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Thread: What Should WilliamC Do With His (Remaining) Life? [Mod Note: R.I.P Dr. William Colley]

  1. #1

    What Should WilliamC Do With His (Remaining) Life? [Mod Note: R.I.P Dr. William Colley]

    Ok so here it is.

    I'm in a bit of a dilemma at this point in my life and have been for a while now, but it is time to move forward and at least try to do something positive with the time I have left, if only I can figure out what positive means in my situation.

    I'm 48 years old and up until around 2007 was doing pretty well, or so I thought. I had a job that I loved, a wife I loved (and still do, details follow) and 3 children who are now obviously the most important thing in my life. I was working as a research scientist at a major research hospital and between the wife and I we were making close to $100,000 a year, not really that much but considering the cost of living in Mississippi not too bad either.

    I really enjoy science, in fact were I independently wealthy I would have no problems working in a lab setting again for free. However the specific lab I was working in was run by an individual who turned out not to be so interested in producing honest, reproducible data. This individual happened to be married to the Chairman of the Department the lab was part of (interestingly enough she had been married to the Chairman of the Department of the previous institution she worked at as well and divorced him shortly before marrying the current husband right before she got her new position, so make of that what you will). To make a long story short I had been working for about a year and a half on a project involving a robotics platform that could do high-throughput microbiology tasks. When I was told that this would be my new 'part-time' project the first thing I did was to call around to several other labs who were using the same type robot and ask them for advice. All of them had a team of people (at least 3) who did nothing but work with the robot full time, so immediately I understood that I would have a difficult time doing this since it was supposed to be me alone and I still had other projects I was expected to work on also. Also, the institution has a department dedicated to high-throughput robotics experiments and when I went to talk to them I was told they had already been approached by my boss but she rejected them because they wanted more control over the experiments than she was willing to allow.

    So anyway I was able to make the robot do some of the tasks it was supposed to do and after a while I was able to start trying to do similar experiments albeit with limited success since it was impossible to do everything myself, especially data collecting and analysis. And there was sharp disagreement between my boss and I as to how to design the experiments; I wanted to include controls that would reproduce previously published data to make sure the new data was valid but she didn't. As time went on I grew more and more frustrated since I could tell I was wasting my time and many thousands of dollars with little to show. I started shopping around the institution for a new position but despite applying for over 20 in the course of a year and going to talk with several other lab directors that went nowhere.

    Finally I did manage, despite being told not to, to do two successive 'duplicate' experiments which, had they worked, should have given essentially the same results. Instead there was no overlap between the results of the two experiments which basically indicated all the data I was generating was garbage, it was in no way reproducible. When I showed these results to my boss she essentially said it wasn't my job to worry about the data, just give it to her and she would decide what was important and I was to just shut up and not tell anyone about the fact that it wasn't valid. Did I mention my boss had promised the institution that purchased the $300,000 robot that it would be a shared resource for many labs, but after 1.5 years only our lab had used it and despite my efforts I couldn't get anyone else interested in using it? Well this finally exhausted my patience and I turned in my 2 weeks notice shortly afterward and took a much lower job at a University which only paid half what I was making before.

    Now this wasn't the whole of my plan, since working with the robot had convinced me that I lacked the appropriate analytical skills to properly design such experiments and interpret the data. So my idea was to take some undergraduate math classes at the University and transition into a graduate program in mathematics with the goal of getting a Masters degree. I figured it would take me 3 years or so but at the end I'd be able to apply for jobs that I wasn't currently qualified for, basically designing and developing data analysis techniques for various high-throughput biological/chemical screens.

    So from mid-2007 to mid-2009 I worked as a tech in a very dull lab, only a couple of other people there and they weren't really what you would call highly motivated. Often it was me alone in the lab and there was an extreme lack of money for needed equipment and supplies. But I did take enough undergraduate math classes (free) to get me in good with the professors in the Math Department and after 2 years the funding I was being paid from ran out. This was in July 2009, and I was going to take 2 semesters of classes to finish my undergraduate requirements and start graduate school in 2010. I had saved enough money to pay for the classes and live off of, and my wife was still working full time, so while it would crimp our lifestyle we would get buy just fine.

