Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: ‘What Kind of Mother Is 8 Months Pregnant and Wants an Abortion?’

  1. #1

    Default ‘What Kind of Mother Is 8 Months Pregnant and Wants an Abortion?’

    When Kate, a 29-year-old mom outside Boston, found out she was pregnant with a second daughter, she was elated. Then, at 36 weeks along, she got the news that is every expecting parent’s worst nightmare: Her baby, whom she would later name Rose, had two brain malformations. Kate decided to have an abortion, and eventually found solace in a support group on the website Ending a Wanted Pregnancy. The online community is for parents who terminate pregnancies for medical reasons (pregnancies they wanted, but chose to end after a severe prenatal diagnosis or maternal health issue) and who often feel alone or ashamed, and suffer in silence. Kate, one of the site’s administrators, shares her story with Yahoo Parenting’s Rachel Bertsche.

    My husband and I always wanted a big family. We wanted to have a lot of kids and to start young and have them close together. In 2010, we had our first. A healthy baby girl. But when we were ready for number two, getting pregnant — or, rather, staying pregnant — was harder. I had three miscarriages before a pregnancy finally stuck. I was expecting a second little girl in the summer of 2012, and everyone around me said everything looked great.

    Well, almost everyone. At my 18-week fetal scan, a technician thought she saw something – she wasn’t sure what, exactly — so they sent me for a Level 2 ultrasound at a local teaching hospital. “Level 2” meant that it would be more detailed than the standard sonogram, and a maternal fetal medicine (MFM) specialist would look at it. When I went for that test, the MFM specialist said the baby was healthy. I was worried, but when I expressed my concern to the hospital’s genetic counselor, she said, “His job is on the line. He must be completely confident.”

    That whole pregnancy was hard for me. I was sick for much longer than most people are. I had sleep apnea. When I was pregnant with my first daughter, she would kick responsively, and then she would take naps. It seemed logical. This baby never stopped moving, but she never did anything responsive, either. The movements were so random. I remember telling a friend, “This baby is already different than my first.” I don’t know if it was that, or my history of miscarriages, or having that seed planted that something might be wrong, but I was uneasy.

    Because of that worry, at 35 weeks, my midwife sent me for a “peace of mind” ultrasound. I was eight months pregnant — huge! — and I went to the hospital thinking I was being silly. The rational side of me knew everything was fine. I figured they would tell me all was good, put my mind at ease, give me a picture and send me home.

    I went to the appointment alone, on a Wednesday in May. I was so chatty with the technician while I was lying on the table. Towards the end, I said to her, “It’s funny, I keep picturing the baby I already have, but I know this one will be different.” And she looked right at me, with these serious eyes, and said, “This baby will be different. They are all different.”

    While I waited for the doctor, I worked on the sweater I was knitting for my little girl. When two doctors came in, one of them asked me about it. Was I making it for the baby? I told her I was, and, with tears in her eyes, she said, “It’s beautiful.”

    Then she continued. “The things they couldn’t find the last time you were here, we are seeing those things today. Your baby has brain malformation.” Right away, she said, “We might be able to arrange an abortion, we just don’t know. We can arrange an adoption if that’s what you want.”

    I know she said the words “Dandy-Walker,” which I know now is a brain syndrome that has varying degrees of severity. I remember asking, “Are babies with this ever normal?” and she said that sometimes they were. She told me they couldn’t know the severity of the situation until after I had an MRI. That’s how they would determine if my baby would be OK or if she would be “incompatible with life.” Those are the words they used. Incompatible with life.

    It was a morning appointment, and at the end of that day we met with the neurologist, who told us that our baby had Dandy-Walker malformation, the most severe presentation of the syndrome. It basically meant there were holes in her brain. She also had agenesis of the corpus callosum, which meant the bridge between the two hemispheres of her brain didn’t grow. So we had two malformations, each of which had a wide range of outcomes, but, combined, had a horrible prognosis. The doctor said, “We expect your baby to have moderate to severe mental retardation; she’s going to have moderate to severe physical disability; she is probably never going to walk or talk; she will possibly never be able to lift her head; she is going to have seizures all of the time.” At first, I was thinking, “This doesn’t make sense, she’s always moving,” and then he mentioned seizures, and I understood.

