Post a Joke, Best Joke gets a +Rep!

[fedupinmo]

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married
to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a
trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were
both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the
lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,
'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the
closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied, 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're
married.'

'Wow! That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied, 'Get your own $#@!ing blanket.'

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

[Anti Globalist]

Why did Timmy cross the road?

To suck dick for crack.

[AZJoe]

[Anti Globalist]

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

[AZJoe]

[Anti Globalist]

What kind of concert costs 50 cents?

50 cent plus Nickelback.

[tod evans]

Subject: First year veterinary student

First-year veterinary students were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary
medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a
doctor.

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything
involving an animal's body.

" For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger into the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but
eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and, sucked on it.......followed by assorted gagging, retching and spitting.

When everyone had finished wiping their faces, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation.

I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.

Life is tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

[AZJoe]

[specsaregood]

What kind of concert costs 50 cents?

50 cent plus Nickelback.

uhm, shouldn't that be: "What kind of concert costs 45 cents?"

[Suzanimal]

Irish Prostitute

Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her Father cursed her heavily.

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'

'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'

'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'

'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!

[DamianTV]

uhm, shouldn't that be: "What kind of concert costs 45 cents?"

New Maths.
@Suzanimal - I owe you a +Rep!

[tfurrh]

There are three types of people in this world: Those that can count, and those that can't count.

[TheTexan]

A guy walks into a bar

and sues the building for leaving a bar out in the open like that

[Danke]

A guy walks into a bar

and sues the building for leaving a bar out in the open like that

On the morning a cop walks into a bar and sees his wife with two of his best friends. He takes a sit on the table behind them to eavesdrop then his wife says "let's have him kidnaped." A poor guy heartbroken pulls out a gun and shoots them all and runs back to his house to grab some cash and clothe to escape. When he finally reached his house and opens the door everyone yells happy birthday!

[Suzanimal]

What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student

Little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her,

"Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class,

"Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued.

"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

[Anti Globalist]

How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub?

27.

[Danke]

How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub?

27.

You have a small tub.

[Anti Globalist]

I like my coffee how I like my women.

Without a penis.

[Anti Globalist]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartenders asks "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand english. It is confused by its surroundings as it gallops out of the bar.

[Anti Federalist]

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married
to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a
trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were
both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the
lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,
'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the
closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied, 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're
married.'

'Wow! That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied, 'Get your own $#@!ing blanket.'

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is post menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest with a bat up his ass while he is on fire.

[Anti Globalist]

Where did Susie go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

[Suzanimal]

Anti Globalist wins this thread.

I love his jokes.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Anti Globalist again.

[Anti Globalist]

Why did the old lady put roller skates on her rocking chair?

Because she had Dementia.

[fedupinmo]

There are three types of people in this world: Those that can count, and those that can't count.

There are two types of people in this world: Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data.

[Anti Globalist]

How does Moses drink his tea?

Hebrews it.

[Anti Globalist]

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium.

[Occam's Banana]

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium.

Before or after you molybdenum?

[Anti Globalist]

What do you call someone who has one arm, one leg, and an eyepatch?

Names.

[Suzanimal]

It tried to tell my friend the dead baby in a bathtub joke but she wouldn't hear it and then I tried to tell her some baby in a blender jokes and she didn't want to hear those, either. Then I tried to tell her a man with no arms and no legs joke and she said I needed help. WTF? What kind of person doesn't like man with no arms and no legs jokes?

What do you call a men with no arms and no legs on your window? Curt-n-Rod

[shakey1]

It tried to tell my friend the dead baby in a bathtub joke but she wouldn't hear it and then I tried to tell her some baby in a blender jokes and she didn't want to hear those, either. Then I tried to tell her a man with no arms and no legs joke and she said I needed help. WTF? What kind of person doesn't like man with no arms and no legs jokes?

What do you call a men with no arms and no legs on your window? Curt-n-Rod

What do you call a men with no arms and no legs

third base.