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Thread: The Week That Perished

  1. #211
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-193/

    The Week’s Roomiest, Zoomiest, and June Gloomiest Headlines
    THE LONG CON
    Not since the wife in Gone Girl has someone made such vindictive use of their death.
    Jimbo Jackson was the principal of Fort Braden K–8 school in Tallahassee, and during the pandemic he became Florida’s public face (and bald head) of school closures, going toe-to-toe with Governor DeSantis over whether to allow kids to learn in person, or keep them in closets encased in plastic safety bags.
    When Jackson contracted Covid in July 2020, he greatly disappointed himself by recovering, as his death would’ve been the ultimate “screw you Ron” moment. Even as the pandemic receded, Jackson still lobbied tirelessly to keep kids out of school.
    Well, last week Jackson finally croaked (in comedy this is called “commitment to a bit”). With his last breath he proclaimed that it was “long Covid” that dun him in, and he implored his followers to use his passing to force school closures.

    Expect a lot of this from now on. Anyone who ever had Covid, whenever they die—ten, twenty, thirty years from now—they’ll be counted as a Covid mortality. In that way, the pandemic will never outlive its usefulness.
    Headline from the year 2056: “Tom Hanks died today at age 99. Another senseless Covid casualty. Thanks, DEATH-SANTIS.”
    Back in January, JAMA Internal Medicine published a study indicating that “long Covid” is purely psychosomatic: “Physical symptoms persisting 10-to-12 months after the COVID-19 pandemic first wave may be associated more with the belief in having experienced COVID-19 infection than with actually being infected with the SARS-CoV-2 virus.”
    So get ready: Just as leftists demand that any man who claims to be a woman must be considered a woman medically and scientifically, they’ll soon demand that anyone who claims to have “long Covid” must be considered infected, even if they’re not.
    Covid as a social construct.
    A BRIDGE TOO FARNOUSH
    Forget about busboys. Last week, Brooklyn Jews got some busoys, which they (of course) blamed on busgoys.

    An anonymous anti-Semite spray-painted swastikas over a Jewish organization’s bus-stop PSA that read “We’re just 75 years since the gas chambers. So no, a billboard calling out Jew hate isn’t an overreaction. #EndJewHate.”


    75 years? It feel like 75 minutes the way you keep reminding us.
    The swastika-spraying launched the Pursuit of the Graffiti Spee, as the ADL ordered the NYPD to spare no expense in hunting down the perpetrator.
    And then the Dachau dauber, the Banksy of Buchenwald, was caught.
    And (huge surprise) it was a Jew.

    Farnoush Hakakian is a 45-year-old Iranian Jew. Her surname dates back to the time in ancient Persia when Xerxes thought his cat was speaking to him.
    Xerxes: It’s saying hakakianhakakian…what does it mean?
    Mardonius: My king, I think it’s throwing up.
    Xerxes: No! It’s a message just for me!
    Mardonius: Pretty sure it’s a hairball, my lord.
    Far-out Farnoush explained via Facebook that she defaced the billboard because she’s tired of Jews and their crap:
    I am Jewish. This is my art, this is how I express myself. I don’t agree with Judaism and how the Jewish people are. Instead of condemning the anti-semites, did it ever occur to you maybe we are doing many wrong things and we need to change????? Did it ever occur to you maybe the anti-semites have a point? A good one?
    She must be a barrel of laughs at Seder.
    Meanwhile, Hakakian was issued an open invitation to become Rashida Tlaib’s new press secretary.
    PROTESTS AND DUMBIN’STRATIONS
    Last week proved that when it comes to soul-stirring political protests that shake the very foundation of heaven itself, the left’s still got it. If by “it” one means “looking like morons.”
    First, to the Louvre, where a 36-year-old self-proclaimed “environmental artist” dressed up as an old lady in a wheelchair to throw cake at the Mona Lisa and then force-feed it to her in an effort to save the planet from global warming.
    Yes, everything about that last sentence is insane. Yet, compared with other things environmentalists do—trying to power large cities with windmills that freeze in the cold, blowing up oil pipelines because they might leak—the artistic assault and cake-battery wasn’t so bad. Fortunately, the Louvre has da Vinci’s masterpiece encased in bulletproof glass; this was necessitated following an unfortunate incident in 1994 when two black tourists from Chicago got into a heated dispute over whether the painting’s background represents the Valdarno valley or Montefeltro. Ten patrons died that day.
    The chocolate-chucking Marie Antoinette cake-giver was swiftly arrested. President Macron denounced the protest, stating that if you’re going to feed a famous painting, do Dogs Playing Poker, because when’s the last time those good boys had a biscuit?
    Meanwhile, as the French were dealing with cross-dressers having pie fights with inanimate objects, in New York a bunch of white leftists held a protest to prove that white leftists are the most useless things on earth. Several dozen bored Saratoga Springs whiteys held a “die-in,” lying down in the middle of a busy street to advocate the teaching of CRT in schools. The protest was led by local BLM founder Chandler Hickenbottom, who you might remember as the effete comic foil in every British farce ever.
    According to Saratoga’s Daily Gazette, onlookers yelled at the supine simps to “get back to work” and “get a life.”
    If only life imitated Road Runner cartoons, one good steamroller could’ve transformed that protest into a piece of art worthy of the Louvre.
    ELMER FADD
    Speaking of cartoons, just as Elmer Fudd was ceaselessly humiliated in his pursuit of wascally wabbits, so too have a bunch of morons recently been thwarted in their pursuit of the latest million-dollar fad.
    Not everyone’s bright enough to get in on the ground floor of the latest Pet Rock…and fewer still are wise enough to get out before the bottom drops. Last week MSN profiled several asinine-steins who lost their shirts investing in NFTs.
    Nate Hart likes cats. In that way, he’s unremarkable. However, he likes cats so much that last year he paid $600,000 for an NFT of a cat. Now, that makes him remarkable…remarkably stupid. He admitted to MSN that today his cat NFT isn’t worth enough to feed a real-life kitty one day’s worth of kibble.
    MSN also profiled Frank Chaparro, who spent $20,000 on an NFT of “an image of cats in bowls” that at present isn’t worth the cost of either one real cat or one real bowl. “Does it hurt? Of course,” Chaparro conceded. “But think about all the things you enjoy having that really don’t have value but they say something about yourself.”
    Yeah, like “I’m the reason silica packets have ‘do not eat’ printed on them.”
    Meanwhile, Reuters profiled Lloyd Armbrust of Pflugerville, Tex., who sunk his life savings into Covid mask manufacturing in 2020, and now he can’t figure out why the orders have slowed. Yes, he’s genuinely confused about it. In fact, he’s still trying to unravel the puzzle of why his daddy’s Bicentennial banner business went belly-up on Jan. 1, 1977.
    “Armbrust did up to a half-million dollars in mask sales a day,” Reuters reported. “Now, Armbrust laments, ‘we’re like 5% of that.’”
    And he has no idea why, making him an excellent candidate for a job as a WaPo market analyst.
    That some people lose their fortunes isn’t a mystery. The only mystery is, how the hell did they ever get fortunes in the first place?
    PORN WITH A SILVER SPOON
    Continuing with the theme of “things you shouldn’t be surprised at” (“my $600,000 cat drawing decreased in value!” “My Covid masks aren’t selling like in 2020!” “My Mona Lisa desecration didn’t save the earth!”) comes this beauty: a degenerate drug-addicted deviant sex-fiend con artist is also into hardcore porn.
    Holy cow, nobody saw that coming!
    A Daily Mail search of Hunter Biden’s infamous laptop reveals Biden Jr.’s “obsession with porn and penchant for filming himself having sex with prostitutes.”
    “Of the 281 websites found in his search history over six days, 98 were pornographic.” Biden also “had a paid Pornhub Premium account,” where he “uploaded his own amateur videos but was careful not to show his face. Text messages show Hunter apparently sent a link to a Pornhub page to a phone number he had saved in his contacts book as ‘Dad.’”
    Is that a surprise either? A guy who loves sniffing little girls and talking about children rubbing his leg hairs in a swimming pool might be into some freaky stuff in his off-hours?

    Biden Jr., who often filmed himself masturbating while watching porn then filmed himself masturbating while watching himself masturbate while watching porn, repeating the process until successfully re-creating the Hasslein theory of time travel from Escape From the Planet of the Apes, frequented sites like “Teenfidelity” and searched for films featuring “MILFs doing crack.”

    No word on why the president hasn’t appointed his son to lead the National Endowment for the Arts. After all, how many of us have looked at Mount Rushmore and said, “But what it really needs is a huge phallus protruding from Teddy Roosevelt”?
    It’s easy to feel sorry for poor Hunter. A child of wealth and privilege with no smarts or ambition, a literal human wind instrument, expelling air into a crack pipe on one end while a mouth blows the other. Yet surely Hunter’s greatest life tragedy is that, as an amateur porn maker, he’ll never outdo the grand achievement of his father, who managed to screw an entire nation of 300,000,000 people all at once.
    Top that, Ron Jeremy.
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment



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  3. #212
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-194/

    The Week’s Most Flaying, Fraying, and Flag-Daying Headlines
    WET BACK TO WHERE YOU ONCE BELONGED
    It’s back! The parade no one wants. No floats, just flotsam. The marching band is marching bandidos. No drill squad, but a mile of clowns. Yes, it’s another “migrant caravan,” shambling from the dung pits of Central America heading toward what most Americans call a border but Democrats call a finish line.
    And while the grand marshal of the parade, a senile old man in Washington, D.C., wanders a rose garden arguing with a bird (“Listen, fat, I want my Froot Loops. Don’t make me kill you like I did that rabbit who took my Trix”), the parade’s cheerleaders are lining the border to greet the new arrivals with gifts of green cards, welfare checks, and leaf blowers (because Barbra Streisand’s driveway ain’t gonna clear itself).
    Caravan organizers told Agencia EFE that among the 5,000 marchers are “93 pregnant women”…though isn’t it “transphobic” to assume the gender of pregnant people? And speaking of “phobias,” organizers told the AP that many of the paraders are “fleeing homophobia”:
    María Gómez, 24, and Roselys Gutierrez, 25, a couple from Venezuela, said they left Colombia after experiencing homophobia there and suffering physical attacks.

    When Gómez and Gutierrez were asked what they were doing in Colombia and why, if it was so homophobic, didn’t they just return to Venezuela, the lesbians held up their hands like Señor Wences and said, “You very nice man. Would you like a keess? I geev you a keess.”
    Also along for the march is Eymar Benavides, who told the AP, “Venezuela works, it’s a paradise, we didn’t want to leave our country.” When asked, “Well, then, why’d you leave?” Benavides held up his hand like Señor Wences and said, “S’alright? S’alright.”
    Onlookers can catch the parade this weekend at the U.S./Mexican border, or any time afterward in the parking lot of your local Home Depot.
    GUNGA’S DIN
    In the opening credits of the classic 1970s sitcom The Mary Tyler Moore Show, the protagonist blithely cavorts around Minneapolis, and in the final frame she joyously tosses her hat in the air.
    If the show ever gets a reboot, that ending shot would have to be amended: As Mary tosses the hat, she’s tackled by a dozen Muslim men who beat her unconscious for uncovering her head in public.
    Minneapolis is home to the majority of Minnesota’s 140,000 Muslims, about 80,000 of whom are Somalis. Presidents from Clinton through Biden have gotten a great laugh by trucking these sub-Saharans from their desert wasteland (where it’s 104 in the shade) to Minnesota’s frozen landscape, thus screwing up the lives of newcomers and hosts alike (in welcoming a group of Somali “refugees” in 1998, President Clinton is rumored to have said, “I hear some of you Somali chicks screw your brothers…that’s hot”).


    Since Muslims have a peculiar habit of flaunting their dominance over conquered people, last week Minneapolis’ Muhammadans “convinced” city leaders to allow mosques to blare the adhan (the Islamic call to prayer) from loudspeakers throughout the day and evening. Upon signing the bill authorizing the constant blaring of the Muslim blather, Minneapolis mayor Jacob Frey expressed gratitude to Muslim leaders for releasing his wife unharmed.
    The hours of the adhan broadcasts are limited by city noise ordinances, meaning no early-morning or late-night ali-ali-oxen-frees. But several Muslim immigrants told the AP that they hope to have the hours extended from the crack of dawn to midnight, and the decibel levels increased so that infidels can’t escape the noise.
    “Hopefully, city leaders will acquiesce to our peaceful demands,” local imam Ali Shiedy told the AP. “We know Mayor Frey will do the right thing for the city, and for his daughter, who’s severed finger serves as proof of our seriousness.”
    The lyrics to the Mary Tyler Moore Show theme included the line, “You can have the town, why don’t you take it?”
    To which Minneapolis Muslims responded, “Don’t mind if we do.”

    SOROS GETS A SORE ASS
    The best part of every James Bond film is when the supervillain meets his fate. Goldfinger sucked out a plane window, Drax blasted into outer space, Zorin dropped from the Golden Gate Bridge.
    Hey, did somebody mention San Francisco? Last week the people of that notoriously leftist city found their nads and extracted a little James Bond justice on resident bad guy, District Attorney Chesa Boudin. Boudin was booted in a recall that wasn’t even close: 60 percent of Friscans voted to banish the soft-on-crime DA whose love of murderers (after all, his mommy was one) and hatred of innocent citizens led to an explosion of crime in Fog City.
    Also, under Boudin’s reign sidewalk pooping by the homeless rose to such levels, the tech industry’s H-1B visa scabs thought they were still in Gujarat.
    It turns out that even liberals have limits when it comes to seeing their loved ones murdered by felons and their sneakers stained with bum-poo.
    Hardest-hit by Boudin’s loss is billionaire cacodemon George Soros, whose money put Boudin in office in the first place. Soros, who’s installed over a dozen criminal-friendly DAs in cities across the nation, is facing a popular revolt, and in the bluest of areas. Along with San Fran, L.A. is preparing to recall its Soros DA George Gascon. If Gascon falls as well, it’ll be Soros’ worst disappointment since World War II’s cessation forced him to stop collaborating with Nazis.
    Speaking from his lair inside a hollowed-out volcano, Soros told the press that San Francisco’s insolence will be punished, as a warning to other cities. As he lowered a bound-and-gagged Boudin into a pond full of piranha (“I do not tolerate failure. You were my friend, but now you’re just my…chum”), Soros mused about how best to punish the Bay Area.
    Earthquake? Tsunami? Too quick and painless.
    Turning to his hunchback dwarf henchman (Jerry Nadler), Soros gave the order:
    “Release the monkeypox,” he declared, adding menacingly, “and tell them all: My name is lesion.”
    NANCY SPEW AND THE HARDLY BOYS
    Dr. Sheree Bekker is an assistant professor of sports injuries at the University of Bath, and it’s tempting to believe that she came to the field by way of experience, having taken a few too many blows to the noggin. But it’s also important to note that she grew up in Botswana, so her formative years were spent studying broom duppies and baby-rape AIDS cures.
    Last week Dr. Bekker favored the world with a scientific discovery of monumental proportions. In a lengthy thread on the RealScientists Twitter page, Bekker (trans)mansplained her groundbreaking find: The notion that there are any physical differences between men and women is a hoax created by Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig to help them win ballgames, because women could’ve beaten them handily if allowed to compete.
    Yes, Lou Gehrig had a disease all right…misogyny.
    According to Botswana Bekker, women are in no way “physically smaller” than men. The only reason “women’s sports” were created was to stop women from dominating men in baseball and football.
    Yes, football. She claims that women would easily beat men if allowed in the NFL. Therefore, letting trannies compete in women’s sports actually puts the trannies at the disadvantage!
    Upon reading her Twitter thread, Odingo M’dongo, Botswana’s Deputy Minister for Looking Quizzically at Logs, stated, “Even by our standards that’s some nutty-ass bullcrap.”
    Bekker’s next quest is to demand the immediate release of all men incarcerated for physically overpowering women, because, as her discovery proves, such a thing is impossible.
    Science marches on! In Sheree Bekker’s case, right off a cliff.
    WAVY GRAVY
    There’s an old Polish joke that goes something like this: A two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery in Warsaw. Search-and-rescue teams have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb.
    Get it? The Poles are so dumb, they don’t understand that the bodies in the graveyard were already there.
    Ha ha ha! Stupid Polacks!
    Except, of course, no Pole would actually be that idiotic. On the other hand, many Canadians would.
    In 2021, Canada’s “indigenous” activists, together with the nation’s most brain-dead academics and Trudeau’s SaskatcheStasi shock-troops, claimed to have “discovered,” using “ground-penetrating radar,” dozens of “mass graves” of Indian children from the nation’s oddball “residential school” period in the late 1800s (when Native kids were sent to Christian boarding schools to be weaned from their tribal ways because all those damned rain dances were killing the crops).
    The Canadian press presented the “mass graves” as a war crime, and, as a result of the anti-Christian demonization, last year dozens of churches were set afire across the country and dozens more were vandalized and desecrated.
    Last week the National Post ran a series of in-depth investigations about the “mass graves.” Turns out they were just…graves. Marked, sanctified cemeteries. While the “residential schools” scheme was not the smartest idea the U.S.’s frigid unremarkable neighbor ever came up with, the “mass graves” were nothing more than normal places of eternal rest. Although the revelations about the true nature of the cemeteries didn’t come soon enough to save all those burned churches, at least grave-mania was curtailed before Gordon Lightfoot could write a song about it. Now, that would’ve been a war crime.

    Canadians literally acted out that Polish joke: They couldn’t tell the difference between properly buried corpses and the remnants of a mass-casualty event.
    Poles have gotten a bad rap; Canuck jokes should be the new standard. Like that Justin Trudeau knee-slapper from 2010 when he told Canadians, “I’m never going to take your guns.”
    Trudeau’s a terrible leader, but his stand-up is A-list.
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment

  4. #213
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-195/

    Takimag

    June 19, 2022

    The Week’s Most Eeny, Meeny, and Juneteeny Headlines

    31 FLAVORS A SLAVE

    Juneteenth, a Texas-originated celebration marking the end of slavery, had traditionally been a regional, minor jubilee. But in June 2020 craven government officials needed figurative pork rinds to toss the ravenous BLM rioters laying waste to American cities, so it was decided to elevate Juneteenth to a federal holiday in George Floyd’s honor (“National Fentanyl Day” having already been claimed by Prince).

    This year Juneteenth falls on Father’s Day, so every black child will have at least something to celebrate.

    Unfortunately, darkness has descended upon the black festivities. Commercialism has reared its ugly head: Walmart had planned to market Juneteenth ice cream to commemorate the holiday. Thankfully, black activists and social media users bullied the mega-chain into pulling and destroying the product.

    When Walmart execs couldn’t figure out how to quickly dispose of millions of gallons of ice cream, Stacey Abrams bravely stepped in to finally make herself useful.

    To be fair to the lactose-intolerant activists, some of the Juneteenth flavors Walmart was planning to sell might’ve come off as a little crass. They included Emancipralines, Underground Rockyroad, Rum Raisin in the Sun, Mangonumission, Diaspumoni, Coffle Cognac, Maple Passage, Macamaroon, Tutti Strange Frutti, Flantation, Cotton Pickin’ Candy, and Uncle Tom’s Carob.

    All available with whipped cream, of course.

    Walmart apologized for the poor judgment, although CEO Doug McMillon told MSNBC that the company will continue to sell its Holocaust Remembrance Day dessert line, which includes Sobiberry Pie, Auschwitz-Bearclawnau, Einsatzgrapefruitten, Arbeit Macht Friand, Waffle SS, Krema Brûlée, Brownshirt Betty, and Orange Julius Streicher.

    “The ADL never complains,” McMillon said, “as long as they get a cut.”

    PRIDE OF THE STANKEES

    If the problem with Juneteenth is commercialization, the problem with Pride Month is competition. Like Christmas neighbors trying to outdo each other with garish decorations, for Pride Month, corporations are trying to one-up each other with gross-outs.

    But how do you up the “ewwww” factor to celebrate something that’s nothing but “ewwww”? You already have Pride parades where dudes in S&M bondage outfits wave their penises at children, and “drag queen storytime” at public libraries in which grotesque abominations from a John Waters wet dream read about vaginas to petrified tykes who’ll forever associate books with fat freaks in wigs who smell of burned cheese and lubricant.

    How do you top that? You make millions of Americans associate dinner with poop.

    Meal delivery service Postmates is marking Pride Month by offering a series of “bottom-friendly” advertisements aimed at providing the best food options for “mess-free” anal sex.

    The ads list foods that can “cause a traffic jam in the digestive system, which can make a mess of your evening.” To put it in family-friendly terms, these are foods to avoid so that when you’re in bed with Jed Clampett and he goes shootin’ in your hole, he doesn’t unleash a bubblin’ crude.

    Feeling hungry yet?

    Remember the good old days when rule No. 1 of food advertising was “Don’t associate the product with turds”? It’s the only reason Tootsie Roll has stayed in business so long.

    Last week The Hill ran a lengthy piece about the increase in “anti-gay hate” this Pride Month. Left unexplored was how much of that “hate” is just people who were about to eat a nutty fudge bar, and then they saw a Postmates ad.

    There’s a fine line between being “homophobic” and merely nauseous.

    ACHIEVING ACHIEVER ACHIEVES ACHIEVEMENT

    Cancer’s good as cured, and Mars good as conquered. The press was abuzz last week with news that 17-year-old Floridian Ashley Adirika, a child of Nigerian immigrants, was accepted for admission by all eight Ivy League universities.

    Anyone perusing the many glowing profiles of Ms. Adirika looking for information about GPAs, SATs, or ACTs would’ve been sorely disappointed, because Ashley was chosen not for her grades but for her many accomplishments, which include being a student of color, being born a person of color and then becoming a student, possessing color while being a student, and being physically present in a learning institution for students as a student while encased in skin of color.

    In high school, Adirika founded a group called Our Story Our Worth (“a community organization that empowers young female students of color”). She also served on her school’s debate team and as student body president. Other accomplishments include being a student, and being of color.

    And the debate team. There was that, too.

    Adirika has chosen Harvard as her destination. Regarding her major, she told CNN that her ultimate goal is “to fix issues in communities with the knowledge of government systems and policies” via “explorations in policy and social policy and things of that nature,” adding, “I am really passionate about policy and using policy to empower communities. I want to use that as a platform to do work in policy.”

    “When Walmart execs couldn’t figure out how to quickly dispose of millions of gallons of ice cream, Stacey Abrams bravely stepped in to finally make herself useful.”
    Meanwhile, across town, an Asian-American teen with a 4.0 GPA, perfect SAT scores, and an internship at a nuclear power plant where he single-handedly innovated a new reactor design was handed his rejection slip from every U.S. college:

    “Dear Quan, your application essay didn’t use the word ‘policy’ nearly enough. In the future, please keep your goals vague, and try to say ‘policy’ multiple times per sentence. Also, be more of color, but not your color; the other, better color. Best of luck to you in your uncle’s restaurant; with the dumplings, go easy on the vinegar.”

    “YOU DEMONS GET OFF MY LAWN!”

    When you think of the societal damage wrought by Covid, what comes to mind? Economic disaster? A ravaged job market? Elderly people left to die alone?

    Children deprived of education and formative-years socialization skills? The health effects of 24/7 masking?

    Or maybe you think of the suicide and opioid overdose rates.

    Well, then, you’re a damn fool. Because Covid’s worst legacy is demons.

    Yes, demons. Last week the Catholic Church opened its first-ever center to combat Covid-related demon possession. The St. Michael Centre for Spiritual Liberation and Exorcism, located in Manila, is equipped to zap the demons out of ten normal-size adults per day (or twelve dwarfs). The local archdiocese told the Daily Mail that the “mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical stress caused by the pandemic made for a perfect storm for possessions and demonic intervention.”

    Thanks to Covid, demons are not only possessing people, but annoying them as well:

    Chief exorcist Father Jose Syquia says “full possession” only accounts for 20 per cent of all exorcisms, with the majority being performed on people who are being “harassed physically” by the evil spirits.

    Such “physical harassment” includes demons giving out wedgies, wet willies, and the “you got a spot on your shirt” nose-flicking thing.

    Father Syquia also told the Mail, “The devil has power over anything electrical. If I give a talk and use a certain gadget, the devil would easily shut it down because he’s an expert in anything electrical.”

    Thankfully, in a heartwarming display of interfaith unity, St. Michael’s has partnered with a Hindu call center in Bangalore to offer Windows security assistance for demon-possessed gadgets. Just give the Indians your password, social security number, and banking info, and those demons will be cast right out.

    As for exorcising the malware that’ll be left behind, the Church can’t help with that. But you might find a few enterprising Asian kids who didn’t say “policy” enough to get into college who’ll do a secular exorcism of your hard drive for a nominal fee.

    IF ANDREW CUOMO WERE AN ELEPHANT…

    Speaking of Indians…

    They say you should never meet your heroes.

    Or your gods.

    To Hindus, the elephant is a sacred being, the living incarnation of Ganesha, the god of wisdom, success, luck, and postmortem elder abuse.

    Last week, 70-year-old Maya Murmu was collecting water outside her village of Raipal, Eastern India, when she came across an elephant wandering through the forest.

    A sign of good fortune, surely, to have a random encounter with such a holy being. What wisdom would this magical beast convey to a humble, aged water-gatherer?

    Absolutely none. The elephant trampled Murmu like a kiddush cup at a Jewish wedding.

    The next evening, Murmu’s loved ones prepared a pyre to send Maflatma Murmu to the hereafter in the proper Hindu tradition. Murmu’s body, decked out in ceremonial dress and draped in flowers, was lovingly placed upon the woodpile, as mourners solemnly recited ritualistic prayers, in a scene of serenity and dignity.

    And then the elephant came back and kicked the livin’ crap out of the corpse. According to the Daily Mail, the exact same elephant crashed the funeral, “took Murmu’s body down (from the pyre), trampled her again, threw her around and went off into the night.”

    “I know he’s supposed to be a god and everything,” Murmu’s daughter told the Mail, “but man, that elephant’s a dick.”

    Indian authorities revealed that the elephant had traveled 200km from the Dalma Wildlife Sanctuary in Jharkhand just to kill Murmu and beat the snot out of her body at the funeral, which led one wildlife official to remark, “That elephant must’ve really hated that old bat.”

    They say elephants never forget, and apparently they also hold irrational grudges. The presence of animals that’ll murder your loved ones and come back to bust up the funeral like Don Ciccio in Godfather II sheds a little more light on why Indians are so desperate to immigrate to America.

    When you’ve dealt with elephants that travel 200km just to kill your grandma and abuse her corpse for the sadistic fun of it, subway muggers don’t seem so bad in comparison.
    Last edited by Anti Federalist; 06-19-2022 at 07:13 AM.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  5. #214
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-196/

    The Week’s Most Mummering, Bummering, and Summering Headlines
    JUNETEENTH PICNIC: FREE KNUCKLE SAMMICHES!
    In the U.K., the day after Christmas is Boxing Day. In the U.S., the day after Juneteenth is Bagging Day, in which the gunfire casualties from the previous day’s celebrations are body-bagged.
    Juneteenth 2022 saw a relatively low mortality rate (double digits, a regular 1914 Christmas Truce level of peacefulness when grading on a black curve). There’s no immediate explanation for why there were fewer shootings this year, but one guess is that with Juneteenth falling on Father’s Day, many black men avoided the festivities, for fear of running into support-seeking baby mamas.
    That said, it wouldn’t be Juneteenth without at least one headline-worthy act of gratuitous violence.
    Louisville mayor Greg Fischer is a straight-down-the-line leftist white Democrat. He supports BLM, considers racism a “public health crisis,” and endlessly apologizes for his city’s past and present “oppression” of blacks.

    If he thinks that buys him “white guy cred,” he’s quite mistaken. Last weekend, while mingling with Juneteenth celebrants at the city’s Fourth Street Live shopping complex, Fischer was sucker punched by a black dude who decked the mayor to the ground and then calmly walked away, as if in America a black man can punch an elected official and leave the scene.
    NARRATOR: In America a black man can punch an elected official and leave the scene. Nobody, not even the mayor’s security detail, pursued the attacker.
    A Louisville slugger turned the mayor into Kentucky Fried Fischer. Happy Juneteenth, Charlie Brown!
    No word on whether Fischer will resign, because obviously he must’ve racismed that poor black guy to provoke such righteous fury.
    As for Fischer’s do-nothing security staff, they already have multiple job offers from Uvalde (that joke is in observance of TooSoonteenth).
    GIVING UP THE GHOST FOR LENTIL
    The thing about alcoholics dying of liver disease is, at least they enjoyed getting there. It was a fun ride to organ failure.

    Dying of liver disease due to lentils is another story entirely. Lentils are to vegans what Blade Runner is to movie buffs: Nobody actually likes it, but they have to pretend to in order to look cool to their friends.
    Daily Harvest is a vegan meal-delivery service backed by Gwyneth Paltrow and Serena Williams, two of the greatest medical minds in nutritional health, a regular Bimbocrates and Albert Schwartzer. Yet even with these two ricket scientists at the helm, last week Daily Harvest went Dust Bowel when its “French Lentil + Leek Crumbles” sent customers to the ER. Turns out the lentils were raw and disease-ridden, resulting in dozens of customers suffering permanent liver damage.
    Of course, there’s no way to tell if a vegan is terminally ill. They all have “resting death face.”
    The bad news for Daily Harvest is that when your customer base is millennial vegans, many of them are likely to be “influencers.” So the company is facing a barrage of negative publicity as TikTok and Instagram stars rant about their nonstop vomiting and diarrhea, which admittedly is more entertaining than the content they normally post.
    Trying to make the best of a bad situation, Daily Harvest has rebranded the lentil dish using a photo of Serena Williams and the caption “Like an overhead smash to your gut, it’ll be sudden death when you have a stroke and drop a deuce after we serve our no-fault lentils. Thanks for supporting our racket!”

    NIGHTHAWKS, BY EDWARD HOPHEAD

    And now, on to the one group more annoying than vegans…
    Imagine a late-night diner somewhere in California. The clientele comprises young morons who can’t stop expressing surprise that they’re smoking pot in public:
    Pothead: “Whoa, dude, can I do this?”
    Counterman: “Yes, for the tenth time, you can. This is a cannabis café.”
    Second Pothead: “Dude, check this out! I’m totally lighting up in public. Just let ’em try and stop me!”
    Counterman: “They’re not going to try and stop you; it’s a legal pot café.”

