Top 12 reasons civil marriage equality should not be legal

[TheDrakeMan]

I got this from Freedomainradio's message board. I can't find the original source of this material but I though I would share it anyway.


Top 12 reasons civil marriage equality should not be legal:

1 Homosexuality is not natural -- much like eyeglasses, polyester, fellatio, indoor plumbing, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. (As we all know, infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married, as they are utterly barren.)

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay kids, as straight parents only raise straight kids.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if civil marriage equality becomes law. (Just ask Britney Spears about her 55-hour just-for-fun marriage and its deep meaningfulness, or Rush Limbaugh about his four deeply meaningful marriages.)

5. Marriage should be protected at all costs. (That's why divorce is completely illegal.)

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have, after all, historically protected the rights of minorities. (Just ask interracial couples about life before Loving v. Virginia in 1967, or African-Americans about life before Brown v. The Board of Education.)

7. Civil marriage equality is not supported by the predominant religion here. And as we all know in a theocracy such as ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country -- that’s why we have only one religion in these United States.

8. Civil marriage equality will encourage straight people to be gay -- much in the same way that hanging around tall people makes short people tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets, as dogs and cats have legal standing and can sign marriage contracts.

10. Children can never suceed without a male and a female role model at home. (That’s why single parents are expressly forbidden by law to raise children.)

11. Civil marriage equality would change the foundation of society. Heterosexual-only marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms, just as we haven’t adapted to cars, longer lifespans, the abolition of slavery, or the extension of suffrage to women.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “seperate but equal” institution is always acceptable. Just look at schools for African-Americans and separate water fountains for the same -- these worked beautifully, and were eminently fair.

[Cleaner44]

Shirly you can't be serious.

[The One]

A "Top 12" list??? Seems like an odd number to choose. It seems more likely that 12 reasons is the total number of reasons they could come up with, in which case the list should be called "All 12 reasons civil marriage equality should not be legal."

There really only needs to be one reason...marriage shouldn't be a legal issue.

[pcosmar]

Shirly you can't be serious.

Who is Shirly?

[pcosmar]

There really only needs to be one reason...marriage shouldn't be a legal issue.

Marriage should not be an issue, especially not a government issue.

Marriage is a religious issue, and should remain such.

[TheDrakeMan]

A "Top 12" list??? Seems like an odd number to choose. It seems more likely that 12 reasons is the total number of reasons they could come up with, in which case the list should be called "All 12 reasons civil marriage equality should not be legal."

There really only needs to be one reason...marriage shouldn't be a legal issue.

Ummm.. probably because it's a satirical piece and he was able to mock at least 12 common anti-gay marriage talking points?

[AFPVet]

Marriage should not be an issue, especially not a government issue.

Marriage is a religious issue, and should remain such.

Exactly. Perhaps at one time, marriages were about procreation; however, they are no longer the sole reason. Marriages are about the unity of two people who love each other. Regarding all of the other "unnatural things", who says what is natural and what is not? We have a brain for a reason, why shouldn't we use it to better ourselves? The government needs to stay out of other peoples' business.

[Cleaner44]

Who is Shirly?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A5t5_O8hdA

[TheViper]

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay kids, as straight parents only raise straight kids.

10. Children can never suceed without a male and a female role model at home. (That’s why single parents are expressly forbidden by law to raise children.)