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Thread: The Week That Perished

  1. #61
    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsmyth View Post
    Yeah. I posted an edit while you were responding.
    9/11 Thermate experiments

    Winston Churchhill on why the U.S. should have stayed OUT of World War I

    "I am so %^&*^ sick of this cult of Ron Paul. The Paulites. What is with these %^&*^ people? Why are there so many of them?" YouTube rant by "TheAmazingAtheist"

    "We as a country have lost faith and confidence in freedom." -- Ron Paul

    "It can be a challenge to follow the pronouncements of President Trump, as he often seems to change his position on any number of items from week to week, or from day to day, or even from minute to minute." -- Ron Paul
    Quote Originally Posted by Brian4Liberty View Post
    The road to hell is paved with good intentions. No need to make it a superhighway.
    Quote Originally Posted by osan View Post
    The only way I see Trump as likely to affect any real change would be through martial law, and that has zero chances of success without strong buy-in by the JCS at the very minimum.

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  3. #62
    The Week That Perished

    by Takimag

    November 03, 2019

    The Week’s Most Hateful, Fateful, and Ungrateful Headlines


    Whether or not Michelle Obama has a penis or represents some sort of evolutionary missing link is beyond the purview of this discussion. Those are both legitimate topics that deserve some journalistic deep-diving, but that’s not the topic of our discussion today.

    The topic is that this former First Lady with a posterior on which you could comfortably rest a table lamp appears to be a hypocrite of the highest order.

    At the Obama Foundation Summit—yeah, apparently that’s a thing—she decried white flight in Chicago, which apparently started around the time she and her parents moved into a mostly white neighborhood and people started vamoosing in alarm because they didn’t want to become sacrificial lambs that the elites had offered up to appease black people’s resentment for crimes that were almost exclusively perpetrated by the elites:

    There were no gang fights; there were no territorial battles. Yet one by one, they packed their bags, and they ran from us. And they left communities in shambles….Y’all were running from us, and you’re still running, because we’re no different than the immigrant families that are moving in, the families in Pilsen, the families that are coming from other places to try to do better.

    So what you’re trying to say is that the gang fights only started after the white people left, but somehow this is white people’s fault?

    Both Barack and Michelle Obama have spent most of their lives in Chicago—specifically, the South Side. In early September, it was announced that they were buying a $15-million dollar estate on Martha’s Vineyard.

    Chicago’s South Side is 93% black. Martha’s Vineyard is 3.7% black and 88.1% white.

    No further questions, Your Honor.


    We assume that the lion’s share of migrants across the globe have tremendous body odor. This may be bigoted, but we’d rather be called bigoted than have to smell a single migrant’s armpits.

    Greece, the alleged cradle of Western Civilization, is becoming one of the Third World’s primary dumpsters. The country currently suffers a backlog of roughly 70,000 asylum claims. Its legendarily beautiful islands are in danger of capsizing due to the weight of an estimated 20,000 illegal migrants.

    As officials were quietly and perhaps stealthily trying to bus nearly 400 migrants into the town of Nea Vrasna recently, they were impeded by “dozens of villagers” who formed a human shield and blocked the road, hurling rocks at buses and shouting unconscionable and deeply unmindful things such as “close the border” and “throw out illegal migrants.”

    If anyone has video footage of this event, please let us know. We’d like to combine it with a soundtrack of that song where Bob Dylan sings, “Everybody must get stoned.”


    In a purely professional sense, is it possible to be too gay?

    According to St. Louis Police Sgt. Keith Wildhaber, several officers in his department seem to think so. He claims that after applying for a promotion in 2014, a member of the Board of Police Commissioners told him that if really wanted the job, he would need to “tone down your gayness.”

    Wildhaber, who has really big and floppy ears, just walked away $19 million dollars richer and not even a smidgen less gay after suing St. Louis County for discrimination.

    During the trial, one witness alleged there’s a virulent outbreak of homophobia in the department because one policeman said that the Bible claims homosexuality is an abomination.

    But that’s exactly what the Bible says. And not only that—it mandates the death penalty for *****.

    Nineteen million dollars is quite a pretty penny for being called a fagg. Hell, for a mere thousand semolians, we’ll do the best Rip Taylor impression you’ve ever seen.


    Speaking of faggs, one of them is running for president and is currently out-polling every other Democratic candidate besides Elizabeth Warren in Iowa.

    This apparently chafes the thermal underwear of a certain Warren Hurst, a Commissioner in Sevier County, TN, home of Dollywood. Hurst looks like the type of guy who lives in the Tennessee mountains and hates sodomites while sitting on the porch and whittling wooden toys for his grandkids.

    At a recent commission meeting, Hurst said:

    It’s time we wake up people, it’s time, it’s past time. We got a queeer running for president, if that ain’t about as ugly as you can get.

    To be fair, Hubert Humphrey might have been uglier. And Abraham Lincoln’s face was known to scare horses, especially when he was clean-shaven.


    The world of sports, like the realm of intelligence testing, is a direct threat to the worldwide egalitotalitarian agenda because just like IQ tests, sports give lie to the idea that we’re all equal.

    Men routinely crush women in every athletic endeavor.

    “Trans Athletes Are Posting Victories and Shaking Up Sports,” ululated a headline on last week as if it was a good thing—and it is, but not in the way they seem to have intended:

    Transgender athletes are having a moment…. But as more transgender athletes rise to the top of their fields, some vocal opponents are also expressing outrage at what they see as transgender athletes ruining sports for cisgendered girls and women.

    No serious journalist uses the word “cisgendered,” but plenty of silly hired propagandists do.

    But male-to-female trannies are to sports what Asians are to intelligence testing. The University of California system awards admissions based on academic merit. The state is only 12% Asian, but Asians account for a robust 40% of enrollments. The playing field is equal, but the players obviously aren’t.

    Same applies to men who think they’re women and compete in women’s sports. While pretending that men are actually women because to think otherwise is to risk career suicide, the International Olympic Committee shows its hand and admits that gender is more than a social construct by imposing mandatory upper limits for testosterone levels among MTF athletes.

    Beyond that, women seem to have an innate need to feel that they’re special and deserve special treatment and extra attention, so don’t expect them to sit by placidly forever as she-males snatch all the gold medals and the glory.

    Combine the insatiable biological need of females for attention with the biological fact that the male hormone testosterone leads to superior athletic performance, and it’s only a matter of time before an army of shrieking women send all these trans athletes back to the drag-club runway.


    Richard Stengel is a former editor of TIME magazine. We had never heard of him until we ran across a recent Washington Post OpEd he did called “Why America needs a hate speech law,” and it immediately caused us to hate him.

    Yes, the First Amendment protects the “thought that we hate,” but it should not protect hateful speech that can cause violence by one group against another…. Speech doesn’t pull the trigger, but does anyone seriously doubt that such hateful speech creates a climate where such acts are more likely?

    Yes. We seriously doubt it. You know what causes violence? The conscious decision to act violently. Words do not. This is the first thing they teach you in anger-management class.

    Therefore, we recommend that Richard Stengel be sentenced to ten years of anger management.

  4. #63
    The Week That Perished

    November 10, 2019


    Anyone with a wooden nickel and two brain cells to rub together has known that this whole “environmental movement” shtick is simply another power grab designed to slake the elites’ endless thirst for Lebensraum and mass murder.

    Sure, they may prattle on about climate change or CO2 or global warming, but their main goal always has, and always will be, the bloody and merciless elimination of the world’s lumpenproletariat.

    A group of 11,000 alleged scientific “experts”—beware of anyone who calls themselves an “expert,” because they’re usually some snake-peddlin’ jerk—have published a warning in the journal BioScience that not only do we need to use environmentally friendly beverage containers, quit driving our cars, and stop eating meat in exchange for eating insects, we need to start killing people.

    Mind you, they didn’t come out and say “We need to start killing people,” because not only would that be extremely rude, it would also be illegal. But they said we need fewer people on the planet, and it sure sounds like they’re in a rush:

    We declare, with more than 11,000 scientist signatories from around the world, clearly and unequivocally that planet Earth is facing a climate emergency….Governmental bodies are making climate emergency declarations. Schoolchildren are striking. Ecocide lawsuits are proceeding in the courts. Grassroots citizen movements are demanding change, and many countries, states and provinces, cities, and businesses are responding.

    These 11,000 so-called “scientists” also threaten that the fat and lazy citizens of Planet Earth—many of them most likely Baby Boomers, although they didn’t come right out and say it—have squandered so many opportunities to save this big blue marble that it’s time for people-reduction. They say the global population “must be stabilized—and, ideally gradually reduced—within a framework that ensures social integrity.”

    We agree with them 100%. What it comes down to, though, is the bloody battle over who exactly gets to define “social integrity.”


    In addition to untold millions of unwanted illegals, Mexico has given us many things. Actually, that’s not really true—we investigated, and all they’ve been able to cough up is the nacho.

    Last week the horrific murder of nine US citizens—three mothers and six children—who were all identified in the press as members of the same “Mormon family” were killed after being ambushed by cartel members in the border state of Sonora.

    Christina Johnson saved her infant daughter’s life by tossing her onto the SUV’s floor after gunfire erupted. Thirteen-year-old Devin Langford hid some of his siblings in bushes to protect them from the onslaught, then walked 13 miles back to their Mormon community to alert relatives, or kinsmen, or whatever Mormons call each other.

    President Donald Trump tweeted that it was time to declare open war on the cartels. Failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney said that although he didn’t know the slain Mormons personally, it really sucks to see Mormons getting slaughtered like that.

    What received very little attention in the press is that the Mormon family in question—the LeBarons—have a murderous history of their own.

    They are members of a splinter sect of Mormons who initially split from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints after the Church outlawed polygamy. In a power battled during the early 1970s, Ervil LeBaron had his brother Joel killed. He was imprisoned in Mexico and wrote a 400-page instructional manual on how to kill disobedient sect members, complete with a hit list of names. Although he died in 1981, seven years later a handful of his family members carried out the “four o’clock murders” in Texas, killing an eight-year-old child and three former sect members.

    Is this the dawn of a murderous turf war between Mexican drug cartels and polyamorous heretic Mormons? Grab the popcorn!


    Whether or not our nation’s fast-food chicken joints are mere pawns of a sinister CIA/CFR conspiracy to sterilize young black males is far beyond this article’s purview. We will note, however, that black males seem to keep dying at them.

    Just as is the case whenever there is a new release of an urban-oriented line of sunglasses or athletic footwear, waves of violence greeted the summer release of Popeyes chicken sandwich, which is rumored to taste good although we aren’t willing to risk getting stabbed to death in order to find out. The poultry-based item sated the appetites of so many impoverished and downtrodden palates upon its release that it almost instantly sold out…only to be resurrected a week or so ago.

    According to an eyewitness of the fatal stabbing at a Popeyes facility in Oxon Hill, MD, the tragedy started when “dude cut in line”—chicken-sandwich-eaters tend to do that—and then “went outside” with their sandwich, only to be stabbed to death in the parking lot by someone who apparently lost their place in line after dude cut in line.

    So many wasted lives. So many wasted chicken sandwiches.

    According to a police spokeswoman who is black but appears to have a considerable bit of cream in her coffee:

    Our homicide detectives are hard at work on this one, but we have been able to determine preliminarily that this is related to the release of the sandwich here at this restaurant.

    If you’ll notice—we did—she carefully left out the word “chicken” in her official statement, although the murder was undeniably chicken-related.

    They say guns don’t kill people, but maybe chicken sandwiches do. It’s a documented fact that whenever a new designer chicken sandwich is released in an urban area and the demand exceeds the supply, violence inevitably erupts.

    People, it’s time we had a discussion about this.


