your statist phase: or my political development autobiography synposis

[Mr. Perfidy]

I would think that just about all of us began with faith in the good and benevolence of government.

I also think that it is important to reflect on that stage, and the roots and motives and hopes and fears that maintained it; the vulgar call this "campaigning."

I think maybe itd be best for my own memory exercise and for the discussion if I categorize it like, so here goes:

11ish-16
"Jeffersonian Constitutionalist" or "Revolutionary Conservative"
personal influence/mentors
- family -My grandfather: Truly an amazing man, and consequently I grew up treating him as like an enlightened master; he was very cultured, spoke italian and english, loved opera and classical music and played the piano, but was also a blue-collar, working class hero, a lifetime long-shoreman. But also a Bircher, and a Mason- he taught me about the federal reserve in these years, and the globalists, often in tutor-like sessions while he was fixing drywall in our house, is putting in tiles, awesome $#@! like that. It was impossible not to think he was the man.
- My father: Also very excellent, though in a more street way; he emphasised throughout my growth the primacy of the role of instinct, intuition, and biology as the primary motivator/filter. He reduced every dynamic to who wanted to $#@! who and was often quite vulgar, but this is not his personality, and it had more of a Gurdjieff deconstruction vibe. He taught me about the artificiality of the establishment, and instilled in me a hostility for posers and pretenders and compromisers. He was a loyal and attentive dad and husband, but was also like a tough guy, and so the idea of the Noble Savage was quite natural to me.
Friends/Professional Networks
-"Mr. Thomas" (fake name) My only real friend's (in the intellectual peer sense) father. He was a local politician, on the school-board, Turnpike Authority political-favor no-show job, ran local campaigns. He had a picture of him shaking hands with Reagan on the wall in his office, where me and his son played computer games and looked at the CFR's webpage for the first time. I remember how when we hit Enter after typing in the URL, we did so as though ritually identifying ourselves as dangerous thoughtcriminals to the internet AI spyders. He "got me started" in local politics, (I thought at the time as I imagined that my life would grow toward public office) working campaigns, paying me and our friends to hand out election literature around election times. I "respected" (looking back- coveted) his influence and networks and wealth and thought that he was evidence that local governments worked effectively and in "our" interests.

important literature
Gary Allen, the Declaration of Independence and stuff about Jefferson and Benedict Arnold, also Puzo reinforced my faith in the self-reliance and autonomy of men

music/subculture I started getting into metallica when I started growing, and used to love rocking out to the ...Justice album. It reinforced my faith that art would liberate human minds, and teach the gospel.

work experience Got my first job at 15, as a cashier. The supermarket was owned by a local Assemblyman. My doctor was, as I saw another poster say, Kyrillos's dad. Between them and Mr Thomas, I thoroughly absorbed the political character of the economy at a very young age. Working for the guy that also spoke for me in government seemed natural to me, and I imagined that I would one day replace such men. (hahahahahaha!)

notable moments/fracture -
- My first Campaign Organizer gig- Mr Thomas hooked me up with being the lead organizer on an election literature campaign. That is to say he farmed it out to me- I was supposed to recruit 30 people with the promise of X amount of dollars, get their SS#s and relevant information for accounting/campaign finance book-keeping, and make sure they had rides to the meeting place. I only gave these jobs to kids that paid me n amount of dollars in exchange, knowing that the labor demanded was very trivial and cheap compared to the compensation offered. Also, from past experience in other campaigns, I knew which kids actually worked, and which kids threw everything away and went to hang out. Some bigshot in a cool overcoat (I remember but will not share his name, as I am sure he is still worming his way around somewhere) got a complaint from a parent. He yelled at me harshly and with threatening gestures in front of friends and strangers, and said that I was committing extortion, and withdrew his former promise to write for me whatever letters of recommendation. Haha thus ended my stint with the mainstream political cultures. I knew since I was a child that they were crooks- loved even to have pool parties and play video games at the opulent home of such a crook (mr. thomas) I thought it was the most nauseating type of hypocrisy to do that to me, while being in such a network, and all my faith in everything was lost immediately. Every contradiction that I had suspected or pretended not to notice, all revealed in wanting to punch that guy in the mouth.
- Pizza Hut, 16- I went into the back room to put away dishes, and 2 waitresses were in there, "dancing" (waving their asses most provocatively) and singing along to a catchy little tune "Put it in My Mouth." For a second I combined my idea of them with my sister, and imagined seeing her do this, and went white with rage, totally insane darkness. I remember then thinking "Jefferson was a $#@!in dumbass- this is freedom of speech," and thinking that the use of violence against it was great. My co-worker/friend joined my rage episode in smashing the radio to pieces all over the floor and parking lot, and I thought, "perfect."

