Originally Posted by Danke
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Q: How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
A: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing
Pfizer Macht Frei!
Openly Straight Man, Danke, Awarded Top Rated Influencer. Community Standards Enforcer.
Quiz: Test Your "Income" Tax IQ!
Short Income Tax Video
The Income Tax Is An Excise, And Excise Taxes Are Privilege Taxes
The Federalist Papers, No. 15:
Except as to the rule of appointment, the United States have an indefinite discretion to make requisitions for men and money; but they have no authority to raise either by regulations extending to the individual citizens of America.
I was writing down a joke with my pencil, when, suddenly, the tip broke. Then I realized there was no point to it.
"Then David said to the Philistine, 'You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of Yahweh of hosts, the God of the battle lines of Israel, Whom you have reproached.'" - 1 Samuel 17:45
"May future generations look back on our work and say that these were men and women who, in moment of great crisis, stood up to their politicians, the opinion-makers, and the Establishment, and saved their country." - Dr. Ron Paul
Q: What is the ultimate rejection?
A: When your masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Pfizer Macht Frei!
Openly Straight Man, Danke, Awarded Top Rated Influencer. Community Standards Enforcer.
Quiz: Test Your "Income" Tax IQ!
Short Income Tax Video
The Income Tax Is An Excise, And Excise Taxes Are Privilege Taxes
The Federalist Papers, No. 15:
Except as to the rule of appointment, the United States have an indefinite discretion to make requisitions for men and money; but they have no authority to raise either by regulations extending to the individual citizens of America.
Danke, I heard you got fired from a calendar factory for taking a day off.
"Then David said to the Philistine, 'You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of Yahweh of hosts, the God of the battle lines of Israel, Whom you have reproached.'" - 1 Samuel 17:45
"May future generations look back on our work and say that these were men and women who, in moment of great crisis, stood up to their politicians, the opinion-makers, and the Establishment, and saved their country." - Dr. Ron Paul
I heard it was for coming in too early.......
Some people thought it was premature. But it was from often using the back door and not punching in.
Pfizer Macht Frei!
Openly Straight Man, Danke, Awarded Top Rated Influencer. Community Standards Enforcer.
Quiz: Test Your "Income" Tax IQ!
Short Income Tax Video
The Income Tax Is An Excise, And Excise Taxes Are Privilege Taxes
The Federalist Papers, No. 15:
Except as to the rule of appointment, the United States have an indefinite discretion to make requisitions for men and money; but they have no authority to raise either by regulations extending to the individual citizens of America.
mushrooms
So, this guy slides up to a bar and says, "Bartender, line me up 9 shots."
Bartender looks across and asks, "What's the occasion?"
Guy says, "Well, I've just had my first blow job."
The Bartender reaches across the bar, claps the guy on the shoulder and says, "Congratulatons! Have a tenth shot on the house to celebrate."
The guy replies, "Thanks anyway, but if the first nine don't get that taste out of my mouth, I doubt another will make a difference."
Chris
"Government ... does not exist of necessity, but rather by virtue of a tragic, almost comical combination of klutzy, opportunistic terrorism against sitting ducks whom it pretends to shelter, plus our childish phobia of responsibility, praying to be exempted from the hard reality of life on life's terms." Wolf DeVoon
"...Make America Great Again. I'm interested in making American FREE again. Then the greatness will come automatically."Ron Paul
Pfizer Macht Frei!
Openly Straight Man, Danke, Awarded Top Rated Influencer. Community Standards Enforcer.
Quiz: Test Your "Income" Tax IQ!
Short Income Tax Video
The Income Tax Is An Excise, And Excise Taxes Are Privilege Taxes
The Federalist Papers, No. 15:
Except as to the rule of appointment, the United States have an indefinite discretion to make requisitions for men and money; but they have no authority to raise either by regulations extending to the individual citizens of America.
Clinton will be the best president we have ever had!
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
,,,
A Synonym roll.
Liberty is lost through complacency and a subservient mindset. When we accept or even welcome automobile checkpoints, random searches, mandatory identification cards, and paramilitary police in our streets, we have lost a vital part of our American heritage. America was born of protest, revolution, and mistrust of government. Subservient societies neither maintain nor deserve freedom for long.
Ron Paul 2004
Registered Ron Paul supporter # 2202
It's all about Freedom
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes.
St. Peter: “May I help you? ”
Pakistani man: “I’m here for Jesus.”
St. Peter: “Jesus, your taxi’s here!! “
Disrupt, Deny, Deflate. Read the RPF trolls' playbook here (post #3): http://www.ronpaulforums.com/showthr...eptive-members
What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
Full
A Bank Robbery
Two thieves break into a bank in the middle of the night and open a safe.
There is only some yogurt, but no money. They taste the yogurt. It's
tainted.
The men open the next safe. There is some yogurt too, it tastes much
better but again - no money.
The thieves take on another safe. And there's yogurt again.
"John, why don't you go outside and look if it is indeed a bank!" says one to
the other, and sits down to eat the yogurt which tastes really fresh and
nutritious this time.
A couple of minutes later in comes John.
"It is definitely a bank!"
"What exactly did the sign say?"
"The Sperm Bank of Ohio!"
I like dead baby jokes.
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
Q: How do you unload a truck full of dead babies?
Yeah, I'm goin' to hell ...
Last edited by Occam's Banana; 11-19-2016 at 06:51 PM.
The Bastiat Collection · FREE PDF · FREE EPUB · PAPER Frédéric Bastiat (1801-1850)
- "When law and morality are in contradiction to each other, the citizen finds himself in the cruel alternative of either losing his moral sense, or of losing his respect for the law."
-- The Law (p. 54)- "Government is that great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else."
