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Thread: One True Path to LibertyŽ

  1. 02-06-2013, 07:42 PM #1
    Occam's Banana
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    One True Path to LibertyŽ

    There is only One True Path to LibertyŽ! Get yours today!

    Imagine the pride and satisfaction you'll feel knowing that your One True Path to LibertyŽ is the only path to freedom you or anyone else will ever need!

    With One True Path to LibertyŽ, you can rest assured that you'll have the only genuine approach to freedom that can possibly be of any use or value!

    Easy to store! No messy dialectics! Comes with our official Certificate of Authenticity - available only with genuine One True Path to LibertyŽ products!

    One True Path to LibertyŽ comes in a variety of models, including Purist, Gradualist, Absolutist, Utilitarian, Anarchist, Minarchist and many, many more!

    Accept no substitutes! Supplies are limited! Order your One True Path to LibertyŽ now!
    Last edited by Occam's Banana; 02-07-2013 at 12:06 AM.
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  3. 02-06-2013, 08:21 PM #2
    fr33
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    Do you mind posting the warranty info?
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  4. 02-06-2013, 08:23 PM #3
    kathy88
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    Can I pay in three easy installments.
    "Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one."
    —Charles Mackay

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  5. 02-06-2013, 08:26 PM #4
    TheTexan
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    Does it come in dark earth color?
    It's all about taking action and not being lazy. So you do the work, whether it's fitness or whatever. It's about getting up, motivating yourself and just doing it.
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  6. 02-06-2013, 08:29 PM #5
    Danke
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    Quote Originally Posted by kathy88 View Post
    Can I pay in three easy installments.
    Act now, and I'll liberate you for free.
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  7. 02-06-2013, 09:20 PM #6
    Occam's Banana
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    Quote Originally Posted by fr33 View Post
    Do you mind posting the warranty info?
    Each One True Path to LibertyŽ is sold "as is". No refunds. All sales are final.

    However, if you are unsatisfied with your One True Path to LibertyŽ for any reason, you may exchange it "no questions asked" for any other model of One True Path to LibertyŽ (subject to availablity).
    Last edited by Occam's Banana; 01-11-2016 at 02:53 AM. Reason: hid my sig
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  8. 02-06-2013, 09:20 PM #7
    Occam's Banana
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    Quote Originally Posted by kathy88 View Post
    Can I pay in three easy installments.
    Installment plans are available only for the Gradualist model of One True Path to LibertyŽ.
    Last edited by Occam's Banana; 01-11-2016 at 02:55 AM. Reason: hid my sig
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  9. 02-06-2013, 09:21 PM #8
    Occam's Banana
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    Quote Originally Posted by bxm042 View Post
    Does it come in dark earth color?
    Yes! Each One True Path to LibertyŽ customer may specify the color of his or her choice (with the exception of the Survivalist/Off-the-Grid model, which is available only in wilderness camouflage),

    We also offer special color schemes for select models of One True Path to LibertyŽ. For example, the Anarchist model is available in a special two-tone color scheme (black/yellow). See our brochure for details.

    For a small extra charge, any model of One True Path to LibertyŽ may be ordered in urban camouflage. (This color scheme is especially popular among politicos who wish to appear to be using no path to liberty at all!).
    Last edited by Occam's Banana; 01-11-2016 at 02:58 AM. Reason: hid my sig
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  11. 02-06-2013, 09:23 PM #9
    Origanalist
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    I'll take the American Bomb you into Liberty model.
    "The Patriarch"
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  12. 02-06-2013, 09:31 PM #10
    Occam's Banana
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    Quote Originally Posted by Origanalist View Post
    I'll take the American Bomb you into Liberty model.
    Your One True Path to LibertyŽ order has been processed. Delivery to be made via drone within 3 to 5 business days.
    Last edited by Occam's Banana; 01-11-2016 at 03:00 AM. Reason: hid my sig
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  13. 02-06-2013, 09:36 PM #11
    Origanalist
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    Quote Originally Posted by Occam's Banana View Post
    Your One True Path to LibertyŽ order has been processed. Delivery to be made via drone within 3 to 5 business days.
    "The Patriarch"
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  14. 02-06-2013, 10:02 PM #12
    afwjam
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    Will my One True Path to LibertyŽ make it so I am always right and everyone else is always wrong? I need something that protects me from other ideas.
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  15. 02-06-2013, 11:29 PM #13
    Occam's Banana
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    Quote Originally Posted by afwjam View Post
    Will my One True Path to LibertyŽ make it so I am always right and everyone else is always wrong?
    Yes, it certainly will! In fact, this is the primary functionality of every One True Path to LibertyŽ model!

    Each model of One True Path to LibertyŽ comes equipped with our patented Absolute Certitude Enhancer™ (ACE™) technology.

    ACE™ensures that the user of any One True Path to LibertyŽ model will be rendered completely unable to see any use or value whatsoever in any other approach to advancing the cause of liberty!