    Two weeks after I left the job and right before the beginning of classes I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. Bummer. So instead of taking classes I had to go through radiation therapy and chemotherapy for a month, which knocked me from 170 to 135 lbs, and then have surgery to remove a portion of my sigmoid colon and upper rectum. This left me with a temporary illeostomy, which I had reversed with another surgery, then I had more chemotherapy. It was during this time I started trying to change my diet and take some herbal supplements, but I ran into sever resistance from my wife who thought I was being crazy and should 'just do what the doctor told me' and all my trying to eat healthy and exercise and such was too disruptive to the household routine. Also during this time I drained most of the money I had saved paying medical bills and such.

    So fast-forward to May 2010, I'm done with chemo, radiation and surgeries and starting to recover and trying to adopt a super-healthy lifestyle despite the resentment from my wife. She wants me to go back to work ASAP. Note we still had and still have a decent amount of wealth in PM's that is for the children and we had no debt except the mortgage so it's not like we were impoverished, but I wasn't bringing in an income and she resented that and was undoubtedly more than a bit scared at the responsibility of being the sole breadwinner. I still wanted to finish my two semesters of undergraduate classes (I had been studying a lot during my illness and knew I could ace the classes I needed) and get into graduate school, where at least my classes would be paid for and I would make enough of a stipend to pay for my expenses. And I knew if I went back to work it would never happen.

    So despite my better judgement and my wife's wishes I took out a student loan. I figured for one semesters worth of loans I could pay for all my classes. So in the Fall Semester of 2010 I start classes, but about 3 weeks into them I go in for a PET scan and find out the cancer had spread to my liver. I was now stage 4 and would need more chemotherapy and more surgery (I read the medical literature and even then my cancer was considered 'curable' if all went well). So I had to drop my classes, I was driving ~90 miles a day and could not do that and go every week to chemotherapy as well and repay the portion of the loan which had paid the University. Now I finally broke down and applied for, and got, Social Security disability, since the probability of me working again was essentially zero. In March I had surgery to remove the cancer from my liver but when they opened me up they concluded that they could not operate on my liver so I had what is called a futile surgery. Even still they had essentially removed my liver even though they didn't cut on it and it was a pretty hellish recovery. I went through more chemotherapy after that and it seemed to at least knock the cancer back to almost undetectable levels.

    So about 3 months after this 3rd surgery my wife tells me I have to leave, she doesn't want me in the house anymore. So I moved to Mobile where I stayed with a friend of mine for about 5 months. I not only recovered during this time but re-started doing Bikram yoga and swimming and by October I was feeling better than I had in several years, I knew I was healthy, I was swimming a mile or more a day and doing yoga every day and was eating healthy and feeling better and better. However I had another PET/CT scan in early November and the cancer was back. My oncologist sent me to see a 'liver surgeon specialist' about having yet another surgery and he claimed he could possibly do what the previous surgeon couldn't, namely cut all the cancer out of my liver and leave enough to keep me alive. But a subsequent PET scan picked up cancer in a lymph node outside my liver so that cancelled the possibility of a surgical option and now I am no longer considered curable by the medical establishment.

    However I had moved back to my home in anticipation of the surgery, but that didn't last more than a month before my wife tells me she wants a divorce and I have to get out of the house or she will take the children and leave. So in December 2011 I got a room in a house about 20 miles from my home, where I can be available whenever my wife needs me (like now, while she is out-of-town with my oldest for a few days and I'm taking care of the other two kids). I had been going to a local YMCA every day for some cardiovascular but started taking an oral chemotherapy drug in March and find that whenever I get my hear rate up now I can't catch my breath; I have enough energy for 'normal' activities but not for strenuous exercise. I'm sort of at a stalemate with my wife on the divorce issue, she want's it but isn't pushing it. I have ~$1,100 a month from SSDI, another ~$600 a month that's designated for my children, and a car with 290,000 miles on it and that's about it. My only assets are the equity in the home, $10,000 cash (from the initial SSDI backpayment) and the bulk of the PM's. To my mind these belong to my wife and children, not me, so really they aren't 'my' assets and if we do get a divorce neither the cash nor the PM's will even be mentioned in the paperwork (my wife is at least willing to keep these off record) and I will leave them with her.

