Why Women Leave Men They Love: What Every Man Needs to Know

[Anti Federalist]

Why Women Leave Men They Love: What Every Man Needs to Know

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/justic...b_8511584.html

Posted: 11/09/2015 1:43 pm EST Updated: 11/10/2015 1:59 pm EST

Justice Schanfarber - Counsellor and Certified Hakomi Therapist

As a marriage counsellor working with men and women in relationship crisis, I help clients navigate numerous issues. While many situations are complex, there's one profoundly simple truth that men need to know: Women leave men they love.

They feel terrible about it. It tears their heart out of them. But they do it. They rally their courage and their resources and they leave. Women leave men with whom they have children, homes and lives.

Women leave for many reasons, but there's one reason in particular that haunts me, one that I want men to understand: Women leave because their man is not present. He's working, golfing, gaming, watching TV, fishing...the list is long. These aren't bad men. They're good men. They're good fathers. They support their family. They're nice, likeable. But they take their wife for granted. They're not present.

"Your wife is not your property. She does not owe you her soul. You earn it."

Women in my office tell me: "Someone could come and sweep me off my feet, right out from under my husband." Sometimes the realization scares them. Sometimes it makes them cry.

Men, I'm not saying this is right or wrong. I'm telling you what I see. You can get as angry, hurt or indignant as you want. Your wife is not your property. She does not owe you her soul. You earn it. Day by day, moment after moment. You win her over first and foremost with your presence, your aliveness. She needs to feel it. She wants to talk to you about what matters to her and to feel that you're listening to her. Not nodding politely. Not placating. Definitely not playing devil's advocate.

"She wants to feel your passion. Can you feel your passion?"

She wants you to feel her. She doesn't want absent-minded groping or quick sex. She wants to feel your passion. Can you feel your passion? Can you show her? Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive. Do you have it? It's the most attractive thing you possess. If you've lost it, what's the reason? Where did it go? Find out. Find it. If you never discovered it, you are living on borrowed time.

If you think you're present with your wife, try listening to her. Does your mind wander? Notice. When you look at her, how deeply do you see her? Look again, look deeper. Meet her gaze and keep it for longer than usual, longer than what's comfortable. If she asks what you're doing, tell her: "I'm looking into you. I want to see you deeply. I'm curious about who you are. After all these years I still want to know who you are, every day." But only say it if you mean it, if you know it's true.

"I'm talking about five minutes a day to be completely present with the woman you share your life with."

Touch her with your full attention. Before you put your hand on her, notice the sensation in your hand. Notice what happens the moment you make contact. What happens in your body? What do you feel? Notice the most subtle sensations and emotions. (This is sometimes described as mindfulness.) Tell her everything you're noticing, moment after moment.

But you're busy. You don't have time for all this. How about five minutes? Five minutes a day. Will you commit to that? I'm not talking about extravagant dinners or date nights (although these are fine too). I'm talking about five minutes a day to be completely present with the woman you share your life with. To be completely open-- listening and seeing without judgement. Will you do that? I bet once you start, once you get a taste, you won't want to stop.

Note: The gender dynamic outlined above is reversible. It can go both ways.

[Sola_Fide]

Women are nuts.

[Marenco]

[pcosmar]

Women are nuts.

I love crazy women.

Pirate Girls,, /swoon

[Petar]

I don't know how I would feel about following the prescribed exercise, but I would say that the gist of the article is reasonable.

I don't think that it is at all unreasonable for a woman to expect a strong sense of passion and intimacy from the person that she chooses to spend her life with.

I think that if a men essentially refuses to pay attention to what is going on inside his woman's mind - just because he thinks that he is too cool for that, or whatever the case may be - then he essentially deserves whatever backlash occurs.

I think that the problem is that there is kind of a catch 22 where society conditions men to be kind of insensitive and clueless, and that is often part of what attracts a lot of women to a man in the first place.

[Chester Copperpot]

without contact there wont be any oxytocin made.. when theres contact there is... it bonds people

[Danke]

Stoning works.

