War Makes sense, America doesn't...and I miss the war...

This may be a thread only vets can understand, but I am putting this out there because perhaps it is some mental therapy but it is where am I at and I think it is interesting...at least to me anyways.

I am an Infantry 0311 Marine. I got back from Afghanistan about a month ago. So far readjusting has not been too difficult really. I go to work, I workout, I drink some beer and I have truly enjoyed the time relaxing with family and friends though that has been too short. However, the holidays are coming and I even get to meet my new baby niece which I look very forward to.

However, it is all just somewhat equally underwhelming and overwhelming. You come back and it's great, you get some beer, good food for the first time in months, and you see the loved ones you miss.

However, and I realized this over in Afghanistan that America is jacked up. Bundy Ranch, Ferguson, just off my head. Bundy Ranch happened right before I deployed but was still ongoing when I left. I honestly thought about going UA (unaccounted absence) before I left to go to Bundy. So many things happening. I am still trying to catch up. But seriously, wtf America!?

Over in Afghanistan it made sense. There was Taliban, and there was us. All the Afghan people to include the ANA hated us and couldn't be trusted. Sure our ROE's endangered us, but I can happily say I will never have to live the death of a woman or child on my mind despite the Taliban using them to try to kill us. The Taliban told their women and children to throw rocks at our vehicles on patrol hoping we would dismount and they could fire at us.

One strange incident that occurred over there. This left a profound and lasting effect on me that I believe shows how we have effected their country. Towards the end of the deployment we moved into the last phase for the USMC over there. During that phase we were in a defensive posture only no longer sending out long range patrols, just ones close to base to establish a presence. At any rate my company was tasked with standing post and having "scrapper" vehicles just outside the base to keep the "scrappers" Afghan locals that took whatever trash, scraps, and pieces from our defenses they could steal. At any rate, one day while I was on scrapper some damned kids on a motorcycle stole the hedgehog from outside the serpentine that led to our gate. A hedgehog is like a giant jack you played with as a kid along with marbles. It probably weighed around 200 lbs. At 1000 meters out there was a big berm that they were struggling to get over so we rolled up there, made our weapons condition one (round in chamber, magazine loaded, weapon on safe) and they started throwing rocks at us like normal. At any rate, I was initially having fun with it and being nice. They threw rocks and I tried using my m16 as a baseball bat to hit the oncoming rocks. They were kids not combatants, not to mention we didn't have non-lethal capabilities at that time as a fluke (we typically did actually, 12 guage flashbang rounds, or m203 grenade launcher 40mm sponge rounds).

So they keep throwing rocks and here was the craziest thing. We are 2 weeks from leaving mind you...a kid around 14-16 yells at me and my buddy, "fuck you, go home" in the most perfect American English you can imagine. No accent whatsoever...Wow, that is it. That is the one damned thing we taught them...how to cuss at us in English...

It is weird though, I miss it over there in that misery at war. I hate the long hours, the heat, the cold, the crappy food, etc. It is a very weird thing to hear shots fired and know somebody is actively trying to kill you or your friends. You learn the distinction of how close a round is from the crack or the wizz. Then there is the telling stories with buddies back and forth afterwards. However, I found a weird calmness, a coolness, not necessarily anger, maybe not even adrenaline, but I felt something when being shot at. I felt alive. I miss it. I really do, it seems like insanity to miss fighting for your life but it seems simpler. It makes sense. Even with dumb ROE's that make things more dangerous.

It is a cognizant disconnect with my philosophical ideals, I really miss it and want to go back to war...Why? Is war just simply the nature of man? Are we smart enough to realize the folly of man only to accept it?