I’m Done Pretending Men Are Safe (Even My Sons)

[Origanalist]

(This woman has a suicidal son..https://www.facebook.com/Jodyallarda...65911066901713 and writes stuff like this.)

By Jody Allard
July 6, 2017



If the feminist men—the men who proudly declare their progressive politics and their fight for quality—aren’t safe, then what man is? No man, I fear.

I have two sons. They are strong and compassionate—the kind of boys other parents are glad to meet when their daughters bring them home for dinner. They are good boys, in the ways good boys are, but they are not safe boys. I’m starting to believe there’s no such thing.

I wrote an essay in The Washington Post last year, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...=.8fb8277ea98f during the height of the Brock Turner case, about my sons and rape culture. I didn’t think it would be controversial when I wrote it; I was sure most parents grappled with raising sons in the midst of rape culture. The struggle I wrote about was universal, I thought, but I was wrong. My essay went semi-viral, and for the first time my sons encountered my words about them on their friends’ phones, their teachers’ computers, and even overheard them discussed by strangers on a crowded metro bus. It was one thing to agree to be written about in relative obscurity, and quite another thing to have my words intrude on their daily lives.

One of my sons was hurt by my words, although he’s never told me so. He doesn’t understand why I lumped him and his brother together in my essay. He sees himself as the “good” one, the one who is sensitive and thoughtful, and who listens instead of reacts. He doesn’t understand that even quiet misogyny is misogyny, and that not all sexists sound like Twitter trolls. He is angry at me now, although he won’t admit that either, and his anger led him to conservative websites and YouTube channels; places where he can surround himself with righteous indignation against feminists, and tell himself it’s ungrateful women like me who are the problem.

I teeter frequently between supporting my son and educating him. Is it my job as his mother to ensure he feels safe emotionally, no matter what violence he spews? Is it my job as his mother to steer and educate, no matter how much that education challenges his view of himself? I think it’s both, but the balance between the two has proven impossible to pinpoint. When I hear his voice become defensive, I back off but question whether I’m doing him any favors by allowing his perception of himself to go unchallenged. When I confront him with his own sexism, I question whether I’m pushing too hard and leaving him without an emotional safe space in his home.

As a single mother, I sometimes wonder whether the real problem is that my sons have no role models for the type of men I hope they become. But when I look around at the men I know, I’m not sure a male partner would fill that hole. Where are these men who are enlightened but not arrogant? Who are feminists without self-congratulation? If my sons need role models, they may have to become their own.

I joined Bumble recently, after a six-plus year break from dating. I’m not overly interested in dating in the first place, but I’m starved for adult conversation so dating feels like a necessary evil. Bumble, as I explained to my married friends, is like the feminist Tinder. Women have to initiate contact with men, so at least there’s no inbox full of dick picks every day. But, feminist or not, the men are no different from the men anywhere else and I quickly felt deflated. If the feminist men — the men who proudly declare their progressive politics and their fight for quality — aren’t safe, then what man is? No man, I fear.

I know I’m not supposed to cast an entire sex with a single paint brush — not all men, I’m sure some readers are thinking and preparing to type or tweet. But if it’s impossible for a white person to grow up without adopting racist ideas, simply because of the environment in which they live, how can I expect men not to subconsciously absorb at least some degree of sexism? White people aren’t safe, and men aren’t safe, no matter how much I’d like to assure myself that these things aren’t true.

My sons won’t rape unconscious women behind a dumpster, and neither will most of the progressive men I know. But what all of these men share in common, even my sons, is a relentless questioning and disbelief of the female experience. I do not want to prove my pain, or provide enough evidence to convince anyone that my trauma is merited. I’m through wasting my time on people who are more interested in ideas than feelings, and I’m through pretending these people, these men, are safe.

I love my sons, and I love some individual men. It pains me to say that I don’t feel emotionally safe with them, and perhaps never have with a man, but it needs to be said because far too often we are afraid to say it. This is not a reflection of something broken or damaged in me; it is a reflection of the systems we build and our boys absorb. Those little boys grow into men who know the value of women, the value that’s been ascribed to us by a broken system, and it seeps out from them in a million tiny, toxic ways.

I don’t know what the balance is between supporting these men and educating them, but I know the toll it takes on me to try. I am too valuable and too worthy to waste my time on men who are not my flesh and blood. But as my boys grow into men, I wonder whether I’ve done enough to combat the messages they hear from everyone but me. They are good boys, and maybe that’s the best they can be in the system we’ve created for them.

Jody Allard is a former techie-turned-freelance-writer living in Seattle. She can be reached through her website, on Twitter or via her Facebook page.

hxxp://www.rolereboot.org/culture-and-politics/details/2017-07-im-done-pretending-men-safe-even-sons/#.WV5zqH_7FTl.twitter

[timosman]

It pains me to say that I don’t feel emotionally safe with them

There should be a law against that!

Leftist college students see language and violence as the same thing - http://www.ronpaulforums.com/showthr...the-same-thing

[Origanalist]

There should be a law against that!

Leftist college students see language and violence as the same thing - http://www.ronpaulforums.com/showthr...the-same-thing

The institutions of learning have become insane asylums.

College will pay new employee $85K to advocate for illegals

Santa Clara University is now looking for a full-time staff member who will be paid a salary of up to $85,000 per year to advocate for illegal immigrant students.
Additionally, the staffer will be responsible for co-chairing a committee on "social justice" and researching the "best practices related to issues of diversity." http://www.campusreform.org/?ID=9399

[dannno]

his anger led him to conservative websites and YouTube channels; places where he can surround himself with righteous indignation against feminists, and tell himself it’s ungrateful women like me who are the problem.

