Today, the white house has announced that through executive order, the Thanksgiving day holidays have been officially canceled. Sources close to the president have indicated that the administration is sympathetic to the plight of the American people and understand that most American's have nothing left to be thankful for.
“With real unemployment hovering close to 27 percent, savings at an all time low, home foreclosures skyrocketing and ever dwindling 401k accounts, the American people have given up hope that things will get any better any time soon.”
With charitable donations at an all time low it is reported that many inner city churches and shelters will not be able to afford to feed the homeless and the newly destitute during this coming holiday.
WDEBT news interviewed John Smith, a former computer programer for a large transportation company out of Detroit, Michigan who despaired, “WTF, I'm out on the street. It's cold as sh*t, I'm broke, sick, my wife left me and can't even get a thanksgiving dinner down at the mission. So yeah, I think they should just cancel it altogether. It just seems wrong to keep up the charade.”
The white house has also ordered any and all remaining small businesses that still have employees to immediately cancel all paid leave time and/or other holiday pay or benefits.
“We just believe that with all of the other American's in dire straits, the misery needs to be spread around and we should all suffer together. We also hope to see an increase in productivity generated through these measures.”
When asked to comment, Tom Turkey simply sounded a long sigh of relief.
(Well at least he has something to be thankful for)
(I'm thankfull for my family and friends. )
(and y'all too )
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