    Third Pothead: “Duuuuude, like, if they knew we were doing this we’d be so busted!”
    Counterman: “They do know, and you’re not busted.”
    The big thing in California right now is “weed cafés,” where, thanks to the state’s 2016 referendum legalizing pot, stoners can toke openly. You might wonder why stoners are flocking to these places like they’re a novelty. Medicinal pot (i.e., pot for anyone with insomnia or anxiety, meaning everyone) was legalized in California almost thirty years ago, so the notion of open smoking shouldn’t be so exciting. But pot users are like vegans, except with damage to the brain instead of the liver. Everything’s a novelty when you can’t remember last week.
    So, like idiots, the state’s Cheech and Bongs are frequenting these cafés just to giggle like retards, “I’m blazin’ in public and the Man can’t stop me!”
    Plus, like vegans, stoners love evangelizing about the supposed benefits of their fetish. “The Mayans used hemp to build the pyramids, and, like, the Native Americans smoked pot every day and that’s why they’re so healthy.”
    California lawmakers are trying to reconcile the explosion of pot cafés with the state’s ban on indoor smoking, but considering that many cities in the state don’t prosecute murder or assault, no one’s really sweating the enforcement issue.
    Plus, at least California politicians can say, “Thank God we’re not Oregon.”
    Speaking of which…
    PACIFIC NORTHMESSED
    Welcome to the Oregon LSD Trail…and it’s a trail of corpses. A rugged land of rain forests and Rain Men: politicians who defund the police and then marvel at the concomitant rise in crime as though such a thing was unexpected, and voters who approve a ballot measure decriminalizing hard drugs—including heroin, methamphetamine, LSD, and oxycodone—and then stand aghast when their streets become littered with dead junkies.
    2020’s Ballot Measure 110, a.k.a. “The Useless Eaters Elimination Act,” has led to a 41 percent rise in overdose deaths in the state, with more than 1,069 in 2021 and 2022 on track to break that record. Cities like Portland have become open-air markets for homeless druggies, living monuments to Oregon’s favorite son, River Phoenix, a shooting (up) star who burned his crack pipe at both ends.
    But one brave suburban Portland mayoral candidate has a plan to warehouse the problem: Leslie Wright, a black gentleman and former Marine, wants to put the homeless addicts in tiny pods like them Japanese hotels:
    Have you ever seen the Japanese people, how they live? They live in these small, compact areas. We’re gonna take each one of those [homeless] people and give them their own little area and give them an address.
    A perfect plan! No flaw at all. Except for the fact that the Japanese don’t fill their capsule hotel pods with feces and meth. Other than that, Wright’s plan should work like a charm. Surely being housed in a coffin won’t trigger psychotic episodes in drug-addled schizos.
    When Wright’s plan was criticized, not for its impracticality but for its “racism” at invoking WWII Japanese internment (remember, it’s Oregon, where stupid things can only be criticized for stupid reasons), a chastened Wright told the local press, “I was disappointed and dismayed about my reference to the Japanese people.”
    He’s told himself that if he doesn’t start speaking smarter, he’ll lose his vote.
    Just what the city needs: a mayor who sounds like he’s on drugs himself.
    THE ELEPHANT TRANSMAN
    Remember the days when tabloids ran features about the worst plastic surgeries in Hollywood? Cruel, mocking stories (always featuring Bruce Jenner) about bad nose jobs and grotesque face-lifts and chin implants.
    What ignorant times! Back then, human deformity was seen as something to avoid, rather than encourage. How much more enlightened we are now. In this progressive age, we understand that the very best thing you can do for a teenager, especially a teenage white girl, is encourage them to get Elephant Manned by some psychotic butcher who gets Obamacare subsidies to disfigure children.
    “I am not an animal! I am stunning and brave!”
    Fast-tracking teen girls into the tranny mutilation machine has reached assembly-line efficiency, with thousands of quacks bypassing parental consent in order to turn scores of “shes” into “its.”
    As doctors compete to see how many severed breasts they can accumulate per month, Mengele looks up from hell saying, “Damn, talk about being born before your time.”
    Unfortunately, a growing group of ingrates—girls who are oddly bitter that charlatans maimed them for life—are speaking publicly about how they wish doctors hadn’t been so quick to carve them up. A New York Post piece last week detailed the stories of several teen girls who’d been coerced into transforming into medical monstrosities by social media pressure, peer bias against “cis white girls,” and doctors who give out tranny-pills like an octogenarian tossing breadcrumbs to ducks. The girls, who had their breasts lopped off and their features wrecked by injections, have a host of malformations, from Robert Z’Dar jawlines to Zach Galifianakis-level unwanted hair.
    And on Twitter last week, a thread went viral in which a boy-to-girl “transitioner” graphically explained what “she” became after surgery:
    No one told me that the base area of your penis is left, it can’t be removed—meaning you’re left with a literal stump inside that twitches. You wake up with morning wood, without the tree. I have random pockets of sensation that only seem to pick up pain, rather than pleasure.
    How did a profession that used to quiver at the thought of malpractice suits become a league of reckless mutilators?
    We used to despise ambulance-chasing lawyers. But boy, are they missed today!
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment

  6. #215
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-197/

    The Week’s Most Sniping, Griping, and Stars-and-Striping Headlines
    MORE THAN A WOMB ’UN
    The womb is back, and wetter than ever. After years of stern lectures from leftists about how “woman” is a social construct and biological “parts” are irrelevant to gender, the end of Roe has made “parts” the comeback story of the year.
    Last week, Cher (who, due to decades of plastic surgery, is no longer technically male or female but a synthetic compound of rubber, metal, polyethylene, silicone, and ShamWows) tweeted (all words capitalized, like a reverse e.e. cummings):
    If Every time Men Had Sex, They Risked Death, Physical Disability, A Life Altering Interruption In Their Education, Or Career, & The Sudden Life Long Responsibility For Another Human Being, I Think They’d Expect A Choice In The Matter
    So even e.e. dumbings admits that what makes a woman a woman is the ability to conceive (or at least ownership of the necessary parts).

    Needless to say, Cher was attacked by gypsies, trans, and thieves, but she remained unbowed: Parts make the woman.
    “Boobs…I got you, boobs.”

    Of course, Cher could afford to have a spine of iron, considering that she literally has a spine made of iron. But some of her younger “feminist” allies folded pretty quick. Like Gina Darling, the Vietnamese-American internet irritant whose résumé is all scare quotes (“gamer,” “influencer,” “talented,” “deserving” of “fame”). Darling, the kind of VC who makes William Calley want to suit up again, tweeted “If men were able to get pregnant, this would’ve never been up for discussion $#@! this backward ass $#@!.” However, after being schooled in how men totally can get pregnant, the Chi Minh ho apologized: “Oh wait. Pardon my wording, not sure what the proper wording is for this but I guess…people born with male reproductive organs? If that’s not correct, pls educate me. Sorry if that came off as transphobic.”
    Yes, parts are back. But there’s still some confusion as to where they fit.
    NIGERIANS RAZE THE ROOF
    A young African sits in his living room, contemplating life.
    Mboku: “Nigeria may not be paradise, but at least I have a roof over my head.”

    [Massive cracking sound from above]
    Mboku: “Oh, crap.”
    As Americans worry about the bottom falling out of the housing market, Nigerians worry about falling tops. Forget the housing bubble; we’re talkin’ housing rubble. Africa’s most populous nation (216 million people. To put that figure in perspective, that’s almost half the number of genders claimed by Ezra Miller) has a building problem. In that, its architects can’t build.

    Structures in Nigeria keep falling down. One hundred and sixty-seven, according to records kept by a U.N. researcher unironically named Habeeb. All over the country, buildings are going down faster than Kamala Harris when she meets a man who can help her career. Hundreds have been killed and more than 6,000 households displaced (residential structures account for 78 percent of the collapses), to the tune of $3.2 trillion in losses.
    Now do you see why those Nigerian princes need your help?

    Human error in construction is the most common reason for the collapses; turns out, compasses, levels, and T-squares are more helpful to architects than the blessing of a broom-god coated with goat dung. As Nigeria’s population skyrockets, the nation’s landlords have a bad habit of adding floors to buildings without permits, safety inspections, or brick, mortar, and steel.
    Habeeb concludes that Nigeria’s housing BOOM can only be fixed by overcoming the endemic corruption and incompetence that led to it.
    In other words, it can’t be fixed.
    Mboku: “Oh well, at least as I live on my debris heap, I know things can’t get worse.”
    (Daily Beast headline: “Monkeypox epicenter in Nigeria likely a lot worse than we think”)
    Mboku: “Oh, crap!”
    NEED A LYFT? CALL HINDUBER!
    Maybe what Nigeria needs is Mexicans. After all, even Mexicans can hammer nails (“Even Mexicans can do it” is the universal standard for pointing out incompetence). Sure, Nigeria is far from Juarez, but now that Biden’s thrown open the border, Mexicans are learning that proximity ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.


    Last week, authorities in San Antonio came across an abandoned tractor-trailer containing the corpses of 46 Mexican migrants. The frijoles refritos had been left in 103-degree temperatures by smugglers; police claimed the bodies were “hot to the touch” when found.
    Maybe a nice boat ride to Lagos ain’t such a bad idea in comparison.
    Biden refused to take responsibility for “the Mexican food truck that overcooked some tacos.” When his advisers corrected him that it was actually a Mexican dude truck that overcooked some Pacos, Biden waved them off, as he had an important meeting with dissident anti-Putin military officials (it was actually just Hunter’s Russian whores, but nobody had the heart to tell him).
    While Mexicans are baking like tortillas as they try to enter the U.S. illegally, up north, Indians are demonstrating how to gate-crash in style.
    A 48-year-old Punjabi named Pal Singh was arrested by the feds for running a human-smuggling scam involving a network of Ubers. Pal Punjoey would have one of his drivers pick up an illegal in Canada (the preferred landing point for Indians, who are drawn to Justin Trudeau’s “retarded monkey” Hindu dancing) and chauffeur him across the border, where he’d be transferred to another Uber, then another, so that by the time the invader reached his target city (sometimes California, sometimes the Midwest), there’d be no traceable line from the border to the destination. The Ubers were connected by a network of burner phones.
    Convoluted? Sure. But these are people who worship twenty-armed elephant-lobsters with fifty ears and snakes for legs. They’re used to convoluted.
    Singh charged $11,500 per trip, and worst of all, he’d give you a one-star passenger rating if you didn’t tip.
    Still, none of his illegals were roasted to death in 103-degree temps. $11,500 is a lot of money, but it beats becoming human tandoori.
    HER MUDDER’S A MUDDER
    Speaking of convoluted Indians…Pal Singh’s circuitous journeys at least had a destination. But for our half-Indian veep, the circuitous journey is the destination. Arguably, no one on the political scene has a greater ability to speak in circles than Kamala Harris.
    Take last week, when VP McCackles was asked by CNN for her opinion on the death of Roe v. Wade.
    Her reply:
    You know, I’ve thought about it as, you know, a parent, and as an aunt of preschool children. As a woman myself. And a daughter of a woman. And a granddaughter of a woman. Everybody has something at risk on this. First of all, if you are the parent of sons. Do think about what this means for the life of your son.
    Well, who can argue with that? Harris’ mother was a woman. And her grandmother was a woman.
    It’s still a more soundly reasoned argument than the one Blackmun used for Roe itself.
    The odd thing is, Harris had no reason to be vague about abortion. It wasn’t like she was asked about inflation or the border or any of the things about which Democrats can only stammer. The Dem party line on abortion is carved in stone; all she had to do was recite it.
    For her, speaking without speaking isn’t about evasion. It’s all she’s capable of.
    It’s tempting to wonder how a Kamala Gettysburg Address would’ve gone.

    Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers, and I have a father, right? And his father’s the grandfather of me, brought forth on this continent, because that’s where we are, right? [Cackles] A continent, but also a new nation on that continent, right? You know what I mean? [Cackles louder] For us the living, and I’m living, and you’re living, so think about living, and our sons are living, right? And we don’t wanna perish, right? [Cackles hysterically]
    Kamala Harris: the greatest American orator since Webster (not Daniel, but Emmanuel Lewis).
    LITTLE GIRL (BLACK AND) BLUE
    It’s a common sight gag in American comedies: An adult beats up kids and feels proud. Kramer and the karate class, Adam Sandler creaming kids in dodgeball in Billy Madison, Will Ferrell beating up child bullies in Step Brothers, Will Ferrell punching a baby in The Campaign (Ferrell recycling a gag? No!), Melissa McCarthy beating up Girl Scouts in The Boss, and the Always Sunny in Philadelphia gang plagiarizing the bit from Step Brothers.

    It’s only funny ’cause it’s fiction. In real life, an adult taking pleasure in decimating a child isn’t funny…it’s psychotic.
    So meet a psycho: Richard Batres is a Guatemalan tranny, father of three, and former U.S. Navy petty officer (after deciding to become a woman, Batres earned the new rank of rear admiral lower-half).
    Now known as “Ricci Tres,” Batres spends his time destroying the hopes and dreams of little girls by beating them in female skateboarding competitions.
    Last week, the 29-year-old Batres, who refuses to “transition” hormonally because he claims morphing into a woman is about “decisions and feelings,” not physicality, demolished 13-year-old Shiloh Catori in the girls’ division of the Boardr skateboard championship in NYC. Afterward, he did a victory lap in the press, bragging about how he swiped a trophy and prize money from a child.
    “Petty” officer? That’s an understatement.
    In defeat, young Shiloh praised Batres’ “courage” (because it takes a great deal of bravery for a grown man to physically dominate a kid). Batres’ Guatemalan father, however, reacted to his son’s campaign of child cruelty by angrily telling him in Spanish, “I need you to go $#@! yourself.”
    And with that, on this Fourth of July, a Guatemalan speaks for all Americans.
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment

  7. #216
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-198/

    Takimag

    July 09, 2022

    The Week’s Most Decaying, Soothsaying, and Dog-Daying Headlines

    BLACK IS FLAMMABLE

    “Burn baby burn” is all fun and games until someone makes it literal.

    The African People’s Socialist Party is a black separatist hate group dedicated to killing whitey and establishing a black ethnostate at the local Popeyes. The org has its “headquarters” (a.k.a. Jamaal’s mom’s crib) in St. Petersburg, Fla. Nicknamed “Uhuru House” (Jamaal’s mom: “Don’t you be paintin’ no Star Trek foolishness on my garage”), the HQ features a massive “pan-African flag” flying proudly on a pole outside, as a beacon to blacks far and wide.

    Historical note: No good has ever come from setting off a beacon to blacks far and wide.

    Last weekend, Uhuru House got a visitor, a stranger who parked by the flagpole.

    Uhuru leader Omali Yeshitela, whose brain is best described by the four letters in the middle of his surname, saw the newcomer and exclaimed, “Welcome to the revolution!”

    And the stranger pulled out a flamethrower, aimed it at the pole, and turned the flag from pan-African to pan-fried.

    Then he drove away. A man of few words burned the flag of a few turds.

    The story went national. The AP, describing the hate group’s goal as “uniting African people as one for liberation, social justice, self-reliance and economic development,” likened the flag flambé to a white-supremacist mass shooting.

    The local CBS affiliate spent thirty minutes on the incident (CBS apparently stands for “Covering Bull$#@! Stories”).

    Only the Miami Herald had the journalism chops to point out that the flag-flaming “terrorist” was black.

    Yes, a black man burned the coloreds’ colors. Forget the revolution; dude brought the immolation.

    This fiery godfather was no Uhuru, but a hero.

    WASHINGTON CHAINSAW MASSACRE: LEATHERBALLS

    Pride Month may be over, but not before leaving us with one final vomit-inducing tale.

    In The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Leatherface lived in a rural slaughterhouse where he removed people’s faces and wore them as his own, decorating his home with discarded body parts.

    That’s a horror film.

    In Washington State, two trannies ran a rural slaughterhouse where they lopped off breasts, scooped out balls, and snipped penises with instruments bought off eBay.

    That’s a feel-good Pride Month story.

    These days, Texas Chainsaw could be repackaged as an award-winning film about a brave transman who felt uncomfortable in his own skin so he transitioned to other skins while avoiding the fascist police in Greg Abbott’s Texas.

    The Washington State maim-saw massacre was perpetrated by tranny software developer Eilís Ní Fhlannagáin and mad-scientist sidekick “Willow,” who began their underground butchery after Fhlannagáin persuaded Willow to castrate him at home in his recliner. Fhlannagáin nearly bled to death, but that didn’t stop the two cutups from offering their services to others.

    Using a tractor barn, the two “doctors” relieved mentally disturbed individuals of whatever body parts they sought to lose. Only one rule: Take your balls with you when you go. Because leaving your testicles behind after having them gouged out in a barn is so gauche.

    According to Fhlannagáin, the Washington Board of Health knew of and approved the “clinic,” though the first inspection was almost ruined when the examiners nearly encountered some stray balls lying on the floor (hence the “come with your nads, leave with your nads” policy). Willow pocketed the cojones just in time!

    As reported last week in The Independent, during the pandemic, the two transmen-geles went their separate ways.

    But they’ll always have the memories.

    And that spare set of balls.

    THE BIG CRAPPLE

    During his tumultuous tenure as mayor of New York, as Ed Koch guided the city from the filth and crime-ridden 1970s into the filth and crime-ridden 1980s (same as the ’70s except with Sonic Youth and coke), he’d ride the subways cheerfully voicing his catchphrase, “How’m I doin’?”

    NYC’s current mayor Eric Adams has his own similar catchphrase: “Why you booin’?”

    Poor Adams, elected to curb crime, has been kicked to the curb by criminals, who can’t stop shooting everything in sight.

    Their catchphrase? “Pow-pow-pow I’m doin’.”

    July 4 saw 31 people shot in 24 separate incidents, including a man in Central Park shot in the neck, another shot in the chest, another in the torso, yet another in the hip, two men shot in the head, and two men and a woman shot in the arms and legs while their friend was shot in the shoulder.

    Welcome to New York body-parts bullet bingo!

    Worst of all for Mayor “Up I’m screwin’,” his own aide was mugged while scouting locations for a speech (“Hmm…the intersection of Tawana Brawley Ave. and Colin Ferguson Road…perfect!”). Democrat white-boy Christopher Baugh was confronted by two black males who demanded his wallet and phone. According to the New York Post, Baugh responded, “You don’t want to do this; I work for the mayor.”

    That did not deter the thieves.

    He then demanded to see their manager.

    That, too, failed to dissuade the thugs.

    Finally, he asked for their Twitter handles so he could get them banned. At that point, the muggers pulled a gun and beat the poor bastard to the ground, taking his possessions as he relieved himself in fear (“Yow, I’m pooin’”).

    Later that day, Mayor Adams gave a speech about how no law-abiding citizen in NYC needs a gun for self-protection, as Baugh and all the other victims of violent crime listened disapprovingly, seething in silent disagreement.

    “Now I’m stewin.’”

    WALLACE AND SCROMIT

    It seemed like an impossible task: “How can we make stoners even more annoying?”

    You might as well ask, “How can we make Siberia colder?” or “How can we make Michael Moore fatter?”

    Stoners are already lazy, shiftless, self-righteous, unreliable dunderheads who won’t stop pestering the rest of us about the “wonders” of their miracle weed, as they define their entire existence by their relationship with the organic version of paint-huffing.

    Surely, such good-for-nothing irritants can’t get more annoying.

    Wrong, narc!

    Behold “scromiting.”

    Thanks to marijuana legalization in states like California (where the outsider at any given party is the person not blazing), plus the increased potency of today’s strains of MJ, “cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome” has reached epidemic levels among chronic potheads. “CHS” causes liver failure, severe dehydration, and rapid weight loss. But worst of all it causes “scromiting,” a portmanteau of “screaming” and “vomiting.”

    “Alcoholics have their barflies, but potheads have their barf-lies.”
    So now tokers are wandering the streets of L.A. projectile vomiting while shrieking like banshees.

    Success! Stoners have become more annoying.

    On the upside, tourists walking through Beverly Hills get to see unique, star-studded extravaganzas of sight, sound, and stench:

    “Oh look, honey, there’s Seth Rogen puking on Woody Harrelson!”

    And in New York, now that Pete Davidson is supplementing his everyday vibe (summarized as “terminal AIDS patient meets Bergen-Belsen corpse meets Mike Tyson’s rejected tats”) with nonstop retching and eardrum-splitting screams, it’s guaranteed he’ll attract even more famous women as paramours.

    Of course, stoners are so committed to their bit, even as they’re puking their guts out, they’ll still insist pot cures nausea.

    Alcoholics have their barflies, but potheads have their barf-lies.

    WHERE THE ELITE MEET TO EAT, BLEAT, AND SHOOT PAUPERS LIKE SKEET

    You can bet there’s plenty of scromiting going on at Sun Valley right now, as the world’s business elites gather for their annual “summer camp for billionaires.” As Elon Musk lights up in his private jet, trying to remember that thing he was so excited about buying two months ago (“Dammit…it had something to do with free speech. What was it?”), as George Soros arrives in a Gulfstream fueled entirely by the oily subcutaneous fat of people murdered by decarcerated felons, and as Jeff Bezos arrives four days late covered in boot footprints, with a broken arm, clothes that don’t fit, and one shoe missing (he flew Prime), the participants look forward to a week of fun and games, even under the pall cast by the fact that their regular entertainment director, Ghislaine Maxwell, is otherwise occupied being fitted for a noose by a man who’s definitely not Mossad and a woman whose name definitely doesn’t rhyme with Fillary Glinton.

    One billionaire who’s finding it difficult to enjoy himself even with all the sex slave girls in leather dog collars tethered to giant platters of caviar and blow is Warner Bros. CEO David Zaslav.

    Poor Zaslav. The last time a CEO had this many fires to extinguish, the chief of PG&E was filling out bankruptcy papers. No sooner had Zaslav told reporters at the summit that he planned to transform CNN from an “advocacy network” into an unbiased purveyor of hard news, his star business reporter and illiterate mouthbreather Nicole Goodkind penned a piece claiming that recession forecasts can’t be trusted because the economists are white.

    Who cares if you can’t afford food or gas, Goodkind lectured. There’s no recession unless it’s declared by an illegal immigrant tranny Peruvian Asháninka Indian with Down syndrome.

    Yet as bad as the CNN problem is, it pales in comparison to Zaslav’s Marvel movie issues. He’s got a rebellion on his hands regarding Aquaman 2, with millions of fans demanding the redaction of spousal abuser Amber Heard (who always sets her Sleep Number Adjustable Bed to “number two”).

    And Zaslav also has to contend with Ezra Miller, his “nonbinary” Flash star whose one-transman crime wave against women, children, and beasts makes the Night Stalker look like a kindly uncle.

    Still, Zaslav isn’t letting his problems get him down. Later that night, there he was, dancing up a storm at the summit’s opening-night sacrifice to Moloch.
    Last edited by Anti Federalist; 07-11-2022 at 04:24 AM.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11



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  9. #217
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-199/

    Takimag

    July 16, 2022

    The Week’s Most Newtonian, Draconian, and Babylonian Headlines

    YOU WIN SOME, YOU NEWSOM

    California’s name is attached to many things. The California roll, the California Zephyr, the California king mattress (big enough to accommodate twenty illegal aliens), the California grizzly (once numerous, now extinct, like the California GOP), and California hopscotch (walking down a city sidewalk avoiding human feces).

    And now, here are a few others:

    “California liability.” Last week, smiling Stalinist Gavin Newsom signed a bill making gun dealers and makers responsible for any and all actions taken by gun buyers post-purchase. Gun dealers and manufacturers now have a lifetime responsibility for what people who pass background checks do with their guns.

    In response, Clarence Thomas grinned and said, “Thanks for the next test case that’ll allow us to expand the 2nd even more, dumbasses.”

    Ironically, in many California cities, gun crimes aren’t prosecuted. Hence the uniqueness of California liability: Only the makers of guns are responsible, not the criminals who misuse them.

    And then there’s the “California boycott.”

    California law forbids state-funded travel to Montana, because Montana doesn’t allow pedo trannies in girls’ locker rooms. So California declared, “You shall have none of our business. Good day, sir. I mean zir. Or is it xzem?”

    Problem is, guess where Newsom just took his family on summer vacation…Montana!

    After being caught red(state)-handed, Newsom explained that it’s okay because he’s paying for the trip with his money, not state money.

    So much for the point of a boycott being to deprive something of money. Behold the California boycott, where spending your own money is fine; you just prevent others from spending theirs.

    Makes as much sense as anything in that state.

    DORA THE EX-SCHNORRER

    Q’orianka Kilcher is a person and not a variety of tropical peat moss. The German-born 32-year-old actress is the offspring of a Swiss-German mother and a bare-assed bone-through-the-nose Quechua-Huachipaeri indigenous Peruvian. How a bare-assed Peruvian native ever made it to Baden-Württemberg is anyone’s guess, but the most likely explanation is that he fell into a crate of mangoes scheduled for export and ended up scaring the livin’ hell out of the poor kraut who opened the container (“Ach! Wildermann nicht mango!”).

    Q’orianka was raised in Hawaii, where, even though she was not of the native ethnicity, she was accepted by the locals thanks to the unspoken “band of the bare-assed,” a pantsless bond thicker than DNA. As an actress, parlaying her ethnicity to portray Pocahontas, Princess Ka’iulani, and Te Ata Fisher, Q’orianka became a major player in the brown people grievance movement, launching her own org to fight racism, corporate greed, and public decency codes that mandate trousers.

    It was while playing Incan Princess Kawillaka in the Dora the Explorer sequel Dora Flees Ohio for an Abortion that Q’orianka had a Q’oopsie, injuring her shoulder under the weight of her giant chip. She pocketed $96,838 in workers’ comp, claiming that the injury prevented her from performing on set.

    Last week, authorities in L.A. Q’arrested Q’orianka for workers’ comp fraud. Turns out, at the exact same time she was collecting benefits because her injuries “prevented her from acting,” she was shooting episodes of the Paramount series Yellowstone, where she portrayed a squaw named “Sacagawelfare.” Apparently, it never crossed Q’orianka’s mind that her TV appearances would be seen by the people she lied to.

    There’s that Quechua-Huachipaeri genius!

    Note to future Hollywood insurance fraudsters: If you want to grab some work while claiming to be incapacitated, at least choose a show nobody watches.

    Like anything with Amy Schumer. Guaranteed, your secret will be safe.

    IN THE SHADOW OF KILL-A-MAN-JARO

    While L.A.’s finest put Q’orianka Kilcher behind bars, over in Africa, Zambia’s finest were hot on the trail of another most-wanted entertainment industry miscreant.

    Sadly, “Zambia’s finest” is a 4,000-pound hippo named “Fatto Fbunta,” and he moves really slow (Fatto once attended a criminology class at Scotland Yard, but he was expelled for pooing, like, everywhere).

    Zambian authorities are seeking the arrest of American best-selling author Delia Owens, whose megahit Where the Crawdads Sing topped the New York Times best-seller list for a whopping 32 weeks in 2019 (performing better than its sequel, Where the Black Eyed Peas Sing, which failed to sell a single copy as nobody wanted to know the answer). Owens and her ex-husband, who spent several decades in Africa as conservationists protecting the wildlife from Africans who think giraffes are demons and Chinese who hunt cheetahs for their testicles, are accused of killing an African poacher in 1996.

    Why’d it take so long for Zambian authorities to finally move on the crime?

    Well, to begin with, “one African shot dead” registers pretty low on the list of priorities in sub-Saharan nations. First you have to clear the board of millions of Africans dead from genocide, famine, drought, war, Ebola, monkeypox, malaria, cholera, AIDS, and gorillas driven to homicide by nonstop Youssou N’Dour radio rotation, before attention can be given to that one lone African poacher shot in 1996.

    Plus, every time the Zambian government was about to put the finishing touches on an arrest warrant, a bloody coup set the entire process back to square one.

    As reported last week in The Atlantic, Zambian authorities appear ready to finally pursue Ms. Owens (who currently resides in Idaho). Zambian Parliament members Elvis Chishala Nkandu and Twaambo Elvis Mutinta were put in charge of drafting the extradition request, but they killed each other in a dispute over blue suede izimbadadas.

    Doesn’t matter anyway, as the U.S. has no extradition treaty with Zambia.

    Welcome to Zambia CSI (Chewa-Speaking Imbeciles).

    CAN NIP CANUCK?

    Remember the classic Kurosawa film Seven-Gendered Samurai? Toshiro Mifune played a nonbinary ronin who’d wander from village to village getting misgendered by warlords, at which point he’d demand to speak to the village’s manager and get the warlords banned from social activities.

    Nobody wants to see the Japanese go woke. Last week, a new law took effect in which Japs who post “online insults” will get up to a year in jail (five years for white incels who confuse anime fandom with having an actual personality).

    The law was spurred by the case of Hana Kimura, a 22-year-old pro wrestler and reality TV star who committed suicide in 2020 because of “cyberbullying.” For some reason this sent shock waves through Japanese society…odd when you consider that this is a nation where suicide is seen as the appropriate response to pretty much everything.

    Japanese free-speech activists are wary of the new law, with Tokyo attorney Seiho Cho telling CNN, “At the moment, even if someone calls the leader of Japan an idiot, then maybe under the revised law that could be classed as an insult.”

    One would think that right now, of all times, Japanese politicians would be happy if the only thing disgruntled constituents fired off were insults.

    If the Japanese want to see the inevitable result of speech regulations, nippon this: In Montreal last week, the trial of a man who posted online pro-Nazi “satire” became Cirque du So-Lame when the judge refused to accept as historical fact that Nazi ideology led to anti-Jewish measures in the Third Reich, while the accused’s defense team argued that Jews were only killed in Nazi Germany to “save money.” The judge ordered the trial to reconvene when prosecutors could prove that Nazi ideology was anti-Jewish, while defense lawyers promised to show that the Nazis saved a bunch of money on their car insurance by switching to Goyco.

    The entire clown show only occurred because Canada insists on prosecuting “bad” speech.

    Dear Japan: The reason the world respects you is because you’re not Canada.

