THE DEFINITIVE $#@! LIST
THE GHOST $#@!
The kind where you feel $#@! come out, see $#@! on the toilet paper, but there's no $#@! in the bowl.
THE CLEAN $#@!
The kind where you feel $#@! come out, see $#@! in the bowl, but there's no $#@! on the toilet paper.
THE WET $#@!
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels un-wiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with skidmarks.
THE SECOND WAVE $#@!
This $#@! happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to $#@! some more.
THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE $#@!
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead $#@!." You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
THE CORN $#@!
No explanation necessary.
THE LINCOLN LOG $#@!
The kind of $#@! that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER $#@!
The kind of $#@! you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD $#@!" $#@!
The kind where you want to $#@!, but even after straining your guts out, all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
THE WET CHEEKS $#@!
Also known as the "Power Dump." The kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
THE LIQUID $#@!
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, burns your tender poop-chute.
THE MEXICAN FOOD $#@!
A class all its own.
THE CROWD PLEASER
A $#@! is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
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