    SO, after this long-winded tirade, what should I do with my life? Conventional wisdom tells me I should simply stay where I am and be available as much as possible to help my wife and children and otherwise do nothing. But there is a part of me that still thinks I can actually defeat my cancer and heal myself if only I work hard and smart enough to do so. But I can't seem to do this on my own and if I want to do this it would be easier if I lived somewhere much closer to a Bikram yoga studio like I was in Mobile. I don't know how long it would take but I would very much like to essentially devote myself to health and exercise indefinitely.

    So I feel caught between my self-preservation instinct and my duty to my family. If I move back to Mobile and stop taking the chemotherapy I think I can at least get myself feeling healthy again and maybe, possibly, work myself so hard that either I kill the cancer or myself doing so. But I can't do that where I'm at because I am 40 miles from the nearest Bikram yoga studio and daily Bikram yoga would be crucial to my success. I barely have enough money coming in to support myself, but if I give up everything else except rent and food and exercise I might be able to pull it off. But if I let my wife divorce me who knows what $#@! the court will decide, my wife thinks I'm crazy for thinking that the court system would be 'out to get me' but she is clueless on this. Oh, I do have ~$6,000 of unpaid medical bills but they can go to hell as I have no assets they can seize nor income they can garnish, if I ever do get more income I'll settle with them; they've already been paid on by insurance anyway.

    So should I stay where I am and just get by until I am no longer able to live independently, at which point I'll take care of things on my own (no lingering death in a hospice for me) or should I move to Mobile (my hometown where my 85 year old father and what few friends I have live) and try to save myself at the expense of being available to help my wife and children? I could try to drive the 80 plus miles a day to Memphis for yoga but at 290,000 miles I don't know how much my car can take.

    Seems most everyone else who gets cancer has some sort of support mechanism to help them, all I've got is me. What should WilliamC do?
    Last edited by WilliamC; 04-22-2012 at 05:10 PM.
    Ron Paul: He irritates more idiots in fewer words than any American politician ever.

    NO MORE LIARS! Ron Paul 2012



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  3. #2
    Get a better car, go back home, skype with the kids. 80 miles isn't that far if you need to make a special event or something...you could do a "Mobile" video blog like T-mont as you drive

  4. #3
    I read the whole thing whether you believe me or not. I really hope you find something that makes you happy, healthy and safe.

    I would go back to Mobile, and it sounds to me like you've already made that decision, just want it validated. I think you're right to do this. Gotta keep pushing man. Stay strong. Just remember, you only have one life. Self-preservation is the most important thing because without a life to live, nothing else matters. It seems like you have done the best you can for your family, they will understand.
    SUPPORT LIBERTY IN 2016

  5. #4
    I'm going to put Mrs. AF on this thread, and let her recommend what the holistic/natropath community says about treatment.

    In the meantime, cut the wife loose, and do whatever you can do to get well.

    A box full of PMs will not replace your children's father.

    We'll pray for you brother.

  6. #5
    No advice, but wishing you peace in whatever path you choose.

  7. #6
    As someone who survived cancer I fear giving more than a limited description of what I would do.

    1. Don't do anything you consider giving in to the disease

    2. I also went through a divorce a little over a year before I got cancer and I highly suspect the stress of that caused my cancer. Take what you will from that.

    3. As has already been stated, you aren't doing anybody a service by dying unless it's a insurance policy for your wife. And since she's the one who told you she wanted a divorce and you to move out of the house why in the world would you want to do that for her?