Well that is a relief.

[CaptUSA]

But when I look around at the men I know, I’m not sure a male partner would fill that hole.

Those little boys grow into men who know the value of women, the value that’s been ascribed to us by a broken system, and it seeps out from them in a million tiny, toxic ways.

[phill4paul]

I’m through wasting my time on people who are more interested in ideas than feelings, and I’m through pretending these people, these men, are safe.

And I'm through wasting my time on people who are more interested in feelings than ideas, and I'm through pretending these people, these snowflakes, are safe.

So here we are.

[Anti Federalist]

That was painful...

My sons won’t rape unconscious women behind a dumpster, and neither will most of the progressive men I know. But what all of these men share in common, even my sons, is a relentless questioning and disbelief of the female experience. I do not want to prove my pain, or provide enough evidence to convince anyone that my trauma is merited. I’m through wasting my time on people who are more interested in ideas than feelings, and I’m through pretending these people, these men, are safe.

I love my sons, and I love some individual men. It pains me to say that I don’t feel emotionally safe with them, and perhaps never have with a man, but it needs to be said because far too often we are afraid to say it. This is not a reflection of something broken or damaged in me; it is a reflection of the systems we build and our boys absorb. Those little boys grow into men who know the value of women, the value that’s been ascribed to us by a broken system, and it seeps out from them in a million tiny, toxic ways.

I don’t know what the balance is between supporting these men and educating them, but I know the toll it takes on me to try. I am too valuable and too worthy to waste my time on men who are not my flesh and blood. But as my boys grow into men, I wonder whether I’ve done enough to combat the messages they hear from everyone but me. They are good boys, and maybe that’s the best they can be in the system we’ve created for them.

The best thing that can happen to your boys is to get as far the $#@! away from you as possible.

[Anti Federalist]

Men are more likely than women to take "idiotic" risks.

Idiotic risks, like attempting to break the sound barrier which cost the lives of many test pilots. Idiotic risks, such as lighting the tail end of a rocket on fire and catapulting himself into outer space. Idiotic risks, like building an armada of ships to cross the world's most tempestuous oceans in order to definitively answer the question for all of humanity that the world is, indeed, round.

These "idiotic risks" which men have taken afford women the luxury of boarding an aircraft and flying from New York to Los Angeles in 4.5 hours - while never once needing to take an interest in the basic operating principles of a jet engine. She can't explain thrust to weight ratios, but she will complain the flight was delayed 30 minutes.

Today, you can still see modern women contemplating the shape of the Earth... even though the question has been answered by men centuries ago, and most civilized 6 year-olds have already seen a globe in a classroom. Is this why anyone who says "women are smarter than men" will receive an automatic round of applause?

A modern man of mediocre intelligence can at least begin to speculate the world is round by observing the way the moon casts light and shadows exactly like a sphere. The shadow of the Earth on the moon is round during a lunar Eclipse, and when observing other planets, he will notice they are all spherical in shape. Our sun also appears circular at all angles, and so too is the motion of the night sky when photographed using an apparatus created by other men.

Modern men are not as exceptionally stupid as TIME magazine pretends. A growing population of men will refuse to subscribe to the utter nonsense perpetuated in the culture, the media, magazines, on television, or in society at large. They are passionately curious, will question everything, and are fundamental seekers of the truth - no matter how painful the truth may be. They are the men who will choose and prefer to go their own way, independent of what we are subjected to on a daily basis. Always have and always will, because if men didn't do it, who else would?

"Men are more likely than women to take idiotic risks".

Isn't that called a "wage gap"? Or is it an accomplishment gap.

[timosman]

Does she have avoidant personality disorder? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoida...ality_disorder

[Anti Federalist]

Crazy Feminist Scolds Shapiro For Offering Internship To Her Son. So Shapiro SLAMS Her With This One Hilarious Fact.

http://www.dailywire.com/news/18762/...prestigiacomo#

After being shamed by his own mother for being born male, Jared Allard is turning to conservatism.
Twitter
ByAMANDA PRESTIGIACOMO @amandapresto
July 19, 2017
It's happening: the 19-year-old Jared Allard, son of insane feminist writer Jody Allard, has submitted his resume to Daily Wire Editor-in-Chief Ben Shapiro after being offered a possible internship during a segment on Friday's Ben Shapiro Show podcast.

The request was made by Shapiro after Allard wrote a particularly disturbing post for feminist blog Role Reboot in which she called her boys, and all other men, "not safe," seemingly suggesting they are prospective rapists.

“Okay, if the son of Jody Allard is watching this right now, please write me an email,” said Shapiro during the podcast. “I would be happy to have you intern with us over at The Daily Wire. I think you deserve better than what your mother has provided to you: a label as a potential rapist.”

[angelatc]

My sons won’t rape unconscious women behind a dumpster, and neither will most of the progressive men I know.

[Suzanimal]

Allard has a habit of shaming her sons, one of whom she's described as suicidal in past posts, for being born male.

Gee, I can't imagine why her kid would be suicidal. o_O

[heavenlyboy34]

But if it’s impossible for a white person to grow up without adopting racist ideas, simply because of the environment in which they live, how can I expect men not to subconsciously absorb at least some degree of sexism? White people aren’t safe, and men aren’t safe, no matter how much I’d like to assure myself that these things aren’t true.

Conversely, why isn't everyone growing up "with racist ideas"? What magic is there in some people's skin pigmentation that causes this? And what of Cubans and other white hispanics? Fair-skinned arabs? Inquiring minds want to know!