From a future cat lady......
How to find a feminist boyfriend
By Lisa Bonos January 2
Lisa Bonos is Outlook’s assistant editor. Follow her on Twitter: @lisabonos.
‘I find it really attractive how successful you are,” my date said, leaning in for a kiss.
Sure, it sounds like a line. But it also sounds like feminism. It certainly made him more appealing than the guy who said, “Wow, you’re really ambitious,” like he was surprised. Or the one who asked, “Why do you work so much?” and “Why would you want to work even more?” when I was angling for a promotion.
It didn’t work out with any of those men, but going out with them made it all the more obvious to me what I want a partner to be: cute, smart, funny and . . . yes, feminist. So go ahead, alert Susan Patton, Lori Gottlieb and the rest of the get-married-already crowd: A 30-something single woman, eggs unfrozen, is telling other single women that they should dare to want it all if they ever hope to have it all.
But how do you spot a male feminist if he’s not at an abortion rights rally wearing a “This Is What a Feminist Looks Like” T-shirt?
(Johanna Goodman for The Washington Post)
It shouldn’t be hard. After all, as Aziz Ansari said on David Letterman’s show recently, everyone’s a feminist now. Unless you think Beyonce shouldn’t have the right to vote, should earn 23 percent less than Jay-Z and should be at home cooking rather than performing. And who would think that?
Few guys will proudly say no when asked if they’re feminists. Instead it’s a wholehearted yes, a lukewarm maybe or Can you define what you mean by “feminist,” please? As one 32-year-old put it to The Washington Post Magazine last month: “I respect the movement. I’m hesitant to call myself a feminist, but I guess I wouldn’t shy away from the term.”
In other words: Do we have to put a label on it?
The label isn’t everything; living it is more important than saying it. But it’s a good place to start.
Define what you’re looking for.
Is he a feminist if he proclaims, on a first date, that he could see himself taking his wife’s last name? (Maybe his own name is pretty generic.) If he insists on doing the dishes after you’ve cooked dinner together but proceeds to whip the dish towel at your ass, is that playful or objectifying? (Both.) Is he sexist if he cancels an Uber ride because a female driver is on her way to pick the two of you up? (Definitely.)
Does he need to believe that men and women, are equals and should be treated as such? (Uh, yes.) Does he need to be actively fighting for social, political and economic justice for women — and for all people, really — to identify as a feminist? (Not necessarily. But if he’s doing that, great.)
Here’s how I’m defining it: Feminist daters — male or female, gay or straight — aren’t constrained by gender roles. Anyone can do the asking-out, the feelings-confessing or the initiating of any kind. (As for who picks up the check on a first date, let’s obliterate the gender pay gap first, then put that one back up for debate.)
Of course, way too many guys think they’re feminists but don’t live up to it. A true male feminist is supportive of, interested in and enthusiastic about his partner’s career. He might not expect to earn more than his partner or think that his career trumps hers; a feminist couple might relocate for the woman’s career. Things are moving in this direction: A 2014 study by the moving company Mayflower found that 72 percent of millennials would move for a female spouse’s job, compared with 59 percent of baby boomers.
it continues....http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinio...cd7_story.html
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Origanalist
From a future cat lady......
Site Information
About Us
- RonPaulForums.com is an independent grassroots outfit not officially connected to Ron Paul but dedicated to his mission. For more information see our Mission Statement.
Connect With Us