    You may recall a little incident last year at a Starbucks in Philly where a pair of black men seemed to presume that 400 years of persecution allowed them to pee and poop with impunity in the restroom and just linger around, their oniony body odor wafting through the establishment, without having to buy anything. The event actually led to some nationwide Struggle Session with Starbucks employees where they were apparently instructed to be very afraid of black people and let them do whatever they want at all times. It even led to insane headlines that start off with the phrase “Black Coffee and White Fear” without pausing to consider how ridiculous that sounds.

    To poison your mind’s well about who the actual guilty parties were in that incident, the two black dudes’ names were Rashon and Dante.

    Now a white woman with the perfectly acceptable name of Shannon Phillips is suing Starbucks for discriminating against her glistening and pearly white skin. Her lawsuit argues that she was offered up as a little sacrificial white lamb merely to appease the bloodthirsty hordes waiting outside the gates and threatening to loiter forever.

    Good luck to in your lawsuit, Shannon Phillips. You sound like a nice white lady.


    James Kottak used to drum with heavy metal band The Scorpions of “Rock You Like a Hurricane” fame after he was unceremoniously booted out—and mind you, heavy-metal boots are not only hard, they’re very pointy—a few years back for being a lush.

    He now drums with the band Kingdom Come, which is a little sad when you consider that he’s in his fifties and that there’s not much “metal” about arthritis.

    He recently tweeted that he felt modern advertisements were pushing an agenda of miscegenation that reflected nothing he’d ever seen out here in the real world with his bloodshot eyes:

    You know I am sick of every other commercial having inter racial couples…this is not reality. It is Hollywood shoving it down our throat. I don’t have one friend or friends who live in this category…just saying

    It’s a good point. The advertising industry pushes “the swirl” in everything, not only when it comes to portraying couples. Have you ever hung around with “the guys” on a Sunday afternoon watching football, eating guacamole, and drinking beer? Did your group ever include that one black guy you see in all the commercials? No, right? Weird.


    Even after slavery and the Civil Rights Era and the Rodney King and Trayvon Martin incidents, it astounds us that racism in America continues to reach new heights of “completely not cool.”

    Halloween is usually a time when the nights are getting longer and the air is getting crisper and the children dress in joyous costumes and, if they’re lucky, their Reese’s Cups aren’t loaded with cyanide.

    A souvenir shop in Prague—we’re not sure if it’s Halloween-related, but we’re squeezing it in anyway because it happened recently and unless we mentioned it like we just did, you probably wouldn’t even have noticed—recently endured a well-deserved backlash after featuring a rubber mask of totally evil Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler in its front window. The Israeli ambassador to the Czech Republic called the masks an “affront to Holocaust survivors.”

    In Kaysville, UT, a school principal and teacher have been put on leave after a boy appeared in a Halloween parade dressed in an “apparent Adolf Hitler costume…a red swastika on the sleeve of a dark brown, long-sleeve shirt…”

    Jay Jacobson of the United Jewish Federation of Utah, an organization designed to defend and protect Utah’s half-dozen or so Jews, sharply condemned the incident:

    This is something that offended a number of people, frightened people, traumatized people to see it. I’m hoping it wasn’t intentional.

    The school district likewise said that Hitler costumes in Halloween parades are just not in any way cool whatsoever:

    The district is taking the matter very seriously and is investigating every aspect of the situation. It does not tolerate speech, images or conduct that portray or promote hate in any form.

    All we’ll say about Adolf Hitler is that if he came a-knockin’ on our door looking for some Halloween candy, we’d slam it in his face so hard, that stupid little mustache of his would fly off.

  5. #64
    The Week That Perished

    November 17, 2019

    The Week’s Wiggliest, Squiggliest, and Giggliest Headlines


    As rainbow flags unfurl and flap freely throughout the world as a tribal emblem of people who take pride in the fact that they find the opposite sex unattractive, a countermovement is erupting like welts on the back of a freshly whipped slave. People who only a generation ago agreed that what two adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom is nobody’s business but their own have now had it up to HERE with that fact that while they were minding their own business, the Global Sodomitical Mafia moved the goalposts and dragged everyone into gay people’s sex dungeons and are forcing them to watch with their eyes held open Clockwork Orange-style.

    Both the Holy Bible and the Quran state that when people of the same sex disrupt nature’s holy plan and waste their reproductive energies and fluids on one another, God gets so upset that you almost want to offer him a Vicodin.

    In the Republic of Georgia, a heavily Orthodox nation which straddles Europe and Asia and is thus liable to being penetrated from either direction, “an Oscar-nominated Swedish-Georgian gay-themed film” with the severely and almost incurably gay title of And Then We Danced premiered in the capital city of Tbilisi “amid a heavy police presence” because your average Georgian hates ***** so much that you start to think they may be compensating for some deep-rooted insecurities of their own.

    A mob of “far-right activists” torched a rainbow flag and screamed “SHAME!” at the thought of a film that not only refrained from saying homosexuals should be sodomized with hot pokers, but that seemed to actually celebrate this deviant and generally icky lifestyle.

    Earlier in the week, a member of the nationalist Georgian March party said he would not allow the film, which he condemned as “propaganda of sodomy.” A Georgia businessman “with links to Russia’s anti-Western and far-right groups” vowed that he and his henchmen would “enter screening rooms in six cinemas in Tbilisi and turn off the projectors…[and] shove back police if need be.”

    Georgia decriminalized homosexuality in 2000. By comparison, Saudi Arabia mandates the death penalty for both homosexuality and atheism. A new promotional video by the state’s security agency depicts atheism, homosexuality, and feminism as “extremist ideas” that deserve derision, scorn, shunning, humiliation, torture, and, what the hell, decapitation.

    Christians and Muslims have common ground in their full-throated ***-bashing, although the Christians still have quite a bit of catching up to do.


    Most of the civilized world realizes that not only is Abraham Lincoln one of the ugliest gents ever to live, he also freed the slaves in 1863 because he loved black people and really didn’t say any of the nasty things he is documented to have said about them.

    Apparently Bobby Paul Edwards didn’t get the memo.

    A white South Carolina man who insists on always using his middle name like most white Southern men seem to do, Bobby Paul Edwards, has been sentenced to 10 years for keeping a mentally deficient black man as a virtual slave at his J&J Cafeteria.

    The black man, John Christopher Smith, started working for Edwards in 1990 at age 12 and never stopped until the law intervened. According to the Department of Justice, he “dipped metal tongs into hot grease and burned the victim’s neck,” beat him with a belt, hit him with pans, punched him, and—worst of all, we can all agree—called him racial slurs. He also threatened to “stomp” him and beat him into unrecognizability. Smith will also receive $500,000 in damages from Edwards, including $272,000 in back pay he never received while Edwards employed him. Demonstrating that he indeed suffers from a mental deficiency, Smith said he can’t wait until Edwards goes to prison and that “I want to be there when he go [sic].”

    Shame on you, Bobby Paul Edwards. It’s people like you who give a bad name to millions of good, clean-living, white Southern racists.


    Few people realize that Idaho is a beautiful and unspoiled state that has been lionized by some of the world’s most distinguished travel writers. It is also one of the nation’s whitest states, with around 80% of its residents claiming heritage back to Mama Europa.

    By contrast, California is less than 40% white, although many of its rich white folks are fleeing to Idaho.

    Although he only garnered 2% of the votes in a recent Boise mayoral election, Wayne Richey struck a nerve with local Idahoans by noting that invading Californians were driving up the cost of living and potentially forcing natives to move to other states. When asked at a candidate forum what he would do to improve Boise if he were king for a day, he said he’d build a $26-billion wall around Idaho to keep the Californians out:

    It’s really, really hard to swallow when somebody sells their house in California for $700,000, comes here, buys any house they want in cash and still has money in the bank. Their kids get to go to college. They drive nice cars. And they get to enjoy everything we built over the years. We don’t get to enjoy it, because we’re working 40 hours a week and doing craft shows and doing yard sales.

    How long has the rest of the nation been waiting for California to fall into the ocean? Is there any way we could expedite the process and shove it into the ocean?


    Although the story has yet to gain much traction in the American press, a far-right Christo-fascist group assumed power in Bolivia last week, exiling socialist President Evo Morales, the first indigenous leader of a nation whose inhabitants are two-thirds indigenous.

    Multi-millionaire populist leader Luis Fernando Camacho invaded the presidential palace only hours after Morales fled to Mexico. With a Bible in one hand, he vowed that the natives’ indigenous religion was no longer welcome in Bolivia’s halls of power: “[I will] return God to the burned palace…Pachamama [a Bolivian earth-mother goddess] will never return to the palace. Bolivia belongs to Christ.”

    In the ensuing days, opposition senator Jeanine Áñez—another Christo-Fascist who says the indigenous masses have no place in Bolivia’s government—became the nation’s interim president. Back in 2014, Áñez tweeted:

    I dream of a #Bolivia free of indigenous satanic rites, the city is not for ‘Indians,’ they better go to the highlands…

    Spanish Christians crushed the great Incan empire 500 years ago but apparently they didn’t finish the job, so they’re back in Crush Mode again.


    Neighbors in Harlem described Ethiopian immigrant Yonathan Tedla, his Jewish wife Jennifer Schlecht, and their young daughter Abaynesh as the perfect family” up until the point that Yonathan killed all three of them.

    Police who arrived at the scene found all three members of the perfect family in three separate rooms: Jennifer had been decapitated with her head placed in her lap, five-year-old Abeysha’s throat had been slit so deeply that her head was nearly severed, and Jonathan was found hanging from a rope he’d tied to a bedroom door.

    Apparently the couple’s relationship had soured since their daughter was born and they were in the midst of divorce proceedings. However, Jennifer said that she decided to keep living with him because she didn’t want her daughter to grow up without a father.

    No chance of that happening. Now her daughter won’t grow up at all.


    Josh Hammer is the extremely gay-looking Editor-at-Large of the Daily Wire, a site established by five-foot-tall surly Zionist Ben Shapiro. Like Shapiro, he has no problem talking about ethnostates and his “people” so long as they are Jewish. Also like Shapiro, he condemns the idea that white people so much as deserve a collective identity, much less their own ethnostate.

    Last Tuesday, Hammer tweeted the following statement:

    Jew-hatred is inherent in the European DNA.

    Ooh, let’s unpack that big fat matzo ball right there.

    Not only does it imply that the impenitent Ziocon Hammer believes that race has a biological component—race realism is verboten in both major American political parties—it also implies he believes that anti-Semitism flows naturally throughout European blood. This is a shockingly racist, horrific, problematic, and unacceptable comment.

    First off, what kind of last name is “Hammer”? Aren’t those people forbidden from eating ham? Something stinks about this, and it stinks bad. We have no other choice but to conclude that this “Josh Hammer” guy is actually an Aryan agent planted by Donald Trump’s anti-Semitic Deep State to make Our Greatest Ally look bad.

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  7. #65
    The Week That Perished

    November 24, 2019

    The Week’s Most Laconic, Tectonic, and Cyclonic Headlines


    The combination of Donald Trump and pint-sized Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is a classic comedic pairing along the lines of Abbott and Costello or Dick Van Dyke and Morey Amsterdam. Both are skilled at dropping vulgarities on their enemies like so many nuclear bombs. The deep mutual affection that Don and Kim have for one another is like a light unto the nations.

    Our greatest ally in Asia does not feel nearly as warm about Joe Biden and his shiny fake teeth, though. Last May, North Korea’s official news agency demeaned Biden as a “low IQ individual…seized by ambition for power.”

    Where’s the lie?

    Last week, North Korea’s official news agency did itself one better and called Biden a “rabid dog” who is in “the final stage of dementia.” It declared that the “time has come for him to depart his life”:

    Rabid dogs like Baiden [sic] can hurt lots of people if they are allowed to run about….They must be beaten to death with a stick, before it is too late.

    We love you, North Korea. Please don’t ever change.