    Please, don’t be Canada.

    BRILLIANT ACADEMIC IN ENCHILADA TROUBLE

    Dr. Jill Biden is the smartest and most respected Dr. in the entire world. As her husband, Joe, will tell you (when he’s not preoccupied with finding the toucan that can lead him to Froot Loops), Dr. Jill ain’t no simple Jack (and Hunter ain’t no simple crack).

    So it was hugely surprising last week to hear Dr. Jill, a woman whose university dissertation contains so many misspellings it was initially thought to be written in Sanskrit, make a public gaffe.

    Not Dr. Jill!

    While addressing a progressive “Latinx” org last week, Dr. Bidenx (in prepared remarks, not off-the-cuff) uttered lines that would be thought over-the-top in a sitcom about a condescending elitist white woman pretending to know Hispanic culture. First, she congratulated the Latinxes on their “bodegas,” which she mispronounced as “bo-diggas” (remember Bo Digga? Great blues guitarist). Then she complimented the Latinx community for being “as unique as the breakfast tacos here in San Antonio.”

    For some reason, Hispanics around the nation objected to being compared to food. All except for the Frito Bandito, who shot his guns in the air and exclaimed, “¡Ay yi yi Señora Biden es muy Mexicano!”

    A spokeswomanx for Dr. Jill apologized for the taco talk, digging the hole deeper by adding, “If cheesed-off Mexicans have any beef with the comments, we encourage them to soften their hard shell. This might sound corny, but we’ve all bean there, so lettuce be mild not spicy and live and let olive, you rap-scallions.”

    Being a dedicated husband, Joe Biden took the heat off his wife by making an even more idiotic blunder a day later, launching his Israel trip by telling a crowd of nonplussed nebbishes that he planned to “keep alive the honor of the Holocaust” during his visit to the “hollowed ground” of “Yad Shavem” (which is apparently a barbershop).

    Dr. Jill and Dr. Demento…traveling the world insulting races and ethnicities like Cartman Sandiego.
    Last edited by Anti Federalist; 07-19-2022 at 03:27 PM.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  10. #218
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-200/

    Takimag

    July 24, 2022

    The Week That Perished

    The Week’s Most Craving, Slaving, and Heat-Waving Headlines

    GIVING BLACKS THE BIG BIRD

    Over the years, Sesame Street has pandered to the “diversity and inclusion” crowd with numerous episodes aimed at black kids. Same message, again and again: Your color makes you special.

    Last year the show even introduced the new characters Kermit Till and his friend Tusky-G the rapping syphilitic elephant.

    But now all that good work’s been flushed down the toilet thanks to Sesame Street’s open-borders policy. “Rosita” is the show’s first bilingual Muppet. Hailing from Mexico, the character gives children valuable lessons in cultural tolerance and drywall installation.

    Sesame Place is a Bucks County, Penn., Sesame Street-themed amusement park owned by Sea World and licensed by the government-funded PBS show. Last week, at the park’s daily Reaming of the Taxpayers Parade, two little black girls were watching the beloved characters march by when along came Rosita, waving at onlookers and high-fiving a bunch of white kids and parents.

    The two black girls reached out to hug Rosita, but she shook her head “no” and waved them off, coldly marching away as the crestfallen children tearfully came to terms with how insignificant they are to this Mexican immigrant Muppet.

    And with that, Sesame Street provided its first useful lesson in fifty years.

    Yes, black Americans, the Rositas marching through our open borders don’t like you, don’t want to deal with you, and in the end will render you irrelevant.

    These days, that’s a way more important lesson than counting to five cookies.

    The park, of course, apologized. But one suspects that the bitterness and resentment felt by the two girls will one day be visited upon workers at a McDonald’s who are late with an order of fries.

    Sesame Park’s motto is “Go Before They Grow.”

    A wise warning to anyone in the presence of angry black children.

    THE GROIN MILE

    I must admit I didn’t think much of Demi first time I laid eyes on him. Looked like a stiff breeze could blow him over. Also, looked like in a breeze he could blow someone stiff. That was my first impression of the man. That tall drink of water with the silver spoon up his ass…well, hopefully it’s just a spoon.

    —The Shawshank Redemption (Stephen King’s 2022 woke update)

    You’ve heard of Demi Moore; now meet Demi Lots Moore. “Female” convicted murderer Demetrius “Demi” Minor is more than a woman, in a major way. “She” has a penis, testicles, and everything else dudes have.

    Because Demi Minor’s a dude. But don’t tell that to New Jersey correctional officials, because they think Minor’s a woman. After all, he told them so. And why would a dude serving a thirty-year manslaughter stint lie about that?

    Oh, right; so he could be housed among women. Which he was. And he wouldn’t stop knocking ’em up. After multiple pregnancies resulted from his time at the Edna Mahan Correctional Facility for Women, last week the 27-year-old Minor was transferred to the all-male Garden State Youth Correctional Facility.

    And now poor Demi worries that he’ll be the victim of sexually predatory men (while he was born with a penis, he was not born with an appreciation of irony).

    Minor’s story was told in a teary NBC News profile last week authored by ace scribe Tat Bellamy-Walker, whose Twitter bio lists his occupation as “Desk Assistant for diversity verticals.”

    So if you need new multicolored blinds for your windows, you know who to contact.

    In his article, Tat Pullcord-Shutterman links to Minor’s website, which explains that he’s only in prison because he “mistakenly” killed his stepfather over “misplaced hostility.”

    Oopsie!

    The website features multiple photos of Minor, who makes Biden administration monstrosity “Rachel” Levine look doable. It’s impossible to view Minor’s photos without thinking of the moment Schwarzenegger saw the Predator’s face.

    Minor has vowed to fight for the right to return to female lockup, and the accompanying right to force himself on female inmates.

    And with the ACLU’s help, perhaps soon the Bird Transman of Alcatraz can return to Ménage-à-Trois-shank.

    ESTHER, QUEEN OF THE BLACK ISRAELITES

    It’s nice to see something good finally happen to a Jewish-American princess. Marta Kauffman has always had to struggle. Growing up in an upscale 92 percent white Pennsylvania suburb, Kauffman was forced to attend school with Christians, an experience that she’d later tell the Jewish Journal scarred her for life.

    Leaving behind the horrors of pricey suburbia, Kauffman attended a small community college called Brandeis, paying her way by working double shifts at the local shrieking yenta factory.

    Following college, Kauffman hitchhiked to L.A. on a private jet, where she began a career in Hollywood, a town not known for employing Jews. In 1994 fortune finally smiled on Kauffman when she co-created a sitcom called Friends, which became a massive hit due to a 1990s explosion in Down syndrome TV ownership.

    Yet even that endeavor brought no happiness. According to the Journal, “When the show went off the air, Kauffman found that although she’d created a Hollywood legacy, she needed to reinvent herself to stay current.”

    That was 2004. And in the spirit of “look, do you want it done fast or done well?” last week Kauffman finally announced that reinvention: She’s decided to become Queen of the Blacks. Admitting her “guilt” (which she blames on “society”) for having had no black characters on Friends, Kauffman has personally pledged $4 million to Brandeis to hire a black professor who’ll head a department that bears her name: The Marta Kauffman Chair in Shrill Kvetching.

    And with that, Kauffman waited for every black in America to arrive at her Hollywood mansion and carry her on their shoulders like the royalty she is.

    Instead, all she got was a black panhandler outside Bristol Farms who drunkenly shouted, “Da f*ck was Friends?”

    Poor Marta Kauffman…a queen without a maaaaaan.

    GAYS LOOK AHEAD

    Correction: That title should read, GAYS: “LOOK, A HEAD!” As in, “Hey, a public restroom; let’s have sex!”

    Big cities in the U.S. are having a dick(ens) of a time stopping the rapid spread of monkeypox among gay men, who are refusing to curb their random hookups and weekend-long orgies just because a deadly disease is circulating among them. And all the CDC can muster is to instruct gays to wrap their runny infected areas with gauze before a liaison.

    In epidemiological terminology, this is known as the “mummy method” of disease prevention.

    Thanks to the CDC, West Hollywood, Castro, Fire Island, and Greenwich can now guiltlessly host orgiastic pyramids in which pharaoh fagalas Ram-ses each other in the Tutankhanus while exclaiming Imhotepdatass as they pylon the Sphinxter, secure that nobody is spreading monkeypox because of course gauze is a foolproof shield against infection (just like cloth masks and plastic partitions).

    Monkeypox is an African-born disease, so the spread among gay Americans is yet another example of cultural appropriation. Not to worry, though—last week saw a new outbreak of Marburg, a highly infectious zoonotic hemorrhagic viral disease, in Ghana. Marburg has a 90 percent fatality rate, literally liquefying its victims like a Nazi looking into the Ark.

    That said, watching someone die of Marburg is still not as disturbing as watching a Sam Brinton dog video.

    According to Western public health officials (and the man-sized anthropomorphic mud-caked bundle of twigs and dung that serves as Ghana’s minister of health), it’s unlikely that the Marburg outbreak will spread beyond Africa, as the disease can only be contracted via close contact with bodily fluids.

    Upon hearing that, every gay man in America exclaimed, “Sounds like a dare!”

    AOC OMG WTF?

    It was the worst week ever for unwise Latina Googly Gomez (better known as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez). First, AOC was brutally assaulted on the Capitol steps. Then she was rendered penniless by racist sexist congressional pay rules. And finally she was hauled off in handcuffs by brutish cops.

    In AOC’s mind, all of that happened.

    In reality, not so much.

    First, “Eyeballs O’Shaughnessy” was heckled outside the Capitol by an internet troll who complimented her “booty.” And although AOC laughed it off (the heckling, not her booty) at the time, she later decided she’d been literally murdered by the rude constituent’s comments.

    But as she started to plan her funeral (recyclable fair-trade coffin, designer dress made of aborted fetal tissue, and Alicia Keys on a solar-powered organ playing “Candle in the Wind”), she realized she was unable to afford such a lavish affair on a congresswoman’s salary (plus, the rights to “Candle in the Wind” are owned by the cowfart lobby, and they wouldn’t allow her the use). Brownie Bulger immediately took to Instagram to complain that she’s unable to live on a mere $174,000 a year, receiving many sympathetic replies from her mindless minimum-wage fantards.

    And as if all that wasn’t enough, AOC and her fearleading “squad” decided to provoke arrest by blocking the entrance to the Supreme Court. But when the cops hauled off the hindering harpies, AOC, a practiced expert in the art of agitproptosis, pretended to be handcuffed, only briefly dropping the charade to wave at onlookers in a tribute to Uruguayan magician Daniel K.

    Once at the bottom of the steps, AOC then pretended to get beaten Rodney King-style (and to be fair, she was more convincing than the guy who played Carlo in The Godfather).

    A taxing week for a taxing Democrat. To soothe AOC’s imaginary wounds, Nancy Pelosi sent a car to scoop her up and bring her over for a girls’ night of ice cream and wine.

    That’s the good news.

    The bad news: The driver was Pelosi’s husband.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  11. #219
    Watched the AOC Theater Live. a couple 1776 RM Streamers were there.

    Interesting differences in arrests between that show,,and arresting the Leadership of the Movement.
    Liberty is lost through complacency and a subservient mindset. When we accept or even welcome automobile checkpoints, random searches, mandatory identification cards, and paramilitary police in our streets, we have lost a vital part of our American heritage. America was born of protest, revolution, and mistrust of government. Subservient societies neither maintain nor deserve freedom for long.
    Ron Paul 2004

    Registered Ron Paul supporter # 2202
    It's all about Freedom

  12. #220
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-201/

    Takimag

    July 31, 2022

    The Week’s Most Spanking, Banking, and Pranking Headlines

    CHINAMAN WOKS THE PRANK

    Me Chinese,
    Me make joke,
    Me make fools of African folk.


    As China ruthlessly colonizes Africa, usurping and exploiting the Dark Continent’s resources for the benefit of the yellow nation, Chinese pranksters are doing their part. After all, what’s colonization without humiliation?

    Of course, in sub-Saharan Africa, putting pee-pee in somebody’s Coke would actually be a step up from their usual drinking fare (“Welcome to Mbongo’s Café. May I start you off with a glass of raw sewage?”). So ching-chong chucklemen are having to think outside the takeout box to put one over on the locals. Lu Ke is a Chinese citizen living in Malawi. And he’s become China’s favorite online jokester, a regular Deng Xiaozing, by making videos of African children humiliating themselves by speaking phonetic Chinese. Wildly popular on Chinese social media, Ke’s content consists of African kids unknowingly saying things like “I’m a black monster” and “My IQ is low.”

    Lu Ke uploads under an assumed name (sadly, not Sky Walker), in order to avoid repercussions from Malawian officials. But last week the BBC concluded a lengthy in-depth investigation into the identity of the Phantom Yuenace, and Ke’s name was revealed (it’s nice to know that even though the BBC refuses to investigate Asian rape gangs in London, they’ll spare no expense going after Asian cutups in Africa).

    Ke fled Malawi ahead of an arrest warrant, but he was caught in Zambia, where officials reported that he was absolutely delicious with a side of sweet-and-sour rice.

    Let this be a lesson to other Guangdong gagsters: Stick to prank calling your local bar.

    “Mao’s Tavern.”

    “Yeah, hi. I’m looking for Hu Flung Pu.”

    “Hold on.” [Calls out to bar] “Hu Flung Pu? I’m trying to find Hu Flung Pu. C’mon, somebody’s gotta know Hu Flung Pu?”

    BUBOES BY ANY OTHER NAME

    Ashwin Vasan is New York City’s Health Commissioner. The Indian-American physician is also a professor at Columbia’s Mailman School of Public Health, where his lectures consist of, “Today we’re going to examine whether you should eat the mail. No, you should not. Even if you’re very, very hungry. Eating paper is not good for you. Class dismissed.”

    This light workload allows Vasan to concentrate on his city’s gravest health concerns.

    Like monkeypox.

    Well, not monkeypox per se. More like the racism caused by the name monkeypox.

    JaMarcus: “Man, I think I gots monkeypox.”

    Ashwin: “Please, don’t call it that! That word is racist!”

    JaMarcus: “What? How?”

    Ashwin: “Because blacks are often thought of as monkeys. Apes. Dirty, filthy, banana-eating apes. Poo-flinging stinking violent stupid…”

    JaMarcus: “Actually, you’re the only one I’ve ever heard makin’ that…”

    Ashwin: “…subhuman animalistic bestial monstrous feral brutish…”

    JaMarcus: “Look, will you just help me with my…”

    Ashwin: “…depraved repulsive grotesque barbarous vile swinish fetid…”

    JaMarcus: “Dude, you ain’t right in the head.”

    In response to racism that exists only in his twisted Punjabi mind, Ashwin is lobbying the WHO to change the name of monkeypox because of the “painful and racist history within which terminology like monkeypox is rooted for communities of color. Continuing to use the term monkeypox may reignite these traumatic feelings of racism and stigma for Black people.”

    A great epidemiological strategy: fight an epidemic by telling blacks that the word “monkey” refers to them.

    Regarding Vasan’s suggestion for a replacement term, “Carbuncle Tom” actually seems kinda worse.

    OXY CANADA

    It’s easy to laugh at Canada, a nation with boundless resources but zero international import and influence and even less respect. A nation ruled by a semi-retarded child with a Moe haircut. A nation whose greatest folk singer had to make his bones singing about an American shipwreck, because Canada can’t even produce decent disasters.

    The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down,
    Of the roller coaster in West Edmonton Mall.
    Mechanic Gordy McHugh, failed to tighten a screw,
    And a bunch of the riders did fall.


    “Dammit, that don’t work. Back to the bottle.”

    But in fact, if only the United States had taken Canada more seriously, many innocent Americans would still be alive today. To little fanfare, Canada has been experimenting with a program to solve the opioid epidemic by giving addicts free opioids.

    Sure, sounds horrific. Another calamitous Canadian idea, like seal hunts and censorship laws and Neil Young. But think of it this way: Is the world better off because George Floyd had to write a bad check to afford his fentanyl? A simple bus ticket to Vancouver would’ve made Floyd and everyone victimized by BLM’s 2020 summer of terror a whole lot happier.

    As reported last week in The New York Times, fentanyl dispensaries are the new big thing in British Columbia. Addicts need only walk in, and they can walk out with all the fentanyl they want, no cost (plus, a free Nanaimo bar every tenth visit).

    Dr. Christy Sutherland, the can-do Canuck who oversees the program, told the Times that “the goal is to help bring stability to their lives so that they may think about what they might want to change.”

    Hey, it’s how Coruscant dealt with death sticks.

    The fact that China owns over one-third of Vancouver real estate and is looking to buy up the rest has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the city is killing off locals with free fentanyl.

    Woe, Canada.

    BLACK WRECKSELLENCE

    In American fiction, every small town has one troublesome resident. Mayberry has Otis the drunk, Hill Valley has Biff, Cabot Cove has a murderer a week, and Smallville has Bryan Singer hanging around asking teen boys if they’d like to “screen test” for Superman.

    Kenly, North Carolina—population 2,385 and windowsills wide enough to accommodate cooling blueberry pies—has its local ne’er-do-well: Ass-Grabbin’ Andre. Michael Andre Douglas enjoys walking into the homes of female residents and grabbing their privates.

    For years he got away with it because he was Kenly’s town manager. Unfortunately for Garrison Feel-’er, one local lady finally had enough and went to the cops after Douglas entered her home, squeezed her breast in front of her sister, and asked, “Why won’t your sister let me hit it?”

    Douglas was charged with sexual battery, and Kenly needed to find a new town manager.

    Kenly is 36 percent black (hence the high theft rate of cooling blueberry pies). Michael Andre Douglas is also black. The town council decided that, having fired a black town manager, they’d need to hire another one to avoid accusations of racism.

    So they hired a woman who’s made an entire career of accusing people of racism.

    Sometimes a town is “one stoplight” because nobody’s smart enough to build a second one.

    Justine Jones from Virginia is a certified “National Urban Fellow,” a credential that screams “hire me because I’m black cuz I got nothin’ else” (at least with a National Keith Urban Fellow you get cocaine). She’s worked for various towns all over the South, and she’s sued ’em all for racial and gender discrimination.

    So of course Kenly hired her. And within a month, every single cop and clerk quit over the “toxic and hostile work environment” she’d created. And now the council is afraid to fire her, because, well, you guessed it.

    Yahoo News “race and justice” reporter Marquise Francis claimed last week that racist Kenly rejected Jones because she’s black. When asked why, if that’s the case, the town tolerated Ass-Grabbin’ Andre for so long, Marquise didn’t reply, as he was running off with a blueberry pie.

    GUILE E. COYOTE

    Fifty-three Mexican migrants died last month in a horrific scene of carnage, perishing in stifling, unbearable heat—temperatures better suited to hell than earth—the life slowly sapped from them as they expired amid a sea of dehydrated, desiccated corpses, the stench of urine, strong though it was, overtaken by the mephitis of noxious gases seeping unchecked from the bodies of the screeching, incoherent doomed.

    No, these migrants weren’t in Lake Havasu. They expired in an abandoned tractor-trailer, left by human smugglers to die under the merciless San Antonio sun.

    Though the story made headlines worldwide, an investigative piece in last week’s New York Times uncovered a curious detail about the victims: Several of them had paid the coyotes $10,000 for the trip. And while paying that much money for a journey that ends with being baked alive in a feces-filled trailer still beats flying Delta, many Americans were puzzled by the fact that these impoverished migrants not only had $10,000 to spare, but that they couldn’t think of a better way to spend it.

    Just go to Houston. Any number of local crackheads will marry you for half that amount.

    “I now pronounce you Santiago and LaQueenzetta Hernandez. You may kiss the stankwhore.”

    Green card stapled!

    Turns out the mind of Mike Lindell isn’t the only place where Trump is still president. Coyotes have been hesitant to tell the impoverished flotsam of Latin America that Biden’s made it possible to waltz across the border for free. Fees for smuggling increased to such an extent during the Trump years, when ICE was actually allowed to do its job (imaginary whips and all), the coyotes didn’t want the gravy train to end. So smugglers are acting like your office’s IT guy and pretending the task’s a lot harder than it is.

    Gullible migrants are selling family property and taking out massive loans (from the smugglers!) to pay for the trip.

    When thanks to Biden, all they really need is a good pair of shoes.

    Not sending their best, indeed.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  13. #221
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-202/

    Takimag

    August 06, 2022

    The Week’s Most Blighted, Delighted, and United Headlines

    “NOW I AM BECOME METH”

    It’s easy to laugh at vapid Hollywood celebrities. Sometimes we laugh so hard we forget the many amazing scientific advancements gifted to the world by Tinseltown’s finest.

    John Landis proved that when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, the former prevails as long as the latter is a has-been actor carrying two Vietnamese kids. By opening a Beverly Hills bathroom stall, George Michael solved the riddle of Blowdinger’s Cat. And science now knows that two vehicles traveling toward each other at the same velocity will never pass as long as one of the drivers is Matthew Broderick.

    We can now add to that esteemed list of Weinstein’s Einsteins the name Terrence Howard.

    Howard is best known for roles in films like Crash, Mr. Holland’s Opus, and Red Tails (he has a “pretentious and overrated” clause in his contract), as well as Big Momma’s House and Glitter (the clause also says “crappy”). A convicted spousal abuser and admitted hardcore druggie, Howard most recently starred on the TV show Empire alongside Jussie Smollett.

    And when Smollett invented weatherproof invisible MAGAs, Howard, who claims to hold a PhD in chemical engineering from South Carolina State (even though he never attended the school, which offers no such degree) and who runs a website dedicated to proving 1×1=2, had to step up his game.

    Last week Howard gave a lecture in Uganda at the invitation of the nation’s Minister of Agriculture (a corn husk with googly eyes). Addressing a crowd of Ebola-scarred witch doctors, Howard declared that he’d “identified the grand unified field equation, and put it into geometry” in order to “develop a new hydrogen technology” to “defend the sovereignty of Uganda” because “one times one equals two.”

    He was immediately made Uganda’s Minister of Self-Esteem.

    “Look, there aren’t a lot of people in the world who make us feel smart by comparison,” a Ugandan observer remarked. “Now that we’ve found one, no way we’re letting him go.”

    POO-NITED NATIONS

    The United Nations can do things only one way: wrong. The worst human rights offenders are put in charge of the human rights council. Nations where women can’t leave home without an escort lead “gender equality” commissions.

    Following complaints of child rape networks in Cambodia, Mozambique, Bosnia, Benin, Congo, Cambodia, Haiti, and Côte d’Ivoire, U.N. peacekeepers promised to identify the culprits.

    They did; it was them.

    And now, U.N. leaders have revealed themselves as fecal fetishists.

    Yes, the U.N. is obsessed with your poop.

    Catarina de Albuquerque sounds like a New Mexico drag queen. But in fact she’s the U.N.’s “sanitation czarina.” And last week she penned an op-ed for the L.A. Times in which she castigated Americans for not allowing the homeless to defecate wherever they please.

    According to Scatarina, “penalties for public urination and defecation” are “Jim Crow” for the homeless. Public pooing is the civil rights movement of the age, except this time Rosa Parks doesn’t sit; she squats.

    Excrete-ary General Albuquerque states that without being able to dump on sidewalks, “the homeless are blocked from full participation in public life” (to be fair, the Declaration of Independence did originally read “life, liberty, and the pursuit of crappiness”).

    Penalties for public pooing “promote marginalization”; Albuquerque claims that the U.S. should be more like Mumbai regarding public defecation.

    She’s obviously never seen San Francisco.

    If American cities don’t start easing up on street-soilers, Albuquerque warns, the U.N. might have to take action: Garrisons of fece-keepers are lining up to deploy for World War Number 2.

    U.N.WELCOME GUESTS

    If the U.N. seems preoccupied with the bathroom habits of Americans, it’s likely because fighting for the right of America’s Emmett Kellys to emit smellies is an easy task compared with the battles the U.N. is facing in less civilized environs.

    Fifteen people, including three U.N. workers, were murdered last week in eastern Congo after what the AP described as a “social media-fueled protest” over U.N. tweets (the U.N. was warned not to post that “Virgin Bantu vs. Chad Babinga” meme). The day after the multiple-fatality protest, a new protest was launched to protest the deaths from the previous one.

    During this protest, a gang of trigger-happy Tekes fired their rifles in the air to frighten U.N. workers holed up in their HQ. The bullets brought down a power line, setting four of the Yosemite Savages on fire.

    The bad news? They burned to death. The good news? A four-way tie in the annual Congolese Richard Pryor impression contest.

    Also last week, in Mali, where 275 U.N. peacekeepers have been slaughtered by warlords, government officials expelled the entire U.N. mission over “tendentious and unacceptable” Twitter posts.

    “I warned them,” Mali prime minister Iseeya Boubi told the AP, “one more Roll Safe meme and they’re outta here.”

    A day later, U.N. Secretary-General Antonio Guterres chaired a conference aimed at reducing the world’s nuclear stockpiles.

    As the meeting convened, Guterres told the attendees, “Please tell me no one here has any problem with our tweets.”

    To which the Peruvian delegate replied, “For Christ’s sake, you’re still posting the Jackie Chan WTF meme? I mean, it’s so played.”

    “Anyone else?” asked Guterres.

    Every delegate raised their hand.

    “Maybe we oughta switch to Instagram,” Guterres thought to himself as he sank back in his seat.

    GETTING SOME FRESH AIR (STRIKE)

    When there’s a target on your head, it’s best to be unpredictable. Yasser Arafat, for example, never slept in the same bed twice. He said it was to throw off assassins, but those who washed his sheets claimed it was for a more embarrassing reason (let’s just say the dude could “Amber Heard” a bed like a sonofabitch).

    Last week, U.S. forces assassinated al-Qaeda leader Al-Zawahiri. President Biden had actually put the hit on Al Zweibel for writing the 1994 Rob Reiner flop North, but Ron Klain realized it would be better PR for the administration to kill Al-Zawahiri instead.

    With the U.S. out of Afghanistan, how do you locate a cagey kafir in a nation of 40 million Muslims? A real Nidal in a haj-stack situation.

    Except Al-Zawahiri had a fatal flaw, an Achilles hilāl.

    He loved balconies.

    No joke; according to Politico, “The terrorist leader’s habit of standing on his balcony allowed the U.S. to observe him and confirm his identity.”

    Every morning, like clockwork, Al-Zawahiri would emerge from his bedroom onto his balcony and take in the sights and sounds of another fine day in Kabul, the sun rising over the majestic mountains as the local gentry sodomize their beasts of burden before morning tea.

    “I love the smell of neigh-pum in the morning,” Al-Zawahri would remark to his significant other (a goat named Habibi).

    Last week, however, Al-Zawahiri had a balcony experience so violent even James Earl Ray would’ve gone “damn.” As he stepped outside for some fresh air, two drone-fired Hellfire missiles made his fatwa go splatwa.

    Ramadan? More like kablamadan.

    Following the operation, the White House tried to do a victory lap. Unfortunately, President Biden, battling his tenth relapse of Covid and goofy on boosters, had come to believe he’d taken out Al Zamora, the popular tejano musician.

    “We can’t let word of this get out,” he told his aides. “I’m losing Hispanic support as it is.”

    FAPPUCCINO (WITH CREAM)

    Oh, that Soros! The Hungarian billionaire and James Bond villain is so dedicated to his vision of genocide-by-criminal that he’s lost sight of the true victims of his crime-spree-by-proxy.

    No, not murder, mugging, or rape victims. Not the kids shot by unprosecuted gangbangers or the merchants beaten by decarcerated thieves.

    The real victims of Soros’ “progressive prosecution” are coffee-loving gays.

    Last week the megalomaniacal Magyar penned an op-ed in The Wall Street Journal in which he defiantly declared that even after several recent setbacks (the successful recall of San Francisco’s Chesa Boudin and the upcoming recall of L.A.’s George Gascon), nothing would stop his crusade to install bought-and-paid-for soft-on-crime district attorneys in every city in America.

    Nothing? Not even the agonized cries of a city of sissies deprived of their beefcake baristas?

    The same day Soros’ op-ed appeared in the WSJ, over in West Hollywood, the city’s legendary “Big Gay Starbucks” closed for good, driven out of business by robberies, vandalism, and in-store disruptions by the homeless and mentally ill.

    In other words, driven out of business by the Soros crime wave.

    The Los Angeles Blade, L.A.’s gay newspaper of record (“All the nudes that fists imprint”), ran an emotional farewell to the BGS, reporter Paulo Murillo reminiscing wistfully of how he would “gawk at the men passing by in spandex short shorts and spaghetti tank tops on their way to the gym” as he sipped his latte. “It was a place for cruising before hookup apps like SCRUFF and Grindr. Guys would do their seductive dances while nursing a cup of joe. Then one guy would get up and the other guy would follow him to the restroom by the pool area of the Ramada Inn a few doors down.”

    Look what Soros has taken from you.

    ABC News interviewed a forlorn former customer who suggested a way the store could’ve remained open while keeping employees safe from crime: “During the pandemic, they had service through the door—you just come and pick your stuff up, so they could’ve easily done that. I don’t see why they needed to shut it down.”

    “Through the door”? In other words, turn the coffee shop into a glory hole.

    Isn’t that the gay solution to everything?
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  14. #222
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-203/

    The Week’s Most Guessing, Confessing, and Stop-the-Pressing Headlines
    THE CHUNG POISONER’S HANDBOOK
    Say Yu, say me
    Say it for always
    That bitch poisoned my tea!

    Tiger mom, meet lye-ger wife. She’s a whiz with caustic chemicals in the kitchen, but she doesn’t use ’em for cleaning.
    Poor Dr. Jack Chen. The Irvine, Calif., radiologist had not been feeling well for several weeks. Nausea, stomach cramps, esophageal swelling, loss of appetite. And it didn’t help that he was spending thousands of dollars on plumbers because his urine was burning through the toilet bowls.
    He also had a strong chemical taste in his mouth that always seemed to show up right after he drank something at home. Hot tea, iced tea, milk, lemonade—didn’t matter what he made, he’d feel ill after every sip.