16-19
"Fascist" or "Roman Socialist
personal influence/mentors
family
-my mother I have 3 brothers, and by 16, a little sister, and we had a cool little tribe. My mother liked the idea of me being some kind of State regality, or military officer. She spoke highly of the military for me, though not in general or socially, and while I rejected, as a consequence of my political experience, the idea of actual formal military service, I very much internalized the idea that I should fight, and that there was honor in stepping up to the challenges of violence. This idea was heavily influenced also by my father, who taught us all how to fight, and that even if the teachers said we were in trouble, he was not mad if we got in fights when we were right.

my grandfather sure seemed to think hitler was an awesome man. He never spoke of his policies or anything, but he definitely had a mancrush on him. I thought, "how bad could he be if grandpa likes him?"

Friends/Professional Networks
-Mr Thomas Also loved Hitler. He had an autographed copy of Yockey's Imperium on his bookshelf in a very impressive library. While he never discouraged my exploration of it, he would quibble in a very cowardly, jowel-shaking manner at the thought of me admitting it to anyone. Coupled with my contempt for that other $#@!'s hypocrisy and my awareness that he was himself part of that, I only thought that these old bitches didn't have any balls. I still respected their doctrines, as I imagined an interest above and behind them that would surely consign their half-hearted charade to demotion, and replace that class with me and my friends, who were radical and malicious and single-minded.

important literature/memetics
I $#@!in loved Codreanu, DeGrelle, and Mussolini. How I longed for battles in the streets, and leaders that got hurt alongside me. ($#@! politics- young radical mussolini was undeniably the $#@!in' coolest kid in the 20th century)

music/subcultures
My friends were racist, and had all kinds of outlaw white power music, which I did love for it being illegal (in many nations) or generally regarded as heresy. Also a lot of it was good music. I still loved metallica, though the fact that they followed Justice with nothing political ever again turned me off to them. I started seeing music as a cultural organizational force and got into local scenes where there was moshing and violence.

work experience
I worked at Pizza Hut for like a year, and there were maybe 7 of us that were into different forms of right-wing extremism. (that's also the place of the "Put it in my Mouth" tantrum) How we would have reorganized economic life from our own spontaneously recognized internal hierarchy legitimized my idea that the State should subordinate different economic interests in order to more efficiently express their potential. Also, the other groups of kids I generally regarded as degenerate, purposeless, mindless shills- in the 90s, if you said that about the State vs. the Economy, at least in high school, you were generally treated as crazy! (hahahahahaha!)

notable moments/fracture
-There are doubtlessly legal implications to this one, so, I will just say that we were terrible people, though at the time, I thought that we were heroic and fearless. I myself only ever used violence, or even harsh words, against people that could fairly fight back, but I did find the less noble forms of my friends' aggression rather hysterical. I totally stopped thinking this after a friend embarassed some very strange looking freak. I did not feel guilty for thinking that he or she was totally disgusting to behold, or even in thinking that it would be merciful and right and in line with the intent of nature to kill him or her (everyone loves sparta and rome and they had no such scruples), but, my friend made it into a spectacle, and I was kinda nauseated witnessing it, and then distanced myself from that circle.
- same circle of cruel idiots were always trying to fight me LOL. They were all racists, some of them quite scientifically, and I told them that I really wasn't and didn't care about that, that I was merely a regular ol fascist, so, that was not hardcore enough or something, and they were always trying to act offended over normal observations or thoughts that I had. I searched and searched for other young people who wanted to get in fights that would bring glory to the Duce, but nowhere to be found. Finally they all organized to attack me at home, because (hahahahahaha) I made out with a mulatto at one of their parties (why was she there?!) I had 3 guys from my football team, and my brothers, in bushes with baseball bats. There were 6 of them, and they just walked past my house and said something stupid. It was much like my episode with the political bigshot, where everything that I had ignored became evident in a moment, and where their failure to live up to my purer idea of what they claimed to represent just angered and repulsed me.

where oh where to go from there? No faith anymore in the constitution, no faith in the revolution of the State against the greedy feudal-entrenched rich or the unwashed marxist morlock hordes.

From that point forward I would say that I was not a Statist. While I explored various forms of statism, especially Traditionalist monarchism/theocracy, I did so academically, and did not believe that they had any solutions for the modern world.


This took me like 2 hours to write, and I ask that you not just flood the thread with little tidbits like, "Yo my grandfather was a mason too!" The point of all of this is to explore the inner-workings of political thought, as most political identification has nothing whatsoever to do with rational argument. It is a cultural expression, a tribal wall that one erects in order to protect himself from the encroaching menace of the outsider, whomever that may be. If we look at it this way, the principles and missions of the Liberty Movement will be more informed and better equipped to approach detractors and critics and nay-sayers of all types and stripes.

I am $#@!in super curious though how other people justified and rationalized their faith in the State. I encourage people to use something like that format, so we can more readily compare.