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Thread: Thanksgiving has been officially canceled.

  1. #1

    Thanksgiving has been officially canceled.

    Today, the white house has announced that through executive order, the Thanksgiving day holidays have been officially canceled. Sources close to the president have indicated that the administration is sympathetic to the plight of the American people and understand that most American's have nothing left to be thankful for.

    “With real unemployment hovering close to 27 percent, savings at an all time low, home foreclosures skyrocketing and ever dwindling 401k accounts, the American people have given up hope that things will get any better any time soon.”

    With charitable donations at an all time low it is reported that many inner city churches and shelters will not be able to afford to feed the homeless and the newly destitute during this coming holiday.

    WDEBT news interviewed John Smith, a former computer programer for a large transportation company out of Detroit, Michigan who despaired, “WTF, I'm out on the street. It's cold as sh*t, I'm broke, sick, my wife left me and can't even get a thanksgiving dinner down at the mission. So yeah, I think they should just cancel it altogether. It just seems wrong to keep up the charade.”

    The white house has also ordered any and all remaining small businesses that still have employees to immediately cancel all paid leave time and/or other holiday pay or benefits.

    “We just believe that with all of the other American's in dire straits, the misery needs to be spread around and we should all suffer together. We also hope to see an increase in productivity generated through these measures.”

    When asked to comment, Tom Turkey simply sounded a long sigh of relief.

    (Well at least he has something to be thankful for)

    (I'm thankfull for my family and friends. )
    (and y'all too )



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  3. #2
    lolz
    Quote Originally Posted by Torchbearer
    what works can never be discussed online. there is only one language the government understands, and until the people start speaking it by the magazine full... things will remain the same.
    Hear/buy my music here "government is the enemy of liberty"-RP Support me on Patreon here Ephesians 6:12

  4. #3
    LOL!
    “The spirits of darkness are now among us. We have to be on guard so that we may realize what is happening when we encounter them and gain a real idea of where they are to be found. The most dangerous thing you can do in the immediate future will be to give yourself up unconsciously to the influences which are definitely present.” ~ Rudolf Steiner

  5. #4
    Very clever. This would be a perfect Onion article. You should submit it.
    CPT Jack. R. T.
    US Army Resigned - Iraq Vet.
    Level III MACP instructor, USYKA/WYKKO sensei
    Professional Hunter/Trapper/Country living survivalist.

  6. #5
    The Thanksgiving day holiday has once again been officially canceled.

    Under executive fiat, the president has delayed the implementation of Thanksgiving day festivities for 1 year.

    This has lead critics of the new thanksgiving day law to point out that the president has repeatedly stated that “If you like your thanksgiving day turkey, you can keep it. Period.”, and now we find that not to be the case.

    On Oct 1st., during a congressional hearing on Capital Hill, one Obama administration official, under direct questioning was asked “Will we be ready to take the thanksgiving day rolls out of the oven come November 28th?"

    “Yes, and we will be up and running after turkeys in the following few days.” was the response.

    It is still unclear how the president's fix will affect future thanksgiving day holidays. One holiday shopper interviewed by WDEBT in Detroit lamented that “I've already seen my premium brand turkey triple in price. I don't know what I'm going to do to insure my family's traditional turkey day dinner.”

    Tom Turkey (for some strange reason) could not be reached for comment.

    (Thanks again for my family, friends, and ya'll.)
    Last edited by Dary; 11-26-2013 at 05:10 PM.

  7. #6
    After signing the bill, Obama was warmly hugged by First Lady Michelle Obama, who was heard to remark, 'Thank you, dear. If I had to choke down another plate of turkey and cranberries I would have puked. Now, thank God, we can have filet mignon and caviar as usual on Thursday.'
    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsmyth View Post
    We believe our lying eyes...

  8. #7
    Thanksgiving is officially back.

    Now that unemployment is under control, now that the wars are over, and racial injustices are a thing of the past, now that everyone has health care and spying on citizens has ceased, now that the banking and auto industries are once again financially stable, now that terrorism is no longer a threat, now that the IRS is reeled in and the events of Benghazi have been disclosed, now that illegal immigration is no longer a concern, now that the Republicans are back in power, it just seems right to reinstate Thanksgiving. After all we have so much to be thankful for.

    So celebrate big everyone. Things have never been better.

    Happy official Thanksgiving.

    Seriously though. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

  9. #8
    Bah!

    Humbug.
    Quote Originally Posted by Swordsmyth View Post
    We believe our lying eyes...



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  11. #9
    No biggie.

    Like all the rest of His Majesty's Official Edicts, I'll simply ignore it.

  12. #10
    Cancelled, not cancelled...

    WGAF anymore.

    Still. Happy T-day everyone.

  13. #11
    Thanksgiving is on at my house . Rest of you peasants ( you know who you are tebowlives , PRB etc) should huddle in a corner and hope for Easter to arrive.

  14. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Dary View Post
    Cancelled, not cancelled...

    WGAF anymore.

    Still. Happy T-day everyone.
    Thanksgiving is now an act of defiance...I'm all in.
    Another mark of a tyrant is that he likes foreigners better than citizens, and lives with them and invites them to his table; for the one are enemies, but the Others enter into no rivalry with him. - Aristotle's Politics Book 5 Part 11

  15. #13
    Thanksgiving isn't cancelled on my end.
    "Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration is minding my own business."

    Calvin Coolidge

  16. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Anti Federalist View Post
    Thanksgiving is now an act of defiance...I'm all in.
    HA! I got three Thanksgivings AND a Drinksgiving to go to.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ron Paul View Post
    The intellectual battle for liberty can appear to be a lonely one at times. However, the numbers are not as important as the principles that we hold. Leonard Read always taught that "it's not a numbers game, but an ideological game." That's why it's important to continue to provide a principled philosophy as to what the role of government ought to be, despite the numbers that stare us in the face.
    Quote Originally Posted by Origanalist View Post
    This intellectually stimulating conversation is the reason I keep coming here.



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