the swill some people will not only put in their mouths, but actually swallow and pretend to like. Reminds me of porn in the most disgusting senses.

Yet another anecdotal point in the world of human stoogery.

[acptulsa]

And pretend to like what? It's too soon to go back to pretending to like raspberry wheat beer or Jägermeister.

It has been years since we pretended to like Everclear Jell-O shots or sloe gin. Time for one of those to make a comeback?

I don't know who told the Examiner being fashionable was easy. If you have to sacrifice your taste buds in order to convince shallow people you have taste, so be it.

[VIDEODROME]

I'd rather have dark beer like Stout or Bock. IPAs are terrible

[osan]

I actually like the flavor of an IPA, but I cannot drink them because nobody makes them without Cascade Hopps, and Cascade Hopps give me migraines.

Then consider yourself fortunate.

Speaking of migraines, and not to hijack the thread, but two things.

Firstly, I've developed a new habit as of about 8 months ago: migraines. I don't get them often, though too often for my tastes, but when I do - I just want to pit my head in a hydraulic press.

Secondly, I was at the Hardees in Big Chimney about 2 weeks ago prepping to eat because a migraine was coming on. I whipped out a BC powder and added it to a small volume of soda and sent it down. Food came and about ten minutes later I felt like I'd been dosed with acid. I was sitting there, staring at my hands, completely out of body, which has not happened to me before. I am not now, nor have ever been a panicky person - it's just not in my makeup - and yet there I was on the verge of panic, looking at my hands and feeling as if they were someone else's. It was a very unpleasant experience and it took about three hours before completely wearing off. I actually went home and poured some concrete and that helped a lot, or so it seemed.

Anyone ever had this happen? Someone later told me that you should not take BC with sodas, as some very strange things can ensue.

All I can say is I don't ever want to do that again.

[The Northbreather]

I completely agree.

I've been drinking Sudwerk Lager and Pillsner lately...

I'm on the hunt

[specsaregood]

I'd rather have dark beer like Stout or Bock. IPAs are terrible

Meh, I really like IPAs but I like bitter foods in general. But I like almost all beers except Belgians (tastes like the sweat from socks), Saisons (tastes like licking a frenchmans armpits) and beer with $#@!ing Pumpkin (tastes like barf).

[Origanalist]

Some IPA's are good, some are not. Depends on your tastes I guess. The thing about them is they can get pretty extreme and if you don't care for them I can see where they would be undrinkable. There plenty I would rather pour out than drink but there are some I like.

[RJB]

I personally like a good malty Scotch ale or a German dopplebock. On rare occasions I will enjoy an IPA. Mostly I see IPAs as American over compensation for years of bad, tasteless beer. Besides too much hops will give you manboobs and brewer's droop.

[Raginfridus]

My sister bought me a kit of Chimay beers for Christmas awhile back:



Usually I drink Old Style or Guinness, just depends where I am ($). If I'm bowling I'll have Blue Moon, I don't care if its canned, then after my first couple its Miller time. The best beer I've had was my pay for carpooling:



I guess pale ale's my preference, I'd drink that out of a faucet. :P

[oyarde]

I will have a bottle of Gnaw Bone Pale Ale every now and then .

[TheCount]

Meh, I really like IPAs but I like bitter foods in general.

I don't mind the bitter, but I hate how the taste of most IPAs linger in your mouth afterwards.

[oyarde]

This is america , you can always get a good german beir or for the pansies there is justin beiber and coors light . LOL

[Brian4Liberty]

Is the Lupulin Threshold Shift Fact or Fiction?

Do beer drinkers build up a resistance to hops? It’s a question that’s surrounded by controversy and uncertainty, with experts from all over giving their input on the matter. In 2005, Vinnie Cilurzo at Russian River Brewing coined the phrase “lupulin threshold shift,” to describe when a once extraordinarily hoppy beer now seems pedestrian.
...
Because of the lupulin threshold shift, it seems as though we’ve built up a tolerance to hoppiness and bitterness. Beers that once impressed you with their flavor, bitterness and hoppy aroma don’t seem as interesting or have the same punch that you’ve come to expect and desire.

Two years after Cilurzo coined the term, it came up during a Q&A session at the First International Brewers Symposium. Following a presentation detailing results of research related to bitterness quality, an attendee explained the concept of lupulin threshold shift to Tom Shellhammer and drew an analogy to spicy food. “When you get used to hot food you have to put in more and more spice to get the same perceived spicy heat; the same analogy applies to beer and bitterness, in my opinion,” he said.

Lupulin Threshold Shift
1. When a once extraordinarily hoppy beer now seems pedestrian.
2. The phenomenon a person has when craving more bitterness in beer.
3. The long-term exposure to extremely hoppy beers; if excessive or prolonged a habitual dependence on hops will occur.
4. When a “Double IPA” just is not enough.
...
More: https://www.homebrewersassociation.o...lin-threshold/

[Brian4Liberty]

I like IPAs, don't like wheat beers at all.

Hops are most closely related to marijuana, and on the west coast, super hopped beers go hand in hand with pot, as the aroma and effect of lupulin are similar. Think of a super hoppy beer as having a similar effect to super mild, non-noid marijuana combined with alcohol. The active ingredients in marijuana can not survive the brewing process (they have tried), but the lupulin in hops does remain.

[youngbuck]

I totally agree with the OP article. I've tried lots of beers, and in my state there are tons of microbreweries and lots of choices. At a certain point I realized that IPAs were just gross, and concluded that their popularity was at least in part a fad. Throw 'em in the woods.

[heavenlyboy34]

The last (and only) IPA I had was godawful bitter. Way to bring back bad memories, OP.

[VIDEODROME]