Finished designs-- need harsh criticism

[libertybrewcity]

Mod Note: Great work, but please use descriptive topic titles. Thanks!

old title: HOLY CRAP!!! You are not going to freaking believe this!


.....BUT I FINISHED MY DESIGNS AND I GRACIOUSLY ASK FOR YOUR HARSH CRITICISM AND SUGGESTIONS!!!!


FEEL FREE TO BE AS CONSTRUCTIVELY CRITICAL AS YOU CAN, THANKS:
(these are two sided business cards, the quality will be better)
1

2

3


THINGS TO CRITICIZE AND COMMENT ON:
-wording
-order of paragraphs, issues, etc
-font of title and regular words
-title size, placement
-background(flag or weird light blue and red thing)
-image
-colors of everything
-links
-anything you can think of that will make these better

THANK YOU SO MUCH!


UPDATED VERSION #1

UPDATED VERSION #2

PS-->these cards will be given out for free and sold at the cost of printing for activists and supporters(aka not for profit)

[RPIdeaMan08]

on education on number one, think about rewording the end. Maybe use something like states instead of communities because it is closer to what he would do as president. also state rights have broad appeal

[Kludge]

* "Ron Paul promises to" -> "Ron Paul will"
* "End amnesty" doesn't make sense. We're not currently in a state of "amnesty." Instead, I suggest "Immediately secure the border and end the Welfare State which encourages illegal immigration."
* "Strengthen the national defense" -> "Strengthen national defense"
* Instead of "never voted," consider changing to "Ron Paul always votes against raising taxes" "He has always voted against raising congressional pay" etc.
*In final statement, consider changing "Ron Paul never compromises" to "Ron Paul will never compromise"

Edit:
* "Be an unwavering advocate..." -> "Unabashedly advocate pro-life, pro-family values, and return decisions regarding childrens' education back to parents and local communities"

Also, my favorite design is the #2 RP '12 logo on #1 & #3's background, fwiw.

[Shimpchip]

- Too much text for the average person. The card looks cluttered/too busy. IMO

- His hair has white pixels/ghosting around it. The picture is a tad too dark. Get that photoshopped out or use a better picture of him.

- "Ron Paul President 2012" image should be a bit bigger on the card.

- Maybe talk about his predictions/warnings on the economy since the 70s. Something to that extent.

Hope this helps.

[flightlesskiwi]

It is text heavy. I hate suggesting to focus on short, concise facts in the form of bullet points because the message is so great, but I know that most people are lazy and won't read that much information unless they are already truly interested.

[BUSHLIED]

- Too much text for the average person. The card looks cluttered/too busy. IMO

- His hair has white pixels/ghosting around it. The picture is a tad too dark. Get that photoshopped out or use a better picture of him.

- "Ron Paul President 2012" image should be a bit bigger on the card.

- Maybe talk about his predictions/warnings on the economy since the 70s. Something to that extent.

Hope this helps.

+1

Definitely too much writing for the average person and the font is a bit too small. Nice rough draft!

[Diurdi]

Indeed,
Text is in bad font if you're going to have that much of it.
The picture is not good either.

[flightlesskiwi]

the design that grabs me is #3. And maybe it's just my computer screen, but the red at the bottom is too pink. i realize you are probably trying to keep it soft, but it may be too soft.

[Jeremy]

Maybe I have design OCD, but the letters in "Ron Paul" in #1 and #3 are too wide.

[KCIndy]

Looks great!!

I don't think there's too much text, but then I'm an information junkie.

My only real suggestion for change would be to move the info at the bottom of the flyer to the top. Maybe use bullet points? Things like "has never raised taxes, has never voted for gun control, never voted for a congressional pay raise," etc. are solid, tangible things that RP has done over his 20+ years in Congress. I would also agree with Kludge and get rid of the word "promises" due to the fact that politicians' promises are usually considered a stereotypical joke.

[flightlesskiwi]

is Ron Paul (R-TX) and then saying he is a Republican member of the US House driving a point home or redundant.

[heavenlyboy34]

I'll go into more detail later, but make sure that photograph of RP is mostly original (that is, most of the original is cropped out, in this case). If the original photographer sees it and determines that you've used more than copyright law allows, he could sue ya.

[flightlesskiwi]

Definitely agree with Kludge: Ron Paul will

also, "where he lives with his wife >of 54 years, Carol.<"

maybe make concise points... instead of making dual but complimentary points, break them into their own.

Ron Paul will:
Balance the federal budget
Restrain the size of the federal government
Repeal the income tax and abolish the IRS (this one will be a sticking point)
End the welfare state
Secure our borders
Be an advocate for pro-family and pro-life values (drop the education part)
Strengthen our national defense
Protect 2d amendment or just "our" rights-- or replace with Protect our Constitutional Rights

[Mallory]

Looks great! I'd also mention something about ending the sexual assault in our airports, as that bothers a lot of people (and is a top priority issue for myself and many others).

This is a tiny grammatical issue, and it's no big deal if it's too late to fix it, but little things like this mark top-notch professionalism, so I'd like to point it out: In the line that says "When elected President Ron Paul promises to:" you need a comma after the "elected President."