[tod evans]

Women and men handle boredom differently is a fairly accurate synopsis...

Men get bored and engage in such things as hunting or sports but this author wants to portray women as the superficial $#@!s who immediately run off with the first guy to feign interest..

Guys do the same thing!

In a family situation today it's pretty much a given that no matter who gets bored and $#@!s up the relationship it'll be the guy who gets stuck footing the bill......

The slant portrayed, that it's the guys intentional neglect that is the root cause for failed relationships is terribly myopic. There's no single driving force that precedes relations breakdown but the outcome of that breakdown most assuredly favors the woman...

[Ronin Truth]

[P3ter_Griffin]

When my GF gets uppity I just remind her who's rib shes made from.
















But I think its actually the offer to buy her a tiara that keeps her around.

[erowe1]

If you think you're present with your wife, try listening to her. Does your mind wander?

Why in the world would any man's mind not wander while listening to his wife? At least accomplish something productive in that time, even if it's only mental.

[P3ter_Griffin]

Why in the world would any man's mind not wander while listening to his wife? At least accomplish something productive in that time, even if it's only mental.

lmfao.

[rg17]

Women are nuts.

But they don't have nuts.

[Brian4Liberty]

When you look at her, how deeply do you see her? Look again, look deeper. Meet her gaze and keep it for longer than usual, longer than what's comfortable. If she asks what you're doing, tell her: "I'm looking into you. I want to see you deeply. I'm curious about who you are. After all these years I still want to know who you are, every day."

When 911 arrives because she called them to report a stroke, do I say it was just an experiment from the internet?

[tod evans]

But they don't have nuts.

What're those on the mantle?

[Brian4Liberty]

When 911 arrives because she called them to report a stroke, do I say it was just an experiment from the internet?

On second thought, it would be just as likely that I would have to call 911 about her having a heart attack.

[DevilsAdvocate]

So women will nuke their own family and permanently destroy the minds of their children if you don't entertain them enough.

[cajuncocoa]

So women will nuke their own family and permanently destroy the minds of their children if you don't entertain them enough.

Not high estrogen buxom Barbie. She owes you her soul. Take advantage of her as much as you like. She lives for you.

[ctiger2]

So women will nuke their own family and permanently destroy the minds of their children if you don't entertain them enough.

is entertaining the same as undivided attn?

[Dr.3D]

[heavenlyboy34]

Why in the world would any man's mind not wander while listening to his wife? At least accomplish something productive in that time, even if it's only mental.

LOL well-played, comrade.

[cajuncocoa]

There was a thread here about a week or so ago blaming the divorce rate on feminism. One little peek into this thread blows that theory to hell.

[heavenlyboy34]

There was a thread here about a week or so ago blaming the divorce rate on feminism. One little peek into this thread blows that theory to hell.

How so? Do you reckon members of this forum represent any significant amount of the general population?

[VIDEODROME]

How so? Do you reckon members of this forum represent any significant amount of the general population?

Apparently not, if Ron didn't get elected.

[DevilsAdvocate]

There was a thread here about a week or so ago blaming the divorce rate on feminism. One little peek into this thread blows that theory to hell.

Very passive aggressive of you to say that. This is a trend with you

[cajuncocoa]

Very passive aggressive of you to say that. This is a trend with you

Truth hurts.

[cajuncocoa]

How so? Do you reckon members of this forum represent any significant amount of the general population?

I certainly hope not....some of the men represented here lately don't give me hope for the future.

[DevilsAdvocate]

I certainly hope not....some of the men represented here lately don't give me hope for the future.

Sexism at it's finest. These comments from you are like a stereotype of all the worst things about women. Jealousy, petty nagging, small mindedness. I'm just waiting for 'superficiality' to hit Bingo

[Danke]

How so? Do you reckon members of this forum represent any significant amount of the general population?

You reckon you are trying to reason with a woman, good luck with that.

[Dr. Dog]

You reckon you are trying to reason with a woman, good luck with that.

Something tells me he doesn't have much experience with women.