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LIFESKILL - IDENTIFYING CRITTER KEEPING ME UP AT NIGHT
IT'S A BARN OWL. NOISY LITTLE BASTARD GOES ALL NIGHT LIKE THIS...
EDITED TO ADD...
MY SON JUST CAME IN THE SUN ROOM WHERE I KEEP MY LAP TOP AND HEARD THE CRAZY ASS OWL. HE STARTED PLAYING THE VIDEO I POSTED AND CRANKED UP THE VOLUME. THE OWL GOT REALLY QUIET FOR A FEW MINUTES AND NOW HE'S STARTED BACK SCREECHING WITH A VENGEANCE. I'M NOT SURE IF HE WANTS TO KILL US OR MAKE US HIS BITCHES.
LIFESKILLS FOR TODAY
TAILGATING AND WILLIE NELSON.
I FEEL SO PRODUCTIVE. IT'S ONLY 5AM AND I'VE ALREADY MADE TACO ROLL UPS FOR MY TAILGATE PARTY. I'M ON COFFEE BREAK RIGHT NOW. MR ANIMAL CAME HOME AND SAMPLED ONE. SAID THEY WERE GOOD AND TOLD ME HE FORGOT EVERYTHING HE WAS SUPPOSE TO BRING HOME. BLESS HIS HEART. HE FELT SO BAD BUT IT'S ALRIGHT, IT AIN'T NOTHING BUT A THANG. I'VE GOT ALL KINDS OF FOOD I CAN MAKE.
I'M EXCITED TO SEE WILLIE. I'M NOT SURE WHAT I'M GOING TO WEAR, THOUGH. IT WILL PROBABLY RAIN LATER AND I WANTED TO WEAR MY MAMA TRIED T-SHIRT BUT IT'S WHITE. I KNOW IT'S NOT A WILLIE SONG BUT IT'S THE ONLY COUNTRY MUSIC T-SHIRT I HAVE. PLUS, MY MOM WILL GET A KICK OUT OF IT. CUZ SHE DID TRY.
LIFESKILL...ADMITTING I DIDN'T CHECK WHAT I CLAIMED TO HAVE CHECKED.
I ORGANIZED A CONCERT/TAILGATE PARTY WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY TODAY. I TOLD EVERYONE TO MEET ME AT THE PARKING LOT AT 2 FOR TAILGATING. THEY ALL ASKED IF I WAS SURE THE LOT OPENED THAT EARLY AND I SAID YES, I'M SURE. WELL, I FIGURED I'D BETTER CHECK JUST TO BE SURE AND IT DOESN'T OPEN UNTIL 5:30. NOW, I HAVE TO CALL EVERYONE (10 COUPLES) AND TELL THEM I WAS SURE BUT I WAS WRONG.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I WAS BUMMED THAT I PLANNED IT SO EARLY BECAUSE IT'S NICE OUT AND I WANTED HAVE TIME TO TAKE A SWIM. NOW, I CAN DO BOTH.
THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA. I HAVE A STRAW COWBOY HAT THAT WILL COME IN HANDY IF IT RAINS.
IF IT DOES RAIN, I HOPE WILLIE SINGS THIS SONG. I DON'T HAVE BLUE EYES. I HAVE HAZEL EYES BUT THEY TURN GREEN DEPENDING ON WHAT I'M WEARING. CLOSE ENOUGH.
LIFESKILL...DELEGATING
I DELEGATED FIXING MY TAILGATE PARTY SCREW UP TO MR A. HE CALLED EVERYONE FOR ME. I WAS HOPING HE'D TAKE THE BLAME BUT WHEN HE WAS TALKING TO MY FRIEND'S HUSBAND HE SMILED AT ME AND SAID, YEAH, SHE'S FULL OF $#@!.
LIFESKILL...MONOCLING
I BOUGHT A MONOCLE FOR MYSELF BECAUSE KEEPING READING GLASSES ON MY HEAD WAS MESSING UP MY HAIR AND THAT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT MR PEANUT WHICH GOT ME THINKING ABOUT PEANUT BUTTER WHICH GOT ME THINKING ABOUT HOW PB USED TO COME IN GLASS JARS THAT ENDED UP STORING MY DAD'S RUSTY SCREW COLLECTION AND THAT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT THE MR PEANUT PEANUT BUTTER MAKER WE HAD. IT WAS HANDED DOWN TO ME AND I KEPT IT NEXT TO MY HOLLY HOBBY EASY BAKE OVEN THAT MY MOM CUT THE CORD ON IN THE PLAYHOUSE MY DAD BUILT ME SO I COULD MAKE MUD PIE CREATIONS AND MUTILATE BARBIES IN PEACE WITHOUT STINKY BOYS HORNING IN ON MUH FUN.
