Suzanne Venker, a woman, explaining to men why men won't marry. Gotta shake your head in wonder why any man would listen.
Suzanne Venker, who is married to a un-divorced man (her reference point?), explaining to men why men won't marry. If you're a man, you really ought to be doing one of those
Lewis Black jowl-shaking scenes of incredulous amazement.
Suzanne Venker looks at the marriages of her parent's and grandparent's generation as though it represents "traditional" marriage and somehow represents the true form and circumstances that allow marriages to succeed.
From what I can see, though, each succeeding generation has contributed to the decay of “Traditional” marriage. If I'm not mistaken, marriage was initially a contract not between husband and wife, but between the heads of household of two families. If lucky, the potential husband and wife were consulted in the matter. You might well argue that the breakdown of arranged marriages was the straw that broke marriage's back. What kind of legs could marriage stand upon if left to the lusts and emotions of the two individuals who were going to be cohabiting and rearing children? A working marriage requires the husband's and wife's families actively involved in keeping the marriage healthy. A marriage is effectively a business from which both families derive a profit. How often do you find that anymore; especially when thousands, or even merely hundreds, of miles separate the two families involved. By that perspective you can blame marriage demise more on mobility than on feminism.
There's that cute little tradition, that's merely a formality these days: where a man asks a father for the hand of his daughter in marriage. I'm left wondering at what epoch did men start asking for brides instead of fathers negotiating for husbands for their daughters. That would seem, to me, to be a critical time for the breakdown of traditional marriage. It marks a time when the value of men diminished with respect to women. What caused that transition? Does it mark the start of feminism?
If you're a bitter, divorced man looking wistfully at traditional marriages of the past - I'd have to ask, "How much of a dowry did your father receive in exchange for his son marrying the bride?" If it was nothing, then your family (and you, by extension only) got the marriage it negotiated for. By traditional measures, your anger and shame should be less with your bride and more with your father for being such a poor negotiator.
I’ve never been married (over six decades now). I haven’t run into a non-divorced woman since I was in my thirties (so none of my dating partners have any credence when they argue about commitment issues – because they didn’t keep theirs). I just see marriage as completely irrelevant. If a woman’s going to leave me because I won’t marry her, then it’s a good sign that she’s going to leave me anyway – it’s an indication that there’s something more important to her than her relationship with me (i.e.: she’s just not that “in to me”).
... and besides, I disagree with that whole traditional concept - I was just never into having my family negotiate a bride for me
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by tod evans
Connect With Us