    An ACE™-enabled One True Path to LibertyŽ allows any other approach to advancing the cause of liberty to be dismissed in any of a variety of modes.

    Available modes include Abrupt Rejection, Sarcastic Contempt, Indignant Outrage, Sneering Disdain and a wide range of others.

    Quote Originally Posted by afwjam View Post
    I need something that protects me from other ideas.
    Our engineers have designed each model of One True Path to LibertyŽ to exacting specifications - and every unit is manufactured to within precise (in)tolerances.

    One True Path to LibertyŽ is the ideal solution for those who do not wish to be distracted by any ideas or courses of action that do not conform to the prejudices of their own One True Path to LibertyŽ.
    Last edited by Occam's Banana; 01-11-2016 at 03:04 AM. Reason: hid my sig
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  16. 02-06-2013, 11:30 PM #14
    Origanalist
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    Quote Originally Posted by Occam's Banana View Post
    Yes, it certainly will! In fact, this is the primary functionality of every One True Path to LibertyŽ model!

    Each model of One True Path to LibertyŽ comes equipped with our patented Absolute Certitude Enhancer™ (ACE™) technology.

    ACE™ensures that the user of any One True Path to LibertyŽ model will be rendered completely unable to see any use or value whatsoever in any other approach to advancing the cause of liberty!

    An ACE™-enabled One True Path to LibertyŽ allows other approaches to advancing the cause of liberty to be dismissed in any of a variety of modes.

    Available modes include Abrupt Rejection, Sarcastic Contempt, Sneering Disdain and a wide range of others.



    Our engineers have designed each model of One True Path to LibertyŽ to exacting specifications - and every unit is manufactured to within precise (in)tolerances.

    One True Path to LibertyŽ is the ideal solution for those who do not wish to be distracted by any ideas or courses of action that do not conform to the prejudices of their own One True Path to LibertyŽ.
    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Occam's Banana again.
    "The Patriarch"
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  17. 02-07-2013, 06:08 AM #15
    kathy88
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    Thread full of win.
    "Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one."
    —Charles Mackay

    "god i fucking wanna rip his balls off and offer them to the gods"
    -Anonymous
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  18. 02-07-2013, 06:21 AM #16
    ClydeCoulter
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    Is there a package deal? I like to have my toolbox for liberty loaded with as many tools a possible. Can one purchase more than one model?
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  20. 02-07-2013, 06:30 AM #17
    kathy88
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    Is shipping free if I order in the next hour?
    "Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one."
    —Charles Mackay

    "god i fucking wanna rip his balls off and offer them to the gods"
    -Anonymous
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  21. 02-07-2013, 07:00 AM #18
    acptulsa
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    Why is there only one variety of the Absolutist model? Will it really work for me regardless of whether I'm absolutely sure that the One True Path to Liberty is jailing my obese neighbors, or absolutely sure the One True Path to Liberty is bombing randomly selected brown people into oblivion? Is there any chance the One True Path to Liberty could possibly be rude enough to not fit my preconceived notions?
    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsmyth View Post
    You only want the freedoms that will undermine the nation and lead to the destruction of liberty.
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  22. 02-07-2013, 10:32 AM #19
    FSP-Rebel
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    If our guy misses winning the state chair of the MIGOP by 5 votes at the state convention in a few weeks because 6 "pro-liberty" people don't show up, does One True Path to Liberty provide insurance to offset that?
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  23. 02-07-2013, 03:38 PM #20
    Occam's Banana
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    Quote Originally Posted by ClydeCoulter View Post
    Is there a package deal? I like to have my toolbox for liberty loaded with as many tools a possible. Can one purchase more than one model?
    We are sorry. You appear to be one of those people who unwisely imagines that there might be use or value in more than one approach to advancing the cause of liberty.

    Unfortunately, such people will find that our One True Path to LibertyŽ line of products will not be of any use to them.

    Each One True Path to LibertyŽ model is designed to offer one and only one approach to the advancement of liberty.

    Thank you for your inquiry. We regret that we will not be able to do business with you.
    Last edited by Occam's Banana; 01-11-2016 at 03:08 AM. Reason: hid my sig
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  24. 02-07-2013, 04:28 PM #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by acptulsa View Post
    Why is there only one variety of the Absolutist model?
    Thank you for your inquiry! Each model of One True Path to LibertyŽ serves as a general platform for evincing an unshakeable belief in one and only one proper approach to advancing the cause of liberty.

    We realize, however, that our basic models (such as Absolutist) may be somehwat generic for some of our customers' purposes.

    In order to enhance your One True Path to LibertyŽ experience, we are excited to take this opportunity to announce our new line of One True Path to LibertyŽ extension packs!

    Our new extension packs offer a wide variety of options for "fine tuning" your One True Path to LibertyŽ to suit your particular needs.

    Available extension packs include Constitutionalist, Spoonerite, Objectivist, Agorist, Georgist - and many, many more!

