The dating scene: manly advice?

[pessimist]

(temporarily lifting my self-imposed ban)

Since I am not a real man- I have never actually dated. Not once. I mean, I am pushing 30, how is this even possible? Every single relationship I’ve ever been in came about spontaneously- they "just happened" based on friendships. Yes! I actually have friendships with women despite not being the least bit effeminate or stereotypically girly in my appearance or hobbies- I’m not the "gay best friend" type.

Dating is an alien concept to me. In fact, if I ever reach the point as to where I am desperate enough to creep on dating sites, I might as well commit suicide or become a monk (my general aversion to humans and moderate to low level sex drive makes this sound kinda appealing, but hey! I require some social interaction.

Anyway- last night was my first real 'date', and it was disastrous. It was with a woman I knew through my ex- she has some ties to my ex's inner-circle; a friend of a friend type of deal. Anyway, we started talking recently and decided to hang out.

This 'hangout' chatter had a 'date' like vibe to it from the very beginning. We planned to meet at a restaurant (how conventional). I was anxious about it the whole day, and as soon as I arrived and our eyes met, I felt her nervousness. This was definitely a date.

My nervous system was now in overdrive, and I was in an overly self-conscious state.

"Okay pessimist, just be charming and witty and everything will be ok."

Well, neither one of us could muster enough words to form a coherent sentence. Stupid mundane questions and answers were all we could manage. I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable, and I could tell she was too.

I went to the restroom, and as I was looking in the mirror, I couldn’t help but notice that my receding hairline seemed WAY worse than it actually is. Now I am in borderline freak-out mode, and couldn’t wait to get out the joint.

All that was going through my mind at the point was that she is probably thinking to herself that "this weirdo will probably be completely bald by the time he is 35, gross.”

As I got back to the table, it seemed like an eternity for the food to arrive. Awkward small talk continued.

Finally we ate. Mostly in silence.

At last! The bill.

As were both walking out of the restaurant- in a moment of unrestrained impulse, I instinctively made a sardonic quip. She laughed. FINALLY! The ice breaker. After a moment of lighthearted, sarcastic dialogue, I walked her to her car. I wanted it to continue, I wanted to ask her to do something else, and by her reaction, I think she wanted the night to continue as well. But I just couldn’t whip up enough courage to ask based on the nightmarish experience inside the restaurant. So we went our separate ways.

Neither of us has texted each other since. So I guess that is the end of that.

[Brian4Liberty]

Every single relationship I’ve ever been in came about spontaneously- they "just happened" based on friendships. Yes! I actually have friendships with women despite not being the least bit effeminate or stereotypically girly in my appearance or hobbies- I’m not the "gay best friend" type.

Fortunately for you, you didn't have friendships with those women. They wanted to date. They were dating you. You were dating without knowing it.

[Deborah K]

Call her! And don't worry about your hairline - are you clean? Do you smell good? Are your teeth white? Do you have even a slight sense of fashion? If you answered yes to all of the above - call her.

[heavenlyboy34]

Typical dates are so extremely BORING. Like you, I've always found the forced conversation tedious and almost sleep-inducing. Next time, just take the gal to do something that's really fun (dance, etc) or that has a conversation practically built-in. That way you either don't have to talk or it's easy and fun.

[dannno]

Before you take my advice, somebody else here needs to run this through the reality filter because I suck at this stuff..

First, do you think you might like her?

She is probably not going to text you, if she is interested you need to call her, preferably, or at least text her and just tell her you were a little nervous the other night but that in the end you felt had a good time you feel there may be some type of connection and are hoping she felt the same.. Do you think she likes outdoor activities? Going on walks or hikes is always good because there aren't other people standing around you and you can talk about all the things around you... it's hard, though not impossible to talk about stuff happening in a restaurant and making it sound interesting.

[thoughtomator]

Lucky for you, there's a special something just for balding losers who troll internet boards and ask total strangers for relationship advice.

[tod evans]

I went to the restroom, and as I was looking in the mirror, I couldn’t help but notice that my receding hairline seemed WAY worse than it actually is. Now I am in borderline freak-out mode, and couldn’t wait to get out the joint.

Some of us use our hormones for other purposes than growing hair...

Then again some of us spend our time on our partner instead of in front of the mirror......

