I am neither Mr, Mrs nor Ms but Mx
For the better part of two minutes, I stared down at the form in front of me. I was attending a formal dinner later that week and the RSVP required I choose whether I was “Mr, Mrs or Ms”. I looked at the question and froze, unsure of what to do.
For many people, this choice would’ve caused no anxiety whatsoever. For many people, choosing a title is a simple matter. But for me, picking a title has always been an endeavor fraught with anxiety, confusion and frustration. That’s because I don’t identify as a man or as a woman, I identify as gender*****.
There are many challenges that arise when you live your life outside of the gender binary like I do. I never know which bathroom to use, I don’t know which section of the store to shop in, and I’m frequently harassed on the street by people who don’t understand my gender identity. Above all of those concerns, the bigger issue that people like me face is that our identities are so rarely taken seriously.
I’m reminded of this problem each time I fill out a form that doesn’t include a gender-neutral option. It’s as if, through these omissions, the architects of digital forms have decided that people like me do not matter. So often, gender non-conforming people are not worth mentioning.
Growing up, I assumed that the only way to have a gender-neutral title would be if I got a PhD and could make everyone call me “Dr”. For most of my life, I didn’t realize that there was another way out of the “Mr/Ms” dichotomy. That changed when, in my junior year of college, a favorite professor of mine introduced me to an artist named Justin Vivian Bond who used a gender-neutral term that I had never heard of before: “Mx.”
Almost immediately, I fell in love with the term. Finally, I had a way to preface my family name that didn’t require me to box myself into one gender category or another. I didn’t have to be Mr Tobia anymore. And I didn’t have to get a PhD so that I could be Dr Tobia. Instead, I could simply be Mx Tobia.
When I originally decided to use the term Mx, you couldn’t find it in the dictionary. While the term was used by a small group of people and had a short entry on Wikipedia, it wasn’t officially recognized. And without official recognition, it was difficult for advocates like myself to push for its broader inclusion on forms, nametags and databases.
But on 28 August 2015, the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) changed that. That day, the Oxford English Dictionary added Mx to the dictionary. Seemingly overnight, Mx went from an underground, somewhat obscure term, to an official part of the English language.
It is difficult to overstate just how important this change is. The addition of Mx to the dictionary represents the beginning of an unprecedented shift in how Western language, thought and culture understands gender. By adding Mx to the dictionary, the OED has embraced a future in which gender does not have to be limited to two options: a world where people can determine their gender on their own terms. Through the addition of Mx, the OED has made a historic step towards ensuring that gender*****, gender non-conforming and gender non-binary people like me can lead lives of dignity and respect.
The addition of Mx also represents a significant step forward for the feminist cause. By decentering gender and providing a gender-neutral option to the terms Mrs and Ms, Mx allows women a third option that is not centered around their marital status or patrilineal nomenclature.
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