YOU DON'T SEE MUCH MR PEANUT STUFF ANYMORE BUT I DID FIND A GLASS MR PEANUT JAR AT THE THRIFT STORE. WE KEEP SUNFLOWER SEEDS IN IT.
ALSO, THE MONOCLE IS WORKING OUT PRETTY GOOD FOR ME. I GOT IT OFF EBAY BUT SINCE IT'S A CHINESE PIECE OF CRAP YOU CAN'T WEAR IT LIKE MR PEANUT OR YOUR ONE EYE LOOKS LIKE BUBBLES FROM THE TRAILER PARK BOYS. IT'S REALLY JUST A MAGNIFYING GLASS THAT HANGS AROUND YOUR NECK.
YOU ARE CORRECT. THERE WERE LOTS OF WOMEN WEARING TANK TOPS, CUT OFFS, COWBOY HATS, AND BOOTS.
I WAS TOO COLD. I WORE A THIN LONG SLEEVED STRIPPED T-SHIRT, TASTEFUL CUT OFFS, AND MY CUTE GOLD FLIP FLOPS. I JUST LET MY HAIR GO WILD AND CURLY BUT, IN HINDSIGHT, I SHOULD'VE WORN MY STRAW COWBOY HAT OR A RED BANDANNA. I BUMMED A CIGARETTE AND SINGED MY HAIR. I SUPPOSE I DESERVED IT FOR BEING A CIGARETTE HOBO.
I SAW ONE GUY WEARING A RED BANDANNA WITH FAKE WILLIE BRAIDS. I WANTED ONE SO BAD BUT I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MONEY AND MR A WAS BEING A CHEAP ASS.
BTW, MY KIDS MADE 40 FRN'S AT THE SHOW. THEY WENT AND RENTED CHAIRS FOR OUR DUMB FRIENDS WHO FORGOT THEIR CHAIRS AND WHEN THEY RENTED THEM, THEY FOUND OUT YOU GET A 1.00 BACK WHEN YOU RETURN THE CHAIR. AT THE END OF THE SHOW THEY WERE RUNNING ALL OVER THE PLACE COLLECTING CHAIRS AND RETURNING THEM FOR THE DEPOSIT.
IT WAS AMAZING WATCHING THEM RUN UP AND DOWN THAT HILL CARRYING ALL THOSE CHAIRS. I'VE NEVER SEEN THEM MOVE SO FAST.
LIFESKILL FOR TODAY...HEINZ 57 SAUCE
I AM A HEINZ 57 JUNKIE AND WE'VE BEEN OUT FOR WEEKS. EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN'T EAT IT, IT'S MR A'S FAULT. IT WAS ON MY LIST AND HE TOLD ME NOT TO BUY IT BECAUSE HE HAD A CASE AT WORK HE'D BRING HOME. AT FIRST, HE KEPT FORGETTING IT AND WHEN REMEMBERED, HE NOTICED IT WAS A1. I WAS BUMMED BECAUSE I MADE PORK CHOPS AND I NEED 57 WITH MY PORK CHOPS. I WAS SITTING THERE MIXING ALL KINDS OF CRAP TOGETHER CHASING THE DRAGON BUT IT DIDN'T HELP.
Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11
MY SIDE GIG: FINALLY GOT MY OWN BOOKKEEPING CLIENT FOR MY SIDE GIG (A PAINTING CO) INSTEAD OF CONTRACTING OUT AND PROBABLY JUST AS WELL. I FOUND OUT THE GUY I WAS CONTACTING FOR OWES SEVERAL BOOKKEEPERS A BUNCH OF MONEY. GLAD I GOT OUT WHEN I DID. I ALSO SENT A PROPOSAL ON ANOTHER JOB WHERE THE GUY WHO OWNS A GYM HAD NEVER RECONCILED HIS BANK ACCT FOR 5 YRS. SO FAR HAVEN’T HEARD BACK.
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