[dannno]

Oh ya, as far as the balding issue - STOP SHAMPOOING YOUR HAIR EVERY GOD DAMN DAY!! It's drying out your scalp and most likely causing you to go bald.

Seriously.. all you need is hot water and if that doesn't do it, maybe a little bit of conditioner once in a while.

The first week or two of not shampooing your hair is going to be very greasy - that is because your scalp is used to going into overdrive to rehydrate your hair on a daily basis, once your scalp gets used to not being dried out every day your scalp will produce the correct amount of oil.

[heavenlyboy34]

Oh ya, as far as the balding issue - STOP SHAMPOOING YOUR HAIR EVERY GOD DAMN DAY!! It's drying out your scalp and most likely causing you to go bald.

Seriously.. all you need is hot water and if that doesn't do it, maybe a little bit of conditioner once in a while.

The first week or two of not shampooing your hair is going to be very greasy - that is because your scalp is used to going into overdrive to rehydrate your hair on a daily basis, once your scalp gets used to not being dried out every day your scalp will produce the correct amount of oil.

Everyday shampooing with natural shampoo is fine, in my experience. Yours may vary.

[Nirvikalpa]

Before you take my advice, somebody else here needs to run this through the reality filter because I suck at this stuff..

I've been waiting for you to say that since 2007.

[dannno]

Everyday shampooing with natural shampoo is fine, in my experience. Yours may vary.

Nah I disagree- I've never had a problem with a receding hair line, but I go by Adam Carolla's bum vs. CEO method for determination.

CEO of major corporation shampoos his hair everyday and look at him, he's bald.. Bum on the corner takes a shower once every week or two at the beach showers and has a full head of curly hair.

But you have a point, commercial shampoos are probably more likely to cause this problem than natural shampoos - but natural shampoos still dry out the scalp, that's the whole point of soap. Hot water is good enough to clean your hair and it keeps your hair much nicer in the long run. In fact there are a LOT of models, male and female, who do not shampoo or only do so around once a month.

All those emo bands from the late '00s with the crazy hair? No shampoo. You may not want that style, but ultimately girls find guys hair nicer when they don't shampoo. Something primal about it.

[heavenlyboy34]

I've been waiting for you to say that since 2007.

LMAO

[presence]

First, do you think you might like her?

Doesn't matter.

Go help her with something, let her know you had a good time and you'd like to do something else some time.

As soon as possible... have two other girls over for wine and cheese.

Smile wink and do things for all of them.

If one irks you ditch her and fill in the 3rd spot with another date.

The first cute one to wash a load of your laundry and cook dinner 3 nights in a row is a keeper.

[satchelmcqueen]

take her hunting. silence is mandatory. go from there.

[invisible]

Doesn't matter.

Go help her with something, let her know you had a good time and you'd like to do something else some time.

As soon as possible... have two other girls over for wine and cheese.

Smile wink and do things for all of them.

If one irks you ditch her and fill in the 3rd spot with another date.

The first cute one to wash a load of your laundry and cook dinner 3 nights in a row is a keeper.

So far, the thread winner.

[Deborah K]

NO! Definitely wash your hair. And take her to the movies next time, and let her pick the movie, then go for coffee, or a drink, and talk about the movie. Ask her questions about herself, ya dope. And see if she asks you questions about yourself. If she's all about her - forget her. And don't get too, too personal, but ask about her likes and dislikes - that kind of thing. Everyone loves to think that someone is interested in them, nothing shows you are more than asking what she likes and dislikes.

[invisible]

This goes here - probably some of the best (or perhaps most realistic) advice on the dating scene ever given:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw_oc6uOLos



Seriously, your mistake was not saying "let's go get a drink somewhere" after you left the restaurant.

[dannno]

Doesn't matter.

Go help her with something, let her know you had a good time and you'd like to do something else some time.

As soon as possible... have two other girls over for wine and cheese.

Smile wink and do things for all of them.

If one irks you ditch her and fill in the 3rd spot with another date.

The first cute one to wash a load of your laundry and cook dinner 3 nights in a row is a keeper.

This is why I suck at this stuff.

[dannno]

NO! Definitely wash your hair. And take her to the movies next time, and let her pick the movie, then go for coffee, or a drink, and talk about the movie. Ask her questions about herself, ya dope. And see if she asks you questions about yourself. If she's all about her - forget her. And don't get too, too personal, but ask about her likes and dislikes - that kind of thing. Everyone loves to think that someone is interested in them, nothing shows you are more than asking what she likes and dislikes.