    A friend suggested he watch The Sixth Sense, to which Chen replied, “Oh c’mon, that’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever…” and then about halfway through the film he was like, “Ohhhhhh, now I get it!”
    Chen set up a nanny-cam in his kitchen and caught his wife, a dermatologist named Yue Yu, yellow-handed: She’d been putting Drano in his drinks.
    As if the poor bastard didn’t have enough problems, when Chen tried to report the crime, it took a few minutes for the cops to get it straight.
    Detective: “Okay, you say someone poisoned you. Who did it?”
    Chen: “Hu didn’t do it. Yu did it.”
    Detective: “That ain’t true, buster. I don’t even know you.”

    Chen: “Then why claim Yu didn’t do it?”
    Detective: “Because I’ve never seen you before!”
    Chen: “If you knew Yu, you’d know Yu did it.”
    Detective: “I do know me. And it wasn’t me.”
    Chen: “I know it wasn’t Mi. Mi’s in Beijing. It was Yu.”

    Detective: “I’m gonna run yer ass in, buddy!”
    Yue Yu was booked on one count of attempted murder and another of practicing plumbing without a license. And Dr. Chen was booked for one week at The Improv.
    HOLOCAUSTUME
    It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears. It’s a world of hope, and a world of fears.
    Actually, just fears. Costumed theme-park characters find themselves at the center of America’s racial dreckoning, after two videos went viral of racist galoots in fluffy suits ignoring magical black girls. First there was the Great Muppet Massacre, when Sesame Street became Oppressame Street for a little black girl who didn’t get a hug by a passing kkkostumed character.
    And now, a Rhodesian rodent has enforced his own policy of “separate but squeakqual” at a Philadelphia Chuck E. Cheese, as a performer in a mouse costume passed up the chance to hug a bouncing young Brie-onna Taylor, much to the chagrin of her family, who regretted not visiting Chuck E. Government Cheese instead, where the food is free, the arcade games always pay out, and the children are entertained by characters in costumes of Randy, Marlon, and Tito Jackson (inside the costumes are the actual Randy, Marlon, and Tito Jackson).
    With this ebony-excluding plague, this Mascot of the Red Death, felling black children by the score (if by “score” one means rarely), one enterprising lawyer has launched a class-action suit against America’s theme parks and low-rent bargain-basement “you havin’ your birthday here and if you don’t like it you’ll get the strap” pizza parlors. Attorney Malcolm Ruff, sadly not a dog in a human costume because that would’ve been funny, is gathering blacks across America whose children have been jilted by minimum-wage earners in foul-smelling outfits. Although he’s yet to bark his demands at the theme parks, one suspects those demands will have something to do with mandating what was captured on video last week, when Woody from Toy Story damn near stopped an entire Disney parade after another character failed to notice a black girl.
    Expect costumed characters at future Disney parades to have “equity chaperones” who guide them toward black children.
    “Hiya, kids! I’m Goofy! And this is my bestest, bestest buddy Myron Lipschitz of Lipschitz, Cohen, Schmuelstein, and Levinovitch. He’s the wackiest character of all; he serves injunctions!”
    Kids: “Boo, he looks like Jafar!”
    Myron: “I’ll sue you for that!”
    CEO STRUGGLES IN QUICKSANDINISTA
    MAGA alert! The FTC has heavily fined ($211,000!) a self-described “gun-totin’ free-patriot” apparel company for falsely passing off MAGA-wear as “made in America” when in fact the garments came from abroad.


    Last week, Sean Whalen, CEO of Utah-based Lions Not Sheep—seller of fine pro-Trump and anti-Biden tees, caps, and sweats—took to his company’s website to dispel the FTC’s “misinformation.”
    Get ready for some truth!
    Whalen began the video by explaining that the FTC lied about the “made in USA” shirts coming from China. No, he says, they actually came from Nicaragua, a different Marxist dictatorship, this one in America’s backyard, where it’s flooded the U.S. with over 111,000 illegal aliens—many of them hardcore criminals and narco-gangsters—in 2022 alone. The Marxist dictatorship whose presidente for life fought a literal proxy war with the U.S. in the 1980s.
    Take that, FTC! It was Nicaragua, not China!
    The first rule of surviving in quicksand is to stop struggling. Whalen is apparently unfamiliar with this rule, because he added that his company operated in full compliance with “made in America” regulations under the Trump administration, but in August 2021 the FTC, under Biden, changed the rules, making it harder for foreign goods to be falsely passed off as American.
    Dude, seriously, stop struggling! “Trump made it easier to pass off foreign goods from Marxist foes as American-made, until Biden tightened the rules” is not a good look for a company that sells “Trump: America First” and “$#@! Joe Biden” shirts.
    Lions Not Sheep provides customers with a free copy of the U.S. Constitution with every order. Whalen should reread the Fifth Amendment.
    The Founders knew that sometimes it’s best to keep your mouth shut.
    EDWARD R. DUH-ROW
    One reason to not import goods from tin-pot Third World hellholes is that they’re often of inferior quality.
    What goes for garments goes for journalists.
    Pocharapon Neammanee is not a sedentary bottom-dwelling marine anthozoan with stinging tentacles. It’s a guy. Well, it’s a reporter, sort of. He’s the “journalist” who was assigned to the Lions Not Sheep story by Insider. The “scare quotes” come from the fact that this college student is social media and communications intern at New Jersey Progressive Democrats (he’s also an apparently undocumented “dreamer”).

    Just the guy to do a fair report on a MAGA org!
    Frankly, if Sean Whalen had just pointed this out instead of digging a hole to Nicaragua, he’d have emerged far less scathed.
    To say that Pokémon Anemone is a biased reporter sells the man short; he’s also illiterate. He doesn’t capitalize proper names (well, he capitalizes Biden but refuses to do so with Trump), he can’t differentiate “was” from “were,” and on his keyboard the period is another comma. He wrote that the FTC fined Lions Not Sheep $20,000 (it was $200,000), and he described the company’s shirts as saying “Go Brandon” and “#FBJ” (“$#@! Billy Joel”? Isn’t that a little harsh?).
    Last week NPR ran a piece lamenting how GOPs (including party A-listers like Ron DeSantis) are refusing to speak to the “mainstream” press or allow reporters from nonconservative organs into their events.
    Soaked in faux sincerity, NPR reporter Danielle Kurtzleben (“Kurtzleben” is German for “Madison Cawthorn’s political career”) wonders why, oh why, so many Republicans won’t talk to the “progressive” press.

    Hmm…maybe it has something to do with the fact that a major news organization like Insider would assign a progressive collegiate Democrat party operative who can’t write English to cover a story about the FTC vs. Trumpworld.
    Nah, that couldn’t be it. It’s probably just part of the right’s war on democracy!
    YOUR PANCAKES HAVE DOOMED US ALL
    So, what’cha have for breakfast this morning?
    Scrambled eggs, you say? Mmm-mmm, who doesn’t like scrambled eggs? Did you enjoy ’em? You did? Wonderful. Very good.
    Because your eggs just murdered the world.
    Nice going, jerkwad.
    According to a Swedish study published in Environmental Science & Technology, the earth’s rainwater is now permanently undrinkable—everywhere, even Antarctica—because of PFAS (per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances), which are used to create nonstick cookware. Because you bastards want your stupid eggs and pancakes to glide smoothly off your stupid skillets, PFAS residue has risen up and saturated the clouds and now water from above is more toxic than water from a Tijuana tap.
    Worse still, the study describes PFAS as a “forever chemical,” meaning that once it’s in the environment, it never leaves.
    All because you spoiled, selfish monsters don’t want to lick your breakfast off a solar-heated stone.
    Oddly, though, if you read the Swedish study all the way to the end, you find that far from being “forever,” “PFAS levels in people have actually dropped quite significantly in the last 20 years” and “ambient levels (in the environment) have been the same for the past 20 years.”
    What gives?
    Well, as the study’s corresponding author Ian Cousins admits, “What’s changed is the guidelines.” PFAS isn’t more prevalent; governments have simply decreed it more dangerous.
    But why now? The EPA recently changed its PFAS guidelines significantly “after discovering that the chemicals may affect the immune response in children to vaccines.”
    So when kids become ill or die after being pumped full of Covid vaxxes and boosters, it ain’t the vaxxes and boosters. It’s your damn greasy-ass hash browns, which all of a sudden kill kids who’ve totally coincidentally just been super-vaxxed.

    Science starches on.
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment

  15. #223
    @Swordsmyth

    As if the poor bastard didn’t have enough problems, when Chen tried to report the crime, it took a few minutes for the cops to get it straight.

    Detective: “Okay, you say someone poisoned you. Who did it?”
    Chen: “Hu didn’t do it. Yu did it.”
    Detective: “That ain’t true, buster. I don’t even know you.”

    Chen: “Then why claim Yu didn’t do it?”
    Detective: “Because I’ve never seen you before!”
    Chen: “If you knew Yu, you’d know Yu did it.”
    Detective: “I do know me. And it wasn’t me.”
    Chen: “I know it wasn’t Mi. Mi’s in Beijing. It was Yu.”

    Detective: “I’m gonna run yer ass in, buddy!”


    For you youngsters, once again, who have no farkin clue of what this is all about...

    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  16. #224
    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsmyth View Post
    We believe our lying eyes...



  17. Remove this section of ads by registering.
  18. #225
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-204/

    The Week’s Most Slicken, Wiccan, and Drought-Stricken Headlines
    SALMAN FILLET
    Ayatollah Khomeini wore many turbans. Brutal dictator and architect of Iran’s Islamic revolution, merciless hard-line religious cleric, and six-time Southwestern Asia chili cook-off farting champion. But arguably his most memorable role was book critic. As founder and president of the Umrah Book Club, Khomeini loved nothing more than reviewing the world’s finest literature.
    When he enjoyed a book, like Diary of Anne Frank (he loved the happy ending), he’d award it two severed thumbs up. But when he hated a book, he’d put a death warrant—a fatwa—on the author’s head. Prominent literary recipients of fatwas include Waldo for being so maddeningly elusive, and Mumbai-born Salman Rushdie for disrespecting Islam in a book so dense and incomprehensible it proved the “reverse infinite monkeys theorem” (“one pretentious Cambridge-educated Kashmiri striking keys on a typewriter will eventually produce the work of a million monkeys”).
    Khomeini slapped Salman with the fatwa back in February 1989, just four months before fate delivered some tit-for-tatwa and knocked Khomeini flatwa with a heart attack that made his arteries go splatwa. Since then, carrying out the death warrant has proved a bridge too Farsi for a generation of Iranians who’ve realized that Twitter has rendered murder irrelevant; if you want to destroy an author, just label them transphobic.
    But in a testament to the power of U.S. open borders to give the children of immigrants a chance to excel beyond their ancestors, last week Hadi Matar, 24-year-old son of Lebanese huddled-massers, did what no foreign Muslim had been able to do: He stabbed the hell out of Salman Rushdie as the author was giving a talk in Chautauqua (ironically, the talk was titled “Never Let Your Guard Down”).

    Handmi Mascimitar slashed the author a dozen times before being restrained by other attendees. Thankfully, Rushdie survived. Not thankfully, trannies across the nation realized that to stay competitive they now have to step up their anti-free-speech game.
    At a press conference following the Rushdie assault, transgender spiritual leader Ayatollah Shemaili (he/shiite) placed a fatwa on the head of J.K. Rowling, before berating a misgendering reporter, “It’s Ima’am! Call me Ima’am!”
    OUT OF THEIR COTTON-PICKIN’ MINDS
    Laurel Elementary School in West Hollywood was tanking. Although the city is 78 percent non-Hispanic white, Laurel’s student body was 51 percent Hispanic. Meaning that the school had the lowest test scores in the district but the best-trimmed lawns and hedges.
    Still…those test scores, way below the state average (which is rock-bottom as it is) in math and reading. Sure, the admins at Laurel could’ve done the unthinkable and taught the Hispanic kids English, but that would’ve been racist. So instead, the Laurel brain(less) trust blamed the school’s 29 percent non-Hispanic whites; their “racism” was driving down the scores.
    It was decided that the only way for scores to improve would be if the white students were made to suffer like black slaves. Officials planted cotton in the school’s garden and forced the white kids to pick it.
    If you prayed for that last sentence to be a joke, your prayers have gone unanswered. And while the “cotton lesson” was no gag, there is an ironic punchline: One of the school’s few black students is now claiming she got PTSD from watching the white kids pick cotton. The girl’s mom, Rashunda Pitts (the daughter’s name was not released, but one hopes it’s LaBreatar), is suing the school for emotionally wrecking her child.

    Pitts is suing for $10 million and a lifetime guarantee that McDonald’s never gives her them cold fries.
    The cotton-picking exercise meant to racially sensitize whites instead has the school facing a potentially bankrupting lawsuit from a black.
    No good deed goes unpunished. Sometimes that goes for retarded deeds, too.
    Over the summer, the school district liquidated Laurel Elementary. It reopened this month as a specialty school for “cinematic arts.” Classes now include “Boy Actors for Stage and Screen” taught by Bryan Singer.
    Now there’s something that West Hollywood residents can cotton to.

    LITTLE PEOPLE, BIG NUISANCE
    A football icon pushed around by a midget.
    A midget!
    And not just any football icon, but a Texan.
    What is the world coming to?
    Last week, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was reminiscing about his team’s scouting director Larry Lacewell when he jokingly referred to his late friend by the “m-word.”
    At least that’s how the media reported it, leaving puzzled readers to speculate about the word in question.
    Moldavian? Marsupial? Marcel Marceau?
    No…midget.


    National advocacy group Little People of America (a.k.a. NAACPeeWee, or ADLevator Shoes) issued a stern rebuke: “Any use of this disparaging slur along with suggestions or insinuations that our stature exists for amusement is deplorable and inexcusable.”
    LPA was founded in 1957 by midget actor Billy Barty, who made millions by literally using his stature for amusement. In fact, LPA was initially known as Midgets of America (no joke). If “midget” really is the equivalent of the N-word, that’s like the NAACP originally being called “National Association of Niggas.”
    Ironically, Midgets of America became LPA because the group’s dwarf majority didn’t like the midget minority getting all the glory. Fun fact: the word “midget” was popularized by P.T. Barnum to separate “attractive and proportioned” little people from big-headed stubby-legged freaks. Midgets could work the center ring, while dwarfs were relegated to the sideshows. So “midget” used to be the elite term, until those bitter envious misshapen dwarfs demanded “equity.”
    Dwarfs were engaging in a “woke war” sixty years ago! That would be a fascinating fact if anyone gave a crap about dwarfs.
    The “dwarf/midget” history is retold in this 2005 exchange between Seinfeld actor Danny Woodburn (Kramer’s dwarf buddy) and legendarily woke film critic Roger Ebert. Be prepared to laugh and cringe at how many times both men say “******” in trying to prove how enlightened they are.
    Last week Jerry Jones apologized to LPA president Mark Povinelli. Sadly, when Mr. Povinelli arrived at training camp to accept the apology, he wandered onto the field as kicker Lirim Hajrullahu was taking practice.
    The good news is, he cleared the posts, easy. The bad news? He’s yet to land.
    THE GRANDSON GRIMM
    American colleges and universities are often dismissed by conservatives as useless degree factories indoctrinating young people with pointless knowledge that won’t help them in the real world.
    Well, a recent Justice Department press release paints a different picture. Indeed, it demonstrates that even a lowly community college can equip a young person with exactly the skills they need to prosper financially.
    In 2011, 22-year-old Douglas Senerth of Windsor, Conn., took a class at Manchester Community College called “Memoir and Monologue.” The class aimed to teach young people how to incorporate “effective storytelling” into “personal monologues” so they can use “imagination and individual and collective myths” to become “authors of their future.”
    In other words, learn storytelling to better your life.
    Which Senerth did, graduating with full “personal storyteller” honors in 2013 (he was even featured on the “Manchester success stories” website).
    Using his newly learned skills, Senerth proceeded to bilk $690,000 from his grandparents by telling them wild lies about his life. The tall tales ranged from needing money to go to an Ivy League school (which he never planned to do), to needing even more money to launch a business venture with his professor (who didn’t exist).
    For almost a decade, Senerth squeezed gammy and gampa with new monologues every time he needed cash. His scam came to a halt when he spun a tale about needing $30,000 to travel to a nation called Wakanda where super-genius Africans reinvent physics.
    Even his gullible grans couldn’t buy that one.
    Senerth faced twenty years in the joint, but U.S. District Judge Robert Chatigny, an Obama appointee who once tried to free a serial child rapist-murderer because “sexual sadism” is a “mitigating disability,” gave him eighteen months. With time served, he’ll be out by Thanksgiving.
    Fortunately, Senerth won’t be another unemployed ex-con; he already has a job waiting for him as Biden’s next press secretary.
    INFIDELFLUENCERS
    Remember the good old days when social media “challenges” involved buckets of ice water? Today, TikTokers have upped the ante with the “blackout challenge” (self-inflicted oxygen deprivation), the “skull-breaker challenge” (give your friend a concussion), and the “Benadryl challenge” (“overdose for likes and shares!”).

    TikTok kills brain cells in America’s young people like a veritable Chinese “neuron bomb.”
    And the newest TikTok fad puts the others to shame: Get ready for the “get raped by savages challenge”!
    When Arabela Arpi, a 21-year-old Duke University travel blog “influencer,” read a 2021 survey in which 80 percent of Pakistanis said women aren’t safe in their country, she took it as a dare. She decided to visit the most crime-ridden, Muslim militant parts of Pakistan to see if she gets raped.
    Arpi journeyed to Pakistan’s lawless Dera Ghazi Khan (which translates to “The Rape-Me State”) to prove that a nubile young woman can visit rural Pakistan without being sexually assaulted by Islamic thugs.

    And of course she was immediately sexually assaulted by Islamic thugs.
    You can’t spell Arabela Arpi without Arab rape (yes, Pakis aren’t Arabs, but it’s still a good joke).
    Ironically, her gang-rapists recorded the assault and uploaded it to their influencer channel on QuranicTok.
    VICE called the gang rape “audacious,” a term usually reserved for more weighty matters like Netflix stand-up comedy specials. VICE complained that the rape “disrupted a narrative created by Western influencers.”
    Yes, that’s the worst thing it did. It “disrupted a narrative.”
    Looks like the people at VICE have been doing the blackout challenge a little too much.
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment

  19. #226
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-205/

    August 28, 2022


    The Week That Perished

    The Week’s Most Nixing, Transfixing, and Netflixing Headlines


    THE CASE OF THE NAPPY NAPKIN NAPPING

    For black women in Houston who need help with unmanageable hair, Erin Mims is the go-to girl for the ghet-to gal. As owner of Alluring Locz Kingdom & Fades And Meaux Barber Studio (motto: “Our name so long you think it wearin’ a weave”), Mims is there for all your nappiest needs.

    But last week, the woman who gives fades to blacks nearly saw her life fade to black thanks to a fiendish would-be assassin with a rather unique weapon: a poisoned napkin.

    Forget the Bulgarian umbrella and Putin’s radioactive tea; behold Houston’s lethal linen!

    It was Mims’ birthday, and she and her husband were out on the town. As they returned to their car, Mims noticed a napkin scrunched into the passenger door handle. Using her Spike Lee Press-On Nails, Mims removed the towelette without touching it to her skin. But then she touched the handle…and whatever poison was on the napkin had transferred there, from which it entered Mims’ system via immediate osmosis through her fingers, causing complete organ failure, or so it felt.

    As Mims explained in a Facebook video, “I thought I’ze gon’ be dead, dawg.”

    Thankfully, the poison didn’t affect her facility with language.

    Mims’ husband drove her to the ER, where (according to her) doctors initially said she was fatally ill but then she was fine. Mims also claims the doctors told her the poison might’ve been part of a “kidnapping” attempt.

    That was just mean.

    It’s easy to (snot)rag on Mims’ story, like the Daily Mail experts who questioned whether any known poison could be soaked into a napkin, transferred onto a handle, transferred onto a finger, and absorbed into the body causing immediate near-death. But as Mims is black it’s against federal law to doubt her tale of hankie-panky.

    So yes, a napkin almost assassinated her, like JFK riding through Doily Plaza. This was Mims’ servietnam; she’s lucky she came home alive.

    Fortunately, the story has a happy ending; Netflix has optioned Mims’ ordeal for a feature film: Malcolm Kleenex.

    IT’S A BIRD! IT’S A PLANE! IT’S…A MILDLY CONCERNED BYSTANDER

    Washington, D.C., September 1939

    Henry Morgenthau: “Mr. President, that madman Hitler must be stopped at once!”

    FDR: “Worry not. I’ve dispatched Wonder Woman to Germany to pay a personal visit to that mustachioed madman, if you get my drift.”

    Two days later.

    FDR: “Welcome back, Wonder Woman. Did you deal with our little German ‘problem’?”

    Wonder Woman: “The real problem, Mr. President, is that the Danzig Corridor was and is German. It owes its cultural development exclusively to the German people. Also, your Cabinet is crawling with Jews.”

    Apparently, Wonder Woman was a fangirl at Hitler speeches. At least that’s the impression given by a series of recently leaked photos created for the 2020 flop Wonder Woman 1984. The pics depict Wonder Woman attending a Hitler speech and assisting prisoners being liberated from Auschwitz.

    So basically, Wonder Woman came face-to-face with Hitler and did nothing. And she waited until the war was over to “help” concentration-camp inmates.

    Women really are fickle.

    The photos never made it to the final cut, but the fact they were created in the first place means that either Jews are losing their grip on Hollywood, or interbreeding is making them way less intelligent.

    Evidence of the former can be found in another recent controversy. After black/Italian actor Giancarlo Esposito revealed that he might play Magneto in an upcoming X-Men reboot, “black Twitter” cheered the notion of a black gentile portraying a character whose Holocaust survivor backstory is integral to the role. When several Jews objected to the casting, they were pummeled by black “experts” who claimed that plenty of blacks died in the Holocaust.

    After all, if every black person is a magical genius, why not a Holocaust survivor as well?

    Truth is, at one point the Nazis did try to imprison a group of blacks in Auschwitz. But when they marched under the “Arbeit Macht Frei” sign, the blacks thought it was a fast-food menu, and when their “freis” didn’t arrive in a timely manner, they shot each other before the Nazis could register them in the camp.

    This, too, will soon be a Netflix movie: Triumph of the Will Smith.

    NEW YORK TAKES THE DUTCH CURE

    Next year will mark the 400th anniversary of Dutch trading colony “New Netherland” being granted provincial status. Several years later, the Dutch would purchase Manhattan from the Indians, who accepted as payment a handful of trinkets because after hearing the Dutch speak they thought they were dealing with a species of monkey (“Een boom haak in beek hoop ik”…that’s a real Dutch sentence).

    Whatever the Dutch paid, they got gypped. Once known as the “capitol of the world,” NYC is now the crapitol of the world. Violent crime’s gotten so bad, thugs have moved beyond throwing innocent bystanders onto subway tracks.

    They’re now throwing subway tracks onto innocent bystanders.

    Last week Intazar Dar, who’s either a 64-year-old Brooklyn man or an extraterrestrial here to conquer us for our resources, was taking the Q train from Lower Manhattan when a shirtless wild-eyed street brutha leaped from the platform onto the tracks, tore out a large piece of bedrock, leaped back onto the platform, and bashed Zardoz Drak in the head with it.

    You know the old saying: “If the mountain won’t come to Brohammad, then Brohammad must go to the mountain.”

    Zontar was taken to Maimonides Medical Center (which is in the process of dropping the “onides” from its name to better reflect the city’s new official pastime) with head trauma. Although his wounds are survivable, he told a local reporter that all plans for Earth colonization are off.

    “You humans are irredeemable; you’re either savages or enablers of savages. No resources are worth this.”

    He then radioed his mothership in his alien tongue: “Abandon the invasion! Gleep gloot moop beep!”

    Four hundred years, and Manhattan comes full-circle back to the Dutch.

    KEEPING HELL HOT FOR TEACHER

    Avast, ye teachers! Right-wing Neanderthals are trying to censor learning materials! Emergency, emergency! Attend the battle of Bonners Ferry, Idaho, where ignorant Christians are trying to get sexually explicit books removed from the children’s section of the local library.

    Sure, Bonners Ferry is a town of just 2,500 people. But there’s no fight as important as the fight against the ideologically driven censorship of learning materials.

    The Bonners Ferry controversy made national news last week, with NBC News running a 2,000-word piece championing the heroic librarian who’s standing up to the rednecks who don’t want books detailing gay sex and gender-*****ness in the kiddy section. Librarian Kimber Glidden boldly told NBC that keeping kids from seeing oral sex manuals would be a violation of her sacred oath.

    “I’d rather be someone accused of having naughty books than be in violation of the Constitution.”

    Can’t you just hear the patriotic music?

    Except…over in Salt Lake City, also last week, a fourth-grade teacher at William Penn Elementary uploaded a video in which she bragged about removing all classroom materials that feature white people. “There’s, like, no white kids represented in the materials I have,” she boasted. “Not a single white face there.” In the video she goes into great detail about how she bans classroom materials that feature whites.

    An Idaho town of 2,500 where some parents are trying to limit the access of minors to sexually explicit materials?

    Stop censorship! Protect the Constitution!

    A Utah metropolitan area of 1.2 million where a teacher is removing all classroom materials featuring whites?

    Censorship is good! Ban whiteness!

    Argument #12,000,000 for homeschooling.

    HUFFERS ARE BUFFERS

    Of course, just as teachers should be a little more discerning when they declare a war on censorship, certain rightists should be a bit more discerning when they scream “ANTIFA RIOT!”

    Berkeley’s People’s Park was founded in 1969 by student radicals who envisioned the park as a haven for community togetherness. And like everything hippies ever did, it quickly turned to crap. By the 1990s the park had become a foreboding den of homeless schizos, paint huffers, and assorted feces-caked flotsam.

    At the same time, UC Berkeley, always in need of more student housing for the next generation of Soros paralegals, diversity managers, and social workers who recommend mastectomies for toddlers, had long eyed the park as a potential site for new off-campus dorms.

    After many false starts, last month the university finally moved to bulldoze the park and begin construction of a massive 16-story housing complex. But the tweakers and huffers, bolstered by locals who prefer to have Berkeley’s slimiest corralled in one area, surrounded the park and chased off the construction crews.

    Andy Ngo covered the event as if it were an apocalyptic riot. But in fact, when faced with an army of grotesqueries who smell like poop, the university usurpers gave up with no struggle.

    Was this really a bad thing? Last week, white people were banned from entering a five-story, 30-room UC Berkeley off-campus housing complex. And conservatives are upset that Berkeley’s not able to build more apartheid structures?

    That plot of land is way better off as a zoo for human animals who seek only to kill their own brains with drugs, as opposed to a housing facility for zealots who seek to kill your kids with progressive prosecution and tranny surgery.

    In fact, a few days ago, a tranny tried to set up a tent in People’s Park.

    The huffers set fire to it.
    Last edited by Anti Federalist; 08-29-2022 at 06:24 AM.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  20. #227
    The Week That Perished
    Takimag

    September 04, 2022


    The Week’s Most Staid, Unmade, and Labor Day’d Headlines

    ECCE HOMA
    You let one black cannibal killer go free, and folks never let you live it down.

    In 2021, Oklahoma governor Kevin Stitt commuted the sentence of cannibal-murderer Lawrence Anderson (a.k.a. Panhandibal Lecter), who repaid the favor by killing and eating a whole bunch of folks. Thanks to Lawrence’s all-you-can-eat Golden OK Corral, Stitt was pummeled during this year’s Republican primary for turning the Grand Old Party into the Grand Old Donner Party.

    Trying to shed his soft-on-cannibals image, Stitt’s pledged to fry one death row inmate per month. He was going to call it his “cook of the month club,” until aides reminded him that Oklahoma uses lethal injection, not the electric chair.

    Needless to say, leftists are incensed that murderers will be sent to a place from which even George Soros can’t free them. Andrea Miller of the Oklahoma Innocence Project told Yahoo News that murderers are merely children who made an oopsie: “We in this country talk so much about trying to protect children while they’re children, but we’re more than willing to throw them away on the back end when they make a mistake.”

    Miller might not be the dumbest human alive (not while Joy Reid draws breath), but she’s close. “Trying to protect children while they’re children.” Yes, because children are only children while they’re children.

    As for those “mistakes,” among the condemned are Scott Eizember, who murdered an elderly couple so he could use their house to spy on his girlfriend across the street (d’oh!); John Hanson, who carjacked a 77-year-old woman, murdered her, then murdered a witness (whoopsie-doodles!); and Benjamin Cole, who killed a baby because its crying interrupted his videogame (uh-oh spaghetti-o!).

    Such wacky “mistakes.”

    The first execution occurred last week: James Coddington, sentenced to death for killing an elderly man who wouldn’t loan him $50. As Coddington lay on the gurney, the priest asked if he had any last requests.

    “Yeah, can you spot me a fifty?” he replied.

    A good laugh was had by all. Then a pained gasp was had by one.

    PICKING THE FRUITS OF KNOWLEDGE
    In 2003, Vanity Fair was forced to apologize after in-house humorist “Dame Edna” (a relic of the days when grotesque drag queens worked the comedy circuit rather than the White House) wrote a “joking but kinda not” piece satirizing the lack of renowned Spanish-language authors:

    Forget Spanish. There’s nothing in that language worth reading except Don Quixote, and a quick listen to the CD of ‘Man of La Mancha’ will take care of that.

    Turns out the lack of classical español authors (and the total absence of them among Spanish-speakers of the Americas) is a sore spot for the Hispanic-American intelligentsia.

    And yes, there is a Hispanic-American intelligentsia. Thinkers, philosophers…gardeners who consider the lilies before pruning them.

    “Juan, you’ve tangled that garden hose again!”

    “Sorry, señor. I kink therefore I am.”

    This summer, when the California Department of Public Health declared a “Covid booster emergency” among Latinos (the least-boosted demo in the state), the question became, “Who can we invoke to motivate the willful wetbacks? With blacks, we’d use MLK or Obama. Who can we use to get the beans boosted?”

    Wrestlers, of course! The CDPH launched a billboard campaign in Mexican neighborhoods featuring images of beloved luchadore El Santo, the iconic wrestler whose Mexico City funeral in 1984 was attended by more than 10,000 people and who, over the course of his career, defeated Aztec mummies, Guanajuato mummies, unaffiliated mummies (dude hated mummies), vampiros, brujas, and even Hitler. The billboards featured a cartoon of El Santo with “booster” written across his chest battling a monster with “Covid” written across his chest (Ben Garrison did the text).

    “Some colleges have realized that it’s actually cheaper to set up a hotline for students to call when they don’t see bias. Those phones never ring.”
    Cue every conservative: “Hmmph, typical leftist condescension, treating nonwhites like children who function at a coloring-book level.”

    Except it totally worked. Last week the CDPH revealed that thanks to the campaign, Latino booster rates are now even with all other CA demographic groups.

    Some historians claim Cervantes was Jewish. While there’s no definitive way to prove it, today’s Hispanics serve as convincing anecdotal evidence that he probably was.

    ST. FRANCIS OF AH, SÍ, SÍ
    Speaking of Hispanics…

    A Mexican walks into a tavern in Laredo. As he orders a bottle of tequila, a female barfly of questionable virtue slinks next to him. Eyeing him up, she’s startled by his sizable “endowment.”

    “Hey there, amigo,” she remarks, “is that a churro in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

    “It’s an iguana,” the Mexican replies. “And if I were you, señorita, I’d keep my distance; he has not eaten today.”

    When Jose Manuel Perez tells women he has a Gila monster in his pants, he’s not being euphemistic. When he offers to show a lady his trouser snake, he ain’t joking. The crafty Mexico/America cross-border smuggler is a coyote coyote, in the literal sense. Last week Perez pleaded guilty to smuggling more than 1,700 wild animals into the U.S. over the course of six years. When he was busted in February, he had over sixty reptiles in his pants, including lizards, snakes, turtles, and baby crocodiles.

    The feds claim that “DACA Doolittle’s” exploits netted him over $739,000, a decent sum but perhaps not a big enough payday for most men to risk having snapping turtles and baby crocs next to their dingle.

    Cross-border animal smuggling is driven primarily by young Americans looking to spend big on exotic “status” pets. So the next time you come across a white hipster who brings his emotional support gecko into a coffee shop, you have yet another reason to hate him.

    Another market for Perez’s wares consists of Chinese immigrants who think that consuming exotic animals gives them magical powers (and it does; mainly, the power to kill millions of people worldwide).

    Perez is facing twenty years in prison, which is the good news. The bad news? QAnon true believers finally got convincing proof that there really are “lizard people” walking among us…unfortunately, rather than international bankers or monarchs, it’s just some beaner with skinks up his ass.

    BIAS REMORSE
    Colleges and universities are installing 24-hour “bias hotlines” that students can use to report instances of racism, genderism, cultural appropriation, microaggressions, macroaggressions, and macaroniaggressions (the angry chucking of pasta).

    Unsurprisingly, schools are finding it difficult to staff the phone banks, because operators spend all their time calling the hotline themselves to report the bias of callers calling the hotline to report bias.

    Caller: “I’m calling to report bias.”

    Operator: “Why aren’t you calling me ma’am?”

    Caller: “I can’t see you!”

    Operator: “Can’t, or won’t?”

    Caller: “Don’t de-centerize me!”

    Operator: “Don’t otherize me!”

    Some colleges have realized that it’s actually cheaper to set up a hotline for students to call when they don’t see bias. Those phones never ring.

    Plus, it’s getting harder to tell aggressor from victim in the dynamic world of bias incidents. Last week in Plano, Tex., a group of Indian women screamed bias when another woman told them to go back to India. When the Punjabis described the aggressive woman as white, she accused them of bias for not acknowledging that she’s Mexican.

    Mexicans against Indians? Like the song says, “You say tamale, I say Tamili.”

    And in Union City, Calif., Indian man Singh Tejinder was charged with a bias crime for calling Indian man Krishnan Jayaraman a “dirty Hindu.”

    Indian vs. Indian? More turban violence from people who should be bud-bud-buddies.

    Welcome to America; not so much a nation as the 24-hour bias hotline of the world.

    WE HOLD THESE TRUANTS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT…
    In theory, Covid-related school closures were just business as usual in Washington, D.C. The district’s public schools, nearly 70 percent black, boast the worst truancy rates in the entire U.S.

    According to the DCPS (and this was pre-Covid), “One in four kids in DC are chronically absent from school—which means missing 10 percent or more of the school year. At some DCPS high schools, three out of four students are chronically absent.”

    One wonders what those kids are doing with their days while not in school. In a city that’s only 4 percent Asian, are there enough old Chinawomen to punch?

    It’s against this backdrop of rampant nonattendance that D.C.’s dog of a mayor, Muriel Bowser, has decided to exclude non-vaxxed students from in-person on-campus learning.

    That’ll show ’em! Bowser literally thinks that threatening D.C. students with being officially barred from school is an effective strategy. The city would’ve been in better hands with Bowser from Sha Na Na. Hell, the city would be in better hands with an actual canine. Even a mediocre poodle has better sense than this halfwit.

    Fortunately, help is on the way from our nation’s libertarians! Reason magazine has been campaigning to get D.C. to overturn the unvaxxed ban. Reason’s Rand-y dandies have led a crusade to get the district’s kids back in class, pointing out that the majority of unvaxxed DCPS students are black, so the vax mandate translates to racist exclusion!

    And it worked. Last week, in response to Reason’s lobbying, D.C.’s Deputy Mayor for Education Paul Kihn announced that the mandate has been postponed until 2023; for now, all students, vaxxed or not, must return to class.

    And every black student in D.C. has Reason to thank for the cancellation of their permanent vacation.

    Reason staffers have been advised to stay off the streets, avoid the Metro, and generally leave town or barricade themselves in their basement. As these libertarians will soon find out, the NAP ain’t no match for the nappy.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  21. #228
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-206/

    Quote Originally Posted by Anti Federalist View Post
    The Week That Perished
    Takimag

    September 04, 2022


    The Week’s Most Staid, Unmade, and Labor Day’d Headlines

    ECCE HOMA
    You let one black cannibal killer go free, and folks never let you live it down.

    In 2021, Oklahoma governor Kevin Stitt commuted the sentence of cannibal-murderer Lawrence Anderson (a.k.a. Panhandibal Lecter), who repaid the favor by killing and eating a whole bunch of folks. Thanks to Lawrence’s all-you-can-eat Golden OK Corral, Stitt was pummeled during this year’s Republican primary for turning the Grand Old Party into the Grand Old Donner Party.

    Trying to shed his soft-on-cannibals image, Stitt’s pledged to fry one death row inmate per month. He was going to call it his “cook of the month club,” until aides reminded him that Oklahoma uses lethal injection, not the electric chair.

    Needless to say, leftists are incensed that murderers will be sent to a place from which even George Soros can’t free them. Andrea Miller of the Oklahoma Innocence Project told Yahoo News that murderers are merely children who made an oopsie: “We in this country talk so much about trying to protect children while they’re children, but we’re more than willing to throw them away on the back end when they make a mistake.”

    Miller might not be the dumbest human alive (not while Joy Reid draws breath), but she’s close. “Trying to protect children while they’re children.” Yes, because children are only children while they’re children.

    As for those “mistakes,” among the condemned are Scott Eizember, who murdered an elderly couple so he could use their house to spy on his girlfriend across the street (d’oh!); John Hanson, who carjacked a 77-year-old woman, murdered her, then murdered a witness (whoopsie-doodles!); and Benjamin Cole, who killed a baby because its crying interrupted his videogame (uh-oh spaghetti-o!).

    Such wacky “mistakes.”

    The first execution occurred last week: James Coddington, sentenced to death for killing an elderly man who wouldn’t loan him $50. As Coddington lay on the gurney, the priest asked if he had any last requests.

    “Yeah, can you spot me a fifty?” he replied.

    A good laugh was had by all. Then a pained gasp was had by one.

    PICKING THE FRUITS OF KNOWLEDGE
    In 2003, Vanity Fair was forced to apologize after in-house humorist “Dame Edna” (a relic of the days when grotesque drag queens worked the comedy circuit rather than the White House) wrote a “joking but kinda not” piece satirizing the lack of renowned Spanish-language authors:

    Forget Spanish. There’s nothing in that language worth reading except Don Quixote, and a quick listen to the CD of ‘Man of La Mancha’ will take care of that.

    Turns out the lack of classical español authors (and the total absence of them among Spanish-speakers of the Americas) is a sore spot for the Hispanic-American intelligentsia.

    And yes, there is a Hispanic-American intelligentsia. Thinkers, philosophers…gardeners who consider the lilies before pruning them.

    “Juan, you’ve tangled that garden hose again!”

    “Sorry, señor. I kink therefore I am.”

    This summer, when the California Department of Public Health declared a “Covid booster emergency” among Latinos (the least-boosted demo in the state), the question became, “Who can we invoke to motivate the willful wetbacks? With blacks, we’d use MLK or Obama. Who can we use to get the beans boosted?”

    Wrestlers, of course! The CDPH launched a billboard campaign in Mexican neighborhoods featuring images of beloved luchadore El Santo, the iconic wrestler whose Mexico City funeral in 1984 was attended by more than 10,000 people and who, over the course of his career, defeated Aztec mummies, Guanajuato mummies, unaffiliated mummies (dude hated mummies), vampiros, brujas, and even Hitler. The billboards featured a cartoon of El Santo with “booster” written across his chest battling a monster with “Covid” written across his chest (Ben Garrison did the text).

    “Some colleges have realized that it’s actually cheaper to set up a hotline for students to call when they don’t see bias. Those phones never ring.”
    Cue every conservative: “Hmmph, typical leftist condescension, treating nonwhites like children who function at a coloring-book level.”

    Except it totally worked. Last week the CDPH revealed that thanks to the campaign, Latino booster rates are now even with all other CA demographic groups.

    Some historians claim Cervantes was Jewish. While there’s no definitive way to prove it, today’s Hispanics serve as convincing anecdotal evidence that he probably was.

    ST. FRANCIS OF AH, SÍ, SÍ
    Speaking of Hispanics…

    A Mexican walks into a tavern in Laredo. As he orders a bottle of tequila, a female barfly of questionable virtue slinks next to him. Eyeing him up, she’s startled by his sizable “endowment.”

    “Hey there, amigo,” she remarks, “is that a churro in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

    “It’s an iguana,” the Mexican replies. “And if I were you, señorita, I’d keep my distance; he has not eaten today.”

    When Jose Manuel Perez tells women he has a Gila monster in his pants, he’s not being euphemistic. When he offers to show a lady his trouser snake, he ain’t joking. The crafty Mexico/America cross-border smuggler is a coyote coyote, in the literal sense. Last week Perez pleaded guilty to smuggling more than 1,700 wild animals into the U.S. over the course of six years. When he was busted in February, he had over sixty reptiles in his pants, including lizards, snakes, turtles, and baby crocodiles.

    The feds claim that “DACA Doolittle’s” exploits netted him over $739,000, a decent sum but perhaps not a big enough payday for most men to risk having snapping turtles and baby crocs next to their dingle.

    Cross-border animal smuggling is driven primarily by young Americans looking to spend big on exotic “status” pets. So the next time you come across a white hipster who brings his emotional support gecko into a coffee shop, you have yet another reason to hate him.

    Another market for Perez’s wares consists of Chinese immigrants who think that consuming exotic animals gives them magical powers (and it does; mainly, the power to kill millions of people worldwide).

    Perez is facing twenty years in prison, which is the good news. The bad news? QAnon true believers finally got convincing proof that there really are “lizard people” walking among us…unfortunately, rather than international bankers or monarchs, it’s just some beaner with skinks up his ass.

    BIAS REMORSE
    Colleges and universities are installing 24-hour “bias hotlines” that students can use to report instances of racism, genderism, cultural appropriation, microaggressions, macroaggressions, and macaroniaggressions (the angry chucking of pasta).

    Unsurprisingly, schools are finding it difficult to staff the phone banks, because operators spend all their time calling the hotline themselves to report the bias of callers calling the hotline to report bias.

    Caller: “I’m calling to report bias.”

    Operator: “Why aren’t you calling me ma’am?”

    Caller: “I can’t see you!”

    Operator: “Can’t, or won’t?”

    Caller: “Don’t de-centerize me!”

    Operator: “Don’t otherize me!”

    Some colleges have realized that it’s actually cheaper to set up a hotline for students to call when they don’t see bias. Those phones never ring.

    Plus, it’s getting harder to tell aggressor from victim in the dynamic world of bias incidents. Last week in Plano, Tex., a group of Indian women screamed bias when another woman told them to go back to India. When the Punjabis described the aggressive woman as white, she accused them of bias for not acknowledging that she’s Mexican.

    Mexicans against Indians? Like the song says, “You say tamale, I say Tamili.”

    And in Union City, Calif., Indian man Singh Tejinder was charged with a bias crime for calling Indian man Krishnan Jayaraman a “dirty Hindu.”

    Indian vs. Indian? More turban violence from people who should be bud-bud-buddies.

    Welcome to America; not so much a nation as the 24-hour bias hotline of the world.

    WE HOLD THESE TRUANTS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT…
    In theory, Covid-related school closures were just business as usual in Washington, D.C. The district’s public schools, nearly 70 percent black, boast the worst truancy rates in the entire U.S.

    According to the DCPS (and this was pre-Covid), “One in four kids in DC are chronically absent from school—which means missing 10 percent or more of the school year. At some DCPS high schools, three out of four students are chronically absent.”

    One wonders what those kids are doing with their days while not in school. In a city that’s only 4 percent Asian, are there enough old Chinawomen to punch?

    It’s against this backdrop of rampant nonattendance that D.C.’s dog of a mayor, Muriel Bowser, has decided to exclude non-vaxxed students from in-person on-campus learning.

    That’ll show ’em! Bowser literally thinks that threatening D.C. students with being officially barred from school is an effective strategy. The city would’ve been in better hands with Bowser from Sha Na Na. Hell, the city would be in better hands with an actual canine. Even a mediocre poodle has better sense than this halfwit.

    Fortunately, help is on the way from our nation’s libertarians! Reason magazine has been campaigning to get D.C. to overturn the unvaxxed ban. Reason’s Rand-y dandies have led a crusade to get the district’s kids back in class, pointing out that the majority of unvaxxed DCPS students are black, so the vax mandate translates to racist exclusion!

    And it worked. Last week, in response to Reason’s lobbying, D.C.’s Deputy Mayor for Education Paul Kihn announced that the mandate has been postponed until 2023; for now, all students, vaxxed or not, must return to class.

    And every black student in D.C. has Reason to thank for the cancellation of their permanent vacation.

    Reason staffers have been advised to stay off the streets, avoid the Metro, and generally leave town or barricade themselves in their basement. As these libertarians will soon find out, the NAP ain’t no match for the nappy.
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment

  22. #229
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-207/

    The Week’s Most Crooning, Spooning, and Harvest Mooning Headlines

    QUEEN BEE (GONE)

    R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth, who passed away at age 96 after ramming her car into a house at full speed while high on cocaine and fentanyl.

    CORRECTION: That was Anne Heche. We apologize for the error.

    The Queen passed away peacefully, her morbid disappointment of a son by her side, a tragic reminder that England will now be overseen by a monarch who once wished he was a tampon. That’s not a joke. Netflix’s The Crown left it out of the series because the writers didn’t think millennials would believe it. Literally, the writers of The Crown feared that the generation that thinks a man in a dress is a biological woman wouldn’t buy that Prince Charles wanted to be a tampon.

    The Queen who tried to set Third World ingrates free only to see one marry her grandson leaves behind a long legacy of dignified service. And speaking of Third Worlders, Queen Elizabeth had the misfortune of passing away in the era of black Twitter, so of course every person of color felt the need to weigh in on why old white lady bad!

    The prize for top hip-hop grave-dancing must surely go to “Dr.” Uju Anya of Carnegie Mellon University (where she holds the Mugabe Chair in Cannibal Studies and Septum Nosebones). Within seconds of the Queen’s death, Professor Bongo tweeted “I heard the chief monarch of a thieving raping genocidal empire is finally dying. May her pain be excruciating. May she die in agony.”

    Fancy talk from someone who stole her name from an old-time Irish curse (“Ooh, Jew on ya,” which basically means “May you be cheated out of your money”).

    Turns out Uju Anya has her own history of racism. In 2020 the Nigerian-born pseudoacademic referred to American blacks as “akata,” a derogatory term meaning “wild animals,” used by Africans against their American kin. A petition to have the prof sanctioned by Carnegie Mellon, which stalled when first created, zipped back to life with hundreds of new signatures, fueled by outrage over Anya’s hateful tweet.

    Elizabeth’s parting shot from beyond the grave?

    You go, Queen.

    PUNCHIN’ JEWDIES

    Williamsburg? More like Williamsburgen-Belsen. The Brooklyn neighborhood has become a hotbed of anti-Jewish violence, and sadly the local Orthodox Jews have found that their magical eruv wires, while offering ample protection against Sabbath sinning, fail to block fists.

    Last week, three Orthodox were attacked by an assailant who sprayed them with a fire extinguisher.

    Okay, whoever’s been giving Smokey Bear copies of Protocols of Zion, stop it now.

    Also last week, in an incident that went viral, an irate bicyclist slugged an Orthodox Jew for stealing his brother’s parking space. Worse still, the brother’s car was forced into an UNRWA-administered refugee camp.

    Hopefully one day the car can reclaim the spot, based on the Right of Right-turn.

    Conservative actor and cranial wind-tunnel Matthew Marsden, whose 2019 “American soldier battles skinheads to save Jews” action film I Am That Man was so bad Ben Shapiro didn’t even try to shake it down for a cut, took to Twitter to declare that the parking fracas “is just one disturbing result of not teaching history properly.

    Yes, with more Holocaust education, New Yorkers would never get upset over parking.

    Here’s proof:

    Irate Brooklynite with zero Holocaust knowledge confronts Jew who stole a parking space:

    “Ya fuggin’ kike…you want a bar mitzvah? I’ll give you a SCAR mitzvah. You’ll challah in pain from my bagel and SOCKS. I’ll kick your assover for Passover.”

    Terrible puns. Completely subpar.

    Now let’s see that same situation after the irate Brooklynite has taken a ten-week Holocaust education course:

    “Ya fuggin’ kike…time for FISTallnacht. You’ll be black-and-blueden Juden. Action Reinhard? I’ll put you in TRACTION, SPINE-hard. I’m Josef MANGELE; welcome to POWschwitz.”

    Way better puns. And educational.

    Forget cops; all NYC needs is Holocaust ed. Finally, something George Soros and conservatives can agree on.

    CONDUMBED TO REPEAT

    Remember Barney Frank? He was that lovable Semite sodomite congressman from Beantown with the Elmer Fudd voice whose passions included rending the chains of inequality and the anuses of houseboys (“Be vewy vewy qwuiet…I’m hunting wectums”).

    Fwank helped usher in the Great Recession, thanks to his policy of moving nonwhite families into houses they couldn’t afford, all in the name of “equity.”

    In 2010, after the economy had been destroyed like so many rent-boy sphincters, Frank, who by then was giving speeches wearing skintight shirts that displayed his prominent boobs and nipples, conceded (without admitting fault), “It was a great mistake to push lower-income people into housing they couldn’t afford and couldn’t really handle once they had it.”

    Well, you know the old saying: Those who forget titstory are condemned to re-teat it. Bank of America announced last week that it’s offering a special deal to low-income blacks and Hispanics: Move into any house you want, zero down payment, zero closing-cost mortgage, zero mortgage insurance, zero minimum credit score.

    Your skin color will be your bond, say bankers who’d never give money to a black guy on the street but who’ll give an entire house to a black guy on trust alone.

    Amazingly, nobody seems to think this’ll go south, even though it did before. Fred Berry ain’t the only rerun in the ghetto.

    As for Barney Frank, he couldn’t be reached for comment, as he’s bedridden with his fifth case of monkeypox.

    “Wascally wash! I should’ve worn a wubber.”

    MECCA MOUSE CLUB

    Hooray for Halallywood! According to an article in last week’s Wall Street Journal, stodgy hot Medina is goin’ funky cold, as Saudi Arabia’s royal family is investing $1 trillion “to turn Saudi Arabia into a mass-market tourist destination,” a “desert Disneyland” complete with “resorts and eco-lodges.”

    Of course, the question arises, how exactly does a nation that criminalizes bikinis, alcohol, and sexuality compete for tourist bucks? This is a country where their version of Burning Man is the mass immolation of homosexuals. But never underestimate the ingenuity of people who can turn bedsheets into formal wear. The Saudis have several tricks up their sleeve for convincing travelers to spend their vacation in a place where stealing a hotel towel leads to court-ordered dismemberment.

    Although Saudi Arabia relaxed its Jew-ban several years ago, most Jews never got the memo, something that Saudi tourism minister Ali Makbeel hopes to exploit. “Sure, our 110-degree beaches are stifling when you have to wear heavy garments, but isn’t it worth it to not have to hear Jews bitching about the weather? I mean, you could go to Miami, where you can drink and dance. But around every corner is some old Yid going, ‘Oy, the humidity! It’s like a sauna.’ We can offer you a resort experience free of that!”

    Also, as it’s become practically impossible to hold any major county or state fair in the U.S. without roving gangs of thugs shooting the place up, Saudi officials are quick to boast of their inflexible law-and-order policies. “No Soros here,” Saudi justice minister Qurz T. Ali told the WSJ. “You Americans apologize for lynching; we use it as the minimum sentence for shoplifting.”

    As the Saudi king told the WSJ, “Perhaps our greatest appeal for Americans is the opportunity to visit the place of conception of something that changed the world.”

    When reminded that Mecca, the birthplace of Islam, is off-limits to non-Muslims, the king replied, “No, I’m not talking about Islam. I’m talking about 9/11. Come see where it all started!”

    SHEEEEIT HOME ALABAMA

    Have you seen the Gadsden Flag? Not the Revolutionary War one. The other one; the official flag of Gadsden, Ala. That flag depicts a beaten and bruised snake begging a black man, “Okay, tread on me, just don’t kill my wife and kids.”

    Gadsden is a very black city; almost 40 percent. Gadsden so black, its main crop is menthols. Gadsden so black, its highways get adopted by Angelina Jolie. Gadsden so black, its city seal is Seal.

    Gadsden’s also one of the most impoverished cities in Alabama.

    Gadsden so poor, you have a 1-in-14 chance of being robbed.

    Okay, that’s not much of a joke. But it’s true. Gadsden, which hovers between the third and sixth most dangerous city in the state depending on the year, boasts a crime rate 229 percent above the national average and a violent crime rate 188 percent higher.

    But fear not! Authorities in Gadsden are cracking down on crime. Which doesn’t mean arresting the thieves, rapists, and murderers. That would spark local unrest. No, Gadsden officials are targeting pregnant white women! Last week it was reported that a 23-year-old white girl named Ashley Banks Morris was arrested in Gadsden for pot possession. And when she told police she’s pregnant, cops refused to release her unless she went to a residential treatment facility where her fetus could be protected from drugs. But the local halfway house claimed she wasn’t a serious enough addict, so they wouldn’t take her.

    As a result, Morris was kept in a cell with no bed, forced to sleep on a cold hard floor for three months before a judge finally released her.

    That’ll teach that chick to endanger her fetus! Which, it turns out, was seriously endangered by the conditions of her three-month jail stay. Forget the Iron Bowl; Gadsden has the Irony Bowl.

    Meanwhile, during the time Morris was behind bars, a dozen people were murdered in the city. None of the suspects in those killings, however, proved as easy to apprehend as the pregnant white woman.

    The official state fruit of Alabama is the blackberry.

    The official city fruit of Gadsden is low-hanging.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  23. #230
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-208/

    Takimag

    September 18, 2022

    The Week’s Most Rancorous, Cankerous, and Cantankerous Headlines

    THE EMPEROR JONESTOWN

    If Corn Pop was a bad dude, wait till you meet Soda Pop.

    Get ready for carbonated bruthas.

    Black social media “influencer” Rashad Jamal considers himself “god,” and like all affirmative-action titles, it’s an unearned appellation. Jamal runs the University of Cosmic Intelligence, an online cult that preaches black superiority. And as online cults go, it’s no University of Phoenix. Jamal teaches that blacks are “carbonated beings,” a condition he ascribes to holiness but which is more likely the result of too many bean pies.

    Jamal’s cult has its own scriptures, complete with inspiring tales of signs and wonders, including the miracle of the shake machine (“And LaQueesha did seek a McFlurry, yet the machine was dry. Lo, she said unto it, ‘May no one ever drink from you again.’ And the shake machine did wither and die…because LaQueesha chucked it to the floor in righteous fury. And the cashiers were astonished”), and the parting of the ankle-deep sea (“And DeJaunte did stand before the stream of water, which could not be crossed by those for whom swimming is detestable. Yet in faith did he lift his blunt and stretch his hand across the stream, and behold dry ground appeared before him. For it was not a stream after all, but runoff from lawn sprinklers. And the sprinklers did cease, and DeJaunte was pleased”).

    However, like every black nightclub, hip-hop festival, and backyard BBQ, Jamal’s cult has been shuttered due to murders. One of his followers, Damien Washam, was arrested for slicing his mother in half with a sword (Washam? More like Slasham). Two other followers, Krystal Pinkins and Yasmine Hider, were arrested for the ambush murder of a Good Samaritan.

    And last week Jamal himself was charged with three counts of child molestation.

    Where’s Heaven’s Gate-style castration when you really need it?

    Merrick Garland has yet to weigh in on the murderous black-supremacist cult, as he’s too busy pursuing white parents who tell their children there are two genders.

    EMMY TILL

    Of course, the very notion of a “black cult” is redundant, as the entire community already functions as one.

    The Emmy comedy writing category has traditionally provided much-needed levity to distract audiences from the soul-killing realization that they’re watching the Emmys. From Tim Conway messing with Harvey Korman after Korman’s win, to Conway and Korman messing with Chevy Chase, to Milton Berle roasting the SCTV writers (and getting zinged back, to his surprise), to Conan O’Brien crashing Stephen Colbert’s win, it’s the one moment in an otherwise predictably dreadful three hours when viewers might briefly enjoy themselves.

    Fortunately, black people are here to stop that foolishness. Now that black women have been decreed sacred, there’ll be no tomfoolery when one of them wins an award.

    During last week’s Emmy’s, someone named Quinta Brunson (if you don’t know who she is, you’re in violation of federal law) was up for best comedy writing. A sentient blob of pizza dough named Jimmy Kimmel thought it would be funny to pretend to be passed out on stage as the nominees were read. When the winner turned out to be Brunson (because otherwise BLM would’ve burned down the auditorium), Kimmel committed to the bit and remained motionless behind her.

    So now he’s being “dragged” by “black Twitter” for his “white privilege” and “racism” in “robbing a black woman of her moment.”

    Not since Papa John said the N-word has pizza dough inspired such hatred from blacks.

    Kimmel, a remarkably untalented lump who became a high earner doing sexist comedy and wearing blackface before converting to wokeism, tried to explain that by playing dead, he was merely giving viewers what they hope for whenever they see him.

    Kimmel’s contrition didn’t dissuade the Magical Black Girl lynch mob from calling for his head for sullying Quantas Bunion’s moment with his “joke.”

    Because there’s nothing funny about a black woman winning an award. Just like there’s nothing funny about the shows they write.

    ARCHAEOLOGICAL BONERS

    Did you hear about the Polish vampire? He put solar panels on his coffin. Went to a carnival and got lost in the hall of mirrors. Bought his wife a cross-your-heart bra. Wouldn’t go to Africa because he heard they bless the rain.

    Polish archaeologists have uncovered the grave of an “actual” vampire. Granted, these are the same guys who once claimed to have unearthed the corpse of a werewolf, but it was just Robin Williams. However, what they found this time is the body of a 17th-century woman with a protruding tooth who’d been buried with a sickle pinning her down at the neck so she’d be decapitated should she arise (this was also how Polish doctors avoided malpractice suits when they mistakenly declared someone dead).

    Needless to say, leftists caterwauled about how the corpse proves Western “misogyny”; just because a woman was “unique,” she was declared a monster.

    But hold on; those talking points are transphobic! You can’t assume the vampire’s sex by its bones.

    According to “Scientific American” (which earns those scare quotes daily), “dimorphism” is a myth invented by 18th-century Westerners (“dimorphism,” which refers to visually verifiable physical differences between males and females, is present in all primates except gibbons and Korean boy bands).

    Before the late 18th century, Western science recognized only one sex—the male—and considered the female body an inferior version of it. The shift historians call the “two-sex model” served mainly to reinforce gender and racial divisions by tying social status to the body.

    Yes, before the late 18th century, Westerners believed that all humans were male; “women” were simply wimpier men who for some reason had no penis and produced babies. These evil Westerners invented the idea of “woman” because of racism something something something.

    So obviously, 17th-century Poles couldn’t possibly be misogynists if they didn’t recognize women.

    Also obviously, there’s no vampire of fact or fiction as malevolent and destructive as the cancerous frauds at “Scientific American,” and there’s no better use for a sickle than to pin down the corpses of these creatures when they die, just to be on the safe side.

    DEEP FRIED AND BATTERIED

    Something delicious is cooking in China. Something fried. Is it rice? Pork? Fish?

    Nope, just thousands of tiny inscrutable Chins cooking to death in their electric cars.

    This year, Chinese conglomerate BYD announced that it had overtaken Tesla as the world’s No. 1 producer of electric vehicles. BYD EVs are sporty and economical, and the windshield wiper fluid is the tears of Uyghur children forced to watch the execution of their parents.

    There’s only one problem with BYD’s electric vehicles: They keep charbroiling Chinks. Seven EVs a day catch fire in China, 680 in the first quarter of 2022 alone. Although the Chinese are hardly interested in environmental activism (a 2018 visit to Beijing from Greta Thunberg merely confused Chinese leaders, who’d never encountered a child outside a sweatshop), they do love domination. So in their drive to top the market in cheap EVs, they’ve ignored minor points like drivers being steer-fried behind the wheel.

    The epidemic of EV fires has been particularly hard on Chinese firemen. Not only are EV fires notoriously difficult to extinguish, but after dousing a chargrilled Chinaman, an hour later you want another one (that joke earns a Greta Thunberg “How dare you”).

    Here’s Joe Biden’s dream of universal EVs, playing out as a nightmare overseas. Mind you, in the U.S. it could be argued that the mass immolation of EV drivers might not be such a bad thing.

    The Chinese EV Holocaust (visit a BYD Shoah room today!) has prompted Toyota, which in 2019 embarked on a joint venture with BYD to produce hybrids, to reduce its long-term EV manufacturing goals.

    Toyota’s position is that one Hiroshima per century is enough.

    When informed of Toyota’s decision to scale back EVs because people were being cooked alive, Greta Thunberg angrily declared, “How medium-rare you.”

    MARVEL’S EXTENDED JEWNIVERSE

    Speaking of the Shoah…in the 1990s Marvel had a supervillain named Holocaust who appeared in X-Men comics. He was a difficult villain to fight because if you questioned him, you’d go to prison in Europe.

    Holocaust appeared in more than 100 Marvel story lines, although some claim that figure’s greatly exaggerated.

    Holocaust wasn’t the only Jewish Marvel character over the years; there was also Magneto’s wife, Nagneto, a screeching yenta whose superpower was the ability to cause stress-induced heart attacks from her nonstop bitching.

    Last week, Marvel announced that it’s bringing to the screen its most iconic Jewish superhero: Sabra. First seen in a 1981 issue of The Incredible Hulk, Sabra is an Israeli policewoman who has the ability to fire porcupine-like needles from her wrists, which makes her only slightly more abrasive than the average Israeli.

    In Sabra’s debut appearance, Hulk brought peace to the Middle East by mindlessly smashing everything in a fit of blind anger while yelling in incomprehensible broken English.

    If that’s what it takes to finally bring peace to that region, forget foreign aid; just send Tel Aviv our supply of black McDonald’s patrons.

    Marvel will be featuring Sabra in the next Captain America film, prompting Israeli activists to worry that the zealously Zionist character will be softened by wokeness, and prompting Arab activists to worry that she won’t.

    Most likely, considering Marvel’s recent track record, Sabra will be reinvented as a disabled Eritrean bi-curious transfemme androgyne genderfuid two-spirit abortionist.

    Meanwhile, Sabra’s Arab adversaries will be portrayed as noble fighters for freedom, because Marvel would never mess with Muslims, who possess a real-life superpower: the ability to turn cartoonists into headless corpses.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  24. #231
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-209/

    Takimag

    September 25, 2022

    The Week’s Most Griefing, Debriefing, and Autumn-Leafing Headlines

    PRINCESS OF WHALES

    Nobody’s saying Rolling Stone film critic Katie Rife is fat, but her dress size is IMAX. Nobody’s saying she’s heavy, but any theater she enters becomes an underground cinema. Nobody’s saying she’s massive, but when she walks through Hollywood the guys at Griffith Observatory yell, “Down in front!”

    In fact, the only person making a big deal out of Katie Rife’s weight is Katie Rife. While all of Hollywood is cooing over Darren Aronofsky’s critical hit The Whale and the career resurgence it’s given to inoffensive Canuck Brendan Fraser, Rife simply cannot go along with the crowd (though to be fair, she’s a one-person crowd).

    The Whale is the tale of a morbidly obese man (played by Fraser in a fat suit) coming to terms with his mortality. But to Rife, the film gives fat people an “ugly image” (no, that’s actually the work of pork rinds and Pepsi).

    Rife found the movie “triggering,” claiming it “reinforces the notion that fat people have brought their suffering upon themselves through lack of coping skills. I’m really feeling like $#@! after that viewing experience,” she tweeted. “There’s a scene where the main character drops a key and can’t pick it up, and PEOPLE WERE LAUGHING” (Rife’s anger is understandable; the film stole her bit).

    Regarding the refusal of Fraser’s character to seek medical attention, Rife angrily pointed out “the very obvious reason why a 650lb person would avoid doctors: IT’S CALLED MEDICAL FATPHOBIA YOU ABSOLUTE PRICKS.”

    Indeed, a competent doctor would simply tell a 650lb guy to “identify as skinny.”

    Katie Rife: a big woman with big ideas. A critic leaving a deep, indelible imprint on the world of film, as she’s done to so many couches.

    BROWNIE V. BOARD OF EDUCATION

    Speaking of obesity…

    Junk food is now trans. If a doughnut covered in gummi bears identifies as a vegetable, it’s a vegetable.

    This is the inevitable next step in a world where a man can think himself into being a woman and every black person’s a genius by virtue of skin color.

    Black genius “Dr.” Kera Nyemb-Diop runs a website dedicated to spreading the message that (and this is a direct quote) “The only foods that are bad for you are foods that contain allergens, poisons, and contaminants, or foods that are spoiled or otherwise inedible. Eat without guilt regardless of what society says.” Last week, the L.A. Unified School District’s “equity and diversity” Instagram posted one of Nimrod-Dip’s videos in which she declares that a plate of chocolate doughnuts with sprinkles is just as nutritious as a plate of vegetables.

    According to Numbnuts-Derp, anyone who claims that one food is healthier than another is a literal racist, a food fascist, a Joseph Gobbles, a Lavrentiy Strawberia, a Pol Potluck. Indeed, Michelle Obama is the worst Nazi ever for her campaign to remove “unhealthy” foods from school lunches.

    Typical transfatphobe.

    LAUSD removed the video and refused to answer questions regarding why it was posted in the first place. Maybe because the story, like strawberry swirl ice cream, has a twist: Turns out Nyuck-Nyuck-Dope is a paid employee of Mondolez, which manufactures…candy and snacks (including Cadbury, Toblerone, Sour Patch Kids, Chips Ahoy, and Oreos).

    Yes, the second-largest school district in the U.S. allowed a paid corporate propagandist for a snack company to tell students that candy is as good for them as any other food. In theory, that should be a big story. The reason it isn’t is the same reason LAUSD posted the video: Black geniuses can’t be wrong.

    That’s some meshugga-coated nutty fudge.

    TURNING HE-ITES INTO SHIITES

    Just as corporations are learning how to leverage black immunity from criticism to achieve undreamed-of victories (like getting a school district to declare junk food nutritious), foreign despots are exploiting the West’s tranny worship to improve their image abroad.

    For example, did you know that Iran is the tranniest place on earth? A leading location for sex-change operations? It might seem counterintuitive that Iran, with its draconian measures that keep women covered head-to-toe and segregated as second-class citizens, would become a “medical tourism” hot spot for men who are dunya with their dhikr, for Imans who want to become Imams, for dudes who want their salaami replaced with a kamal toe, but it’s true.

    According to the American Iranian Council, “Being transgender is not considered a violation of Iranian theocratic principles. Sex-reassignment surgery is not only legal in Iran, but Tehran is considered to be an international hub for obtaining it. The procedure’s been allowed since Ayatollah Khomeini learned of the hardships of a transwoman and issued a religious decree to legalize it in the mid-1980s.”

    Actually, sounds like ol’ Khomeini got “trapped” by a shemale and in his morning-after regret decided to rationalize the whole thing as “halal.”

    The Council further explains that because Farsi already uses gender-neutral pronouns, “transgender and other non-binary individuals in Iran experience a unique form of verbal inclusivity.”

    And yet, as the mullahs champion trans-friendliness, women are being beaten to death for not wearing hijabs. Protests erupted throughout the country last week after a 22-year-old woman was murdered by Iran’s “morality police” for having an uncovered head.

    If there’s confusion about the mullahs’ policies regarding trannies vs. their policies regarding women, there shouldn’t be. Iran’s clerics correctly understand trannyism as just another cudgel against women, another way to demean, humiliate, and erase them. It’s actually 100 percent appropriate that Iran would be pro-tranny.

    Also, in a nation where male-on-male sex is punishable by death, allowing men to legally classify as women is a neat little workaround for getting some zoro up the astrian.

    ATTENTION DEFICIT SPENDING

    In Live and Let Die, Caribbean dictator Dr. Kananga—an Idi Amin/Papa Doc Duvalier amalgam—hatches a plan to bring down the U.S.: give out free heroin nationwide, and once the entire country is hooked, foreign enemies can march in unopposed.

    The only hitch in Kananga’s plan is that it’s predicated on the notion that the only thing preventing every American from doing heroin is price.

    “I hope I get that raise; I’ve really wanted to get into heroin.”

    “I just won the lottery! Heroin, here I come!”

    Still, Kananga was on the right track, he just had the wrong drug. There’s currently a national shortage of Adderall, and the nation’s falling apart over it. Turns out Kananga shouldn’t have bothered with free heroin; he should’ve started a tinpot med school churning out doctors who prescribe cradle-to-grave psychotropics.

    In a piece about how the Adderall shortage is affecting everyday Americans, Bloomberg interviewed a Chicago car salesman who can’t remember his inventory without Adderall, and a Michigan high school special ed teacher who, lacking Adderall, “spaced out” while trying to calm a student distraught over suicide (it could be argued that a teacher who needs medication to take student suicide seriously might not be cut out for the job).

    And Bloomberg only scratched the tragic surface of cases of spaced-out, absent-minded, Adderall-deprived Americans. In Chicago, young blacks now have to bring itemized lists on their shoplifting sprees or they forget what to steal.

    In NYC, black men have become so dazed, they’re pushing old Asian ladies onto subway tracks after the trains have left.

    In L.A., an Adderall-deprived Mexican stabbed a pile of leaves and blew a rival gang member, and in San Francisco, a homeless guy became so disoriented he used a toilet.

    Even doctors are not immune to Adderall withdrawal brain-fog. At Boston Children’s Hospital, a disoriented pediatrician mistakenly let a 13-year-old girl keep her breasts.

    Is the Adderall shortage an accident? Or Biden’s master plan for the midterms: scramble the brains of Americans to the point where he appears competent by comparison.

    ANCHOR BABY, YOU’RE AN ENRICHED MAN

    In the past month alone, American’s have been enriched good and hard by illegals.

    Alabama: Illegal Mexican José Paulino Pascual-Reyes carved up his girlfriend for carnitas and held her 12-year-old daughter as a sex slave.

    North Carolina: Two illegal Mexicans, Alder Alfonso Marin-Sotelo and Arturo Marin-Sotelo, murdered a sheriff’s deputy.

    California: Venezuelan illegal Jose Rafael Solano-Landaeta decapitated his ex-girlfriend with a sword.

    New Hampshire: Honduran illegal Jose Miguel Ramirez-Vasquez stabbed a young dancer to death.

    So much enrichment! And by our new class of hyphenated elites (“I say, are you attending the Pascual-Reyes cotillion? Oh, you simply must go. I hear their quesadillas will have three cheeses”).

    Over in McCulloch County, Tex., local officials have decided that the violent crimes of brown illegals pale in seriousness compared with an 80-year-old white man saying “wetback.” Immigration judge Edgar Allen Amos faces an ethics probe because last week, in a private conversation, he claimed that the affluent illegals he’s been seeing in court, sporting designer clothes and using the latest high-tech gear, are “not your regular wetbacks.”

    So for not calling illegals wetbacks, he now faces removal from the bench and, according to the Daily Beast, a review of “every ruling he’s made in Texas courts,” which could result in all of his deportation orders being reversed.

    And while Edgar Allen shall nevermore preside over wetbacks (regular or extra-soggy), over in Bexar County, Sheriff Javier Salazar, a Democrat, has vowed to bring to justice the Florida officials who robbed his state of illegals by sending them to Martha’s Vineyard.

    Salazar’s back may not be wet, but there’s water aplenty on his brain.

    All of this transpired as the Census Bureau announced that Hispanics are now the largest plurality in Texas, for the first time since Mexico owned the place.

    Wet back in the saddle again.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  25. #232
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-210/

    October 02, 2022

    The Week That Perished

    The Week’s Most Supernova, Apache Cordova, and Shana Tova Headlines

    YO’ MAMA KIPPUR

    For Jews, these are the High Holy Days, the period of getting atoned between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. For blacks, these are the Wholly High Days, the period of getting stoned with kush, hash, and a young stripper.

    Blacks and Jews, longtime frenemies, have struggled in the age of woke to determine which group is the bigger victim of whitey. In February 2021, the Black Jewish Entertainment Alliance was launched in Hollywood to unite the industry’s kosher kings and gentile giants. Among the initial signatories were Sharon Osbourne on the Jewish side and Sheryl Underwood for the blacks (Osbourne and Underwood were cohosts of the CBS series The Talk). One month later, March 2021, Underwood got Osbourne fired from the show for being a “racist.”

    The “Alliance” hasn’t updated its website since. The whole thing went south faster than the time Emmett Till whistled at Anne Frank and got ’em both killed as a result.

    So much for peace between the schmendricks and the Kendricks, the oy veys and the DuVernays. And with the “Alliance” dead, blacks are waging a high holy war to make Judaism blacker. An NBC News piece last week lamented the fact that only 1 percent of Jews identify as “black.” The author, a black Jewish convert named Brennan Nevada Johnson, is a full-time “bald activist” (that’s literally her NBC bio) whose LinkedIn declares “I spend my time empowering bald people.”

    According to Zipporah the Pinhead, whose smooth black dome is its own yarmulke, Jews need to “make space” for blacks. And if Jews aren’t willing to get blacker, watch out!

    I’m Gonna Git You Sukkoth.

    Adding to the indignities, Orthodox Jews were excluded from last week’s White House “anti-Semitism summit.” It wasn’t politically motivated, though. Biden became frightened at the site of Hasidics, as they reminded him of a dangerous character from his old neighborhood, Cohen Pop.

    “He was a bad Jewed who ran a bunch of bad oys.”

    HERS AND HISPANICS

    It’s also National Hispanic American Heritage Month, which runs Sept. 15 through Oct. 15.

    It’s the only nonwhite identity month that doesn’t begin on the 1st, but it makes sense that a Hispanic awareness month would coincide with the beginning of autumn, as a reminder of who to call to rake all those leaves.

    Last week Mumbly Joe observed Hallowbean at the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Gala (the only D.C. shindig where the attendees bus their own tables). Biden assured the mess hall Mestizos that “y’all gonna own the country, man,” a statement he only felt comfortable making after the Secret Service cleared the room of blacks.

    Speaking of which, Biden declared that Delaware has “the eighth-largest black population,” which made zero sense to anyone in the room, as he was supposed to be speaking about Hispanics. And it’s also a lie (with 318,000 blacks, Delaware ranks No. 34), but attendees brushed it aside because obviously a man who thinks everyone who doesn’t vote for him “ain’t black” would believe the converse, so of course in his mind most of Delaware’s black.

    Biden called for a “National Museum of the American Latino” to replace the touring exhibits one finds in Home Depot parking lots.

    For his grand finale, Biden declared, “We’re going to ban assault weapons as I did when I was a senator, because when we banned it, the mass murders stopped.”

    The federal assault weapons ban was in effect from 1994 to 2004. During that period, the Columbine mass shooting happened, the Atlanta day-trader shooting, the Aiken achin’ black guy shooting, the Connecticut lottery shooting, the Westside Middle School shooting, the Thurston High shooting, the Wedgwood Baptist shooting, the Xerox shooting, the Wakefield shooting, the Lockheed Martin shooting, the Beltway sniper, and about two dozen more.

    Isn’t Alex Jones facing bankruptcy for denying just one mass shooting? Denying thirty should be an impeachable offense.

    Fortunately for Biden, his flub went unnoticed as none of the attendees spoke English.

    CASTRO’S DISTRICT

    It’s raining menshevik in Havana! Cubans have overwhelmingly approved the legalization of gay marriage. It was a red diaper day for the island’s humpin’ bourgeoisie, as gay partners in the revolutionary paradise can now legally join their zedong to their buttista in holy matrimony, with the full blessing of the state.


    But wait; what happened to Hispanics being “natural Republicans”? Traditional-values types who should be welcomed as long as they cross the border with the right paperwork (because paperwork is what separates a good invasion from a bad one; if Hitler had just filled out the right forms, his lebensraum would’ve been legit). Ironically, even the “natural Democrats” of true-blue California rejected gay marriage twice by popular vote. Of course, Cali isn’t a true socialist state (the bourgeois own the beans of production).

    The legalization of gay marriage in Cuba is an about-face for a regime that used to put gays in concentration camps where they’d be crammed into cages with hundreds of sweaty, shirtless men and whipped daily by muscular guards.

    For this reason, many of Cuba’s gays don’t necessarily consider their new open, legal status a welcome improvement.

    Prior to the referendum, Human Rights Watch, the NGO dedicated to censoring speech (“Freedom of expression is not an absolute right” is one of the group’s actual mottos. Its mascot is a guy saying “human rights” while making the “quote/unquote” finger gesture), predicted that the Cuban government would “steal” the vote and lie that the measure failed.

    HRW advocates the imprisonment of anyone in the U.S. who “spreads misinformation regarding election integrity.” Now that the org has done exactly that in Cuba, perhaps the now-empty concentration camps for gays could be filled with speech-suppressing “human rights” hypocrites.

    Hard to imagine a more popular PR move for the island’s leaders.

    KEYSTONED COPS

    Here’s a simple truism: Oxygen deprivation never improves thinking.

    When the hypoxiacs of Colorado passed the nation’s first and most liberal “all pot is legal anywhere, everywhere, and for any reason” law in 2012, nobody but everybody could’ve foreseen that complete decriminalization would spark a “cola war” between pot growers to up THC potency to attract customers. Colorado THC levels have risen to the point where potheads are being institutionalized for psychosis and admitted to ERs with bouts of “scromiting” (“scream vomiting,” all the rage among those who insist pot has no medical downside).

    Legislative efforts to regulate THC have been torpedoed by the wealthy and powerful pot lobby. Again, nobody on earth could’ve foreseen that letting pot growers form a legal cartel would lead to them sabotaging all attempts at regulation. Nobody on earth except everybody on earth except Coloradans.

    Was the state with the least amount of oxygen really the right place for this experiment?

    It’s against this backdrop that, last week, cops in Greeley, Colo., pulled over a spicy Latina named Yareni Rios-Gonzalez, wanted for a road rage incident (most likely another case of taco truck–on–taco truck violence). The cops cuffed Speedy Gonzalez and put her in the back of their cruiser…which they’d absent-mindedly parked on train tracks. Clearly visible train tracks. And when the train came, the cops were like, “Whoa…dude…train,” as they left Gonzalez in the path of the oncoming locomotive (on the bright side, Netflix purchased the body-cam footage for a Hispanic reboot of The Perils of Pauline).

    An hour away in Aurora, last week it was confirmed that spaced-out paramedics killed a handcuffed suspect by accidentally giving him an overdose of ketamine.

    Turns out “Rocky Mountain High” is better as an anthem than as a work ethic.

    DEEP HINDU-DOO

    When it comes to cheap, unhealthy, worthless food, Top Ramen can’t be beat.

    Except by Nithya Raman, a cheap, unhealthy, worthless human who lives by a simple creed: Everybody should have human feces thrown in their face.

    In a normal world, Nithya Raman would be in an insane asylum. But in L.A., she’s a city councilwoman.

    Raman emigrated from India, having grown up among people for whom flinging human excrement is a friendly greeting. Arriving in L.A., she ran for city council in District 4, which includes the L.A. Zoo (the odors remind Raman of her childhood home).

    As councilwoman, Raman cares not for issues like jobs, crime, or transportation. She’s made the focal point of her existence the protection of the “Sherman Oaks $#@!man,” a homeless denizen who carries a bag of his own poo and throws it at restaurant patrons on Ventura Boulevard. Raman has actually threatened action against local business owners who complain about the SOS; they’re “abrogating his rights” and preventing his “self-expression” by trying to stop him from landing face-shots with his feces.

    District 4 is 50 percent white, but you wouldn’t know it from looking at Ventura Boulevard diners who, thanks to the SOS, sport the worst kind of blackface.

    And while L.A. is being enriched by a devotee of the Kama Pootra, on the opposite coast, children in NYC are suffering long-term emotional and psychological harm from the army of government-protected homeless lunatics who line the streets and sleep in the parks. Kids are being flashed, assaulted, screamed at, and—yes—hit with human poop. And according to a recent study, it’s taking a toll on their mental and emotional well-being (who’d have thought?).

    Democrats on both coasts seem unconcerned about repercussions from their mudslinging.

    “When I ran for office, I made it clear that environmentalism was a top concern, especially composting,” Nithya Raman told the Scatophilia Sentinel. “I pledged to voters that, if elected, I’d put the issue right in their faces. And I’ve kept my promise, in the most literal sense.”
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11



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  27. #233
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-211/

    The Week’s Most Ailing, Failing, and Columbus-Sailing Headlines
    RAM-COM
    Journalist Chloe Angyal of Marie Claire holds “a Ph.D. in media studies with a focus on romantic comedy.”
    What are the odds she’s really hoping for student loan forgiveness?
    In 2019 she was asked to define what makes a movie a “romantic comedy” (rom-com). She replied, “a comedic movie, with a romance at its core, that ends with the couple together.”
    Not one word about penises. And with that omission, “Dr.” Angyal is now officially a homophobe. Because according to the inflamed flamers shaking their limp wrists at the moviegoing public for not patronizing the “gay rom-comBros, if you don’t like your rom-coms scored with skin flutes, you’re a literal Nazi.

    Bros, which cost $25 million to make, brought in just $4.8 million. Gays usually don’t see an opening that wrecked outside a prison shower.
    Bros is fudge-packed with anal and oral sex between dudes, which for some reason has caused hetero men and all women to avoid it like the plague. Theater owners unfortunate enough to have booked the film are encountering an unforeseen problem: Biden supporters keep wandering in and mistaking the empty theaters for a rally, and the onscreen moaning and gurgling for one of Biden’s less incoherent speeches (“I think he’s talking about the Gulp of Oh Man”).
    Gay guys have yet to evolve to where they understand that you can be accepting of gay relationships yet still repulsed by thinking about them. It’s like your grandma losing her virginity; you know it happened, you accept that it happened, but you don’t want to see the old bat reenact it with a Claussen.
    Of course, Hollywood being Hollywood, expect a steady stream of oral- and anal-sex-filled rom-coms from now on, until the public is finally beaten into submission. Coming in 2023: When Hairy Met Salty…, Syphilis in Seattle, Nutting Hill, and How to Loosen a Guy in 10 Days.
    HE WHO SMÖLT IT
    People who live in gashauses shouldn’t throw steins.
    Jews don’t let just anyone make Hitler analogies. A Democrat can call any Republican Hitler, but if a Republican calls a Democrat Hitler, that Republican becomes Hitler.

    Last week Croatia learned the hard way what happens when you try to label someone Hitler without approval from the copyright holders. When the Croatian magazine Express published photos of Serbian President Vučić, Italian Prime Minister Meloni, and Hungarian Prime Minister Orbán, all adorned with swastikas and Hitler mustaches, the Simon Wiesenthal Center, official granter of Hitler analogy licenses, balked.
    “While these three politicians are indeed right-wing conservatives, to brand them as Nazis is simply a disgusting and unfair description, which is in extremely poor taste and an insult to the victims of the Nazis,” the SWC’s Executive Director of Tiresome Kvetching Efraim Zuroff told The Jerusalem Post.
    Yet haven’t many news orgs called Meloni and Orbán “Hitler”? Why can’t Croatians do it too? Because, the SWC explains, Croatians are Nazis themselves, having murdered Jews during WWII without ever apologizing, or building hundreds of Holocaust memorials, or sending money to Israel to get that wall patched up so the damn thing finally stops wailing.
    Germans are repentant enough to be allowed to call other Hitlers Hitler. But Croatians are Hitlers who never apologized for being Hitlers so they don’t get to say Hitler.
    Meanwhile, also last week, Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose massive donations to the SWC served as his repentance for having a father who was a Hitler, pushed his cred a little too far. After visiting the Auschwitz Museum in Poland (he has a season pass), the former girly-man governor signed the guestbook with his Terminator catchphrase “I’ll be back.”

    The SWC and other Holocaust orgs initially let it slide (huge checks can greatly defuse outrage), but they were less forgiving when they learned how he signed the Anne Frank House guestbook: “Hasta la vista, baby!”
    THE LEAVE BOAT
    Never underestimate how far leftists will go to reward criminals for being criminals. In NYC, Mayor Adams is sending every illegal Cruz on a luxury cruise. The mayor’s ordered a ship from Norwegian Line to dock off Staten Island as a permanent home for illegals who caravan to the Big Apple.


    Fans of classic TV will remember The Love Boat, an hourlong series in which celebrity guest stars found love and laughter every week on the high seas. Mayor Adams’ plan would make a perfect reboot for diversity-crazed streaming services.
    Imagine the pilot episode:
    In one cabin, Afghan refugee Ahmad, played by Kumail Nanjiani, is trying to keep his wife, played by Alia Shawkat, from finding out that he’s booked a secret cabin for his favorite sex goat (played by Lena Dunham). The wife eventually finds out and Ahmad beheads her.
    In another cabin, Nigerian refugee Mbenge (played by Chiwetel Ejiofor) has fallen for Kenyan refugee Ndidi (played by Lupita Nyong’o). But he’s afraid to let her know that he has monkeypox, while she’s afraid to let him know that she has AIDS. Turns out they both have Ebola, and their liquefacted remains are found by the cleaning staff.
    Meanwhile, Mexican coyote Gonzalo (Eugenio Derbez) is concerned that the two immigrants he’s smuggled aboard as minors (Edward James Olmos and Rita Moreno) are jeopardizing the ruse by bitching about their osteoarthritis. Complicating matters, Gonzalo’s fentanyl stash is eaten by Ahmad’s goat, who dies. Ahmad beheads everyone in Gonzalo’s cabin as revenge.

    The captain is Caitlyn Jenner, whose poor skills operating moving vehicles ensure that the ship never leaves port.
    Coming to Hulu in 2023.
    A FAREWELL TO ARMS
    As New York preps for a gubernatorial contest between a challenger who thinks crime should be illegal and an incumbent who thinks complaining about crime should be illegal, parts of the state have become so dangerous, even ultraviolent spree-shooters are afraid to walk the streets.
    In 2004 Albany, an “emotionally disturbed” teen named Jon Romano stormed his high school blasting away with a 12-gauge shotgun. Fortunately, “emotionally disturbed” doesn’t always mean “crack shot”; he missed his classmates but blew the leg off a teacher for the disabled, who you can bet got real tired real fast of people pointing out the irony.
    Romano was released in 2020, a reformed man. Sixteen years of prison therapy produced a model citizen. He became an advocate for prison reform. To Romano, a criminal is just a friend who might shoot your leg off. Romano also began volunteering at a local homeless shelter…where last week he was troubled to hear one of the noble residents, a black gentleman, using coarse racial language (likely while debating the Grothendieck–Katz curvature).

    Romano gently suggested to the fine transient that perhaps he could moderate his language.
    And the homeless guy screamed, “$#@!ing white devil” and pulled out two samurai swords, chopping off Romano’s arms and legs.
    Amazingly, Romano lived. Doctors were able to reattach the arms, which had been completely cut off, and the legs, which hung by muscle strands. Time will tell if the limbs become usable again.
    Bedridden and motionless, now Romano’s the one who has to sit and listen to an unending stream of pithy comments about irony. It ain’t as funny when the shoe’s on the other severed foot.
    Meanwhile, the homeless shelter has instituted a “one samurai sword per resident” policy.
    Tough but fair.
    GUILTY BEATS HAVE GOT NO RHYTHM
    And if you think New York’s bad…in California prosecutors can no longer use a criminal’s murder confession if it has a good beat and you can dance to it.
    Apparently, too many black rappers were rapping about their crimes. Experts believe this was based on three main factors: (1) Rappers commit crimes, (2) rappers rap, (3) rappers aren’t intelligent enough to think of anything to rap about except the money they make, the ho’s they bed, and the people they kill. Rapper Bobby Shmurda was convicted of “killing a nigga” based on a rap where he confessed to killing a nigga. Lil’ Boosie was convicted of “killing a nigga who tried to play him” after he confessed in a rap to killing a nigga who tried to play him. The rapper X-Raided shot a random grandma in the heart, then posed with the murder weapon on the cover of his album. Rapper Twain Gotti, accused of choking a guy then shooting him, was convicted after he rapped, “I choked that guy then shot him.”
    Under a new law that bans the use of rap lyric confessions in murder trials, none of the above pieces of evidence would’ve been admissible. Black people in Cali can now openly cop to murder, and as long as they make it rhyme, prosecutors have to pretend they didn’t hear it.
    The law only applies to rap. White guys singing about shooting men just to watch ’em die still run the risk of being confronted with their words at trial. As do Mexicans and their narcocorridos. And at competency hearings, ownership of Rush greatest-hits albums can still be used as evidence of mental infirmity.
    Older California felons are likely to try to get their convictions overturned by claiming that their confessions were actually raps. Sirhan Sirhan, sitting in a San Diego cell, has been looking for a way out for a half century. With all previous arguments rejected (although last year’s “let me out and I’ll kill the anti-vax one” nearly worked), Sirhan might do well to claim that the “confession” found in his notebook, “Let us do it do it it it, let us do it Sirhan,” was just a rap in progress.
    And frankly, considering the average rap lyric, it’s not that bad.
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment

  28. #234
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-212/

    Takimag

    October 16, 2022

    The Week’s Most Snatching, Hatching, and Pumpkin-Patching Headlines

    IT’S THE GREAT PUNKIN’, GNARLY BROWN

    History has a habit of repeating itself, especially for those too stupid to learn from their mistakes. Like the GOP.

    The 2010 New York gubernatorial race became goober-natorial when an oddball black named Jimmy McMillan grabbed 15 minutes of fame (short of the 24 minutes and a mule he demanded) by running as the Rent Is Too Damn High candidate.

    McMillan had one platform (guess).

    Certain Republicans (Roger Stone…yes, that Roger Stone) saw in the “populist” McMillan (a male stripper who once tried to climb the Brooklyn Bridge brandishing a knife) the legendary “black standard-bearer” the GOP has long prophesied will one day arrive to deliver the party to eternal victory.

    Sadly, just like every year with Linus, the Great Pimpkin always disappoints. McMillan turned out to be obsessed with Jews, claiming they ran the slave trade and aren’t real Jews anyway—blacks are the real Jews.

    Last week, Tucker Carlson declared that he’s finally found the Moses (Malone) who’ll lead the GOP to the promised land: Kanye West. Unfortunately, “Ye” followed his interview with Tuck by stating that “the Jews” are out to get him and Jews aren’t real Jews anyway—blacks are the real Jews.

    Kanye said similar things during the interview, but they were edited out, along with his claim that impostor robot children are haunting his mansion (unbeknownst to Carlson, “excised” video can be copied). Meanwhile, Ye’s BLMFF Candace Owens declared that it wasn’t anti-Semitic for him to tweet that he’s going “death con 3 on Jewish people” because “defcon” is “a defensive measure” (she also misrepresented an email from Chase to make it appear as though the bank canceled Ye over his comments).

    And if all that weren’t enough, the impostor robot children got aborted by Herschel Walker.

    Good grief!

    ISMAILIS VS. SHEMAILIS

    Hamtramck, Mich., was founded by Polish immigrants. It was a very Polish city. They used to have a library, until someone colored in the book. They closed their hall of records because the needle broke. They didn’t levy taxes, because no one in town was Jewish. They once tried to elect a standing committee, but folks didn’t want to be on their feet all day. There’s no city seal because they couldn’t build a big enough pond.

    But these days, Hamtramck has gone from 90 percent Polish to 90 percent Muslim (in 2013 it became the first Muslim-majority city in the U.S.).

    Why Muslims would flock to a city with “ham” in the name is a mystery.

    What’s not a mystery is that the akbars of Hamtramck and nearby Dearborn (42 percent Arab) are not pleased with the fact that schools in greater metro Detroit are going tranny. Last week furious Muslims stormed a school board meeting, demanding the removal of LGBT books and lesson plans. According to the Detroit Free Press, protesters carried signs saying “Stop brainwash our children,” “Quit grooming students, you sexually perverted animals,” “Homosexuality Big Sin,” and “If democracy matters, we’re the majority.”

    When a tranny counterprotester named Sam Smalley told the Muslims they were hurting his feelings, one hetero haji replied, “Go cry!”

    “Try to make our kids ‘gender*****’? Ummah kick your ass.”

    The Free Press tried to blame “conservative Christians” for “influencing some in the city’s Muslim population.” Sure, because if there’s one thing Muslims are, it’s easily swayed by other faiths. Remember that time an Israeli asked Hamas, “Oy, enough with the terrorism already, okay?” and Hamas was like, “Whatever you say, boss—the Jewed abides.”

    For leftist school boards, the Muslim protests pose a dilemma; normally, tranny propagandists aren’t up against people who have a habit of getting homicidal when they get mad. All of a sudden, that kindergarten textbook Muhammad Has Two Daddies doesn’t seem like such a swell idea.

    Although, to be fair, these days Islamists don’t refer to their favorite pastime as “beheading,” but “stature reassignment surgery.”

    SICK OR TREAT

    Of course we need cheap illegal labor! Who else will pick the fruits and vegetables? The next time you buy low-priced California-grown lettuce, grapes, or strawberries, thank immigrants for the bounty.

    And also for the syphilis.

    Seriously, get tested.

    Migrant laborers in California’s Central Valley are dealing with backs that aren’t just wet, but covered in sores. Syphilis is ripping through the state’s agriculture belt like a Cantinflas film: painful to experience and not funny. As reported in the Orange County Register last week, state experts can’t figure out why this disease, once considered nearly eradicated in California in the 1990s, has bounced back, predominantly among migrant laborers.

    These “state experts” can’t put two and two together that the increase parallels the state’s open-border policies, because these “state experts” have degrees from state schools. Elementary logic eludes them, but they can name all 57 genders and recite every poem about the death of Emmett Till.

    The virulent syphilis strain tearing through the valley leaves its victims bald, with a stooped gait and pockmarked face. Severity of symptoms are gauged on a chart from “Edward James Olmos in real life” (treatable) to “Edward James Olmos as Jaime Escalante” (terminal).

    The state is having trouble controlling the epidemic because most of its STD funds have been earmarked for monkeypox. So because gays can’t keep it in their pants, your Trader Joe’s lettuce will make you die like Al Capone.

    But while gays have no plans to curtail their poxing, they are quite intent on making sure you don’t hurt their feelings. Last week Yahoo! News ran a piece telling Americans not to dress up as “monkeypox” for Halloween. “No, you’re not going to make fun of folks suffering from a painful, uncomfortable viral disease,” ace scribe Tyler Schoeber (who looks rather diseased himself) lectured. “Do better.”

    Fortunately, syphilitic Mexican costumes are still okay. And the best part is, they come free of charge with a box of California strawberries.

    WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS SLAYS IN VEGAS

    Speaking of illegals, the only thing worse than an illegal Guatemalan is an illegal Guatemalan with attitude. Guatemalans are why Mexico enforces its southern border.

    When even Mexicans find a people distasteful, you better believe they’re distasteful.

    So when Biden, AOC, and Vice President Cackles lionize these unwanted caravaners as not only heroes but better than native-born Americans, they’re giving a big head to the worst possible people.

    Case in point, last week a Guatemalteco named Yoni Barrios was parading around Vegas. And why not parade? An illegal, he’d been caught-and-released a dozen times, even avoiding charges of domestic violence, because again and again the system told him how special he is. Too special to deport; better than any stupid “citizen.”

    While walking by the Wynn Hotel on the Strip, Barrios spied a couple of beautiful white showgirls. He strode up to them and pompously announced, “I’m a chef! Take a picture with me.”

    In the Southwest, a Hispanic who works in a restaurant kitchen is about as common as a Jew who doesn’t. And when the showgirls rejected the offer to have their photo taken with Chef Boyardeeportee, “Bobby Flay” became “Bobby Fillet,” as Barrios sliced up the ladies with a kitchen knife, killing one.

    Though he’s being held without bond in a Clark County cell, Barrios has already been offered his own cooking show by Hulu.

    Behold Raul Julia Child.

    AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DEFERENT

    Poor John Cleese; he’s seen comedy come full circle. Monty Python’s Flying Circus was a rebellion against the vaudeville-esque British humor of old. In the 1960s, music hall “my wife” jokes were seen as cornball and unhip:

    “I’m going to the doctor’s, I don’t like the look of my wife.”
    “I’ll come with you, I hate the sight of mine.”

    Ba-dum-bum.

    So Monty Python gave the world the Spanish Inquisition, Scotsmen and blancmanges, penguins on the telly, and silly walks. It was seen as heretical—blasphemous, even—because it tossed out the rules of comedy (setup, punchline). The Pythons were rebels.

    And now here’s Cleese, turning 83 next week, being pilloried in the press as a heretic and a blasphemer…for telling the exact jokes he once rebelled against for being too safe.

    “John Cleese Has Officially Gone Over to the Dark Side,” screamed the MSN headline. He’s “gone right-wing.”

    Why? Because he tells “wife jokes” (Cleese has spent much of the past decade joking about his expensive divorces), which are now considered “sexist, misogynist hate-speech.” These days, if you tell a “take my wife” joke in London, you’ll get a visit from Chief Superintendent Harry “Snapper” Organs, who’ll book you for violating British speech codes.

    Cleese, the insurgent, was too successful. His “revolutionary” comedy helped take down the old guard of upper-class twits, and they’ve been replaced by a new guard of tranny Paki noggy-woggy twits who are fine with Scotsmen and blancmanges, but don’t dare joke about anyone who’s not a white hetero male. Indeed, last week Cleese was cut off mid-sentence while being interviewed on the BBC when he ventured into criticism of wokeness.

    Shut up and do your silly walk, boomer.

    Cleese’s former Python mate Eric Idle, always deferential to the woke mob, told The Guardian that people like Cleese just need to go off and die. “We are no longer speaking to today’s generation. We’re old farts. We should be left to go quietly to bed and watch the telly.”

    Hopefully there’s no penguin on it.

    Or reruns of Benny Hill, a show once seen as hackneyed, but one that’s become, in today’s climate, as dangerous to the social order as the Pythons were a half century ago.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  29. #235
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-213/

    The Week’s Flukiest, Kookiest, and Spookiest Headlines
    AFRICAN-AMERICAN SNIPER
    NewsOne bills itself as “Breaking News for Black People.” It carries headline stories of national importance (“Black woman receives cold fries; a nation mourns”), entertainment news (“Netflix to turn cold fries saga into movie starring Lupita Nyong’o”), advice columns (“Dear NewsOne: I received cold fries and my boyfriend didn’t shoot anybody. Does he really love me?”), puzzles (“six-letter word for proper response to cold fries; starts with ‘mu’ and ends with ‘er.’”), and comic strips (“Good grief; Franklin shot Charlie Brown over cold fries!”).
    Last month, an anonymous Facebook poster claimed that he and his accomplices were planning to commit a white-supremacist mass shooting at an Alabama county fair: “We are coming to the Opelika Alabama fair to kill every NEGRO that we lay eye contact on so be prepared. WHITE POWER.”
    The post was adorned with Confederate flags and swastikas.
    NewsOne jumped on the story, assigning ace reporter Zack Linly. Linly is as good as they come. A real Perry Antiwhite, a Lois Stay in Your Lane, a Clark Kente, a J. Jomamah Jameson. There ain’t a journalist alive with better instincts. He looked at the Facebook post and knew it couldn’t possibly be a hoax. Indeed, in his analysis, it was proof of genocide against blacks: “It’s funny how Black people can be so frustrated and have so much resentment for white America but we’re never out here threatening to kill white people randomly and en masse.”

    Indeed, it’s rarely “en masse.” It’s usually one at a time.
    “One can only wonder how it is that people who represent roughly 13% of the population cause these violent thugs so much stress they feel the need to exterminate us on sight,” Linly added.
    Unfortunately, turns out the “shooter” was one of that 13 percent. Last week police arrested 18-year-old Louisiana black kid Pharrell Smith for posting the threat. He’ll be facing terrorism charges.
    And Linly, whose Spidey-sense was so on the nose? He won a Pulitzer Prize.
    Correction: He’s one prize putz.
    DEAF TRAGEDY JAM
    Broadway grande dame Patti LuPone is known for her red-hot Sicilian temper; she feuds with costars and directors, she trashes dressing rooms. When she played the mom on the 1990s TV show Life Goes On, the infamous series finale in which half the characters died of AIDS wasn’t even scripted; the actors literally contracted AIDS just to get out of working with her (yes, even the Down syndrome kid).

    LuPone is especially well-known for stopping Broadway shows cold to yell at audience members. A dozen times over the past decade she’s halted a show to grab a patron’s phone, or lecture them for talking, texting, or, infamously last May, for not wearing a mask.
    So fearsome is LuPone’s reputation that in 2018, when Broadway okayed a phone app that lets deaf audience members read real-time closed-captioned onstage dialogue, AARP celebrated the invention as the one device Patti LuPone can’t seize.
    Sadly, grande dumb Lillias White didn’t get the memo. A hefty black actress permanently embittered over being called “lily-ass white” every day of her life, last week White was in the middle of a performance of the musical Hadestown (a sassy black take on Greek gods, with characters like Afrodite and Nappy Hera) when she spied an audience member using the captioning app. Recalling how LuPone is celebrated for her tantrums, White followed suit, stopping the show to yell at the deaf woman.
    When the deaf woman cried on Instagram about being humiliated for using an approved device, the theater, mindful of a possible ADA lawsuit, apologized, which enraged White, who deemed it racist that LuPone can yell at audience members but she can’t. Which enraged black Broadway star James Harkness, who declared that if a black woman can’t yell at audience members, LuPone shouldn’t be allowed to either. Which enraged LuPone, who became so furious at the thought of not yelling at audience members, she angrily announced her retirement.
    If you think this is crazy, consider that people pay $500 per ticket to be abused by these pompous morons, when they could be yelled at for free by the homeless at any subway station.

    Broadway’s the one thing Covid should’ve killed.
    BEYOND MEATHEADS
    The Dutch have declared war on meat! And why not? Now that pot’s legalized everywhere, cities like Amsterdam need to come up with a new gimmick to attract young idiots from around the world. And what’s more popular among young idiots than veganism?


    Mindful of that, the Dutch have decided to exterminate meat consumption, in part to end “global warming,” and in part because Netherlanders have empathy for farm animals, whose barnyard noises mirror their own language (“Duur groot muur heeft oop aak ook”…that’s a real Dutch sentence).
    The city of Haarlem (motto: “Relax—not the one with black people”) has banned all advertising for meat products, and the Amsterdam suburb of Wageningen is attempting to ban meat itself. Dubbed “Vegan Valley,” Wageningen is host to dozens of companies dedicated to developing faux meats made from insects, algae, fungi, mycobacteria, and other substances that still have more taste than a Domino’s pizza.
    With meat being outlawed throughout the Netherlands, doughty resisters are building secret annexes to hide their Anne Frankfurters; if caught, those in possession of beef will be sent to Impossible Burgen-Belsen.
    Oddly enough, as government ideologues act like veganism is the way of the future, in the real world, Beyond Meat was forced to cut 19 percent of its global workforce due to plummeting sales.
    The good news for stockholders is that the company is offering recipes to turn worthless stock certificates into paper-based Salisbury steak.
    Also last week, Beyond Meat was forced to fire its COO Doug Ramsey after he bit off a man’s nose in a road-rage incident, thus proving that any person deprived of meat will resort to extremes.
    Still, the Ramsey incident led to a Vegan Valley company developing the “Impossible Dahmer”: gluten-free soy-based life-size gay prostitutes, for the cannibal with an environmental conscience.
    GOOSE STEPPIN’ FETCHIT
    Last week, to mark the conclusion of the High Holy Days, the ghost of Hitler materialized to tell the Jews to Sukkot long, Sukkot hard.
    High Holy Days? More like Heil Holy Days.
    First, a former TMZ staffer claimed that in an unaired 2018 interview, Kanye West professed his admiration for Hitler. While this may not seem out of character considering Kanye’s recent “tomorrow the world” tour in which he’s brought his unique brand of Otto-tuned anti-Jewishness to podcasts and talk shows, in fact rumor has it that Kanye once had a major beef with Hitler for trying to annex Kim Kardashian’s ass for lebensraum.
    Next, the usual suspects condemned Donald Trump as “Hitler” for social media posts in which he ordered “U.S. Jews” to “get their act together,” which leftists interpreted as a threat but which was more likely a confused demand for the return of the Ritz Brothers.
    Not to be outdone, conservative org Accuracy in Media (AIM) drove a digitally animated sieg-heiling Hitler truck through Berkeley, Calif., to show support for Israel. When enraged (and confused) Jews began pelting the truck with rocks, the AIM staffers realized that maybe it’s finally time to stop taking advice from Frank Luntz. At least the Hitler truckers made it out alive; the AIM activists driving the Klanmobile through Oakland weren’t so lucky.
    Lastly, England’s Channel 4 drew criticism for purchasing one of Hitler’s paintings (his 1912 masterwork Jude Descending a Staircase) for a live TV program in which the audience will vote on whether to destroy it. Rabbi Marvin Hier of the Simon Wiesenthal Center condemned Channel 4 for “trivializing the Holocaust.” He then retreated to the Museum of Tolerance gift shop to restock the “Boo-chenwald” Halloween costumes and Zyklondike ice cream bars.
    That was a lot of Hitler for one week. Next week: the annual NAACP Emmett Till-a-thon.
    FLOYD THE BARBITURATE
    Speaking of Kanye…
    In 1785, Ben Franklin wrote, “It is better 100 guilty Persons should escape than that one innocent Person should suffer.”
    Lesser-known but far more prescient is the sentence that followed: “Unless black people are burning down the nation, in which case, put any innocent guy behind bars if it’ll save the Walgreens.”
    Last week Kanye took a break from blaming the Jews for killing the Humpty Dance guy to announce on a podcast that George Floyd died from a fentanyl overdose. This outrageous, appalling claim is backed by nothing except hard scientific evidence, meaning it must be false.
    While the podcast hosts quickly pulled the episode out of a sense of duty (the duty to not be immolated by a mob of ghetto thugs), Floyd’s family members, grieving all the way to the Swiss bank, announced that they’re filing a $250 million lawsuit against West for defaming the memory of the Fentle Giant.
    According to the Floyd estate’s attorneys, along with defamation, the family is suing for “harassment, misappropriation, and infliction of emotional distress,” the latter resulting from a fear that West’s comments might prompt people to actually read the coroner’s report.
    In a heartwarming act of solidarity, BLM offered to cheer the family up by burning down an old white lady’s house, but even that was no balm for the pain caused by an accurate reading of a medical document.
    According to all parties in the suit, an out-of-court compromise might be possible: Both sides would sack Beverly Hills again, allowing West to get some payback against the Jews, and giving the aggrieved family members the opportunity to grab as many Nikes as they can carry.
    Can’t we all just loot along?
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment

  30. #236
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-214/

    October 29, 2022

    The Week That Perished
    photo credit: Bigstock
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    The Week’s Most Randying, Bandying, and Halloween Candying Headlines

    HAPPY HITLERWEEN!
    With Halloween parties and trick-or-treating back in full-swing post-pandemic, the woke scribes who make a living telling white folks how to dress for the season are back too, to tell you what costumes to avoid.

    Sesali Bowen is Refinery29’s in-house Halloween decolonizer. Proprietor of BadFatBlackGirl.com, Bowen is a one-woman supply-chain crisis, leaving supermarket shelves barren of candy every October (and the rest of the year).

    She’s so black and massive, her Halloween costume is “the universe before the Big Bang.”

    This week, she released her No. 1 Halloween no-no for whitey, No alteration of skin color or hairstyle: “If you can’t pull off the costume with the skin and hair that you currently have, pick something else.”

    No widow’s peak? Lay off that Dracula outfit!

    Bowen commands whites to examine their “relationship to the culture that’s being referenced in your costume,” and “stay in your lane.”

    Almost sounds like permission to embrace white nationalism for Halloween.

    Forget “almost.” Another rotund black woman in a year-round Grimace costume, Sassy Latte over at CafeMom, straight-out commands whites to only dress up as “your own Eurocentric history.”

    Absolute genius! “Eurocentrism” as the key to anti-racism. So, white people, get those King Leopold costumes ready, and really play the part: Seize everyone else’s candy and make it yours. Grab your Master Race-inets, add another “K” to your Kit Kat, and slap a yellow star on those Jewnior Mints.

    It’s your Candymanifest Destiny.

    CHANCE THE GARBLER
    John Fetterman’s debate performance last week left no doubt that the bizarre-looking Democrat isn’t right in the cue ball. Halting and monosyllabic, Fetterman did little to instill confidence (his aides blamed the poor showing on his electronic captioning device, which, they claim, accidentally played a nonstop loop of the Jetsons song “Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah”).

    Rushing in to save “Goomba from the Mario Brothers movie,” MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell delivered a lengthy monologue about how having a stroke is actually good, because Churchill had one and he defeated Hitler, and Roosevelt had a brain hemorrhage and he ended the Depression (in fact, Churchill did have a stroke at the end of his wildly unpopular final term as prime minister, and it killed his political career).

    Who can forget brain-injured FDR’s inspiring words from Dec. 7, 1941: “Today is a day that will glivst im blinklammby.”

    Hopefully, Democrat politicos will show commitment to the bit and invite constituents to beat them over the head with heavy objects so they can all join the stroke club. A Fetterman win would almost be worth it if it leads to Americans being able to go Three Stooges on the Squad.

    O’Donnell lamented that unlike in olden times, when politicians could hide their strokes, paralysis, hemorrhages, and spastic colons, today it’s almost impossible to keep such infirmities from public view. If only voters would just shut up and not look!

    Funny enough, Populace, a D.C. think tank, released a study last week confirming that voters have been so bullied by the press and Big Tech, they no longer feel comfortable expressing their political views in public. So even though voters can no longer be shielded from the sight of gibbering mouth-breathers like Fetterman, Biden, and Harris, they can at least be bullied into silence about it.

    As stroked-out Churchill famously said in June 1940, “We shall shrite them on the gleeches.”

    REAPING UP WITH THE JONESES
    It was a very odd false flag. According to Alex Jones and his “expert,” “Dr.” James Fetzer, the Sandy Hook massacre was a hoax perpetrated by the Obama administration as a pretext for ending the Second Amendment. But in fact, not only was the Second not ended, thanks to the current SCOTUS, it was strengthened.

    “As stroked-out Churchill famously said in June 1940, ‘We shall shrite them on the gleeches.’”
    Jones and Fetzer, on the other hand, are quite ended, hit with massive judgments from civil suits brought by the parents of Sandy Hook victims.

    Oh, the irony! Two men done in by the very hoax they tried to expose; a hoax that would’ve actually done no harm had they not spoken of it. Americans still got their guns, whereas Jones and Fetzer don’t got their money.

    For Fetzer’s part, the little setback of the civil judgment won’t stop him from exposing conspiracies that don’t accomplish the things they’re supposed to. His current “best-seller” offered by Moon Rock Books (established to expose the moon landings as fake) alleges that the Parkland shooting was a hoax perpetrated to stop Florida from voting GOP in 2018.

    Okay, is it really worth it to continually risk lawsuits by exposing hoaxes that never do the things they’re supposed to do? These are the most incompetent false flags ever! They actually accomplish the opposite of what the perpetrators desire: The Second Amendment’s expanded and Florida’s gone red.

    So if nobody’s actually killed in these fake shootings, why bother bringing them up? Let the crisis actors have their summer (bump) stock; just stop paying attention, right?

    Unless people like Jones and Fetzer aren’t really interested in exposing “the truth” as much as they just want to sell books. And if the recent billion-dollar judgment against Jones, and the possible $2.5 trillion punitive judgment sought by the families, has taught these super-truthers anything, it’s that the term “public figure” exists for a reason.

    Buzz Aldrin? Harrison Schmitt? Say what you want about those guys; they have to take it. But leave parents of murdered kids alone.

    Keep shooting for the moon, Jones and Fetzer. Unlike those lying crisis-astronauts, one day you might reach it.

    WAIVE YOUR BANNERS
    Orwell wrote, “If you want a picture of the future, imagine Rebecca Klar’s boot stamping on the ashes of your grandma—forever.”

    That might not be the real quote, but who needs standards of accuracy? Certainly not Rebecca Klar, tech reporter at The Hill. Ms. Klar is the Gen Z future of journalism…as frightening a notion as anything in Orwell’s oeuvre.

    Klar once bragged on Twitter about having gone to Auschwitz to “stand on the ashes of our ancestors” (oh, that Gen Z and its TikTok fads). A vegan with a lifelong Justin Bieber obsession and deep thoughts about Taylor Swift (“everytime taylor performs at one of these thigns eveyroen says she cnt sing. like $#@! you! hwo cares wat u thin!”), Klar graduated from Binghamton University in 2017 with a BA in “rhetoric” (a degree that comes in two-ply for maximum comfort when wiping).

    Last week, Klar took the vegan gluten-free fair-trade free-range doobie from her mouth and banged out a masterpiece about the dangers of the new trend in which “billionaires are buying, creating and investing in social media apps.”

    Wait, wasn’t that already a thing? Zuckerberg, Dorsey? Aren’t they billionaires? Didn’t they own social media apps?

    Please! As one of Klar’s “experts” points out, those billionaires are “trustworthy.” The ones to worry about are (in Klar’s words) the “right-wingers.” Musk, Thiel. They’re, like, totally not trustworthy! Why, they might’ve actually allowed discussion of the Hunter Biden laptop story. So fcuk thenmn; hwo cares wat thye thinc!

    Meanwhile, as Musk takes the reins at Twitter, the platform’s career censors, the shadowbanners who sit around all day waiting to suspend anyone who believes in biological sex, have penned an open letter “demanding” that Musk not fire them, because if Twitter users get to openly express their views, it’ll be bad for “the public conversation.”

    “If you allow people to converse it’ll end conversing as we know it! The best conversations are the ones where nobody converses.”

    The odds of Musk being moved by that open letter are about as good as the odds of trannies remaining on Twitter once people are free to point out that they’re just ugly dudes in lipstick.

    Still, if the open letter doesn’t impress Musk, perhaps Rebecca Klar can get through to him with the wit and clarity that’s her trademark: “Fkuc yu, Elwon, eveyoen htaes you, d’ton fier th bnaners.”

    BEER HALL PUTZ
    Call it “Night of the Long Teeth.” A 75-year-old grandma was arrested in Saxony last week for trying to single-handedly overthrow the German government and reinstall the Kaiser. The old kroner’s plot was simple: blow up a power station, cause a blackout, and, in the ensuing chaos, topple the government.

    Okay, kaboomer.

    According to German authorities, the stoopin’führer, identified in the German press as “Elisabeth R.,” was arrested under the Night and Fogy Decree. Investigators say they found Axis memorabilia in her home. She told police her goal in life was to plan a coup even more retarded than Mishima’s.

    Geezer Braun is being held in the notorious Fossilburg concentration camp (it was either that or Biddy-Belsen). In keeping with its policy of banning all speech and symbols associated with nationalists, the German government has ordered all copies of Titanic to have the old lady edited out, and 10 years in prison will be the fate of any German who says, “Where’s the beef?”

    Yet that wasn’t the dumbest “old Nazi” story last week. That award goes to disgraced actor Kevin Spacey, who took the stand at his sexual-assault civil trial and blamed his love of molesting boys on the fact that his father was a Nazi.

    Apparently, Spacey’s dad encouraged him to form his own Dirlewanger Brigade in order to properly administer his jugendmannschaft to a kindertransport.

    That would explain Spacey’s early musical endeavor, Boys II Mengele.

    Spacey’s “I fondle boys because my dad was Hitler” defense (a.k.a. “Soup Nazi to nuts”) totally worked; he was acquitted. Word is, he’s on his way to South America to stage a real-life reboot of Boys From Brazil.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  31. #237
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-215/

    The Week’s Most Glowering, Empowering, and Gain-an-Houring Headlines
    COUNTING (JIM) CROWS
    Orwell was a genius. Prescient, prophetic, a visionary.
    Well, in everything but title choices. Because while you’ve certainly heard of 1984 and Animal Farm, it’s less likely you’ve ever come across his 1939 essay “Not Counting *******.”
    Gee, wonder why nobody’s made that one into a movie (well, give Tarantino time…).
    “Not Counting *******” is Orwell’s screed against the hypocrisy of British anti-fascists, who in 1939 were screaming “democracy” and “freedom” while ignoring the millions of darkies oppressed by the Empire.

    It’s a fine essay, if you get past the title or at least replace the hard-r with an a (although “Not Counting Niggas” is already taken; it’s a rap group comprised of math-illiterate students from Detroit public schools).
    Orwell, a consummate journalist, would surely find humor in the fact that today’s journalists are literally “counting *******.” In the wake of Elon Musk’s takeover of Twitter, major news organs like Forbes, The Washington Post, and NPR have assigned reporters to count every tweeted “n-word” since Musk took charge.
    “Use of the n-word on the app spiked nearly 500 percent over the 12 hours after Musk’s deal was finalized,” cried the WaPo. The Michael Richardsing of Twitter has gotten so bad, the Biden administration is exploring options for *****ing—sorry, LGBTQing—the deal. The Treasury Department is looking into whether Musk’s ties to foreign governments could be used to reverse the purchase.
    Last week Musk declared that he’s standing by the site’s leftist “head of integrity,” Yoel Roth, who likens Republicans to Nazis. Roth insists that “hateful” accounts will continue to be banned.
    Just not ones that use the “n-word.”
    Never forget that Musk is a troll by nature, and the best troll on rightists would be to allow moronic “n-word” tweets while keeping highbrow intellectual race-realists like Jared Taylor banned. Today’s rightists put a lot of faith in billionaire genies, often forgetting that those “three wishes” tales always have ironic twist endings.

    KOSTÜMKAMPF
    Adolf Hitler walks into a bar. An old Jew approaches him.
    “Hey, Mista Goosestep, how’s about you buy me a drink?”
    Shocked, Hitler replies, “Buy you a drink? You? A swinish Jew? That’ll be the day.”
    Turning to the other bar patrons, the Jew announces, “Look who’s too cheap to buy somebody a drink! The führer’s a cheapskate!”
    “Cheap?” replies Hitler. “I’ll show you cheap. I’ll buy everybody in this bar but you the finest whiskey. Hell, I won’t just buy them a glass; I’ll buy each one a bottle. And I’ll force you to watch as they drink.”

    Hitler tells the bartender to give bottles of the most expensive whiskey to the patrons. The tab is astronomical, but Hitler happily pays.