    Our Customer Service department is standing by to take your order, and would be delighted to hear your suggestions for future extension pack offerings!

    Quote Originally Posted by acptulsa View Post
    Will it really work for me regardless of whether I'm absolutely sure that the One True Path to Liberty is jailing my obese neighbors, or absolutely sure the One True Path to Liberty is bombing randomly selected brown people into oblivion? Is there any chance the One True Path to Liberty could possibly be rude enough to not fit my preconceived notions?
    The purpose of each One True Path to LibertyŽ model is to eliminate any and all doubts regarding (1) the incontrovertible rightness of your selected model's approach to advancing the cause of liberty, and (2) the incontrovertible wrongness of any other approach. As such, it is incumbent upon the customer to select the model of One True Path to LibertyŽ which best fits his or her preconceived notions. If you do not desire to be insufferably convinced of the exclusive correctness of your preferred approach to advancing the cause of liberty, then we regret to say that One True Path to LibertyŽ is probably not for you.
    Last edited by Occam's Banana; 01-11-2016 at 03:11 AM. Reason: hid my sig
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  25. 02-07-2013, 04:31 PM #22
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    safe to say we're in "off topic" status now
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  26. 02-07-2013, 04:38 PM #23
    acptulsa
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    Any truth to the rumors I've heard that your product may in isolated circumstances cause irritability, insufferability, prickly heat rash, inflexibility, unwanted hair growth in the ears, boorishness, corns, ineffectiveness, hangnails and death?
    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsmyth View Post
    You only want the freedoms that will undermine the nation and lead to the destruction of liberty.
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  27. 02-07-2013, 04:41 PM #24
    helmuth_hubener
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    Do you have any celebrity endorsements? I am hesitant to buy things without any....
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  29. 02-07-2013, 04:47 PM #25
    AlexAmore
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    Any before and after pics? Thanks.
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  30. 02-07-2013, 04:48 PM #26
    phill4paul
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    Could you please post your pitch in an British or Australian accent? I am conditioned to only believe in products pitched in these accents like my insurance or absorbent towels.
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  31. 02-07-2013, 05:04 PM #27
    Occam's Banana
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    Quote Originally Posted by FSP-Rebel View Post
    If our guy misses winning the state chair of the MIGOP by 5 votes at the state convention in a few weeks because 6 "pro-liberty" people don't show up, does One True Path to Liberty provide insurance to offset that?
    It is the purpose of each One True Path to LibertyŽ model to allow its users to regard their own approach to the advancement of the cause of liberty as the only efficacious and worthwhile approach.

    It is the purpose of each One True Path to LibertyŽ model to allow its users to reject any other approaches to the advancement of the cause of liberty as useless (or even counter-productive) exercises in pointless futility.

    It is the purpose of One True Path to LibertyŽ to enable its users to rest assured that any failure to achieve liberty objectives is the fault of those who have not purchased the same One True Path to LibertyŽ model - or those who have not purchased any One True Path to LibertyŽ model at all.

    It is not the purpose of One True Path to LibertyŽ products to ensure (or even to be of use in) the achievement of liberty in general - or of any liberty-oriented goals in particular.

    The above is true of all One True Path to LibertyŽ models and accessories (including our Liberty Republican and "Take Over the GOP" extension packs).
    Last edited by Occam's Banana; 01-11-2016 at 03:15 AM. Reason: hid my sig
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  32. 02-07-2013, 05:23 PM #28
    acptulsa
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    Do you have designer editions? Is there a signature John McCain's One True Path to Liberty? Can I have one that looks like this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsmyth View Post
    You only want the freedoms that will undermine the nation and lead to the destruction of liberty.
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  33. 02-07-2013, 05:44 PM #29
    Occam's Banana
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlexAmore View Post
    Any before and after pics? Thanks.
    BEFORE using One True Path to LibertyŽ (when confronted with any approach to advancing the cause of liberty):



    AFTER using One True Path to LibertyŽ (when confronted with any other approach to advancing the cause of liberty):

    Last edited by Occam's Banana; 01-11-2016 at 03:35 AM. Reason: hid my sig, moved pics to imgur
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  34. 02-07-2013, 05:58 PM #30
    Occam's Banana
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    Quote Originally Posted by helmuth_hubener View Post
    Do you have any celebrity endorsements? I am hesitant to buy things without any....
    We have acquired the endorsement of 20th-century author Ayn Rand for our Objectivist extension pack to the Absolutist model of One True Path to LibertyŽ.

    The Objectivist extension pack as promoted by Ms. Rand showcases all that One True Path to LibertyŽ has to offer.

    Quote Originally Posted by phill4paul View Post
    Could you please post your pitch in an British or Australian accent? I am conditioned to only believe in products pitched in these accents like my insurance or absorbent towels.
    We hope to retain the services of Hugh Jackman as our product spokesperson ...
    Last edited by Occam's Banana; 01-11-2016 at 03:38 AM. Reason: hid my sig
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