-- Government (p. 99)- "[W]ar is always begun in the interest of the few, and at the expense of the many."
-- Economic Sophisms - Second Series (p. 312)- "There are two principles that can never be reconciled - Liberty and Constraint."
-- Harmonies of Political Economy - Book One (p. 447)· tu ne cede malis sed contra audentior ito ·
eeeeyew. That's just nasty.
Those jokes never get old.
If you don't like any nasty on RPFs, just but her on ignore.
Pfizer Macht Frei!
Openly Straight Man, Danke, Awarded Top Rated Influencer. Community Standards Enforcer.
Quiz: Test Your "Income" Tax IQ!
Short Income Tax Video
The Income Tax Is An Excise, And Excise Taxes Are Privilege Taxes
The Federalist Papers, No. 15:
Except as to the rule of appointment, the United States have an indefinite discretion to make requisitions for men and money; but they have no authority to raise either by regulations extending to the individual citizens of America.
A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber
A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber. The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.
The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumber and triple your salary. Just make sure you say you only made it to 6th grade, they don't like educated people."
The professor takes him up on the offer and becomes a plumber. His salary triples and he doesn't have to work nearly as hard. But the company makes an announcement that all of their plumbers must get a 7th grade education. So they all go to night school.
On the first day of night school they all attend math class. The teacher wants to gauge the class so he asks John, "What is the formula for the area of a circle?"
John walks up to the board and is about to write the formula when he realizes he has forgotten it. So he begins to attempt to derive the formula, filling the board with complicated mathematics. He ends up figuring out it is negative pi times radius squared. He thinks the minus doesn't belong so he starts over, but again he comes up with the same equation.
After staring at the board for a minute he looks out at the other plumbers and sees that they are all whispering, "Switch the limits on the integral!"
Food in the 50's from my Ma;
Pasta had not been invented. It was macaroni or spaghetti.
Curry was a surname.
A take-away was a mathematical problem.
Pizza? Sounds like a leaning tower somewhere.
Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
All chips were plain.
Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking.
Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.
Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.
Chickens didn't have fingers in those days.
None of us had ever heard of yogurt.
Healthy food consisted of anything edible.
Cooking outside was called camping.
Seaweed was not a recognized food.
'Kebab' was not even a word, never mind a food.
Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold.
Prunes were medicinal.
Surprisingly muesli was readily available. It was called cattle feed.
Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only ever seen a picture of a real one.
Water came out of the tap. If someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than gasoline for it, they would have become a laughing stock.
The three things that we never ever had on/at our table in the fifties...were elbows, hats and cell phones!
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
Old gags from the 2009 vintage...
Blonde Logic
>
> Two blondes living in Townsville were sitting on a bench talking
> and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther
> away, Melbourne or the moon?"
>
> The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can
> You see Melbourne ...?????"
> __________________________________________________ __
>
> Car Trouble
>
> A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
> She tells the mechanic it died.
>
> After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
> She says, "What's the story?"
>
> He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
>
> She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
> __________________________________________________ __
>
> Speeding Ticket
>
> A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her
> very nicely if he could see her license.
>
> She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your
> act together. Just yesterday you take away my license
> and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
> __________________________________________________ __
>
> River Walk
>
> There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river
> and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
> "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,
> "How can I get to the other side?"
>
> The second blonde looks up the river then down the river
> and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
> __________________________________________________ __
>
> At The Doctor's Office
>
> A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office
> and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
>
> "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
>
> The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast
> and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed
> even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
> likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
> Everywhere she touched made her scream.
>
> The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
>
> "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
>
> "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken".
> __________________________________________________ __
>
> Blonde On The Sun
>
> A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
> The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
>
> The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
>
> The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first
> on the Sun!"
>
>
> The Russian and the American looked at each other
> and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot!
> You'll burn up!" said The Russian.
>
> To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
> We're going at night!"
> __________________________________________________ _______
>
> In A Vacuum
>
> A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
> She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
> Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls
> your name, can you hear it?"
>
> She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
> __________________________________________________ _
>
> Blonde Joke To End All Blonde Jokes !!
>
> A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired
> two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
> The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex
> and one was named Timex.
>
> Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming
> dogs like that?"
>
> "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde.
> "They're watch dogs!"
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over is mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour,
surgical procedure.
A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath Nurse',
he mumbles, from behind the mask.
'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here
to wash your upper body
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may split his sutures from worry about his testicles,
she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in
the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very
closely......
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?
My son told me a joke today...
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
He had nobody to go with.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
Kkkkkkkkktttt
she needs to work on her gag reflex
Lunch With The Pope
President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht. The Pope accepted; and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water.
It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down, and it just floated in place. The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying, "Never mind, boys, I'll get it."
The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht and handed the Pope his hat.
The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN reported: "TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!"
Disclaimer: any post made after midnight and before 8AM is made before the coffee dip stick has come up to optomim level - expect some level of silliness,
The problems we face today exist because the people who work for a living are out numbered by those who vote for a living !!!!!!!
Wow! This thread is still alive? Well, might as well keep it going? :P
1776 > 1984
The FAILURE of the United States Government to operate and maintain an Honest Money System , which frees the ordinary man from the clutches of the money manipulators, is the single largest contributing factor to the World's current Economic Crisis.
The Elimination of Privacy is the Architecture of Genocide
Belief, Money, and Violence are the three ways all people are controlled
Yeah, I just made myself laugh with a joke I wrote 6 years ago. Oh the power of the internet...
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
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HellifIKnow...
-Major General Smedley Butler, USMC,There are only two things we should fight for. One is the defense of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights. War for any other reason is simply a racket.
Two-Time Congressional Medal of Honor Winner
Author of, War is a Racket!
- Diogenes of SinopeIt is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours.
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