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Thread: Post a Joke, Best Joke gets a +Rep!

  1. #1

    Post a Joke, Best Joke gets a +Rep!

    Just finish this line:

    "A guy walks into a bar..."

    I'll give whoever puts who I think has the funniest joke a +Rep!

    (I just need some good new jokes, getting sick of recycling the same old crap)
    1776 > 1984

    The FAILURE of the United States Government to operate and maintain an
    Honest Money System , which frees the ordinary man from the clutches of the money manipulators, is the single largest contributing factor to the World's current Economic Crisis.

    The Elimination of Privacy is the Architecture of Genocide

    You are Ron Paul's Media!

    Quote Originally Posted by Zippyjuan View Post
    Our central bank is not privately owned.



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  3. #2


    Who put that there?
    Liberty is lost through complacency and a subservient mindset. When we accept or even welcome automobile checkpoints, random searches, mandatory identification cards, and paramilitary police in our streets, we have lost a vital part of our American heritage. America was born of protest, revolution, and mistrust of government. Subservient societies neither maintain nor deserve freedom for long.
    Ron Paul 2004

    Registered Ron Paul supporter # 2202
    It's all about Freedom

  4. #3
    I'll try to clean it up a little:

    A guy walks into a bar with a small box, sets it on the bar, and orders a drink. The barfly at the end of the bar gets curious, walks up to him, and asks what's in the box.

    "This is the world's most amazing frog", he says.

    "What so amazing about it?" says the barfly.

    "This is the only frog in the world that can perform incredible oral sex on a woman."

    She slaps him across the face and walks back to her drink. After a few more shots, curiosity get the best of her again.

    "Ok," she slurs, "if this frog can perform oral sex, prove it!"

    "All right, let's go back to my place", he says.

    She proceeds to take off all her clothes and lays down on the bed. The man places the frog between her legs. Nothing. It just sits there.

    "Hey, is this frog going to do me, or what?!?", she demands.

    "I just don't get it", he says, as he moves the frog to the side of the bed.

    Pointing at the frog sternly, he says, "Alright, now pay attention, I'm going to show you just ONE MORE TIME!"
    Last edited by Bruno; 02-15-2011 at 09:58 AM.

  5. #4
    "A guy walks into a bar..."

    and ends up in rehab.
    "..and on Earth anguish of nations, not knowing the way out...while men become faint out of fear and expectation of the things coming upon the inhabited Earth." -- Jesus of Nazareth

  6. #5
    Two old women are standing in an endless line-up to buy bread. One says to the other: “What a terribly long line!” The other replies: “Yes, but just imagine – in the capitalist countries, the government doesn’t even distribute the bread!”

  7. #6
    A guy walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic, and it is destroying his family.

  8. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by jmhudak17 View Post
    A guy walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic, and it is destroying his family.
    Hold on - I can beat that.

    A guy with a wife (who stays at home out of necessity) and five kids (all of who are handicapped) walks into a bar... but it's after 2am so he can't legally purchase any alcohol. After a half-hour of boredom, he leaves, only to be hit and killed on the road by a drunk driver.

  9. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Kludge View Post
    Hold on - I can beat that.

    A guy with a wife (who stays at home out of necessity) and five kids (all of who are handicapped) walks into a bar... but it's after 2am so he can't legally purchase any alcohol. After a half-hour of boredom, he leaves, only to be hit and killed on the road by a drunk driver in a clown suit..
    fixed



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  11. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by YumYum View Post
    "A guy walks into a bar..."

    and ends up in rehab.
    Rehab is for quitters.
    Liberty is lost through complacency and a subservient mindset. When we accept or even welcome automobile checkpoints, random searches, mandatory identification cards, and paramilitary police in our streets, we have lost a vital part of our American heritage. America was born of protest, revolution, and mistrust of government. Subservient societies neither maintain nor deserve freedom for long.
    Ron Paul 2004

    Registered Ron Paul supporter # 2202
    It's all about Freedom

  12. #10
    Why don't cannibals eat clowns ?


    They taste funny
    Liberty is lost through complacency and a subservient mindset. When we accept or even welcome automobile checkpoints, random searches, mandatory identification cards, and paramilitary police in our streets, we have lost a vital part of our American heritage. America was born of protest, revolution, and mistrust of government. Subservient societies neither maintain nor deserve freedom for long.
    Ron Paul 2004

    Registered Ron Paul supporter # 2202
    It's all about Freedom

  13. #11
    My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex..






















































    I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
    Last edited by dannno; 02-15-2011 at 12:22 PM.
    "He's talkin' to his gut like it's a person!!" -me
    "dumpster diving isn't professional." - angelatc


    "Each of us must choose which course of action we should take: education, conventional political action, or even peaceful civil disobedience to bring about necessary changes. But let it not be said that we did nothing." - Ron Paul

    "Paul said "the wave of the future" is a coalition of anti-authoritarian progressive Democrats and libertarian Republicans in Congress opposed to domestic surveillance, opposed to starting new wars and in favor of ending the so-called War on Drugs."

  14. #12

  15. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by dannno View Post
    My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex..

    I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
    Contrary to what you may have seen on porn sites, real lesbians aren't attractive. I get hired by lesbians ALL the time to solve their pest problems. The best looking of them so far looked a bit like Susan B Anthony, which is to say that while they might have been attractive as teenagers, and while they have kept their figures, their bitterness at the world has turned their features harsh.

    The cheerful lesbians are all fat and rather manly looking.

    The lesbians in your porn shows are really hetero, who do girl on girl scenes for the money. A few of them may be bi-curious, but they aren't full on lesbian.
    CPT Jack. R. T.
    US Army Resigned - Iraq Vet.
    Level III MACP instructor, USYKA/WYKKO sensei
    Professional Hunter/Trapper/Country living survivalist.

  16. #14
    As god breathed life into Adam, Adam awoke, and God asked "Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?"

    Adam said, "Let's have the good news."

    God replied, "I have seen fit to give you both a brain and a penis."

    Adam was ecstatic, "WOW! That's GREAT news! What could possibly be bad after that?"

    God answered, "Unfortunately, you can only operate one at a time."
    CPT Jack. R. T.
    US Army Resigned - Iraq Vet.
    Level III MACP instructor, USYKA/WYKKO sensei
    Professional Hunter/Trapper/Country living survivalist.

  17. #15
    What do you call an anorexic women with a yeast infection?





































    Quarter Pounder with cheese...

  18. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Icymudpuppy View Post
    Contrary to what you may have seen on porn sites, real lesbians aren't attractive. I get hired by lesbians ALL the time to solve their pest problems. The best looking of them so far looked a bit like Susan B Anthony, which is to say that while they might have been attractive as teenagers, and while they have kept their figures, their bitterness at the world has turned their features harsh.

    The cheerful lesbians are all fat and rather manly looking.

    The lesbians in your porn shows are really hetero, who do girl on girl scenes for the money. A few of them may be bi-curious, but they aren't full on lesbian.
    Wow, you think my sole experience with girls who are attracted to each other is from porn sites?? I live in CA.. there are a lot of girls who are a lot more than bi-curious who are really hot.. it is harder to find really hot girls who are just straight lesbian, but there were quite a few at my college a few years ago.

    In fact there is girl on girl action that occurs in my very house almost on a weekly basis.. both girls are bi and very attractive. But the point is a 'bi' girl can decide to date a lesbian or another 'bi' girl and effectively be my lesbian neighbors.
    Last edited by dannno; 02-15-2011 at 01:02 PM.
    "He's talkin' to his gut like it's a person!!" -me
    "dumpster diving isn't professional." - angelatc


    "Each of us must choose which course of action we should take: education, conventional political action, or even peaceful civil disobedience to bring about necessary changes. But let it not be said that we did nothing." - Ron Paul

    "Paul said "the wave of the future" is a coalition of anti-authoritarian progressive Democrats and libertarian Republicans in Congress opposed to domestic surveillance, opposed to starting new wars and in favor of ending the so-called War on Drugs."



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  20. #17
    Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a

    conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said
    " So why are you here ? "

    The yellow Lab replied, " I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the
    curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed
    in the middle of my owner's bed."

    The black Lab said, " So what?s the vet going to do ? "

    " Gonna cut my nuts off " came the reply from the yellow Lab.
    "They reckon it'll calm me down."

    The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked " why are you here ?"

    The Black Lab said, " I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and
    trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets.
    But

    I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners'
    couch."

    " So what are they going to do to you ? " the Yellow Lab inquired.
    " Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.

    The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, " Why are you here?
    " I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a

    pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see."
    Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry
    her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and
    started hammering away."
    The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, " So,
    it's nutsoff for you too, huh ?"

    The Great Dane said, " No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped !
    Diversity finds unity in the message of freedom.

    Dilige et quod vis fac. ~ Saint Augustine

    Quote Originally Posted by phill4paul View Post
    Above all I think everyone needs to understand that neither the Bundys nor Finicum were militia or had prior military training. They were, first and foremost, Ranchers who had about all the shit they could take.
    Quote Originally Posted by HOLLYWOOD View Post
    If anything, this situation has proved the government is nothing but a dictatorship backed by deadly force... no different than the dictatorships in the banana republics, just more polished and cleverly propagandized.
    "I'll believe in good cops when they start turning bad cops in."

    Quote Originally Posted by tod evans View Post
    In a free society there will be bigotry, and racism, and sexism and religious disputes and, and, and.......
    I don't want to live in a cookie cutter, federally mandated society.
    Give me messy freedom every time!

  21. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by dannno View Post
    In fact there is girl on girl action that occurs in my very house almost on a weekly basis.. both girls are bi and very attractive. But the point is a 'bi' girl can decide to date a lesbian or another 'bi' girl and effectively be my lesbian neighbors.
    Best joke of thread thus far!

  22. #19
    Why did the frog cross the road?






    because he was stapled to the chicken.



    --


    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    Smartburglars.

    Smartburglars who?

    Smartburglars dont knock.
    Last edited by nayjevin; 02-15-2011 at 01:26 PM.
    I'm a moderator, and I'm glad to help. But I'm an individual -- my words come from me. Any idiocy within should reflect on me, not Ron Paul, and not Ron Paul Forums.

  23. #20
    A guy walks into a bar and sees some chimpanzees telling a joke:

    Last edited by Danke; 02-15-2011 at 01:20 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zippyjuan View Post
    Ron Paul know some weird people too.



    Quiz: Test Your "Income" Tax IQ!


    Short Income Tax Video

    The Income Tax Is An Excise, And Excise Taxes Are Privilege Taxes

    The Federalist Papers, No. 15:

    Except as to the rule of appointment, the United States have an indefinite discretion to make requisitions for men and money; but they have no authority to raise either by regulations extending to the individual citizens of America.

  24. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by Danke View Post
    A guy walks into a bar and sees some chimpanzees telling a joke:

    heheh cute!
    Diversity finds unity in the message of freedom.

    Dilige et quod vis fac. ~ Saint Augustine

    Quote Originally Posted by phill4paul View Post
    Above all I think everyone needs to understand that neither the Bundys nor Finicum were militia or had prior military training. They were, first and foremost, Ranchers who had about all the shit they could take.
    Quote Originally Posted by HOLLYWOOD View Post
    If anything, this situation has proved the government is nothing but a dictatorship backed by deadly force... no different than the dictatorships in the banana republics, just more polished and cleverly propagandized.
    "I'll believe in good cops when they start turning bad cops in."

    Quote Originally Posted by tod evans View Post
    In a free society there will be bigotry, and racism, and sexism and religious disputes and, and, and.......
    I don't want to live in a cookie cutter, federally mandated society.
    Give me messy freedom every time!

  25. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by Icymudpuppy View Post
    Contrary to what you may have seen on porn sites, real lesbians aren't attractive. I get hired by lesbians ALL the time to solve their pest problems. The best looking of them so far looked a bit like Susan B Anthony, which is to say that while they might have been attractive as teenagers, and while they have kept their figures, their bitterness at the world has turned their features harsh.

    The cheerful lesbians are all fat and rather manly looking.

    .
    Among the most ridiculous generalizations I've ever read here. I've met many very attractive lesbians and bi-sexual women, none of them porn stars.

    You should have said, "I've only met unattractive lesbians. Your results may vary."

  26. #23
    C'mon guys - get off the lesbo-train derail! I wanna read some jokes I can use.
    Diversity finds unity in the message of freedom.

    Dilige et quod vis fac. ~ Saint Augustine

    Quote Originally Posted by phill4paul View Post
    Above all I think everyone needs to understand that neither the Bundys nor Finicum were militia or had prior military training. They were, first and foremost, Ranchers who had about all the shit they could take.
    Quote Originally Posted by HOLLYWOOD View Post
    If anything, this situation has proved the government is nothing but a dictatorship backed by deadly force... no different than the dictatorships in the banana republics, just more polished and cleverly propagandized.
    "I'll believe in good cops when they start turning bad cops in."

    Quote Originally Posted by tod evans View Post
    In a free society there will be bigotry, and racism, and sexism and religious disputes and, and, and.......
    I don't want to live in a cookie cutter, federally mandated society.
    Give me messy freedom every time!

  27. #24
    You're one to talk with you're bestiallity smut...


    JK, I laughed at the human-dog doggy style joke.


    Hump hump hump.


    Quote Originally Posted by Deborah K View Post
    C'mon guys - get off the lesbo-train derail! I wanna read some jokes I can use.



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  29. #25
    The Aristocrats!
    I compiled a "brief" history of events since October 2008 that are defining the global currency war and the role that gold is playing:

    Tin Foil Hats, Economic Reality and the Total Perspective Vortex

    Also, have you contacted your Congressional Rep and asked them co-sponsor Ron Paul's Rep. Paul Broun Jr.'s HR 1098 77: Free Competition in Currencies Act?

  30. #26
    A Koala Bear walks into a bar...

    ..sits down and orders a drink. A sexy, scantily clad woman walks up to him and says, "Hey, big fella, wanna date?"

    The Koala Bear shrugs his shoulders, says, "Sure!" and accompanies her back to a nearby hourly motel.

    She take off all her clothes, and the Koala Bear proceeds to perform oral sex on her. After about half an hour, he gets up, and starts to walk out the door.

    "Hey!! Where are you going?" she screams.

    "I'm leaving," says the Koala Bear.

    "You can't just leave! I'm a prostitute!" says the prostitute.

    "I don't understand," he says.

    She throws a dictionary at him. "Look up prostitute and read the definition to me."

    Thumbing through, he says, "Ok, Prostitute, a woman who gets paid for sex."

    "See! She says.

    "Well, $#@! you, I'm a Koala Bear. Look it up and read it back to me."

    "Koala Bear," she read, " a little furry animal that eats bush and leaves."

  31. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by Seraphim View Post
    You're one to talk with you're bestiallity smut...


    JK, I laughed at the human-dog doggy style joke.


    Hump hump hump.
    me has naughty sense of humor
    Diversity finds unity in the message of freedom.

    Dilige et quod vis fac. ~ Saint Augustine

    Quote Originally Posted by phill4paul View Post
    Above all I think everyone needs to understand that neither the Bundys nor Finicum were militia or had prior military training. They were, first and foremost, Ranchers who had about all the shit they could take.
    Quote Originally Posted by HOLLYWOOD View Post
    If anything, this situation has proved the government is nothing but a dictatorship backed by deadly force... no different than the dictatorships in the banana republics, just more polished and cleverly propagandized.
    "I'll believe in good cops when they start turning bad cops in."

    Quote Originally Posted by tod evans View Post
    In a free society there will be bigotry, and racism, and sexism and religious disputes and, and, and.......
    I don't want to live in a cookie cutter, federally mandated society.
    Give me messy freedom every time!

  32. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by Bruno View Post
    A Koala Bear walks into a bar...

    ..sits down and orders a drink. A sexy, scantily clad woman walks up to him and says, "Hey, big fella, wanna date?"

    The Koala Bear shrugs his shoulders, says, "Sure!" and accompanies her back to a nearby hourly motel.

    She take off all her clothes, and the Koala Bear proceeds to perform oral sex on her. After about half an hour, he gets up, and starts to walk out the door.

    "Hey!! Where are you going?" she screams.

    "I'm leaving," says the Koala Bear.

    "You can't just leave! I'm a prostitute!" says the prostitute.

    "I don't understand," he says.

    She throws a dictionary at him. "Look up prostitute and read the definition to me."

    Thumbing through, he says, "Ok, Prostitute, a woman who gets paid for sex."

    "See! She says.

    "Well, $#@! you, I'm a Koala Bear. Look it up and read it back to me."

    "Koala Bear," she read, " a little furry animal that eats bush and leaves."
    I'm sending that one to my Mom.
    Diversity finds unity in the message of freedom.

    Dilige et quod vis fac. ~ Saint Augustine

    Quote Originally Posted by phill4paul View Post
    Above all I think everyone needs to understand that neither the Bundys nor Finicum were militia or had prior military training. They were, first and foremost, Ranchers who had about all the shit they could take.
    Quote Originally Posted by HOLLYWOOD View Post
    If anything, this situation has proved the government is nothing but a dictatorship backed by deadly force... no different than the dictatorships in the banana republics, just more polished and cleverly propagandized.
    "I'll believe in good cops when they start turning bad cops in."

    Quote Originally Posted by tod evans View Post
    In a free society there will be bigotry, and racism, and sexism and religious disputes and, and, and.......
    I don't want to live in a cookie cutter, federally mandated society.
    Give me messy freedom every time!

  33. #29
    "I wish there was an infestation of Koala Bears.. it would be the cutest infestation ever!!" -R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg
    "He's talkin' to his gut like it's a person!!" -me
    "dumpster diving isn't professional." - angelatc


    "Each of us must choose which course of action we should take: education, conventional political action, or even peaceful civil disobedience to bring about necessary changes. But let it not be said that we did nothing." - Ron Paul

    "Paul said "the wave of the future" is a coalition of anti-authoritarian progressive Democrats and libertarian Republicans in Congress opposed to domestic surveillance, opposed to starting new wars and in favor of ending the so-called War on Drugs."

  34. #30
    Donald Rumsfeld walks into a bar and sees George Bush sitting there.

    He sits down next to Bush, and tells Bush he has some unfortunate news...that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq that same morning.

    Bush immediately throws his head down into his arms and starts weeping uncontrollably...

    Rumseld, knowing Bush to be a person that didn't show his emotions often, was dumbfounded by Bush's reaction, and asked why he was so shaken by this marginal news.

    To which Bush looked up sobbing and asked, "Just how many is two brazilian?"

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