I didn't say don't wash your hair, I said wash it with hot water instead so he doesn't go bald..



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_4588752.html

This may or may not be his 'style', but I guarantee NONE of these guys shampoo their hair regularly and they are all getting laid (at least by one sex or the other ):

[juleswin]

Call her! And don't worry about your hairline - are you clean? Do you smell good? Are your teeth white? Do you have even a slight sense of fashion? If you answered yes to all of the above - call her.

You lie, always worry about your hairline. You have a better chance smelly with Brad Pitts hairline than smelling good with Danny DeVito's hairline. There are sprays for that your kind of hair problem, use it and use it all the time you meet her

[Deborah K]

I didn't say don't wash your hair, I said wash it with hot water instead so he doesn't go bald..



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_4588752.html

This may or may not be his 'style', but I guarantee NONE of these guys shampoo their hair regularly and they are all getting laid (at least by one sex or the other ):

They're what....twelve years old?

[Deborah K]

You lie, always worry about your hairline. You have a better chance looking smelly with Brad Pitts hairline than smelling good with Danny DeVito's hairline. There are sprays for that your kind of hair problem, use it and use it all the time you meet her

It's a shame that you think a receding hairline is an issue for all women. The superficial ones, yeah. Is that what you want?

[Deborah K]

And Danno, "washing" your hair with hot water isn't washing it - it's wetting it with hot water. Crow - if you just wet your hair before you go out on a date, you're going to smell like a dirty dog. yuk. Trust me, most women like men who smell good. I'll define 'good' if you want me to.

[juleswin]

But seriously, first first dates tend to turn out that way. You will get better with experience. Also I always use this line to get a second date if I happen to like the girl. Text her immediately after the date and thank for the good time. Then later that night, text her again and telling her that you would like to do this again since you had such a good time in the first date

Just as long as the first date is not like an episode from Hell's date, she would agree for a second date.

Also, I agree with Danno on the hair care. I knew a man who had a full head of hair at age 101 and he told me that his secret is that he only washed his hair with hair care products once a week. Yea, I said once a week and he had much healthier hair and hair line than say Rand Paul. So take it easy with the shampooing or else you die a bachelor

[pessimist]

Before you take my advice, somebody else here needs to run this through the reality filter because I suck at this stuff..

First, do you think you might like her?

She is probably not going to text you, if she is interested you need to call her, preferably, or at least text her and just tell her you were a little nervous the other night but that in the end you felt had a good time you feel there may be some type of connection and are hoping she felt the same.. Do you think she likes outdoor activities? Going on walks or hikes is always good because there aren't other people standing around you and you can talk about all the things around you... it's hard, though not impossible to talk about stuff happening in a restaurant and making it sound interesting.

I don't know. I don't really know her. I'm too scared to text her (and she hasn't texted me) so I assume she just wasn't into me.

She is articulate, very cute, has a girl-next-door vibe to her. Typical middle class twenty something. I'm used to the moody, arty chick on a perpetual period.

I'm a high maintenance dude, though. I require a lot of "alone time" and have bunch of idiosyncrasies- so I am not sure how well I'll mix with the girl-next-door type. Maybe it's best I don't text her.

[Acala]

I went to the restroom, . . . I got back to the table, . . . .

This is where you made your mistake. Once you were safely in the restroom, you should have climbed out the window, run to your car, and driven home.

[pessimist]

(UNRELATED TO THIS THREAD)

THERE ARE SOME CREEPY STALKERS ON THIS SITE.

HOW DO YOU BLOCK?

[dannno]

They're what....twelve years old?

I don't know who they are or how old they are, but they are older than 12 and are definitely getting laid. I don't even care if they are in that stupid promise ring band or whatever, that probably gets them laid even more.

[heavenlyboy34]

(UNRELATED TO THIS THREAD)

THERE ARE SOME CREEPY STALKERS ON THIS SITE.

HOW DO YOU BLOCK?

Use the "ignore" function on the creeper's profile (click on the creeper's name above the avatar)

[dannno]

(UNRELATED TO THIS THREAD)

THERE ARE SOME CREEPY STALKERS ON THIS SITE.

HOW DO YOU BLOCK?

Oh don't worry about Suzanimal, she's harmless... and married