    Even though Donald Trump built his campaign and scored a soul-stirring and breathtaking surprise electoral victory by promising that he would build a wall that reached to the sun, place all the journalists in work camps, and kick all the wetbacks and Muzzies out of our great and noble nation, he’s basically done nothing more than deliver political handjobs to whomever is pulling his son-in-law’s brittle marionette strings.

    At this stage in his presidency, Barack Hussein Obama had deported 1.18 illegal aliens; Trump has yet to crack the 800,000 barrier.

    In 2012, Obama oversaw the deportation of 409,849 people who had no gosh-darned right to be in this country and were selfishly slurping away on the public teat.

    Although Trump promised to deport “millions” of immigrants, he hasn’t even cracked 260,000 deportations in a single year.

    Oh, and how’s that wall coming along?

    Mr. Trump, we thought you hated the illegals as much as we did. The fact that you don’t makes us love you just a little bit less.


    You’d figure that after all the terrorist bombings and the genocidal actions toward Christians in the Middle East and all the threats to destroy the decadent infidel West and swallow it whole, people would realize that Muslims are their friends and that Islamophobia is worse than herpes.

    According to Niraj Warikoo—a swarthy-looking writer with a set of dark-brown “anus eyes”— “Muslim candidates faced hatred in 2018 political races.”

    It’s always sad when people are forced to face hatred, especially when hatred is so cowardly that it doesn’t show its face. How can you face a hatred that won’t face you?

    Imagine coming to this country, refusing to assimilate, and displaying open hostility toward your host to a degree that signals an ultimate plan of genocidal replacement…and then only being greeted with hatred.

    Mr. Warikoo cites a 97-page study from scholars at four universities titled “#Islamophobia, Stoking Fear and Prejudice in the 2018 Midterms” which allegedly “details the hatred that 166 Muslim political candidates in the U.S. endured during the midterm elections”:

    While many Muslim candidates reported limited encounters with Islamophobia among their constituents, we found a social media narrative of manufactured outrage that was disproportionately Islamophobic, xenophobic, racist, and misogynistic. It was heavily influenced by a small number of agents provocateurs, whose hate-filled messages and disinformation were amplified by networks of accounts operating on a scale that signals the involvement of organized networks.

    Actually, that sounds kind of cool and dangerous. We’re always looking for exciting new ways to indulge our Islamophobia.


    The best thing about South Dakota is that it’s not North Dakota.

    The second-best thing is that someone in the state government thought it would be a good idea to run an anti-meth campaign with the slogan “METH: WE’RE ON IT.”

    South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem attempted to justify the slogan but only managed to make things worse:

    This campaign is going to be about solutions and hope and how every single one of us in South Dakota can partner to be ‘on meth.’ Really the tagline is, ‘I’m on meth,’ and what it’s talking about is each one of us, no matter who we are, that we’re on the case of meth—that we’re protecting our family, we’re protecting our friends, we’re protecting our communities from this epidemic that we see,” the governor said.

    Oh, OK. That makes sense. So you’re not “on” it; you’re on it. It’s like if you said “Get the clap,” but didn’t actually mean get the clap.

    They must be making some Grade-A meth up there in South Dakota these days.


    A 28-year-old woman named “Juana” caught our attention because she sounds like an interesting chick.

    Sitting in a cell in Baja, California, Juana—AKA “La Peque” (the Little One)—is a former hitwoman for the Zetas drug cartel who humblebrags that “Ever since I was a little girl I was a rebel, and then became a drug addict and an alcoholic.”

    To finance her illicit lifestyle and support her illegitimate child, she first worked as a prostitute and then moved on to more wholesome employment as a lookout for the cartel who, whenever she botched her job, would be bound with rope and fed only one taco per day.

    Juana says that the cartel’s mind-peeling violence was a turnoff for her at first. She says she felt sad after witnessing someone’s face get crushed with a mace, but over time, she claims she developed quite the taste for the old ultraviolence herself.

    A minor Mexican news site called Denuncias quotes Juana as saying she began to “feel excited by [blood], rubbing myself in it and bathing in it after killing a victim. I even drank it when it was still warm.” The site also says Juana “insinuated” she’d “had sex with the cadavers of those decapitated, using the severed heads as well as the rest of their bodies to pleasure herself.”

    Again, not the type of gal you’d find on Maybe Plenty of Fish, but definitely not eHarmony.


    When men falsely accuse other men of raping them, all men suffer.

    Not only does it foster distrust in the male community, it breaks the sacred bond that exist between both straight and gay men, who are united in the realization that women can often be very annoying and even malicious.

    Therefore, let’s toss a stinking tuna bucket of shame on the head of a 34-year-old Indonesian gaybird named Fredy Kosman Wee, who called police three times claiming his 50-year-old “partner” Lui Cheng Kiat force-fed him a sleeping pill and then raped him after he fell unconscious.

    When police became suspicious about his account, Kwee folded like the little sissy-baby he is and said he made the false claim because he was angry his boyfriend wasn’t giving him all the attention he felt he needed due to the fact that he has some sort of terminal medical condition that we will assume is AIDS because that’s the likeliest suspect.


    Was it one of the most horrifying hate crimes to strike an Illinois high school in recent years, or was it a simple joke between friends that shows how horrifyingly hysterical American society has become over its guilt complex regarding the long-gone slave era?

    An unnamed 14-year-old white boy in Naperville, IL—which recently endured another ridiculous scandal when it was reported that a white patron didn’t want to sit next to black people at a local chicken-wings restaurant—is now facing two felony hate-crime charges and one count of misdemeanor disorderly conduct after posting an ad on Craiglist with the following header:

    Slave for sale (Naperville). Hardworkin thick nigga slave

    The ad featured a picture of a black teen at a lunch table.

    According to the accused’s lawyer, it was a simple prank between friends.

    How far has our country fallen when a pair of teen boys who’ve flouted societal taboos and become friends despite the fact that they come from opposite races can’t even pretend to reenact their ancestors’ master/slave dynamic without being punished rather than applauded?


    Sian Lloyd is a former TV weather presenter in Wales who recently came under fire for referring to a traffic jam in her hometown of Swansea as a “holocaust.”

    When people started screaming at her for daring to liken a mere traffic inconvenience to The Worst Thing That Ever Happened in History, she noted that she purposely spelled the word with a lower-case “h” and that holy heck, she’s half-Jewish anyways:

    Hey guys, it’s the noun with a small h. I’m half Jewish myself. Would never want to cause offence. Huge apology if I did….I did not do that [compare traffic to the holocaust]. And would never do so. It’s the noun with a small h, which is a bona fida [sic] word. Not the historical one with a big H. But clearly a bad choice. Big apologies….I meant the noun with a small h. I so did not mean it in the historical way, with the big H. Big sorry if iit [sic] caused offence. Obvs the wrong word to use. So sorry….I’ve been [to Auschwitz] & I’m half Jewish….A big mistake to have used the noun. So sorry to have offended folk.

    “Folk?” You know who else used that word? Adolf Hitler, that’s who.

  8. #66
    The Week That Perished

    December 01, 2019

    The Week’s Most Avaricious, Repetitious, and Meretricious Headlines


    It is said that comedic actor and satirist Sacha Baron Cohen makes fun of everyone, including Jews, but if you pay attention, he makes fun of people who hate Jews and almost everyone else—except for Jews, which may be related to the fact that making fun of them would represent a professional conflict of interest.

    With a net worth of $130 million, Cohen obviously lives in a tiny little insulated and temperature-controlled bubble which has led him down a path of delusion to the point where he believes that Big Tech actively promotes white supremacy and anti-Semitism—and he’s not joking.

    Without even the slightest wisp of irony, the alleged satirist accepted an award from the Anti-Defamation League—a group which holds social media in a headlock and destroys anyone who strays an inch from the orthodoxies they mandate—to allege that social media is a viper’s nest of Nazis and Aryan supremacists and hatemongers and racial chauvinists and people whom God clearly did not choose.

    Cohen called out the “Silicon Six”—a half-dozen billionaires who rule the tech industry—accusing them of running “the greatest propaganda machine in history” and caring “more about boosting their share price than about protecting democracy”:

    This is ideological imperialism — six unelected individuals in Silicon Valley imposing their vision on the rest of the world, unaccountable to any government and acting like they’re above the reach of law. It’s like we’re living in the Roman Empire, and Mark Zuckerberg is Caesar. At least that would explain his haircut.

    It bears noting that four of those six billionaires—Mark Zuckerberg, Larry Page, Sergey Brin, and Susan Wojcicki—are co-ethnics with Cohen and everyone who runs the ADL.

    He even said that Facebook would have eagerly partnered with Adolf Hitler, which is the funniest thing he’s ever said.


    Joe Biden’s son Hunter—the one who didn’t die—has been in and out of rehab a half-dozen times and acknowledged that he repeatedly bought crack cocaine from homeless people in LA. After his brother Beau died of cancer, Hunter started banging Beau’s widow, causing his own wife to divorce him and leading to a new marriage with a woman he’d known for less than a week. He’s also involved in a paternity suit with some skank from Arkansas.

    Despite all the attempts at rehabilitation that started years ago, as late as last year, Mr. Biden was spotted dropping “thousands of dollars” at a DC strip club and forcing workers to warn him to maybe smoke his crack somewhere else. According to a former manager of Archibald’s Gentlemen’s Club in DC:

    There was a smell of burning Styrofoam in the VIP room. We told him nothing illegal can go on here. We didn’t see anything illegal. After he was spoken to, the smell stopped. VIP employees suspected it was crack.

    As everyone knows, burning crack smells like Styrofoam, whereas burning Styrofoam smells like crack. So he obviously was smoking crack. So now, simply because Biden’s crack-smoking and manwhoring son was involved in some dodgy deal with Ukrainian businessmen, Donald Trump may be impeached.

    If that sounds like justice to you, forget about getting a Christmas card from us.


    Tilli Buchanan is a self-described feminist in her late 20s who lives in Utah. Her face is nothing to write home about—in fact, it could probably keep an entire flock of crows off a cornfield—but since this is about her breasts, they seem reasonable to us.

    Late in 2017 or early in 2018, Tilli and her husband were hanging drywall in their garage. They were both topless because they say they didn’t want their clothes to get dusty—apparently neither one of them has a problem with their nipples getting dusty, though. At some point while they were letting their jugs flap in the wind, three of her husband’s children from a previous marriage walked into their garage.

    The children ranged in age from 9 to 13 and apparently ran and tattled to their biological mom, who said she became “alarmed” and called the police, and it obviously had nothing to do with jealousy that her ex-beau was with a new woman, because it’s a biological fact that women never use the law to punish men who no longer find them desirable.

    In February, Buchanan was charged with three misdemeanor accounts of lewdness involving a child. If convicted, she faces possible jail time and could be forced to register as a sex offender for ten years.

    She says she’s being unconstitutionally prosecuted because her husband was not arrested for flashing his nips in front of the kids. Even though she might be a drunken slut, we’re going to take her side on this because there is no question that male nipples are objectively more distasteful than female nipples.


    “TERF” is an acronym for “Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist,” a term of derogation used to describe a woman who says that women’s issues are exclusive to biological women and that men who pretend they’re women are party-crashers and genital-appropriators who want all of the pity that comes with being a woman without any of the suffering, especially the monthly bleeding.

    Rachel Ara is a woman that many would mistake for a very ugly man. She claims she has been “openly gay for 35 years,” but one look at her mug makes us think that lesbianism is not her sexual preference as much as it is an island of last resort for a lousy female specimen who kills the mating drive in every male who beholds her unfortunate visage.

    Even though she apparently lacks even a droplet of charisma, Miz Ara was slated to give a speech about, oh, vaginas and art or something at Oxford Brookes University until some perpetually aggrieved casualty of gender dysphoria caught wind of the fact that Ara might as well be Hitler for embracing such a debunked, hateful, and dangerous idea as “women are women.”

    According to a letter pecked out by the weirdos at the local LGBTQ+ society:

    Rachel Ara is a trans exclusionary radical feminist who frequently shares transphobic discourse on her social media. She has openly showed support for the ‘LGB Alliance’, which is openly transphobic and seeks to isolate trans people within the LGBTQ+ movement. While this speaker may be invited under the pretence of academic freedom, we firmly believe that inviting such speakers infringes upon academic freedom at Oxford Brookes.

    Serious question: All other things being equal, would your average tranny or your average TERF win a mud-wrestling match?


    Although American media has been almost entirely silent about the story, one would think that the real-life saga of 39 impoverished Vietnamese migrants seeking a better life in England—only to suffocate en masse in the back of a truck trailer en route to their final destination—would be a big news story.

    After all, even John Wayne Gacy didn’t kill 39 people.

    It’s certainly more people than the KKK has killed in the past few generations.

    And it’s more people dead in one shot than there are unarmed black people being shot dead by police in America every year, and we’re all aware of what a huge fuss people make about that.

    In late October, an Irish truck driver named Maurice Robinson reportedly passed out when he opened the back of his truck’s refrigerated trailer to find 39 frozen corpses.As detectives began piecing the saga together, it became apparent that Robinson was part of an Irish criminal syndicate that was working in cahoots with Vietnamese criminals to smuggle migrants into the UK.

    Why isn’t this a bigger story?

    Because according to The Narrative, immigration is good for everyone and this sort of thing never happens.


    Christian TV pastor Rick Wiles is different from most modern televangelists in the sense that he doesn’t worship the Zionist state and realizes that all the love evangelicals have for Israel is entirely unrequited.

    During a recent monologue, Wiles blamed the current impeachment proceedings against Donald Trump on—you guessed it—da Jews!:

    That’s the way the Jews work, they are deceivers, they plot, they lie, they do whatever they have to do to accomplish their political agenda. This ‘impeach Trump’ effort is a Jew coup and the American people better wake up to it really fast because this thing is moving now toward a vote in the House and then a trial in the Senate….People are going to be forced, possibly by this Christmas, to take a stand because of this Jew coup in the United States. This is a coup led by Jews to overthrow the constitutionally elected president of the United States and it’s beyond removing Donald Trump, it’s removing you and me. That’s what’s at the heart of it. You have been taken over by a Jewish cabal….There will be a purge. That’s the next thing that happens when Jews take over a country, they kill millions of Christians.

    A Jew coup? Who knew? Sounds cuckoo.


    Patrick Patterson is a power forward with the NBA’s Los Angeles Clippers.

    Like many successful black athletes, he married a white woman who is at least three feet shorter than he is while insisting it had nothing to do with racial status-signaling.

    When someone on social media recently taunted Patterson that if he was not a millionaire athlete he’d probably be stuck with some nappy hood rat, he defended his wife’s valor while taking a swipe at all black women:

    So I should settle for a bulldog and act like I’m happy with my life and preach ‘keep it in your race’ to the world as if Dr. King didn’t fight/die for equality, acceptance, all cultures loving one another, and no hate? No thanks. That maybe [sic] your life but I don’t want that for mine or my family. Color doesn’t matter. Wake up.

    After the predictable furor erupted in the wake of his comments, Patterson apologized—but not to bulldogs.

  9. #67
    The Week That Perished


    December 08, 2019

    The Week’s Most Seductive, Obstructive, and Destructive Headlines


    Monday night at 8PM EST, for the umpteenth-plus-fourscore time, CBS will rerun 1964’s classic animated special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

    Because it’s 2019, people are naturally looking for ways to depict Santa and his elves as Hitler and the SS.

    We’ve all been able to read between the lines and realize that when Rudolph is forced to put on a “black” nose to hide his “red” nose, what the screenwriters are secretly trying to tell us is that he’s a “black” man trying not to get lynched in a “white” man’s world.

    Twitter $#@!s also took Santa Claus—the ultimate Old White Boomer Male—to task for running a sweatshop and exploiting the labor of hardworking reindeer and the strange and presumably sexually insatiable undersized human genetic mutants known as elves:

    Ultimately, you have to blame Santa for the bullying culture at the North Pole. Donner is just middle management. Santa put pressure on his reindeer, so they felt like they had to have the perfect children.

    Between Rudolph and Hermie…The North Pole seems like the most toxic work environment to ever exist. Ruthless bullying and then banishment to the Island of Misfit Toys.

    Did you ever get in one of those moods where the only people you truly wish to bully are people who complain about bullying?


    Everyone knows that the Holocaust was the worst thing that ever happened, the worst thing that ever will happen, and the worst thing that could possibly ever happen, case closed, period, stick a fork in it and throw it in the trash because it’s done.

    That’s why making light of the Holocaust may even be worse than the Holocaust itself.

    The entire Jewish World and all of its satellite possessions exploded in perfectly understandable outrage when it learned that was selling tasteless memorabilia related to the persecution and destruction of precisely 6,000,000 Jews in World War II.

    One such item was a bell-shaped tree ornament featuring a photo of the Auschwitz death camp in Poland, which some anonymous joker apparently thought was downright hilarious.

    Another was a magnetic bottle opener with a photo of Auschwitz that misidentified the camp as “the former Jewish district in Krakow,” which, again, some faceless coward seemed to think was the funniest thing in the whole darned universe.

    The Auschwitz Museum—have you ever wondered whether they sell snacks and beverages there?—expressed its stern and morally unimpeachable disapproval of the death-camp-themed tchotchkes:

    Selling Christmas ornaments with images of Auschwitz does not seem appropriate. Auschwitz on a bottle opener is rather disturbing and disrespectful.

    Depending on how you look at the Holocaust—and if you don’t look at it in the officially approved way, we’re calling the cops on you—executives at Amazon either saw the error of their ways, buckled to public pressure, or kissed the rabbi’s ring and begged the rabbi not to hurt them. They promptly removed the tacky genocidal kitsch and issued an effusive and likely insincere apology.


    In world history, has there ever been a black baby adopted by white parents who turns out to be even the tiniest bit grateful? Or do they all turn into insufferable Black Power Guerrilla Mafia retards?

    If mid-grade quarterback turned boring social-justice activist Colin Kaepernick looks a little strange to you, that’s because he’s of mixed racial origins: part African human being and part exotic jungle tapir.

    The white parents who adopted him say they’re OK with all his “I’m black, y’all” jibbety-jabber he’s been making ever since his athletic skills began their slow decline, but their eyes tell a different story. Their eyes tell a sad tale of heartache and betrayal and self-abasement and racial vengeance from the boy with the massive, banana-shaped proboscis that they lovingly took under their gentle white wings.

    On Thanksgiving, Kaepernick went out to Alcatraz and spoke at some Native American “Un-Thanksgiving Day,” which is some annual shindig where Injun-Americans show their gratitude for the fact that their European conquerors didn’t commit genocide against them by accusing their European conquerors of committing genocide against them, anyway, even if they actually had committed genocide against them, they wouldn’t be out there on Alcatraz accusing them of it because they’d all be dead.

    Kaepernick, worth an estimated $20 million, said something about “indigenous struggles.” He also stressed the need to “honor our ancestors and honor our elders,” even though we suspect that his actions are making his adoptive parents die a little bit inside each day. Later in the day he tweeted some gibberish about “white fears of Black equality.”

    Brothers and sisters, we will never have true equality until we all follow the same capitalization scheme. It’s either “white and black” or “White and Black.” You can’t have it both ways. That’s what leads to slavery—and always for the group that’s not getting capitalized.

    We actually believe that if black people can commit themselves to learning and practicing good and consistent grammar, Rodney King’s dream of us all getting along will one day come true.


    If we were going to write a screenplay about a homophobic black father who becomes so enraged at seeing gay porn on his preteen son’s cellphone that he drops him off outside a police station and speeds away, we couldn’t think of a better name for the villain than Evenaud Julmeus.

    But some wise black couple who were already blessed with the surname “Julmeus” beat us to the punch by naming their little boy Evenaud.

    Evenaud Julmeus is a 30-year-old black man who lives in Haines City, FL who allegedly did everything we outlined in our screenplay idea above. He left his preteen boy—who has not been publicly named but whom we would like to believe is named Evenaud Julmeus, Jr.—with a duffel bag containing clothing but no money or food or phone.

    In the end, Evenaud Julmeus did the right thing—he turned himself in and is facing charges of negligent child abuse without bodily harm.

    We sincerely hope that little Evenaud Julmeus, Jr.—or Jayvon Julmeus or Geronimo Julmeus or Jehosophat Julmeus or whatever this young black boy’s name happens to be, not that it matters—is OK.


    Whereas fifty years ago, the only person in the USA named “Muhammad” was Muhammad Ali (we made that up, but cut us some slack), the name “Muhammad” and all its variant spellings has finally crept up into the top ten names for baby boys in these here United States.

    1. Liam
    2. Jackson
    3. Noah
    4. Aiden
    5. Grayson
    6. Caden
    7. Lucas
    8. Elijah
    9. Oliver
    10. Muhammad

    While nearly all of those names are absolutely repulsive, “Muhammad” is by far the most troubling, for obvious reasons—we don’t like Muslims because they’re sneaky. It is also the most overused boy’s name in the world, with an estimated 150 million Muhammads walking around the planet, nearly all of them with tremendous body odor.

    On the girls’ side, the Arabic name “Aaliyah” crept into the top ten as well, hovering there at the bottom of the list just like Muhammad but waiting to rise, rise, rise.

    File this story under “not cool at all.”


    Diversity researcher Robert Putnam has been saying this for years until someone apparently dragged him into a dark room and scared him, because now we hear he’s been backtracking and saying that all the different takeout menus and spicy cuisines are a good thing, but DIVERSITY IS NOT A STRENGTH. The very word “diversity” had severely negative connotations until its rebranding in the early 1990s.

    A new university study from Denmark confirms Putnam’s findings as well as those of any others who bothered to soberly examine the subject: There is a “statistically significant negative relationship between ethnic diversity and social trust across all studies.”

    The study, a “meta-analysis of 1,001 estimates from 87 studies from Western countries” led researcher Peter Thisted Dinesen to conclude:

    To be clear, the overall negative relationship between residential ethnic diversity and social trust is statistically significant and holds up when conditioning on a range of potential confounders and moderators….Extant studies have relatively consistently reported a significant negative relationship between neighborhood-level ethnic diversity and various forms of social trust.

    The study’s findings were supported by professor Erick Kaufmann at Birbeck University of London:

    Higher diversity is significantly associated with lower trust in communities, even when controlling for deprivation.

    Yeah, sure, whatever, but we still get all those different takeout menus.


    Jack Merritt was a 25-year-old University of Cambridge graduate who was stabbed to death on London Bridge last Friday afternoon by a convicted Muslim terrorist who was released from prison last year after serving only six years of a 16-year sentence.

    Jack earned a Master’s degree in criminology with a dissertation titled “A Critical Analysis of Over-Representation of Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic Males Aged 18-21 in the British Prison System.”

    Hours before he got stabbed, Jack gave a lecture at a conference on prisoner rehabilitation. The ex-con Muslim terrorist who would later kill him had attended the conference and was thrown out for unruly behavior.

    While his son’s blood had barely dried from a high-profile murder, Jack’s father warned us that to notice the irony in any of this would be to push an agenda of “hate.”

    This caused us to immediately hate Jack’s father.

  10. #68
    The Week That Perished


    December 15, 2019


    Have you noticed that the climate this morning was a little bit different than it was a week ago? Based on prior experiences, do you suspect that in a week, it’ll probably be different than it is right now?

    It keeps changing, right? No one is arguing that the climate never changes.

    Therefore, the only thing that the little sour-pussed Swedish “activist” Greta Thunberg has ever accomplished in her 16 years is to encourage mass truancy among students on Fridays, which probably leads to them being dumber, and no one would argue that stupidity doesn’t make the climate worse.

    Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro called Greta a “brat.”