    4. DON'T GET LONELY AND DEPRESSED Find real human contact away from your wife. (ok, that counts as advice)

  8. #7
    God Bless

  9. #8
    I cannot offer advice but i do wish the best for you whatever you choose.

    My brother lost his battle with stomach cancer this Easter Sunday after 2 years of fighting it. We laid him to rest this Friday.
    Now, my brother was married to his wife a few months after being diagnosed so she knew what she was getting into and supported every decision he made, even the unconventional ones. Now i don't know the details of your marriage and i won't ask but if my brothers wife had pull that $#@! with him i would have knocked that bitch out.



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  11. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Lafayette View Post
    I cannot offer advice but i do wish the best for you whatever you choose.

    My brother lost his battle with stomach cancer this Easter Sunday after 2 years of fighting it. We laid him to rest this Friday.
    Now, my brother was married to his wife a few months after being diagnosed so she knew what she was getting into and supported every decision he made, even the unconventional ones. Now i don't know the details of your marriage and i won't ask but if my brothers wife had pull that $#@! with him i would have knocked that bitch out.
    +1 for that.

  12. #10
    I can't give advice really, but I think you do have to think of yourself a bit. Your kids, always, but it sounds like you are putting yourself pretty low on the list, and you have to be practical and take care of yourself.

    You say you don't have a support group, but there may be the kind you can sign up for, spill your guts to and walk away from knowing they'll never see you again unless you feel like going back. Don't know if that would be a good idea for you or not, but if you check it out it gives you an alternate to feeling alone in this or feeling like you are dumping on people (which you will have to do sometimes, but won't want to do always.) If it is a support group having to do with cancer survivors they might also know resources in the area you might want to try.
    "Integrity means having to say things that people don't want to hear & especially to say things that the regime doesn't want to hear.” -Ron Paul

    "Bathtub falls and police officers kill more Americans than terrorism, yet we've been asked to sacrifice our most sacred rights for fear of falling victim to it." -Edward Snowden

  13. #11
    I will pray for you and your family. I think you should concentrate totally on your health and your eternal soul. You can't help your kids in the future if you aren't even around. It appears marrying your wife was a mistake, accept it as such and let her go. If you haven't already try apricot seeds, they are suppose to kill cancer cells but leave regular cells alone. If you aren't a Christian then you should seriously think about becoming one. Life is short no matter how long you live here on Earth, but eternal life is forever. God freely forgives us if we just accept that forgiveness.

  14. #12
    I don't have any advice for your personal life though I'm sorry that you've been dealt such a bad hand this time through. I do think you should pursue the healthy lifestyle at all costs.

    My girlfriends father recently had a heart attack/open heart surgery followed by diabetes a month later and was given a bleak prognosis. I know it probably sounds kooky to a scientist as yourself but he went on an all vegetable and fruit/ juice diet (essentially the Gerson diet) and started walking about 3 to 5 miles every morning.

    His doctors freaked out when he went back for future appointments. They told him that his heart was in superb condition and that he didn't have diabetes any longer.

  15. #13
    Thanks for the response, I'll reply in more detail later. I think the main thing I may need is help in holding myself accountable as it were. I'm good at starting things with lot's of energy and determination but after a few weeks or so I lose steam and start being lazy again. Tomorrow I am going to go back on a much stricter diet (yes, I've done the vegetable juice/fruit diet before and it does make a difference) and I'll at least get myself back to the YMCA and start exercising, so I'll try and keep that up and post about it to get some positive reinforcement.

    As for my wife she is a very good mother and despite our differences I love her very much even if I don't really like her any more. We've always had our differences and I've done some things myself that aren't typically considered very nice (but not without her knowledge and at least tacit permission) but I really think now she is just trying to protect the kids more than anything else. In a way I really don't blame her and regardless of what happens I'll never stop loving or respecting her, she is probably the most honest person I've ever known. Unfortunately she is pretty much the epitome of a 'sheep' in that she thinks the government is only trying to do what is best for us and she just wants to be considered 'normal', even though she is more of a loner than I am.
    Ron Paul: He irritates more idiots in fewer words than any American politician ever.

    NO MORE LIARS! Ron Paul 2012

  16. #14
    Work diligently for sound money, 100% redeemable? For the children.
    "Everyone who believes in freedom must work diligently for sound money, fully redeemable. Nothing else is compatible with the humanitarian goals of peace and prosperity." -- Ron Paul

    Brother Jonathan

  17. #15
    God bless sir.
    Ron Paul: "For those who have asked, I freely confess that Jesus Christ is my personal Savior, and that I seek His guidance in all that I do."

  18. #16
    It sounds like the medical establishment has written WilliamC off as far as being cured goes. It could be that there are some treatments not available in your area that may be viable. Have you considered that? Cancer is one disease that does not have uniform quality of treatment. You have been given treatments and advise based on what is available to the doctors you have seen. That doesn't mean that's all there is. You know that medicine is a business and can only sell you what it has to offer. Others may offer something better. One place that comes to mind for consideration is the Cancer Treatment Centers of America.

    From your post, you don't sound generally 'sickly' (aside from the obvious), so that's a plus. I hope that you will investigate other therapies and possibly get another opinion on treatment options. Use the time you have to see if you can beat this thing. And then there's alternative therapies, some of which can be used with more traditional therapies (I'm thinking primarily nutritional here).

    I won't get into saying 'do this or that' because everyone is unique. I have lost several family members to cancer, the last being my BIL 2 years ago at age 45.

    I can only offer prayers for a good outcome for you. You are an intelligent man. Use that brain of yours to make sure you have done all you can for yourself. Be selfish. You come first now.
    "The principle for which we contend is bound to reassert itself, though it may be at another time and in another form"..... Jefferson Davis

    "When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle".
    .....Edmund Burke

    "A corrupt electoral process can only lead to corrupt Government."
    ......jay_dub



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  20. #17
    Ah WilieC ya can't be nothing to nobody until you are someone to you. MOST people don't live with the prescience of immortality. There is a lot of good right there. For you it is daily in worry about what's to come. Seems to me your actuality is day to day. I dunno man. LIVE and LOVE large. However that fits in the equation.

  21. #18
    pcgame
    Member

    ..
    Last edited by pcgame; 05-21-2012 at 01:38 PM.

  22. #19
    I am the odd man out here, but I think that no matter what route you pursue medically, you need to stay as close to your kids as possible. Try to see them every day. Take pictures, write down things you want to tell them.

  23. #20
    I agree with angelatc, focus on your kids...

    Do what ever feels right to you for your health and don't sweat the wife or money until you feel right.

  24. #21
    WilliamC, let me say right off, I will keep you in my prayers. I think you ought to focus on your illness right now, with hopes to being around for your children a long time! I truly believe the body can heal itself given the proper nutrients.

    The reason I am against Chemo and Radiation is, sure it kills cancer cells, but it also kills the good cells as well. Most people die of cachexia (wasting disease) from the conventional methods, and not the cancer itself.

    Jerry Burnetti who had cancer and beat it - Food As Medicine

    http://www.naturalhealthstrategies.c...-medicine.html

    Have you checked into Dr. Burzynski? http://www.burzynskiclinic.com/

    Or have you seen this video by G. Edward Griffin-- World Without Cancer

    “The spirits of darkness are now among us. We have to be on guard so that we may realize what is happening when we encounter them and gain a real idea of where they are to be found. The most dangerous thing you can do in the immediate future will be to give yourself up unconsciously to the influences which are definitely present.” ~ Rudolf Steiner

  25. #22
    Mindfulness meditation.
    The proper concern of society is the preservation of individual freedom; the proper concern of the individual is the harmony of society.

    "Who would be free, themselves must strike the blow." - Byron

    "Who overcomes by force, hath overcome but half his foe." - Milton

  26. #23
    Does anybody know how WilliamC is doing?

    His last post was 9 May...

    ???

  27. #24
    I would do Chinese traditional medicine (acupuncture and herbs) asap. I would check in with your doctor periodically to check on your cancer. I would only do more chemo if the cancer is still growing.



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  29. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by Anti Federalist View Post
    Does anybody know how WilliamC is doing?

    His last post was 9 May...

    ???
    I don't know. That's one thing I hate about the internet.

  30. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by angelatc View Post
    I don't know. That's one thing I hate about the internet.
    Agreed.

    Anonymous people that you end up caring about but can't find out anything about.

    Hope he's OK.

  31. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by donnay View Post
    WilliamC, let me say right off, I will keep you in my prayers. I think you ought to focus on your illness right now, with hopes to being around for your children a long time! I truly believe the body can heal itself given the proper nutrients.

    The reason I am against Chemo and Radiation is, sure it kills cancer cells, but it also kills the good cells as well. Most people die of cachexia (wasting disease) from the conventional methods, and not the cancer itself.

    Jerry Burnetti who had cancer and beat it - Food As Medicine

    http://www.naturalhealthstrategies.c...-medicine.html

    Have you checked into Dr. Burzynski? http://www.burzynskiclinic.com/
    ^^^ If I had cancer, I would be getting myself to Dr. Burzynski. I have heard many good things about him.
    ================
    Open Borders: A Libertarian Reappraisal or why only dumbasses and cultural marxists are for it.

    Cultural Marxism: The Corruption of America

    The Property Basis of Rights

  32. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by donnay View Post
    WilliamC, let me say right off, I will keep you in my prayers. I think you ought to focus on your illness right now, with hopes to being around for your children a long time! I truly believe the body can heal itself given the proper nutrients.

    The reason I am against Chemo and Radiation is, sure it kills cancer cells, but it also kills the good cells as well. Most people die of cachexia (wasting disease) from the conventional methods, and not the cancer itself.

    Jerry Burnetti who had cancer and beat it - Food As Medicine

    http://www.naturalhealthstrategies.c...-medicine.html

    Have you checked into Dr. Burzynski? http://www.burzynskiclinic.com/

    Or have you seen this video by G. Edward Griffin-- World Without Cancer

    THIS

    Quote Originally Posted by Acala View Post
    Mindfulness meditation.
    THIS

    Quote Originally Posted by tttppp View Post
    I would do Chinese traditional medicine (acupuncture and herbs) asap. I would check in with your doctor periodically to check on your cancer. I would only do more chemo if the cancer is still growing.
    THIS
    Those who expect to reap the blessings of liberty must undergo the fatigues of supporting it ~Thomas Paine

    Americans used to roar like lions for liberty; now we bleat like sheep for security ~Norman Vincent Peale

  33. #29
    prayers William ... get a quiet place and the best moves will come to you ... may take several sleeps but it works for me buddy
    "It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance." Robert Kennedy

    http://scully13.wordpress.com/about men of dark intentions

  34. #30
    It brings me great sorrow to report that WilliamC has passed on. We have lost one of our own.

    This was posted on facebook by the district 1 Ron Paul MS state Coordinator who received an email concerning his passing:
    “Sad news. Today William "Clif" Colley went to be with the Lord. He was the Tate County coordinator for Ron Pail 2012, an asset to the liberty movement, and most importantly a friend. He's probably talking Barry Goldwater's eat off right now. Please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers.”

    This happened about a week before the state convention. Evidently it was sudden, he had several post on this forum his last day.

    Here is a link to his obit: http://obits.al.com/obituaries/mobil...&pid=157639687

    I did not know WilliamC personally, had never met him, only communicated with him several times to put him in touch with the district 1 Ron Paul people who were organizing to win delegates and go to the convention. I felt a connection with him as a fellow Ron Paul supporter and one who wanted to actually do something for the cause by becoming a delegate.

    I do know he was a true lover of liberty.

    May he rest in peace.
    Reason obeys itself; and ignorance submits to whatever is dictated to it.
    Thomas Paine

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