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Thread: Sir George de Carlin - a modern philosopher

  1. #31
    George Carlin is probably my favorite comedian philosopher. Better than anyone we have today really. I remember watching him all the time on those late college nights during work.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sister Miriam Godwinson View Post
    We Must Dissent.



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  3. #32
    "I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. On Election Day, I stay home. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. Now, some people like to twist that around. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You voted them in. You caused the problem. You have no right to complain. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for that these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created." -- George Carlin



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  5. #33
    "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall out of the sky. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do folks. This is what we have to offer. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here... like, the public. Yeah, the public sucks. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. F*ck Hope.'" -- George Carlin

  6. #34
    "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." -- George Carlin

  7. #35
    "How can [God] be perfect? Everything He ever makes dies.” -- George Carlin

  8. #36
    Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.

    I enjoy comparing baseball and football:

    Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.

    Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

    Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!

    Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.

    Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.

    Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

    In football you wear a helmet.

    In baseball you wear a cap.

    Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?

    Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?

    In football you receive a penalty.

    In baseball you make an error.

    In football the specialist comes in to kick.

    In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.

    Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.

    Baseball has the sacrifice.

    Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...

    In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.

    Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.

    Football has the two minute warning.

    Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.

    Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.

    In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.

    In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.

    And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:

    In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.

    In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!

    -- George Carlin
    Last edited by Natural Citizen; 12-24-2015 at 08:52 AM.

  9. #37
    < missed yesterday >

    "People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think." -- George Carlin

  10. #38
    "Electricity is really just organized lightning." -- George Carlin

  11. #39
    "They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. They don’t mention anything about cursing a lack of candles." -- George Carlin

  12. #40
    "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it." -- George Carlin



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  14. #41
    "There are over seventeen thousand golf courses in America, they average over one hundred and fifty acres a piece. That’s three million plus acres, four thousand, eight hundred and twenty square miles. You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist, there’s another thing; the only blacks you’ll find at country clubs are carrying trays. And a boring game. A boring game for boring people. You ever watch golf on television? It’s like watching flies $#@!!" -- George Carlin

  15. #42
    "I am perfectly willing to share the room with a fly, as long as he is patrolling that portion of the room I don’t occupy. But if he starts that smart-ass fly $#@!, buzzing my head and repeatedly landing on my arm, he is engaging in high-risk behavior." -- George Carlin

  16. #43
    "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity." -- George Carlin

  17. #44
    "People are $#@!ing nuts. This country is full of nitwits and $#@!s. You ever notice that? Nitwits, $#@!s, $#@!ups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. And they all vote. In fact, sometimes you get the impression that they’re the only ones who vote." -- George Carlin

  18. #45
    "When it comes to God’s existence, I’m not an atheist and I’m not an agnostic. I’m an acrostic: the whole thing puzzles me." -- George Carlin

  19. #46
    "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice." -- George Carlin

  20. #47
    "Rights aren’t rights if someone can take them away. They’re privileges. That’s all we’ve ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. You see all, sooner or later. Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a $#@! about them! The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. It simply does not give a $#@! about you! It’s interested in its own power. That’s the only thing. Keeping it and expanding it wherever possible." -- George Carlin

  21. #48
    "Here’s some bumper stickers I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.” “We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers’ attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.” “We have a daughter in public school who hasn’t been knocked up yet.” “We have a son in public school who hasn’t shot any of his classmates yet. But he does sell drugs to your honor student. Plus he knocked up your daughter.” “We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also $#@!s on the school bus.” -- George Carlin



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  23. #49
    "I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don’t believe anything the government tells me. […] I look at war a little bit differently. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! OK? Simple thing. That’s all it is. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. That’s what all that $#@! jock bull$#@! is all about. That’s what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. It’s called “dick fear!” Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! You don’t have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. It sounds like this: “What, they have bigger dicks? Bomb them!” And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. It’s a subconscious need to project the penis into other people’s affairs. It’s called “$#@!ing with people!” -- George Carlin

  24. #50
    "Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." -- George Carlin

  25. #51
    "This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. Am I right? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out.'" -- George Carlin

  26. #52

    Disclaimer: any post made after midnight and before 8AM is made before the coffee dip stick has come up to optomim level - expect some level of silliness,

    The problems we face today exist because the people who work for a living are out numbered by those who vote for a living !!!!!!!

  27. #53
    Quote Originally Posted by Ronin Truth View Post
    "There are over seventeen thousand golf courses in America, they average over one hundred and fifty acres a piece. That’s three million plus acres, four thousand, eight hundred and twenty square miles. You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist, there’s another thing; the only blacks you’ll find at country clubs are carrying trays. And a boring game. A boring game for boring people. You ever watch golf on television? It’s like watching flies $#@!!" -- George Carlin
    Yup. I feel the same way about US football and baseball. *yawn*
    Quote Originally Posted by Torchbearer
    what works can never be discussed online. there is only one language the government understands, and until the people start speaking it by the magazine full... things will remain the same.
    Hear/buy my music here "government is the enemy of liberty"-RP Support me on Patreon here Ephesians 6:12

  28. #54
    "You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans." -- George Carlin

  29. #55
    "When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat." -- George Carlin

  30. #56
    "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend." -- George Carlin



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  32. #57
    Quote Originally Posted by Ronin Truth View Post
    "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall out of the sky. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do folks. This is what we have to offer. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here... like, the public. Yeah, the public sucks. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. F*ck Hope.'" -- George Carlin

    My new sig line, right there! "The Public sucks, $#@! Hope!"
    There are only two things we should fight for. One is the defense of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights. War for any other reason is simply a racket.
    -Major General Smedley Butler, USMC,
    Two-Time Congressional Medal of Honor Winner
    Author of, War is a Racket!

    It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours.
    - Diogenes of Sinope

  33. #58
    "The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions." -- George Carlin

  34. #59
    Pfizer Macht Frei!

    Openly Straight Man, Danke, Awarded Top Rated Influencer. Community Standards Enforcer.


    Quiz: Test Your "Income" Tax IQ!

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    The Income Tax Is An Excise, And Excise Taxes Are Privilege Taxes

    The Federalist Papers, No. 15:

    Except as to the rule of appointment, the United States have an indefinite discretion to make requisitions for men and money; but they have no authority to raise either by regulations extending to the individual citizens of America.

  35. #60
    'Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? ' -- George Carlin

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