    Extending a wee bit more charity, Vladimir Putin referred to her as a “kind but poorly informed teenager.”

    In reaction to the fact that she just edged out Donald Trump as the TIME Person of the Year for 2019, the prez tweeted that Greta has an anger-management problem.

    We agree with all of this. We also think her personality is just as disagreeable as her face. She speaks very disrespectfully to her elders and should probably learn how to put on makeup at this point in her life.

    Edward Felsenthal is some guy who claims to be some sort of big-shot editor over at TIME, even though he looks like a lecherous woodchuck. He explains why the mag chose Greta to “become the youngest figure to ever be named TIME’s Person of the Year in the 92-year history of the distinction”:

    That Thunberg is the youngest individual ever named TIME’s Person of the Year says as much about the moment as it does about her. The 92-year-old franchise is rooted in the so-called Great Man theory of history, the notion that powerful individuals shape the world. Historically that has meant people who worked their way up the ladders of major organizations and were at home in the corridors of power. But in this moment when so many traditional institutions seem to be failing us, amid staggering inequality and social upheaval and political paralysis, we are seeing new kinds of influence take hold. It is wielded by people like Thunberg, leaders with a cause and a phone who don’t fit the old rubrics but who connect with us in ways that institutions can’t and perhaps never could.

    Someone open a window. The climate in here is beginning to stink.


    It didn’t occur to us until very recently—like, within the last three minutes—that you don’t really see Islamic female athletes too much on the TV set, and this is troublesome and problematic for both our future as a nation and our self-perception as individuals.

    Nike is a company that manufactures athletic gear, in case you’ve been living under a rock and smoking angel dust for the past thirty years. The company’s net value is around $30 billion, so naturally they identify with the struggles of the oppressed.

    The company recently unveiled its new Pro Hijab for female Muslim athletes who want to stay true to the Quran while they are running the 100-meter dash, swimming the butterfly stroke, grunting very loudly while whacking a tennis ball, and beating the snot out of infidels in boxing competitions. It is aerodynamic and allows for ease of movement while proclaiming to the world that you believe in a God who hates your guts and wants rocks thrown at you if you get raped and who provides your husband with 72 virgins when he dies no matter how pathetically obsequious you act toward him.

    If that isn’t progress, we don’t know the meaning of the word.


    Aaren Jagadeesh is a man who lives in Canada even though, judging by his name, he probably shouldn’t. As if it wasn’t already annoying enough that he misspells his first name, we suspect that his surname means something derogatory in some exotic Middle Eastern tongue—“That guy’s a real jagadeesh; ignore him.”

    Even though it’s kind of gay and effeminate, Aaren went mincing to the Canadian Human Rights Commission a little while back complaining that he was unable to climb the corporate ladder at the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce because he is not a homosexual. He even says that his boss, whom we presume is a turd-burglar or at the very least a pole-smoker, informed Aaren that he had “no hope” of being promoted unless he joined their little gay “group” of men who lie down with men as if they were women.

    Aaren filed a discrimination suit with the Canadian Human Rights Commission, who laughed it away because they were too busy doing things like destroying the lives of standup comics who heckle back when drunk lesbians heckle them.

    But now a higher court has ruled that the CHRC has to review the lawsuit again, but they’ll probably laugh at Aaren again because even though he’s probably not a white male, he’s not gay, either, and that can’t be tolerated in the New Canada.


    “Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun,” quoth Chinese communist leader Mao Zedong, but dude was weird-looking with hair that stuck out in little puffballs on either side like Mouseketeer ears.

    Even though Venezuela’s National Assembly declared back in January that some guy with really big teeth named Juan Guaidó was the nation’s interim president, Nicolás Maduro—who sort of looks like the bastard love child of Saddam Hussein and Cenk Uygur—has been the country’s president since 2013 and refuses to relinquish power.

    Maduro still largely has the military on his side, but to cement power he has been handing out free guns to form citizen militias across the country who harass normal citizens and threaten to blow their tiny brown coconut-shaped heads off their scrawny spines if they don’t straighten up, fly right, and act like good socialists who are happy to be living on three shelled peanuts and four grains of uncooked rice a day. He says he aims to form an illegal citizen army that’s four million strong in a country of only 28 million.

    Venezuela seems hopeless. The only thing that could possibly save it would be if Greta Thunberg came down and gave a speech.


    What do you get when you combine the most annoying things about gay guys with the most annoying things about women?

    You get a tranny!

    And just like gay guys and women, they tend to complain so much that you almost suspect it gives them sexual pleasure to do so. We’ve heard for years now about how America’s streets are the killing fields for the transgender community, with hate-filled transphobes lurking around every corner just itchin’ to murder a guy who says his name is Marie.

    We recently heard about some alleged “epidemic” of tranny murders in the USA.

    But Wilfred Reilly—a black fellow who released a book about hate-crime hoaxes earlier this year—crunched the numbers and found that nearly everyone else except real women gets murdered at a higher per-capita rate than do the delusional sad sacks that comprise the bulk of the transgender community.

    Reilly compared recent death tolls for trannies nationwide—usually about a couple dozen every year, most of them black trannies and most of them killed by black guys, many if not most of whom thought they’d gone home with a woman that night—against a common estimated quotient of the population, which is around six-tenths of one percent, and found that the overall population gets murdered at nearly three times the rate of trannies, that men get slaughtered at nearly five times the rate, and black people at over ten times the rate:

    All of these large groups — blacks, poor whites, Latinos, men — have a murder rate that’s an order of magnitude higher than the transgender murder rate. That’s what I found. The transgender murder rate seems to be remarkably low.

    We always enjoy when black men use the word “remarkably,” because it makes them sound intelligent.


    It was a busy week for President Trump and the Jewish community.

    Speaking at the National Summit of Sheldon and Miriam Adelson’s Israeli-American Council, an organization that clearly wants to put America first even though it doesn’t even put America first in its own name, Trump told many members of the audience that even though he knew they were “brutal killers,” they were going to vote for him anyway because “Pocahontas” would take all of their money.

    He also said that Americans, and American Jews in general, aren’t fanatically Zionistic enough:

    We have to get the people of our country, of this country, to love Israel more….You have people who are Jewish people, that are great people – they don’t love Israel enough. You know that. You know that.

    Actually, we didn’t know that.

    Last Wednesday, Trump signed an executive order allowing for federal funds to be withheld from any university that fosters a climate of “anti-semitism” on its campus.

    Where are all these campuses, anyway?


    A new study from RAND—which, due to the very impersonal name and capitalization scheme, we always assumed to be some giant metallic robot—finds that men and white people say the media is less trustworthy than it used to be.

    We suspect they started developing these attitudes around the time that the media started endlessly bleating that white males were evil and need to be exterminated, but it’s nothing more than a hunch.

  11. #69
    The Week That Perished


    December 21, 2019

    The Week’s Most Vivacious, Flirtatious, and Salacious Headlines


    Approximately two seconds after Donald Trump was declared the winner of 2016’s presidential election, a group of disgruntled malcontents became galvanized around the idea that his victory was a crime against humanity on the scale of the Soviet gulags or the NBC action series Manimal.

    They started screaming about miscounted votes, but when the votes were recounted, he had still won. Then, for two solid years without even a hiccup-length pause, they assured us that Russia had bought the election by, we’re not really sure, paying for some Facebook ads and watching Trump pee on hookers or something. Shortly after that whole foiled plot fell through, they acted as if Trump inquiring whether Joseph Biden and his son had committed any crimes was the real crime and that this will finally be the way that American democracy is restored—by ousting a legally elected president after spending three years doing the equivalent of sticking their fingers in their ears and chanting loudly.

    Last Wednesday, the House of Representatives voted to impeach Trump on two articles—obstruction of Congress and abuse of power—but since the articles have yet to be handed over to the Senate, he technically hasn’t been impeached yet. He joins Andrew Johnson, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton among presidents whom the House has voted to impeach, but as of this writing, the Senate has never delivered a conviction through trial.

    Whether he stays or goes—he’ll probably stay and get reelected—the childish tantrums his opponents have been throwing ever since his election, combined with the fact that we can’t think of a single promise he made on which he has delivered, have combined to give us a case of Democracy Fatigue that’s so severe, it almost feels fatal.


    Sonja Falck is a psychotherapist who, judging from the crooked smile in that picture, seems at least a tiny bit unbalanced. While appearing on Good Morning Britain to plug her new book, Extreme Intelligence: Development, Predicaments, Implications, she stated that using terms such as “nerd” and “geek” to disparage intelligent people constitutes hate speech on the level of that other N-word that no one besides the “N-words” whom it targets is allowed to say:

    I think people find it startling because very high IQ people are a minority group in society who are very much ignored, they’re not understood and largely neglected….It’s the case that very high IQ people are bullied at school for example, they’re a target for being bullied quite viciously. Things are changing, words do evolve after time, but there are many words like brainiac, egghead, nerd, that mean socially awkward and contemptible….Hate crime is simply about somebody being targeted in a negative way for who they are. A person with a very high IQ who comes across in a different way often is targeted in that way.

    On Twitter, someone said that Dr. Falck’s comments were “an insult…to your viewers who experience hate crime on a daily basis.”

    What’s truly inspirational is that here we have a brave soul who is victimized by hate crimes every day, yet still has time to tweet. The resilience of the human spirit makes us crash to the ground bawling multiple times every day.


    The Sackler Family, which owns Purdue Pharma, has breathlessly racked up a net worth of $14 billion merely by peddling the painkiller Oxycontin. Pay no mind that since the opioid crisis began, painkillers have killed an estimated 400,000 Americans. That’s more than the total deaths either side suffered in the Civil War. It equals the average total number of people murdered in the USA over a 30-year span.

    Now, as luck would have it, the Sacklers are rushing to the rescue of America’s hapless millions of opioid addicts by selling an overdose antidote! The circle is complete! The cycle of profit is whole!

    Through their overseas company Mundipharma, the Sacklers have now received approval to peddle a nasal spray containing the overdose antidote naloxone, which previously has only been available via injection and is thus tres inconvenient when you’re in the throes of an impromptu OD. The product is called Nyxoid and has been approved for use in New Zealand, Australia, and Europe.

    In legal documents filed against Purdue Pharma, it is alleged that the company manufactured the opioid crisis for the express purpose of then marketing a second drug that could pull addicts from the brink of death. The company balanced “pain treatment” against “opioid addiction treatment” and noted that 40-60% of users relapse after only one treatment, opening up the potential for further profits. The company allegedly referred to naloxone as a “strategic fit” and a “complementary” product for Oxycontin:

    It is an attractive market. Large unmet need for vulnerable, underserved and stigmatized patient population suffering from substance abuse, dependence and addiction.

    Let’s develop a pill that will cure the Sackler family of their addiction to money.


    Once an epicenter of such exciting cultural phenomena as the AIDS crisis and the “Doodler” serial killer, San Francisco has taken a bit of a tumble and is only snatching headlines these days due to the fact that everyone’s pooping in the streets.

    Now comes word from this misty little trend-setting city that at least one San Franciscan has decided to begin defecating in grocery-store aisles, too.

    The perp is a white male with pasty thighs who decided it’d be a good idea to pull his pants down at a local Safeway supermarket, lay some cable on the floor, and then take the time to wipe himself. This implies that he at least had enough time to steal some toilet tissue before “sharing” this intimate slab of his insides with the world. Observers also confirmed that the bathrooms in the store were open, but the foul beast who passes as human decided to avail himself of the floor instead.

    Don’t expect the city’s new DA to reverse this trend, either. Chesa Boudin is a gap-toothed weirdo who was raised by members of the Weather Underground. He was elected DA based on a promise not to prosecute “quality of life crimes” such as doing one’s doo-das on a supermarket floor.

    Remember this lest you ever forget that City Hall is behind the literal $#@! show that San Francisco has become.