    “There,” he says to the Jew. “Who’s the cheapskate now?”
    The Jew starts laughing uncontrollably.
    “What’s so funny, you old bastard?” Hitler asks.
    The Jew replies, “I’m the owner, you schmuck.”
    That Jew was Solomon Feinblatz. His last words before being shot were, “It was woith it.”
    It was a Hitlery Halloween this year, as the long-dead dictator made several high-profile appearances at shindigs around the country. And yes, Hitler did walk into a bar—a Manhattan wiseacre in a Hitler costume went (Wilhelm) Frick-or-treating at a posh SoHo pub. Facing hostile patrons and staff, the anschlush was quickly evacuated to the East (Village).
    Meanwhile, in Wisconsin, a worker from the Madison Children’s Museum thought it would be a hoot to go Treblinka-treating on the U Wisconsin campus. Turns out the man is mentally handicapped, and he thought his costume was making fun of the führer, not celebrating him.
    The unfortunate Rein Man, who’d eked out a bare existence over the past ten years by working at the museum as part of its hire-the-handicapped program, was quickly fired thanks to demands from local Jewish groups. Because starving the disabled is a great way to prove you’re anti-Nazi.
    Madison Jews win this year’s Irony Cross.
    A ROSENFELD BY ANY OTHER NAME
    As Madison Jews were winning the war against Simple Jackboot, over in London, theater fairies were showing how to really combat anti-Semitism: by excluding Jews!
    The Icarus Theatre Collective is staging a version of Romeo and Juliet set in Nazi Germany. In this “brilliant” reimagining, Romeo is a Hitler Youth and Juliet is a persecuted Jew.
    In Shakespeare’s original, the Montagues and Capulets were equally at fault for their misfortune. So right there you have a small problem with the Icarus production: The Third Reich and Germany’s Jews weren’t exactly equals in the fight.
    But amazingly, that isn’t the production’s biggest problem. This is: The casting call for the actors stated “no Jews allowed.”
    Sorry, Jews, you’re not victim enough for a play about Jewish victimization. The producers were only looking for “non-binary artists, and/or those of global majority, black or Asian heritage.”
    Yes, while Kanye and Kyrie make headlines in the U.S. by declaring that blacks are the real Jews, the British theater went one better by declaring that everyone but Jews are the real Jews.
    A “global majority” African is far more Jewish than Jerry Seinfeld could ever be: “What’s the deal with Ebola? Vomiting and diarrhea? I mean, come on. Pick an orifice and stick with it.” And who better to play a Jew than a nonbinary trans-femme Chinawoman? Besides, you can’t tell an Asian to stay in their lane. Haven’t you ever seen them drive?
    After receiving complaints from British Jewish organizations, Icarus backpedaled, claiming the original casting notice was a “mistake.” A new casting call went out seeking a Juliet “preferably from a Jewish background.”
    Or at least with a Jewish name. Will Whoopi Goldberg do? America would be happy to see her go.
    “THERE ZE IS, ZIRS AMERICA”
    Beauty pageants have come a long way. Back in 1980, a young born-again Christian named Cheryl Prewitt was crowned Miss America. Prewitt had a truly inspiring tale: As a child, she’d suffered sexual assault and a near-fatal car accident (never hire Ted Kennedy as a sitter). As a result of the accident, her mangled left leg ended up being two inches shorter than her right.
    When she was a teen, Prewitt attended a tent revival in Jackson, Mississippi, where the preacher laid hands on her and prayed to Jesus to grow her leg. “I sat and watched my leg grow out instantaneously two inches,” Prewitt told the AP (the preacher went on to become in-house chaplain of the West Hollywood YMCA).
    Reporters mercilessly mocked Prewitt’s story. Imagine, thinking you can grow a leg just by the power of prayer.
    How ridiculous!
    And how times have changed. Last week, the Miss Universe pageant was bought by a tranny Thai-coon named Chakrapong Chakrajutathib (his mom named him by shaking a Boggle tray). Chakakhan Chalkaratatatat was born a man but claims he transformed into a woman by the power of thought. And now he goes by “Anne,” and nobody in the media questions it, because whereas the notion of Jesus growing a leg by two inches is ridiculous, the idea that a male can wish himself female is science!
    The same press orgs that viciously attacked Prewitt—deeming her a “danger to the nation” by spreading “fundamentalism”—are now applauding Chickenpong Chickpeajub for “her” bravery, as they celebrate her “fundamentalism.”
    To be fair, as a Thai, Chittybangbang wasn’t dimorphic to begin with. Still, questions remain about the extent to which the pageant will change now that it’s run by a shemale. With standards of female beauty abandoned and female identity denied, 2023 might be the year Brian Stelter makes his big comeback…in a tiara.
    SOUTHERN HEMISFEAR
    There’s never a reason for people in the U.S. to follow South American politics. Regardless of which party wins, which ideology, which strongman, which junta, the result is always the same: caravans crashing our border.
    A right-winger becomes presidente? Nonbinary BIPOCs head north to escape “persecution.” A left-winger wins? Starving peons trek north to escape famine.
    In Brazil last week someone named Lula beat someone named Bolsonaro, and supporters of the latter are rioting in the streets out of sheer embarrassment that their guy got beaten by a dude named “Lula.” Bolsonaro has refused to concede, and in the resulting melees, supporters of both candidates are kicking each other in the balls-and-nardos, like any of it matters.
    The only people concerned about Brazil are the foreign pedos who made the effort to learn Portuguese to better facilitate their hookups.
    Meanwhile, in Venezuela, you’d think the president there is Joe Biden. Inflation’s soared 359 percent over the past month, leaving many essentials, like food and María Conchita Alonso albums, out of reach of the average Venezuelan.
    And of course, millions of Venezuelans are making plans to venture north, thanks to the Democrats and their wide-open border and Republicans who’ve embraced the bizarre notion that a flood of Hispanic immigrants can save their party.
    So who cares about Brazilian elections or Venezuelan inflation? One way or another, these people are gonna be your new neighbors. One-fifth of all Venezuelans have already fled their country. Last week a bunch of these “dreamers” attempted to swarm U.S. border guards in El Paso; carrying a giant Venezuelan flag (because they’re “natural Republicans”), the blight brigade charged the guards, who responded with “pepper balls”—tiny projectiles filled with spicy powder.

    Yeah, exactly the way to repel people who wean their babies on tiger peppers.
    Might as well hand out plantains, too; these new cheap laborers will work better on a full stomach.
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment

  32. #238
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-216/

    The Week’s Most Perming, Squirming, and Midterming Headlines
    GUNFIGHT AT THE O.G. CORRAL
    In The Little Mermaid, Hans Christian Andersen described Ariel as “white,” with “pale skin” and “blue eyes.” The character was specifically Caucasian; after all, she could swim.
    Plus, that time she was given cold fries at the Mariana Trench McDonald’s, she didn’t shoot the singing lobster who served her.
    When Disney announced that the new live-action Ariel would be black, leftists rejoiced at the trashing of Andersen’s vision. After all, he was probably a racist who injected Tuskegee Airmen with syphilis and killed Emmett Till with Bubba Wallace’s noose (MSNBC can confirm both of those stories).
    And anyway, made-up is made-up. It ain’t like mermaids are real.

    But Butch Cassidy was. The Old West outlaw was as real and as white as they come, but that hasn’t stopped Amazon from greenlighting a new streaming series starring black actor Regé-Jean Page as Butch.
    Leftists have been silent on the blacking-up of this decidedly nonfictional character (a move that’s a direct violation of Amazon Studios’ “stay-in-your-lane” diversity codes).
    In fact, Black Butch isn’t the only race-traded Western currently being prepped by the streamers. Netflix is working on an all-black iteration of Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, in which the combatants fire over 300 shots at each other without anyone’s opponent being hit (but ten children playing on nearby front porches are struck dead).
    Hulu is finishing a black version of High Noon, where neither the marshal nor the outlaws show up for the showdown because they overslept, and the LGBT-friendly Transman Who Shot Liberty Valance, with a reimagined gunfight climax:
    “Valance, I’m callin’ you out!”
    “Well, you should be callin’ me ma’am!”

    KILLIGAN’S ISLAND
    White leftists have a habit of idealizing Third World savagery. Take the Trobriand Islands. This tropical paradise, a brief boat trip from Papua (if only New Guineans could build boats), is known by leftists as the “island of love.” Trobriand is ruled by women. For men, their sole job is the sexual satisfaction of the female. Sex is noncommittal, as the Trobriands have yet to comprehend the sex/birth connection. The islanders believe that babies come from magic rituals (behold the result of 100 percent nonwhite female domination of STEM); sex is just for fun.
    But before you start planning that trip, be aware that the “fun” only extends to the females. Here’s a description of a typical night out for the ladies:
    A band of women undress the male, defecate and micturate all over his body, try to masturbate him, and, if he fails to have an erection, torture his genitals with a special string around his testicles and penis. They carry him into their village like a pig, wildly tearing at the strings strung around his genitals.
    This ritual is also known as date night for AOC and her boyfriend.
    For decades, Trobriand has been lauded by feminists as a paradise where “women rule the roost.” And torture the cock.

    An island where women routinely sexually humiliate men. What could possibly go wrong?
    No one knows what sparked it—maybe Chris Brown was visiting on vacation, maybe an Ike Turner album washed ashore, or maybe one dude finally had enough of that sonofabitchin’ penis string—but last week there was a massacre on Trobriand. Scores dead. Turns out you can torture some of the genitals all of the time, and all of the genitals some of the time, but eventually, even the most primitive caveman is going to tire of aching balls.
    Word has it that the island’s surviving women have hired Amber Heard’s attorney to represent them. And Hollywood’s halted production on a big-budget biopic of the island’s leaders, which was to star Stacey Abrams (who needs the work) as the queen and Kevin Hart as a sore gonad.
    DRAG RACIST
    In this week’s “things to frighten small children” news, Canada’s Drag Race, the Canuck offshoot of RuPaul’s Drag Race, will feature its first-ever world leader. Last season the show hosted New Zealand’s Jacinda Ardern, but that was only because the producers mistakenly believed that the skeletal horse-faced tyrant was actually a man in drag.


    This year, the show’s doing it right: Canada’s pouty, tantrum-throwing man-child Justin Trudeau will be a guest. And why not? Trudeau might as well be a drag queen himself. He loves dressing up in garish, ridiculous costumes to “fit in” while touring Third World nations (although he often gets the local customs wrong, like that time in Uttar Pradesh when he became so crisscrossed about cultural norms, he burned his poop and dumped his bride on the sidewalk).
    Trudeau also loves spastic dancing. Video of Trudeau gracelessly cutting a rug like a rabid weasel was recently used by opponents of Montana’s “save brain-damaged babies” ballot initiative as an example of what happens when the severely retarded are not put out of their misery early on.
    But most of all, Trudeau loves donning heavy makeup. Blackface, specifically. And what better way to honor a TV franchise started by a black shemale than to host a prime minister who loves covering his face with shoe polish and singing “Mammy”?
    When dudes who wear blackface are repeatedly rewarded—some becoming prime minister, others getting their own late-night show—it becomes harder to tell teens to can the minstrel act. Police in Cedar City, Utah, recently wrapped their investigation into three white high school students who dressed as black convicts for Halloween. The three unwise men were stopped by police as they visited a local Walmart (apparently, the black makeup was so convincing it set off the store’s shoplifting alarms).
    Following community outcry from the town’s black residents (sorry, “resident”), police searched for grounds to charge the Jolson Tabernacle Choir. But last week the cops had to grudgingly admit that blackface isn’t against the law.
    In fact, not only aren’t the teens going to jail, they just received an invitation to host the Oscars alongside Jimmy Kimmel.
    FROM COVID ZERO TO COVID HERO
    If the “mandatory masking” nutcases in politics and the media are in agreement on one thing, it’s that China does Covid-fighting right. Because who better to know how to fight a virus than the disease-spawning automatons who created it?
    “Zero Covid!” That’s China’s policy. Mandatory masks, and lockdowns that consist of people being welded into their homes by local gestapo.
    Except, for some odd reason, China keeps suffering outbreaks. Even with measures that would make Mao himself go, “Dude, ease up,” the Chins can’t seem to rid themselves of the disease they caused. They’re as good at getting rid of Covid as Tom is at getting rid of Jerry. Sometimes firing a bazooka at a mouse is overkill…kind of like sealing thousands of humans into tombs to prevent them from spreading a survivable disease.

    Last week in Mongolia, a 55-year-old mother named Wang jumped to her death from the window of her apartment, unable to take the stress of having been forcibly locked inside for over a month. The Mongolian’s beef stemmed from the fact that she had severe anxiety disorder, and the suffocating claustrophobia was driving her mad.
    As Wang went flaccid on a Mongolian sidewalk, in the U.S. a new study in The New England Journal of Medicine argued that “universal masking” in schools should never be ended, because it’s “useful for mitigating effects of structural racism in schools.” Because how can white kids be racist to their black schoolmates if nobody can see anybody’s face?
    The authors of the study claim that universal masking of children can end “settler colonialism” and “racial capitalism.”
    Maybe the Chinese don’t have it entirely wrong. Some people do deserve to be welded into tombs as part of a nation’s Covid response. Doing so to the authors of that study would, without question, make the world a happier and healthier place.
    GENERATION ZONKED
    The online scientific journal StudyFinds wanted to conduct an exhaustive investigation into the fragile mindset of Zoomers. It’s said that members of Generation Z, who’ve endured so much in their short lives—Covid, lockdowns, recession, riots, and Amy Schumer—have gone screwy in the head. They’re racked with anxiety. They’re emotionally fragile. They’re so tightly wound that even the smallest shock can break their minds.
    So who did StudyFinds send to conduct a survey of mentally unstable Gen-Z’ers?
    Star correspondent Benjamin Fearnow!
    Because if there’s one phone call a pathologically frightened, panicked, rattled, drugged-out, nonfunctional, fragile-brained child will accept, it’s from a stranger named Fearnow.
    And what Fearnow found is that 42 percent of Zoomers are “dealing with a mental health condition.” These conditions include “anxiety, depression, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder from the pandemic.”
    57 percent of Gen Z is medicated. And that’s just on prescription stuff. Fearnow didn’t ask about pot, but that would probably register at 100 percent.
    A majority of Zoomers interviewed for the study expressed a reluctance to enter the workforce; respondents blamed previous generations for not “setting them up for success.” Those same respondents then texted DoorDash to get a fresh delivery of weed with the money they made from playing videogames on Twitch.
    Life for a Zoomer is hard! Female TikTokers have to learn how to wink, stick their tongue out, and give the middle finger all at once. Let’s see if the WWII generation could do that.
    StudyFinds attempted a follow-up survey in which the most mentally unstable respondents would be asked more specific questions regarding their mindset, but the reporters assigned to that story, Samuel Murdermann and Philip Nightmaredemon, couldn’t get anyone to call them back.
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment

  33. #239
    The Week That Perished

    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-217/

    Takimag

    November 20, 2022

    The Week’s Most Romping, Stomping, and Turkey-Chomping Headlines

    UNKINDERTRANSPORT

    Not since the Holocaust or the Seinfeld finale have Jews had such a bad week.

    First, there was Dave Chappelle, who surprised everybody in the world except anyone who knows Dave Chappelle by making fun of Kanye, Kyrie, and the Jews when he hosted SNL. Chappelle joked that “the Jews run Hollywood” is not a crazy thing to think, but “a crazy thing to say out loud.”

    That was too much for the ADL’s Comedy Commissar Jonathan Greenblatt, who lashed out at Chappelle for “popularizing antisemitism.”

    Greenblatt told the JTA that Chappelle could’ve done a less offensive act, like smashing watermelons. “After all, Gallagher doesn’t need the mallet anymore,” Greenblatt said. “Plus, Chappelle could’ve eaten the leftovers.”

    SNL vowed to continue the season, even after Chappelle’s comedy Chelmno.

    As Lorne Michaels told Variety, “the Shoah must go on.”

    Meanwhile, in Chicago, a Sun-Times headline read “Men stormed bus carrying Jewish grade school children, yelled slurs, gave Hitler salute, Jewish group says.”

    According to the Simon Wiesenthal Center, Nazi thugs blockaded a Jewish school bus in broad daylight, forcing their way in and terrorizing the children before declaring “this is MAGA country” and flying out the window.

    The SWC was already breaking ground on a museum to commemorate the atrocity when police viewed the bus security camera. Turns out the kids had been taunting a fat pedestrian for looking like a “mafia guy.” So fatso bombatso stepped into the bus to yell “ayyy, watcha whattya say” at the kids, who continued laughing at him. No Nazis, no slurs, no sieg heil, just an angry fat Italian who should’ve been riding the gabagoolbus.

    Josef Mengele? More like Josef Mangia-le.

    As their Kristallnacht turned into Kristallnicht, the SWC could only sit back and watch another potential revenue stream go up in smoke like Jay Leno’s eyebrows.

    CHURLED CUP

    There’s a terrible movie director (as in, a terrible director of terrible movies) named Dave DeCoteau. His shtick is that he pronounces his name in a way that nobody would guess from the spelling. Most people instinctively say “de-koh-toe,” which is the proper French. But he pronounces it “dakota,” just so he can correct and humiliate people, to establish dominance in a meeting.

    DeCoteau’s a jerk. So’s Qatar, a nation that literally dares you to mispronounce its name as kah-tar just to smarmily correct you. They claim it’s pronounced “kudder,” but probably that’s a put-on (there are even YouTube vids by condescending Qataris claiming that Westerners lack the verbal skill to speak the name properly).

    For some odd reason, foreigners are reluctant to visit a nation where the people are so dickish. So “Kudder” lobbied hard for the privilege of hosting the 2022 World Cup, because then people would have to visit.

    Qatar is like software so despised it has to sneak in as an add-on for a popular download. Qatar is Ask Toolbar, if Ask Toolbar hated women and gays.

    After promising every FIFA leader an endless supply of human-trafficked sex slaves, Qatar won the prestigious role of first Middle Eastern nation to host the Cup. And now the world is finding out why it’s a first. 118°F temps don’t go well with outdoor sports (Qatari weathermen gauge the temperature on a Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark face-melting scale).

    In Qatar homosexuality is illegal (as are uncovered female heads). So how are the enlightened nations of the West dealing with that? Well, the U.S. team changed its American flag insignia to a rainbow!

    That’ll show ’em! “Hah, we debased our own flag so it resembles something Rip Taylor would wear during Pride Week! Who looks like the idiot now?”

    Even before the games began, kooky Kudders were already roughing up foreigners. So for the athletes who manage to survive the heat and the hate, this might end up being the one sporting event where a participation trophy actually means something.

    HOCUS BOKUS

    Of course, bad as Qatar is, if you have AC and if you hate promiscuity in women but adore it in sheep, it’s livable. The same can’t be said for Nigeria. Nigeria practically defines unlivable. Indeed, it’s not so much a nation as a giant petri dish; the place is awash in so many deadly diseases, Nigerian coroners don’t fill out reports for cadavers but bingo cards.

    Coroner No. 1: “Malaria, cholera, polio, rabies, Ebola…bingo!”

    Coroner No. 2: “You won?”

    Coroner No. 1: “No, the dead guy’s name is Bingo. My card had meningitis, AIDS, monkeypox, dengue, and Zika.”

    And to plagues, add poverty. Nigeria doesn’t even have enough of an economy to be in shambles. Something has to exist before it can be shambolic. All Nigeria has is a bunch of guys running internet scams on American boomers, and for most Nigerians that doesn’t produce enough income to keep a roof over their head.

    Which is actually good, because Nigerians can’t build roofs. Literally, buildings collapse every day.

    Add the fact that Islamic terrorist group Boko Harem murders thousands of Nigerians a year for handling the Koran with unclean hands (because in a nation where everyone lives in their own dung, clean hands don’t exist), and frankly, when a Nigerian child dies, it’s rarely a mystery.

    Disease? Starvation? Roof collapse? Terrorist attack? Hell, the amazing thing about Nigeria is that so many children don’t die.

    So last week, when the children of Boko leader Ali Guyile croaked, surely the terrorist chief understood that the deaths could’ve been caused by any number of factors.

    Nope, he blamed witchcraft. And he had his men round up forty local women and execute them.

    When asked by reporters if that was a bit rash, Guyile replied, “Listen, Jack, those witches were doin’ malarkey. C’mon, man, there was this one witch, Coven Pop, who was a bad voodude.”

    Guyile was then appointed Boston Medical’s chief of surgery. A statement from the hospital read, “Look, we already believe you can magically turn men into women. Is this any worse?”

    GASSIE COME HOME

    Before YouTube, if you wanted to watch a dog fart itself awake, you had to buy a dog, keep a watchful eye as it slept, and hope you got lucky.

    Primitive times indeed.

    These days, videos of dogs farting themselves awake (and farting at cats, and farting at anything) are at our fingertips 24/7. But it turns out those videos, formerly thought to be funny, aren’t funny at all. Those flatulent hounds are killing us with their poots. The entire planet is going up in a puff like, well, like a dog fart.

    Scientists who are either bored or possessed of a very bizarre fetish have been studying dog farts. Why? Because scientists are tasked with addressing an existential crisis of unthinkable magnitude. No, not “climate change.” Grant money! There’s just not enough to go around, and the scientist who’s not making headlines every month with some new climate scheme might not get his fill.

    So these NGO welfare queens have announced that dogs are gassing up the planet somethin’ awful via the food they eat, comprised of meat and vegetables. This diet causes the emission of “greenhouse gasses” during production and “farty gasses” after digestion.

    A recent CNN piece details how scientists are trying to develop “lab-grown” synthetic food for Rover and Spot, and considering the fact that dogs will eat dookie, it’s probably not the most difficult task to find unappetizing things for them to consume.

    Some scientists have gone so far as to construct a “dog farting suit” that neutralizes canine emissions (now if only they could build one for Michael Moore).

    And if you think dogs in stink-suits is a bridge too fart, CNN reports that climate experts are also lobbying to eliminate meat-based cat food. And since cats are obligate carnivores, that would basically mean starving to death every domestic cat in the world.

    Again, something that should be tried first with Michael Moore.

    THE DRAPE OF YOU-ROPE-AH

    Blacks vs. string: The struggle continues.

    Two additional fronts opened last week in the ongoing war between rappers and rope, cornrows and cordage, Antwon and twine.

    In Raleigh, a “noose” was found draped over a tree outside an apartment complex, causing the residents to cower in fear like Bubba Wallace when he looks at his shoelaces.

    One resident told WRAL, “It was very uncomfortable to see, especially in this day in age.”

    As opposed to the “day in age” when the Klan actually was lynching blacks. Nooses were apparently less scary then.

    Turns out the frayed knot was just a dog leash. Why it was draped over a tree is unknown, but the most likely scenario is that Snoopy finally got tired of Franklin’s crap and decided to send him a message.

    At the same time, construction of the Barack Obama Presidential Center in Chicago was halted after a noose was found on site. Work was suspended and all construction employees were ordered to attend “anti-bias training,” because it’s not like there’s any recent history of Chicago noose stories turning out to be fake.

    The Obama Center will feature a host of interactive exhibits, including a Jenga game room where the tallest towers get knocked down by an animatronic Obama who yells “you didn’t build that,” a Fast & Furious simulator where you arm cartel members who gun down Juarez cops (highest score gets sealed by executive order), and the “Trayvon mirror,” where visitors win prizes if their reflection looks like if Obama had a son.

    The center is slated to open in 2025 or later, depending on how many Mexicans can be flown in to do the drywall.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  34. #240
    https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-218/

    The Week’s Most Remembered, Dismembered, and Decembered Headlines
    WOE-PENING CEREMONIES
    A dictatorship where slavery is commonplace, homosexuality is illegal, and women are subjugated, Qatar saw the World Cup as an opportunity to prove that it’s even worse than its reputation.
    The greatest minds in Qatar (five camels and a caracal) decided that creating an Olympics-style opening ceremony would be just the thing to psychologically destroy attendees to the point where they’d accept Islam to end their torment.
    The spectacle began with a white ghostlike figure in a Klan robe sweeping over the stage, a tribute to American noose hoaxes. A petite lip-synching woman joined in (correction: It was Korean boy-band superstar Jungkook). Then Morgan Freeman entered, also lip-synching (poorly) to a speech about tolerance (for everyone but gays, women, and slaves), a magical moment briefly interrupted as Qatari emir Tamim walked by to give him huge bags of cash in sacks with dollar signs on them in exchange for his soul (“Honestly,” Freeman snapped, “you couldn’t have picked a worse time”).
    Then Freeman knelt to speak with a talking soccer ball. Wait, it was actually Ghanim al-Muftah, a deformed Qatari “influencer” born with nothing below his chest (he’s the poster boy for the emirate’s campaign to promote birth control in man/sheep couplings). As Freeman tried to look comfortable sitting on the floor talking to inch-high caliphi (and here even Freeman’s talents failed him), Tamim invited the Saudi crown prince on stage, where the latter bragged about having recently beheaded four women for “sorcery.”


    Whether the heads will be used as balls in upcoming matches, the emirate has yet to say.
    Vladimir Putin told the AP, “Losing all those men in Ukraine was a small price to pay for getting banned from this dumpster fire.”
    Meanwhile, Hollywood’s planning a Shawshank Redemption reboot with Freeman reprising his role of Red and Ghanim al-Muftah as Andy. “I remember thinking it would take Andy 600 years to tunnel out of here. Turns out all I had to do was stuff him in a pillowcase and chuck him over the wall like a hammer throw. I hope he landed in the Pacific.”
    HBCU IN HELL
    Twenty-five-year-old Shanquella Robinson of Charlotte was known as the “braid queen.” When her girlfriends from their HBCU alma mater Winston-Salem State invited Her Royal Twineness to join them for a weekend in Cabo, Queen Shanquella’s noblesse oblige dictated she accept.
    Sadly, within 24 hours of landing, Robinson became the second queen to die in 2022. Her friends told authorities that Cornropatra suffered alcohol poisoning. And that claim would’ve held up had the autopsy not revealed that Her Majesty had been beaten to death (with injuries so bad, even a Mexican coroner noticed them).
    Also, the tragic black girls forgot to erase the cell-phone footage they shot of them beating Shanquella to death.

    Such irony! They would’ve gotten away with it if only they hadn’t recorded the murder and put it on TikTok. Every criminal mastermind forgets one small detail.
    Reportedly, as Queen Shanquella’s courtiers ambushed her, she turned to her friends and remarked, “Et tu, Bootay?”
    HBCU grad and self-described “sophisticated African-American male” Todd Smith told Fox News that Shanquella’s friends were jealous because she’d “blown up” and “found success” as the braid queen.
    The assassination of Frizz Ferdinand by Gavril-ho Princip.
    At Shanquella’s funeral, mourners wore “RIP Braid Queen” shirts. As for the question of who’ll reign in her place, all eyes are on Meghan Markle, who not only needs a new royal title, but proved her mettle by passing the female version of the Excalibur test by driving a sword into Prince Harry’s stones.

    MAD-HATTER TRANSFER
    At first, Colorado gay-nightclub shooter Anderson Lee Aldrich seemed like a perfect villain: a white kid whose grandpa is a prominent GOP politician. A right-wing white-cis-homophobe-transphobe mass killer! Time to pass a law making drag shows as mandatory as the vax.
    Unfortunately, Aldrich wouldn’t play ball. He told his attorneys that he’s “non-binary,” identifying as “Mx.” and using “they/them” pronouns. And as dictated by the media’s Tran Commandments (“Thou shalt not take the pronouns of the Tranny in vain”), journalists had no choice but to take the killer at his word (after all, trannies never pretend to be trans, except most of them).
    Is Aldrich trolling? He’s an obese basement-dwelling heroin-using computer nerd obsessed with anime porn. So yeah, he might be trolling. And it says a lot about our media that a lunatic can murder five people and then dictate to the press how they speak of him. CNN host Alisyn Camerota, in a discussion with Al Franken, expressed frustration with Aldrich’s gender claim, which throws a monkeypox wrench into the narrative of “antigay hate crime.”
    She also expressed frustration that Franken wouldn’t stop grabbing her boobs.
    Over at NBC, “reporter” Ben Collins, a boob of such magnitude even Franken is intimidated, shifted his tweets about the story from “right-wing homophobe murders gays” to “bullied transgender pushed too far by transphobic trolls.”
    Hopefully, Collins migrates to Mastodon, so nobody has to hear from him again.


    As for fleshy incel Aldrich, expect him to keep up the trans routine in hopes of being sent to a women’s prison, the only place on earth a guy like him will ever have the chance to see a naked woman who’s not behind a paywall.
    VERY BLACK FRIDAY
    Still reeling from the gay-nightclub disappointment, journalists spied a shot at redemption after a mass shooting at a Chesapeake Walmart. As NBC News pointed out, the killing had all the hallmarks of the time in May “when a racist white gunman shot 10 Black people dead at a grocery store in Buffalo.” After all, the Walmart’s in a black area and the survivors have names like K’Maria and Kwintessa and other words you’d expect to see on the name badges of people who roll their eyes when you ask a simple question (“I’m awn break now, n’kay?”).
    The news media’s communications-degreed infinite monkeys were poised at their keyboards, ready to bang out another “white racists must be stopped!” story to spur a few riots (because how better to mourn a mass murder at Walmart than to loot Walmart?).
    Unfortunately, word came that the murderer was the store’s disgruntled manager. Which means black, because nobody does disgruntled shooting sprees better than blacks.
    And indeed, the shooter, Andre Bing, turned out to be every reporter’s worst nightmare. According to witnesses, he burst into the break room and shot everyone he saw, which was pretty much every worker in the store, because of course they were all on break.
    Bing had a history of behavioral problems and multiple complaints that had been ignored by upper management because the new rules are you can’t fire a black person for any reason.
    Whereas conversely, you can fire a white person for no reason.
    As der Bingle brought a blight Christmas to Chesapeake, over in San Francisco, John Arntz, the city’s elections director, is about to be fired for his skin color. The Elections Commission told Arntz that even though his service has been exemplary, they’re terminating him for being white.
    If you thought that kind of discrimination is illegal, take it up with the nation’s “civil rights” lawyers.
    Oh wait, they’re on break.
    TRANSPOTTING
    If a mass-murdering incel can change gender at will, why not an entire nation?
    Twenty-seven years ago, filmgoers were treated to Danny Boyle’s Trainspotting, a gritty look at an Edinburgh crawling with addicts and thugs.
    Americans, who’d been used to movies depicting Scotland as a civilized, pastoral paradise only occasionally sullied by lake monsters or Mel Gibson’s ass, were shocked by images that made the nation look like a Third World hellhole.
    These days, Scotland can only aspire to Third World hellhole. Bonnie Alba has become Jessica Alba—beautiful a long time ago, still decent from afar, but up close, a craggy wasteland with a fried brain.
    The Scottish government is about to pass something called “self-ID,” under which women would officially cease to exist as anything but a theoretical concept. A man need only say “I’m a woman,” and he’ll be one. Self-ID doesn’t even require proof of “transitioning” or intent to “transition.”
    Just say the word, and laddie becomes lassie.
    Already in Scotland’s prisons, male inmates have begun identifying as women in order to be moved to women-only facilities. According to the Daily Express, 50 percent of the men petitioning to be transferred only “realized” they were women once they were incarcerated (when they also coincidentally realized that by simply saying “Hoot, I’m a hen,” they could get their own reluctant harem).
    Many of the male prisoners now declaring as women are sex criminals. Strikingly, there have been 6,758 allegations of sexual abuse lodged by female prisoners since 2014. More strikingly, SNP leader Sturgeon, who, like her namesake, is a bottom feeder with no vision, is cool with this.
    It would be easy to make a joke about how a nation of skirt-wearing men was always destined to go tranny, or how the Scot reputation for stinginess wasn’t supposed to apply to brain cells. But perhaps the best epitaph for once-great Scotland is a rewording of the one its native son Robert Louis Stevenson penned for himself:
    Under the wide and starry sky,
    I realized that hey, I’m not a guy!
    Do I still have a johnson? Aye, och aye,
    And I’ll get laid with it against her will.
    This be the gift Sturgeon gave to me,
    That I be a woman, yet I stand to pee.
    And for all the real women locked up with me,
    Call me ma’am as I have my fill.


    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment



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