Candidate Transitioning Into Mature Presidential Form Inside Cocoon, Aides Say
“...As soon as we informed Hillary that she had reached the number of delegates necessary to secure the Democratic nomination, she thanked the staff and then promptly began secreting a thick, resinous substance from her oral gland and fashioning it into a protective casing around herself,” said Hillary for America communications director Jennifer Palmieri, explaining to the press that Clinton has been eating several times her body weight daily while campaigning in preparation for the energy-intensive hibernation and metamorphosis process. “She completed her encasement several hours ago and is now pupating comfortably inside. As we speak, Hillary is rapidly altering, developing an entirely new anatomy and a complex vision for a united, prosperous America that works to lift up each and every one of us...”
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