    In that moment, I had to shift my thinking. I was hoping for special ed, and had been focusing on questions like: How much should you save to know your special-needs daughter will be OK after you die? I was thinking about long-term care and mild to moderate disability. Instead, I had to think about a baby who was probably not going to live very long, and the longer she lived, the more pain she would be in. That realization – that I was more scared of her living than of her dying — is what made the choice for me.

    When it comes to a decision like this, there is no good option. What you want is a happy, healthy baby. The doctor asked if we had any questions, and I said, “What does a baby like this do? Does she just sleep all day?” The doctor looked so uncomfortable. He said, “Babies like this one are not generally comfortable enough to sleep.” That’s when we thanked him and left.

    On the way home, even though I knew what I wanted to do, I couldn’t say the word. What kind of mother is eight months pregnant and wants an abortion? I turned to my husband and said, “Tell me what you think we should do.” He said, “Kate, you do not have to do this, but I think we should ask about the abortion.”

    I called my doctor as soon as I got home. While we were waiting for her to call back, I didn’t know if we had a safe and legal option. I remember thinking, “If we can’t get the abortion, I’m going to run away somewhere rural and I’m going to have this baby by myself and let her die without intervention.” That would have been so dangerous, and I could be dead right now. She was a high-risk birth, not a regular healthy birth. Her head could have swollen with fluid at any time. Even if it went smoothly, and I had my baby and she had died in a few hours, I could have been put under investigation. The risks that I was willing to take to let this baby go in peace, in the way I believed she deserved — it’s terrifying. But I was desperate, and I was so untrusting. I was scared the police would get called on me for just having these thoughts.

    My doctor called back at 6:30 that night. It was a Friday, and my husband and I were out for a walk when the phone rang. Immediately, the doctor said, “I am so sorry, but if you want the abortion you need to call before 7 pm, which is the end of the workweek Mountain Time, because the clinic closes for the week in a half an hour. And you have to be on a plane to Colorado on Monday.” We were in Boston, where there are a million medical schools and hospitals, but the only doctor in the country who would perform this late an abortion was in Colorado. (Actually, there was one other, but that clinic was closed for the week.) My doctor barely had time to explain everything, she just said I’d have to be in the clinic on Tuesday. It was a four-day procedure, and I had to have it done by Friday, when I would be 36 weeks pregnant. There is no doctor in the country who performs abortions after 36 weeks.

    Then she added, “You have to show up with $25,000.” We didn’t have $25,000 sitting around. We are a middle-class family. We don’t have that kind of credit, either. But it didn’t matter. I would figure it out.
    https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/what...104430132.html
    "let them search you,touch you,violate your Rights,just don't be a dick!"~ cdc482
    "For Wales. Why Richard, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world. But for Wales?"
    All my life I've been at the mercy of men just following orders... Never again!~Erik Lehnsherr
    There's nothing wrong with stopping people randomly, especially near bars, restaurants etc.~Velho
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]



  2. Remove this section of ads by registering.
  3. #2

    Default

    Thanks for posting, what a great (yet incredibly depressing, on numerous accounts) read. A look into the other side of the abortion debate many don't think about (or really want to), but need to.

    What really depressed me was the fact she felt she had to lie to protect her incredibly emotional decision - in fear people would judge her. How absolutely horrible is that, to be dealt with such an emotionally draining (and no-win situation, for parents AND child) situation... and you still need to worry about judgement.

    But I am glad they made the decision together, and supported each other through it all, and most importantly... were at and still are at peace.

    What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?
    A box of rain will ease the pain, and love will see you through.
    Box of Rain, Grateful Dead




    Quote Originally Posted by PaulConventionWV
    A real feminist would have avoided men altogether and found a perfectly good female partner. Because, y'know, all sexual intercourse is actually rape.
    निर्विकल्पा
    aka Wicked Heathen

  4. #3

    Default

    Wow. :'( One of those outlier cases where principle can't really apply well. I can't offer a better solution. :/
    Quote Originally Posted by Torchbearer
    what works can never be discussed online. there is only one language the government understands, and until the people start speaking it by the magazine full... things will remain the same.
    Hear/buy my music here "government is the enemy of liberty"-RPEphesians 6:12 (KJV)For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

