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Thread: The Year is 2059

  1. #1

    The Year is 2059

    Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern North American Union crops and livestock.

    Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

    Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

    Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

    Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

    George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.

    Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

    Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

    85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Another study is requested to confirm results.

    Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year.

    Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

    International Labour Union still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for .005 BTC per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

    Following London, Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

    Supreme International Court rules civil rights are illegal due to not serving the public interest.

    New international law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

    IRS (International Revenue Service) sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

    Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines, asks UN for permission to investigate.

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  3. #2
    Satire is still illegal.

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