Nice work!

[anaconda]

- Too much text for the average person. The card looks cluttered/too busy. IMO

^This

[brandon]

Yea too much text. Need a lot more "white" space.

[Mallory]

I also second the white space thing, this is the case for resumes so it should be the case for this too.

[Kludge]

Fwiw, how I'd like to see it:

Front (RP '12 logo from 2, background image from 1):
Dr. Ron Paul (R-Texas) is the nation's leading voice for liberty and limited government. He has always voted against raising taxes, restrictions on gun ownership, and all unconstitutional bailouts. Ron Paul will NEVER compromise his principles under any circumstances.

When elected President, Ron Paul will:
*Cut unnecessary out-of-control spending and restrain the size of the federal government
*Unabashedly advocate pro-life, pro-family values, and return decisions regarding childrens' education back to parents and local communities where they belong
*Immediately secure the border, end the Welfare State which encourages illegal immigration, and strengthen national defense
*Repeal the income tax and abolish the IRS

Back:
As a doctor, Ron Paul has delivered over 4,000 babies, and proudly served as a flight surgeon in the U.S. Air Force during the '60s. He resides in Lake Jackson, Texas, where he has lived with his wife of 54 years, Carol Paul. They are the proud parents of five children and seventeen grandchildren.
In 1976, Ron Paul was one of four Republican Congressmen to endorse Ronald Reagan for President. Congressman Paul's consistent voting record prompted one of this congressional colleagues to say, "Ron Paul personifies the Founding Fathers' ideal of the citizen-statesman."
"To learn more and find out how you can help, visit RonPaul2012.com"

Text reduction should hopefully reduce over-busy appearance of card. With new room from less text, consider increasing vertical gap between sentences to make card more inviting and readable.

[XTreat]

# 2 the graphic looks like obama's too much

[libertybrewcity]

BAM! UPDATED VERSION #1~~~I think that it might still be a little crowded, but I really want to keep everything on it! I think it is safe to say that fitting Dr. Paul completely onto a business is IMPOSSIBLE. Anyways, I am satisfied with this updated version, but I am going to come out with probably two more designs. One will have a vertical side that lists more issues and another that is similar to the one below but with less wording still.


Thanks again for all your insightful suggestions! I will + rep you all that didn't receive it today!

[Carehn]

It is text heavy. I hate suggesting to focus on short, concise facts in the form of bullet points because the message is so great, but I know that most people are lazy and won't read that much information unless they are already truly interested.

Sad but true. This is my criticism. Its to damn long and i don't have the time for you paul tards to go off on me for 5 mins. What do you want to say!!!!

Now that harsh but all and all you are a sexy beast for this.

[tnvoter]

needs a better photo of Dr. Paul imho.

[realtonygoodwin]

BAM! UPDATED VERSION #1~~~I think that it might still be a little crowded, but I really want to keep everything on it! I think it is safe to say that fitting Dr. Paul completely onto a business is IMPOSSIBLE. Anyways, I am satisfied with this updated version, but I am going to come out with probably two more designs. One will have a vertical side that lists more issues and another that is similar to the one below but with less wording still.


Thanks again for all your insightful suggestions! I will + rep you all that didn't receive it today!

This picture looks better than the first (3). I don't like the words unabashedly and immediately in this though. It takes up too much room and doesn't really add much to it.
The second sentence in the middle paragraph "He resides in Lake Jackson,..." is worded a little awkwardly. He resides there and has lived?

Great stuff!

[Rexblade]

Did we decide on not including any antiwar statements?

[Kludge]

Did we decide on not including any antiwar statements?

Why would he? We're trying to win the GOP primary first. Only ~38% of Republicans oppose the USG's wars in Afghanistan/Iraq. Dunno about Libya.

[4Knights4RonPaul]

I know our hero is an old guy...but his message is fresh...he needs a photo that makes him look vibrant...this photo highlights his age...I am scouring the web for more pics

[The Dark Knight]

I like the updated version

[tsai3904]

Personally, I wouldn't learn anything about Ron Paul by visiting ronpaul2012.com. Maybe list a different website where there's more information on his stance on issues.

[Brian4Liberty]

UPDATED VERSION #1

PS-->these cards will be given out for free and sold at the cost of printing for activists and supporters(aka not for profit)

I like the prominent URL.

IMHO, one side should be very simple, without too much text (maybe just bullet points with plenty of white space). The opposite (back) side can be more text heavy (paragraph and/or bullet points).

Also, is the capitalization correct in the final line that says "100% Paid for...". I don't know what is "professional", but is seems a little odd with some words capitalized and others not.

Hope that helps.

[flightlesskiwi]

Also, is the capitalization correct in the final line that says "100% Paid for...". I don't know what is "professional", but is seems a little odd with some words capitalized and others not.

besides for proper nouns, i HATE capitalization rules.

this red is WAY better. Also... "He resides in Lake Jackson, Texas with his wife of 54 years, Carol. (Drop her last name, she doesn't hyphenate her name-- and it reads a bit more personal, imo)

it's improved and i like it!! i know having two sides on a flyer can up the cost of printing, people may want to consider that.