    Kurt Eichenwald is a lumpy, grumpy, potato-shaped shlub who gets paid to express his opinions, even though they are dull and unoriginal. He is also an epileptic, but so are some of our generation’s greatest writers.

    Back in late 2016, after Eichenwald made some untoward comment about President-Elect Donald Trump being some kind of big bad mean awful person, he became the target of a certain Texas man named John Rayne Rivello, who made the following comments to other Twitter users in private using his account “@jew_goldstein”:

    [Eichenwald] deserves to have his liver pecked out by a pack of emus.

    I hope this sends him into a seizure.

    Let’s see if he dies.

    I know he has epilepsy.

    On December 15, 2016, Rivello sent Eichenwald a “GIF that strobed violently across his computer screen, flashing a red, yellow and blue geometric pattern behind the words ‘YOU DESERVE A SEIZURE FOR YOUR POSTS.’”

    Eichenwald had a seizure and claims he would have died if his wife hadn’t discovered his unconscious bulk only moments later.

    The FBI also found screenshots where Rivello had altered Eichenwald’s Wikipedia page to where the date of his death was the day he received the strobe-lit meme.

    According to a brief filed on Eichenwald’s behalf:

    A brawler who tattoos a message onto his knuckles does not throw every punch with the weight of First Amendment protection behind him. Conduct like this does not constitute speech, nor should it. A deliberate attempt to cause physical injury to someone does not come close to the expression which the First Amendment is designed to protect.

    On January 31, Rivello is expected to plead guilty to aggravated assault. It’s probably the right thing to do, even though we find it physically impossible to feel bad for Kurt Eichenwald.


    Racism can be conscious and unconscious. Anti-racist lecturers want to talk about your unconscious racism, because, unlike you, they’re conscious about it. The racist things that go on in your unconscious are sickening to them, and they’re here to make you feel ashamed about them—even though you’re unaware of them.

    Coloradans apparently are guilt-stricken that their state is only 4.1% black—less than a third of the national average—and we are certain there are people in states all across this land who’d be willing to help Coloradans assuage their guilt by sending their black people there.

    Regan Byrd is an “anti-oppression consultant” based in Denver. In case you haven’t guessed, she is extremely fat and black and wouldn’t be pretty even if she lost a lot of weight.

    Regan—seriously, is there a whiter girl’s name than that?—seems to make quite a pretty penny browbeating people in this predominantly white state about racism, specifically about how they’re racist even if they don’t know it, and even if they are willing to be scolded about how racist they are, they’ll probably $#@! it up anyway because they’re white and can’t possibly have an idea what it’s like to live in this racist society:

    Being non-racist only exists under this individual-character status. Being anti-racist is, ‘I understand how racism works as an oppressive system and I’m actively working against that.’ And another distinction: You can be non-racist and contribute to a racist system. Because being neutral as a system rolls along means you’re contributing….I always like to say that some of the hardest work in anti-racism is convincing people who don’t think this is a problem that it is an issue. ‘Oh, I don’t talk to my racist uncle anymore.’ Doing that is not helping the work. White folks listen to white folks differently; that’s why allyship is important.

    She seriously didn’t just pretend that “allyship” is a word, did she? Suddenly, after all these years, we’re becoming fully conscious of our racism—and we blame Megan Byrd.

  12. #70
    the fact that we can’t think of a single promise he made on which he has delivered
    Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

    Robert Heinlein

    Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler

    Groucho Marx

    I love mankind…it’s people I can’t stand.

    Linus, from the Peanuts comic

    You cannot have liberty without morality and morality without faith

    Alexis de Torqueville

    Those who fail to learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.
    Those who learn from the past are condemned to watch everybody else repeat it

    A Zero Hedge comment

  13. #71
    The Week That Perished


    December 29, 2019

    The Week’s Crustiest, Rustiest, and Mustiest Headlines


    Robert De Niro is a formerly great actor who, alas, has gone paunchy and senile.

    Along with everyone else in the entertainment industry, De Niro received the memo that if he ever wants to eat lunch in Hollywood again, he must flail about flapping his arms like one of those weird inflatable puppets you see on used-car lots about how Donald Trump is the most evil thing ever to happen to our galaxy and if we don’t neutralize him immediately, our planet will explode and Satan will win.

    De Niro has formerly said that he would like to punch Trump in the face. All we’ll say about that is that he’ll have to aim high, seeing as Trump is four inches taller than the scrappy Sicilian half-pint.

    He has also called Trump a “monster.” And a “pig.” And a “punk.” He also said Trump is “too stupid to even know he is evil.”

    From all appearances, Robert De Niro is very upset with Trump—that is, unless he’s acting.

    In a sit-down interview with that seeping tub of suet named Michael Moore, De Niro expressed a desire to see feces—whether human or animal, he didn’t specify—smeared across our one and only president’s face:

    There has not been one thing about this person that has been redeeming, as far as I can see….I’d like to see a bag of $#@! right in his face. Hit him right in the face like that, and let the picture go all over the world. He needs to be humiliated. He needs to be confronted and humiliated by whoever his opponent is….They have to stand up to him, they don’t have to do it in an obvious physical way, but they have to have the formidability to confront him and to put him in his place, because the people have to see that, to see him be humiliated.

    Neither Travis Bickle nor Rupert Pupkin ever sounded that crazy. Suddenly it becomes clear that Robert De Niro has never acted a day in his life—he’s simply a mental defective behaving naturally.


    Ignorance leads to fear, which leads to hate. Hate then leads to more ignorance, which is scary. Scary ignorance then leads to more hate, which always ends in violence. If there’s anything worth hating and fearing, it’s ignorance. And for all the ignorant people out there, don’t be hatin’ on what I just said. It just shows that you’re afraid.

    Adolfo Martinez’s mother probably cursed him from birth by naming him after Hitler. Actually, we’re not certain that’s why she named him “Adolfo,” but c’mon, lady, your son was born a mere 30 years ago at a time when everyone knew that Hitler’s unforgivable sins had rendered both his name and his mustache off-limits for eternity.

    Not to knock his mom too much, but either she didn’t tell him not to hate ***** or Li’l Adolfo didn’t listen to her. The homophobic Hispanic from Iowa just received a 16-year sentence for stealing an LGBTQ flag that was hanging outside Ames United Church of Christ and burning it outside Dangerous Curves Gentleman’s Club on June 11.

    Has anyone ever seen a gentleman at a “gentleman’s club”?

    Martinez received his harsh sentence not completely because homosexuals’ feelings are so sacred that we must protect them no matter how insanely sadistic the punishment is, but because he’s a habitual offender. But make no mistake—the fact that he will spend 16 revolutions around the sun while trapped in a cage is intended to send a message to anyone foolhardy enough to set flame to something that is sacred to the flamers.


    What kind of world do we live in where a man can pretend to be a woman so long as he doesn’t break character and say, “OK, I’m only pretending”?

    Debbie Hayton is a physics teacher in England’s dreary Midlands. Debbie’s parents probably named Debbie something like “Jack” or Nigel,” but we don’t want to “deadname” Debbie and get put on some hit list. At some point in recent years, Debbie legally changed Debbie’s name and received hormone treatment and sex-assignment therapy.

    Whew. At least we were able to get through that entire paragraph without saying “her.”

    At some event organized by a group of killjoys called Fair Play for Women, Debbie committed the self-hate crime of wearing a T-shirt that said:

    Trans women are men. Get over it!

    Debbie is facing expulsion from the LGBT committee of the Trades Union Congress for not only wearing the shirt, but for opining thusly in a published essay:

    Trans women are biologically male — in fact, being male is the sole qualifying criterion to be a trans woman

    Where’s the lie? In fact, the only lie we could spot is that this creatures calls itself “Debbie” and wants us to lie and say he’s a chick.

    According to Maria Exall, who looks like she could be Tucker Carlson’s younger, underachieving brother, Debbie’s comments crossed that “line” we keep hearing about:

    [Debbie has] gone beyond discourse, and the expression of alternative viewpoints, and is now propagating hate speech against the trans community.

    But that’s simply not true. And neither is the fact that Debbie is really a “Debbie.”

    This is all one eternally spiraling headache. Does anyone have any aspirin—like, five or six of them?


    We always considered ex-New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani to be a devout and likely Mob-connected Catholic, so it comes as a wee bit of a shock to hear him say that when it comes to Jewishness, he can out-Jew George Soros any day of the week.

    Responding to the allegation that any criticism of George Soros is rooted in anti-Semitism, Giuliani dismissed such meshugga goy talk:

    Don’t tell me I’m anti-Semitic if I oppose him….Soros is hardly a Jew. I’m more of a Jew than Soros is. I probably know more about — he doesn’t go to church, he doesn’t go to religion — synagogue. He doesn’t belong to a synagogue, he doesn’t support Israel, he’s an enemy of Israel. He’s elected eight anarchist DA’s in the United States. He’s a horrible human being.

    When a reporter later asked Giuliani how any Catholic could out-Jew any Jew, much less one as prominent as Soros, he said, “I’m more Jewish than half my friends.”

    Yeah, but what if half of his friends aren’t Jewish? And how is he measuring Jewishness, anyway? We’ll believe him when we see notarized test results proving that he has a serum blood level of at least 2.3 Jewtrons or higher.


    If you were writing a short story and wanted to make one of the characters a sex offender, it’s hard to go wrong with a name like “Kurt M. Bumby.” The guy just sounds like a deviant.

    Bumby, 50, is a Missouri-based “forensic psychologist and national leader in the field of sex offender management.” For two decades he’s been advising governmental agencies across the country in the fine art of “sex offender management.” Just last month he was paid a staggering $280,000 merely for delivering a report to the Arizona Supreme Court about how to better manage sex offenders and, we dunno, make them less sexually offensive.

    Now he is facing charges in both St. Louis County and Columbia County, MO for child sex crimes against two separate children. The St. Louis case involves molestation charges from 1988 to 1994 while Bumby was in college. The alleged victim was the member of a family Bumby had befriended and would visit on weekends. The Boone County charges allege that Bumby sodomized yet another child of a family friend between 2008 and 2015.

    You always have to keep an eye on the do-gooders. Always. More often than not, they’re the worst.


    In a climate where it often feels like the entire Western media is trying to gaslight you, we find solace and comfort in the magical world of African journalism.

    Olatunji Ololade is one of our favorite African journalists, and we only say that because we aren’t aware of many African journalists. But he has a very lyrical name that rolls off the tongue almost as if one were practicing cunnilingus. He recently penned a diatribe for Nigeria’s The Nation which hints that African males are dealing with the same problems that besiege Western males:

    ‘Toxic masculinity’ is the new rage. It connotes everything supposedly wrong with Nigeria’s male folk. Coined in Western feminist circuits, an obsession with it at the homefront highlights the workings of the misandrist mind. Yea, most of Nigerian feminists are misandrists or closet man-haters….
    By chanting the sins of toxic maleness, they seek to force men on a defensive swerve. With delusional certitude, they aim to usurp the patriarchy and seize control of society. But like all things novel, they will enjoy their seasons of anomie and pretension to sentience. They will seem to ‘run things,’ until their sand castles come tumbling down….
    The Nigerian man must, however, live to thwart the onset of feminist dystopia. Right now, he manifests as a lost cause. Having strayed in the maze of perverse feminist plots and literature, he navigates manhood, answering to name-plates forged by his nemesis….
    By remoulding him into a demon, a doormat and social affliction, feral feminists or Feminazis, if you like, have gained an edge over him. The exploitative nature of rapists, murderers, looters, assassins, paedophiles, and tyrants among men further affirms misandrist claims against the Nigerian man….

    Is there any way we can hire this man to write a weekly column?

  14. #72
    The Week That Perished


    January 05, 2020

    The Week’s Most Obscure, Impure, and Insecure Headlines


    Years before he declared his candidacy for the presidency, Donald Trump made the following tweets:

    In order to get elected, @BarackObama will start a war with Iran. (11/29/11)

    @Barack Obama will attack Iran in order to get re-elected. (1/17/12)

    I predict that President Obama will at some point attack Iran in order to save face! (9/16/13)

    Remember that I predicted a long time ago that President Obama will attack Iran because of his inability to negotiate properly-not skilled! (11/10/13)

    On Thursday, the Pentagon declared that a US missile had ripped Iranian General Qassem Soleimani to shreds. Soleimani had been a member of Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps since 1988 and was the head of an elite military division known as the Quds Force. He was killed in Iraq, which has never come close to recovering after US military actions ousted Saddam Hussein and rendered the country an anarchic mess.

    There were unconfirmed reports that after the assassination, US Marines in Baghdad were actively arresting any Iraqi politician who declared an intent to democratically vote US forces out of their country.

    Iranian officials have announced that they will allow the nation to mourn for three days before striking back.

    During his presidential campaign, Trump had insisted repeatedly that American military involvement in the Middle East was ill-advised and disastrous.

    And now he may have started World War III.


    As annoying as Pete Buttigieg is, and as much as he supports insane policies such as decriminalizing the act of having unprotected sex with someone without informing them you’re HIV-positive, every once in a pink moon the smarmy little gerbil-stuffer will adopt a policy that doesn’t sound completely fake and gay.

    In a pre-Christmas interview with the Des Moines Register, Buttigieg says he supports the decriminalization of all illegal drugs, which is not the same as legalizing them—violators would still be subject to fines and mandatory drug counseling, but they wouldn’t be locked away for years in the Stony Lonesome, nursing a cancerous grudge against a society so stupid that they think torturing someone will make them better:

    The idea that you can criminalize addiction or the idea that incarceration is the right way to handle possession—I think has been disproven by American experience over the course of my lifetime….

    I would not have said even five years ago what I believe now, which is that incarceration should not even be a response to drug possession.

    But what I’ve seen is—while there continue to be all kinds of harms associated with drug possession and use—it’s also the case that we have created, in an effort to deal with what amounts to a public health problem, we have created a bigger problem, a justice problem, and its own form of a health problem, if you think about the impact on a child.

    We are no fans of addicts. A good case can be made that a chronic alcoholic or drug addict can cause more systemic damage and suffering to those around them than someone who gets violent every ten years.

    But has society benefited from the effective legalization of opiates through the mass-marketing of drugs such as Oxycontin? Are we any better off that children are being force-fed legal speed in the form of Adderall and Ritalin? We don’t have Prohibition anymore, but we still have 88,000 alcohol-related deaths annually.

    There’s no easy answer. Drug overdose deaths from illegal substances and prescription pills appear to be at an all-time high.

    Clearly we live in a society that makes people want to escape from it.


    The headline in The Sun read, “Transgender man gives birth to non-binary partner’s baby with sperm donated by transgender woman,” a sentence that is crammed with so much unreality, it makes us dizzy.

    We now live in a world where men give birth to babies who were conceived with female sperm.

    The story expects us to celebrate the sordid little saga of 39-year-old Reuben Sharpe, who was born a woman, just gave birth to a baby about three months ago, and is still genetically a woman—don’t let the beard fool you.

    Reuben’s “partner” is a “non-binary” person named Jay. Reuben was impregnated via sperm donated by a “transgender woman” and was inserted into his male womb by a transgender doctor.

    We feel pity for the baby and contempt for everyone else involved.


    Last year, a black British rap star named Stormzy established a scholarship fund at Cambridge University exclusively for black students. He felt the need to explain that his motives were pro-black and not anti-white.

    However, two elite British schools—Winchester College and Dulwich College—have decided not to accept a total of 1.2 million pounds in scholarships targeted for low-income white boys offered by a 96-year-old philanthropist named Sir Bryan Thwaites.

    He argued that since poverty-stricken British white boys tend to perform worse at school than boys from other backgrounds, the scholarship was designed to help the disadvantaged. Boys in the British school system score an average of seven points lower than girls in math and English at grade 5. Only about a third of poor white students of both sexes score passing grades in math and English.

    After both schools rejected the scholarship offer, Sir Bryan said:

    If Cambridge University can accept a much larger donation in support of black students, why cannot I do the same for underprivileged white British? Winchester said it would harm its reputation by accepting my bequest, but in my opinion it would gain enormously by being seen to address what is the severe national problem of the underperforming white cohort in schools.

    Please remember that race is only a social construct—unless white people are being ordered to pay reparations or are being denied rewards. In those cases, everyone can identify a white person in under a minute.


    Is it even possible to be a lesbian Muslim? Doesn’t their religion forbid the eating of shellfish?

    An elderly-looking Muslim woman in England named Kiki Muddar somehow hypnotized Polly Chowdhury into taking her young daughter Ayesha and leaving her husband by pulling dirty online tricks such as posing on Facebook as a male lover named “Jimmy.” She even pretended to channel Jimmy’s voice while having lesbian sex with Polly.

    Via text message, Muddar used a mythical Islamic demonic entity called “Skyman” to convince Chowdhury that little Ayesha was “evil” and a “witch” who needed to be murdered. Eight-year-old Ayesha’s tortured screams were often heard by neighbors, who also reported that they heard her promising not to be bad. She was subjected to a session of “lengthy torture” before finally being murdered via a blow to the head. She was found with over 50 injuries.

    When paramedics found Ayesha’s body, Muddar reportedly told them: “Ayesha is always naughty. She was a naughty child and her mum thought she was possessed by the devil.”

    Surely there are Muslim lesbians who are smarter criminals than this?

    After the murderous lesbos were convicted, Ayesha’s father told reporters:

    It is impossible for me to sum up what has happened in the last couple of years….Our world fell apart. Everything that had happened over the past few years collapsed in a blink of an eye. Our world crumbled right in front of us…For moments in my life I block the world out completely and I try to only think about Ayesha, my princess, her smile, her presence, her words and her kisses….In my heart our princess Ayesha shall forever remain.

    The year is young, but that’s the saddest thing we’ve read all year.


    Sabrina Javellana is a precocious 22-year-old Vice Mayor of Hallandale Beach, FL, and it appears that she will not rest at night until Dixie Highway—which passes through much of Florida—is renamed something like “Freedom Highway,” or at least the part that passes through her town:

    Dixie was the term for the South during the Civil War. It was also a song that became the anthem of the Confederacy, with lyrics that were painting a positive imagery of slavery, talking positively of picking cotton. It’s not reflective of the times we’re in.

    A similar proposal was tendered in 2017 by a certain Rep. Shevrin Jones of Hollywood, FL, who suggested that the highway be renamed after either Harriet Tubman or Barack Obama.

    We suggest they rename it Suck My Dixie Highway and deal with Florida’s innumerable real-life problems. That place is horrifying top to bottom in the present moment, so they need to quit worrying about things that happened 155 years ago.


    For the longest time—in other words, the entirety of human history up until about five minutes ago—males considered the inability to find an attractive female mate to be a source of fundamental and crippling shame.

    But for many incels—a portmanteau of “involuntary celibates”—the fact that no woman on earth will lubricate them is not their genetic bad luck so much as they are the innocent victims of a conspiracy between government agents, virile males, and, of course, “the feminists.”

    On a forum called “,” a commenter called Metabuxx—unless he’s a really funny troll—quite seriously suggested that governments refuse to provide plastic surgery—which he calls “looksmaxing”—to low-status males as part of a plan to commit genocide against the poor male beasts with whom no women wish to copulate [republished with typos intact]:

    The biggest problem most nations face today is overpopulation and there are very few ways to control it. First one is genocide of subhuman beta males as we are nothing more than biological wastes and our deaths won’t affect the economies of nations at all. …

    Government wants the new generation of men to be the descendants of Chads and Tyrones solely and since only 5% of men will be breeding with 100% of foids [slang for “femoids,” AKA “females”], the population is bound to decrease.…

    And the government extending its full support to the feminist movement whose primary purpose to put an end to the practices of women cohabiting with beta males further supports my theory. This is the reason why feminists glorify cheating, polyamory, abortions, hookup culture and women who do these things are labeled as empowered and independent….

    The reason why governments won’t fund looksmaxing surgeries is because if we get it, we’ll be as good as Chads and foids won’t be able to spot the difference between us and natural Chads. And if some foid mistakenly bred with us our subhuman genes won’t be exterminated from the genepool, which is not what the government wants….

    He sounds like a really sexy and well-adjusted young lad. It’s a mystery why women don’t want him.

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  16. #73
    The Week That Perished


    January 12, 2020

    The Week’s Most Insurgent, Convergent, and Divergent Headlines


    So-called “comedian” George Lopez must have had a near-fatal case of acne as a teenager, seeing as how his skin looks like a strip of beef jerky after withstanding aggressive mortar fire. Even though he was born in Los Angeles, he acts like he not only deserves to live in America, but that all the other tiny brown people of Mexican descent actually have something to offer American culture when their accomplishments are considered as a whole.

    Lopez’s “jokes” consist of nothing beyond the supremely stale “Did you ever notice that white guys do this when they’re standing at urinals?” routines that should properly be classified as felonious hate speech and should have seen Lopez deported at the very least.

    Responding to rumors that Iran had put a$80-million bounty on Donald Trump’s head as revenge for America’s targeted assassination of Iranian Major General Qassem Soleimani, Lopez used his greasy and stubby brownish fingers to type:

    We’ll do it for half.

    This is clearly a direct threat to the life of the President of These Right Here United States, and in a simpler and saner time it would have led to Lopez’s immediate arrest and lifelong public humiliation leading to premature cancer and a howlingly painful death.

    When “conservatives” online noticed this, “liberals” said something along the lines of, “Well, when your boy Ted Nugent told Barack Obama to suck on his machine gun all those years ago, we didn’t make a big stink about it,” although in reality they made such a big stink that it would have killed everyone, assuming that smells are able to kill.

    At press time, Lopez has not been arrested by the FBI; neither has anyone offered him $40 million to kill the president, simply because Mexicans don’t have that kind of dough.


    Ricky Gervais is a British comedian who strikes us as effeminate, but that might be because all British males strike us as effeminate.

    While hosting the Golden Globes for like the dozenth time last week as if anyone ever cared about the Golden Globes, Gervais saw fit to give Hollywood a tongue-lashing for its tendency to support serial sex pests such as Harvey Weinstein so long as they spew the acceptable platitudes about women and racism and Donald Trump. In the midst of insinuating that Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself, Gervais also lambasted the crowd of insufferable finger-pointers for causing human suffering with all their finger-pointing:

    If you do win an award tonight, don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg. If you win, thank your agent, thank your god, and $#@! off.

    In a sane world, George Lopez would be Ricky Gervais’s gardener.


    We all know Americans are dumb, although we don’t like to admit it; we also don’t like to admit that most Americans are so dumb that they don’t even know they’re dumb.

    As the Zio-corporate-banking-pedohomo elite try to rally America’s masses to get excited about yet another tedious and likely endless war in the Middle East, only 28% of Americans are even able to “point out Iran on a zoomed-in map of the region.” Men were about twice as likely as women to correctly point out Iran on maps, but that’s because everyone knows that women can’t read maps and are far happier being barefoot in the kitchen with one baby in the oven and another hanging off her teat.


    In case you were some kind of paranoid conspiracy theorist who doesn’t actually believe Jeffrey Epstein killed himself last summer, officials from New York’s Metropolitan Correctional Center have a handy explanation for why there is no video evidence from right outside his cell at the time of his death:

    After reviewing the video, it appeared to the government that the footage contained on the preserved video was for the correct date and time, but captured a different tier than the one where [the cell housing Epstein and his cellmate] was located because the preserved video did not show corrections officers responding to any of the cells seen on the video.

    Gosh, what are the odds? Well, at least that explains it.


    The moment that Mrs. Lump made the decision to name her little baby boy “Chauncy Devonte,” she was dooming him to a life of crime. It’s bad enough when your last name is “Lump,” and the mere addition of “Chauncy” makes it so much worse. However, tacking on a “Devonte” will automatically make any jury member think “guilty.” The name “Devonte” should only be used sparingly, if at all.

    Baby Lump, who uses the name “BlackMan vs. America” on Facebook, is now jailed in Florida on a $100,000 bond for threatening to kill Donald Trump in retaliation for the recent assassination of Iranian military leader Abu Jabu-Jabibi or whatever his name was.

    Lump, who recorded the video less than an hour’s drive from Trump’s home at Mar-a-Lago club, wielded an AK-47 on the video and said that if no one could help him find and shoot Trump, he would have no other choice but to blow up all of Broward County, FL. Even if he were to do so, that would leave 66 counties in Florida, which still seems excessive.

    Not that we’re suggesting he do anything illegal, but the world could always do with less Florida.


    Philadelphia is a wonderfully crass and horrifically decaying urban colossus that, unlike most American cities, has its own cuisine, accent, and annual New Year’s Parade where a bunch of banjo-playing drunks dressed like glam-era Elton John strut down Broad Street to the delight of the rest of the city’s drunks.

    It’s called the Mummers Parade, and like so many other things about Philly, there’s truly nothing like it anywhere else in the world.

    Because the Mummers are primarily composed of drunk white guys who play banjos, they tend to be insensitive to modern pieties. The 2016 parade saw two separate scandals involving the sin of mocking Caitlyn Jenner paired with the sin of dressing up as tacos and painting their faces brown. The 2019 installment featured one of the brigades showcasing a black man leading a white man on a leash.

    This year, a Mummers group called Froggy Carr faced backlash when one of its members, a certain Kevin Kinkel, wore blackface to honor a recently deceased friend who also had a habit of wearing blackface.

    Kinkel also said that he has, on occasion, actually spoken with real-life black people, who fail to see what the big dillio is:

    I talk to black people. They told me, ‘What are you talking about? You can wear whatever you want. That ain’t discriminating me. That ain’t racist to me.’ That’s what they tell me….I don’t do this a lot. My friend, he passed away. He wore blackface, so I’m doing this for him. I’ll be done with it after this year. But we ain’t racist and we don’t look for trouble.

    It’s a sad state of affairs in America when you can’t even wear blackface to honor a dead friend.


    Lesbians are so annoying that we are seriously thinking they should be taxed more than everyone else.

    Their divorce rate is twice as high as the gay divorce rate, mainly because women hate one another more than any man could ever possibly hate them.

    Lesbian ministers will do obnoxious things such as mock the very name of Jesus Christ by claiming they are in an open sexual relationship with him. But if you dare to mock their lifestyle, they will cast you into the pit of hell—metaphorically speaking, of course. In the real world, God doesn’t even speak to lesbians, much less let them decide who receives eternal damnation.

    Lesbian teenagers will do sneaky things such as wear baseball caps, pose as male, and thereby seduce unwitting girls into sexual relationships under false pretenses of actually having a functional penis able to stimulate her insides to the point of climax.

    Lesbians—you just can’t trust ’em.

  17. #74
    The Week That Perished


    January 19, 2020

    The Week’s Most Pointed, Anointed, and Disjointed Headlines


    Standing a mere inch or two shy of eight feet tall, Vince Vaughn is a mediocre actor who has never been in a great film. He has starred in a string of anemic and mildly retarded Hollywood comedies which in a generation will be more forgotten than Orson Bean’s valet or Edward Everett Horton’s podiatrist.

    Like actors such as Jon Voight, Mel Gibson, and Clint Eastwood, though, Vaughn differs from most of Hollywood in that he doesn’t take his marching orders from some vaginismus-afflicted, man-castrating, gleefully baby-aborting Democratic Party apparatchik. He claims to be a “conservative,” an essentially meaningless stance that only becomes brave when one considers that in Hollywood, it’s an act of career suicide.

    Last Monday night at the College Football National Championship, Vaughn did the Hollywood equivalent of blowing out his brains on live television—he took a moment to speak cordially with President Trump. From all appearances, it was a friendly conversation.

    Seeing as how Trump has openly encouraged a nihilist wave of right-wing white-nationalist violence that threatens to become another Holocaust even though nothing we just said is remotely true, Vaughn’s Hollywood cohorts lambasted and demonized and ostracized and tut-tutted him.

    The climate is such that it’s controversial for a major Hollywood star to be friendly with the president.

    There were recriminations, death threats, and murmurs about a second Civil War. Triggered people accused the people who triggered them of being snowflakes, who in turn mocked them for being triggered. The left said the right was intolerant. The right said, no, that’s you who are the intolerant ones. People stopped talking to one another. Then everyone went home. Some of them ate a sandwich. Others, quite likely, stayed up all night and tweeted. Perhaps even one of them killed themselves, and as things currently stand, Vaughn might be the only sane one in the bunch.

    Mind you, we’re not encouraging anyone to kill themselves. But the way things are, we can understand the temptation.


    Reeaz Khan is a 21-year-old illegal immigrant from a backwards country called Guyana. The fact that he’s an illegal alien and is still in our country is evidence that our country is broken.

    Even though we’re pretty sure the War Between the States was fought because the South disobeyed the federal government, we’re not sure how that’s different from several progressive mayors’ current practice of declaring one’s city to be a safe sanctuary for illegal immigrants to flout federal law. Isn’t there already some kind of law against saying, “Hey, you—that’s right, you—please come to my city and break the law”?

    As already implied, this “Khan” dude—who has that sort of atavistic indigenous South American tree-swinger look as if Dee Dee Ramone and Mowgli from the Jungle Book cartoon had a baby—should have been ejected from this country merely for being here without permission. But he was freed without bail in November for assault and gun charges. And despite an ICE request to hold him for deportation, he was released.

    Surveillance footage suggests that it was Khan who raped and murdered 92-year-old Maria Fuertes late at night January 6 on a street in Queens. The woman, known to locals as “Grandma,” had ventured out into the bracing cold to buy cat food. Police say Khan attacked her and dragged her to the ground during a struggle, whereupon he raped her and left her lying “incoherent” on the street with a broken spine and rib fractures.

    Fuertes died later at the hospital.

    Khan, showing the sort of stupidity that serves as a further argument why he should never have been let into this country, told detectives that, yes, he was present at the crime scene but, no, he did not attack her. He said he chanced upon the woman lying on the ground and was trying to help her up when suddenly “he fell down, his belt broke, his pants fell down and his penis fell near her vagina.” He reportedly confessed to detectives that he suffers from “uncontrollable urges” and that “something came over him,” at which point he “’lifted up Fuertes’s skirt and [tried] to put his penis inside of her.”

    A few days later in an interview with the New York Daily News, Khan scoffed at the idea that he would ever need to rape a 92-year-old woman, noting that he had a girlfriend and had, in the past, engaged in sexual relations with other women who weren’t nonagenarians.


    Kyle Jurek is a scruffy communist with a ridiculous beard who encourages a violent overthrow of the billionaire class on behalf of the international workers’ movement. Judging from our extensive experience observing such characters, we’d bet anything that he inherited a huge trust fund and has never toiled at an honest working-class job in his life.

    Jurek is also a paid staffer on the presidential campaign of the eternally appopleptic Bernie Sanders, whom we thought had been permanently derailed by a heart attack only a few weeks ago.

    In a recent filmed interview with the undercover rascals of Project Veritas, Jurek spouted the same insane totalitarian and fact-free mind-reading nonsense about how everyone who opposes Bernie is a “fascist” who openly encourages the literal genocide of everyone who doesn’t match their racial phenotype and therefore must be greeted with a terrifying wave of preemptive violence if we don’t want another Holocaust and all the endless movies that a second Holocaust would necessitate:

    The only thing that works, the only thing that fascists understand is violence. So, the only way you can confront them is with violence….I mean, we gotta try, so like, in Nazi Germany after the fall of the Nazi party there was a $#@!-ton of the populace that was $#@!ing Nazified. Germany had to spend billions of dollars re-educating their $#@!ing people to not be Nazis. Like, we’re probably going to have to do the same $#@!ing thing here. That’s kind of what Bernie’s whole $#@!ing like, ‘hey, free education for everybody!’ because we’re going to have to teach you to not be a $#@!ing Nazi….If Bernie doesn’t get the nomination or it goes to a second round at the DNC convention, $#@!ing Milwaukee will burn….We’re gonna make 1978 [1968] look like a $#@!ing girl scout $#@!ing cookout. Remember what happened when McGovern [McCarthy] got $#@!ed in Chicago in 1978 [1968]? Riots. $#@!ing people getting beaten by the cops. The cops are gonna be the ones that are getting $#@!ing beaten in Milwaukee. They’re gonna call up the National Guard for that $#@!. I promise you that. If Bernie doesn’t, if they $#@!ing take Bernie from us, then we have nothing else left to lose.

    $#@!in’ $#@! $#@! $#@!-ton of $#@!in’ $#@! revolution and murder and $#@!.

    This idiot thinks the DNC riots in Chicago happened in 1978 and had something to do with George McGovern. He’s also advocating violence and riots against “Nazis” while pretending that “Nazis” run America.

    He needs to be shorn of his beard on national television. If we were the violence-advocating type, we would also say he needs to be shorn of his head, but that would make us as bad as him—and that’s the last thing we want.


    If you are one of those small-minded people who thinks that Baltimore only excels in murder, rioting, racial segregation, and rodent infestations, you need to broaden your horizons—CDC data says that Charm City has the highest rate of STD infections in the entire nation!

    In raw numbers, Los Angeles takes the cake, with over 90,000 reported cases of people who wound up with an unwanted affliction after an amorous encounter. Then come, in order, Chicago, Houston, Phoenix, and Philly. Of the 50 states, California had the highest total number of infections, followed by Ohio and Texas.


    But as far as per-capita infections go, Baltimore stands proudly alone as the only American city of 150,000 or more people with more than 2,000 STD cases per 100K in population. Other cities that made the Top 20 include San Francisco (of course), Milwaukee, and Peoria, which suddenly sounds more interesting to us.

    Half of the cities in the Top 20 were in the South, which is to be expected. There isn’t much to do down there besides having sex.


    Grindr is a smartphone app that encourages lonely homosexuals to meet under mysterious and anonymous circumstances in order to swap bodily fluids containing deadly viruses.

    But sometimes, there’s a dark side.

    After using Grindr to arrange a casual sexual hookup, a bald and obese 25-year-old Michigan hairstylist named Kevin Bacon—no, not that Kevin Bacon—was “found hanging upside down with his testicles cut off” at the residence of Mark Latunski, a man who vaguely resembles Rasputin, on Devember 28. Authorities suspect that Latunski had also cooked and eaten Bacon’s balls.

    Grindr is clearly a symptom of a sick society. We need to return to a traditionalist framework in which homosexuals meet one another at church.


    Peter Brimelow is the author of the anti-immigration classic Alien Nation and the publisher of the anti-immigration site

    Brimelow is an affable fellow with a thick British accent that requires subtitles. Although well into his 70s, his leonine mane of hair makes him look like he could be singing for Herman’s Hermits in Vegas.

    He recently made the extremely wise move of suing The New York Times to the tune of $5 million for labeling him an “open white nationalist.”

    If the Times actually practiced journalism instead of peddling ideology, they would realize that to qualify as a “white nationalist,” much less an “open” one, someone would have had to have said, at least once in their 70+ years, something along the lines of “I desire an all-white nation.”

    Brimelow has never done this. Then again, hardly any of the people whom the press routinely smear as “white supremacists”—and in this day and age, it’s a smear on the level of “child molester”—ever come close to fitting the dictionary definition of a white supremacist.

    We wish Brimelow good fortune in his lawsuit. In the event that he wins, we hope it sets a precedent. They can’t keep getting away with this.

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