  5. #4

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by heavenlyboy34 View Post
    Wow. :'( One of those outlier cases where principle can't really apply well. I can't offer a better solution. :/
    Absolutely tragic. When I was pregnant, I had twins. Miscarried one--thought I had miscarried both. It was the most traumatic event in my life.
    Those who want liberty must organize as effectively as those who want tyranny. -- Iyad el Baghdadi

  6. #5

    Default

    Oh wow--who wants to step into the shoes of God and judge this one--not me that's for sure. I guess we should try to look at it from the perspective--what are the intentions behind this unwanted child and pregnancy? This is basically killing a child that could live on it's own outside of the womb at this point because it's severely brain damaged. Only God can judge this one and the way I see it--it's between the parents and the doctors. May God have mercy because we can all understand what kind of a life this child would have in this world. I don't know--I could never judge something like this, but at the same time--I also know that I could not kill understanding how God works in the lives of these little ones with no hope otherwise.

  7. #6

    Default

    I'll SWAG a bad one and most probably an Obama voter.

  8. #7

    Default

    “We expect your baby to have moderate to severe mental retardation."
    My aunt is severe to moderate mental retardation; adult mental age about 3 or 4.

    She can't count to ten or say her alphabet past F; she's tough to understand when she talks. We keep her on lion's mane mushrooms and some heavy pharma dope to prevent seizures and violent outbursts; she lives in a group home with a 24 hour aide. At 65, she's #1 ranked in the state in her age group for special olympics snow shoeing. She can probably strike you out in baseball and she knows everyone in the family and her home by name when we visit. Until she was about 50 her life consisted of simple chores to help take care of her mom, my grandmother, who had trouble walking.

    'We endorse the idea of voluntarism; self-responsibility: Family, friends, and churches to solve problems, rather than saying that some monolithic government is going to make you take care of yourself and be a better person. It's a preposterous notion: It never worked, it never will. The government can't make you a better person; it can't make you follow good habits.' - Ron Paul 1988

    Awareness is the Root of Liberation Revolution is Action upon Revelation

    'Resistance and Disobedience in Economic Activity is the Most Moral Human Action Possible' - SEK3

    Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo.

    ...the familiar ritual of institutional self-absolution...
    ...for protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment...


  9. #8

    Default

    Whats wrong with that? It's not really a human being until it has a birth certificate and social security #
    It's all about taking action and not being lazy. So you do the work, whether it's fitness or whatever. It's about getting up, motivating yourself and just doing it.
    - Kim Kardashian

    Donald Trump / Rand Paul (Vice Pres) 2016!!!!

  10. #9

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bxm042 View Post
    Whats wrong with that? It's not really a human being until it has a birth certificate and social security #
    dang. my son wasn't human for the first 10 months after I cut his cord in the mobile home.

    'We endorse the idea of voluntarism; self-responsibility: Family, friends, and churches to solve problems, rather than saying that some monolithic government is going to make you take care of yourself and be a better person. It's a preposterous notion: It never worked, it never will. The government can't make you a better person; it can't make you follow good habits.' - Ron Paul 1988

    Awareness is the Root of Liberation Revolution is Action upon Revelation

    'Resistance and Disobedience in Economic Activity is the Most Moral Human Action Possible' - SEK3

    Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo.

    ...the familiar ritual of institutional self-absolution...
    ...for protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment...







Similar Threads

  1. Cops taser woman eight months pregnant
    By green73 in forum U.S. Political News
    Replies: 54
    Last Post: 04-05-2013, 04:58 PM
  2. Replies: 45
    Last Post: 11-02-2011, 05:54 PM
  3. 7 months pregnant woman groped by TSA (vid)
    By heavenlyboy34 in forum Individual Rights Violations: Case Studies
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-30-2011, 01:31 PM
  4. Man is 5 months pregnant
    By yongrel in forum Open Discussion
    Replies: 91
    Last Post: 04-01-2008, 11:21 PM
  5. Any Ron Paul supporter 9 months pregnant?
    By JPFromTally in forum Grassroots Central
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 01-30-2008, 01:25 PM

Select a tag for more discussion on that topic

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •