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helmuth_hubener
06-07-2017, 07:56 AM
AUBURN, CA—Local 36-year-old man Nate Ripley, who identifies as a six-year-old, “absolutely crushed” a game-winning homer at a local tee-ball game and won the championship for his team Monday evening, reports confirmed.

Ripley reportedly walked up to the plate in the bottom of the 6th, pointed his bat toward the left-field wall looming 130 feet in the distance, and let her rip, sending the ball rocketing over the fence and into a parking lot as the fans cheered and his coach yelled out, “Attaboy, Nate! Good job, bud!”

His team, the Lil’ Padres, attempted to hoist him up on their shoulders in celebration of their great victory over the favored Tiny Tigers, but were unable to pick up the large 230-pound man.

Ripley’s feat comes at the end of a momentous tee-ball season, in which the self-identified six-year-old absolutely shattered every record set prior to that point. With a 1.000 batting average, 52 home runs, and an incredible showing at first base, second base, shortstop, third base, and pitcher, the man is being called an inspiration to other six-year-olds everywhere.

“I’m just proud to be here with my team. It’s all for the love of the game,” an emotional Ripley told reporters while enjoying an orange slice and juice box after the championship. “I couldn’t have done it without my team.”

-- http://babylonbee.com/news/man-identifying-6-year-old-crushes-game-winning-homer-tee-ball-championship/



http://babylonbee.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/home-run-696x394.png

William Tell
06-07-2017, 08:48 AM
It's bad when satire isn't nearly as absurd as the actual real events going on, like that boy running a race as a girl.

tod evans
06-07-2017, 08:50 AM
I 'identify' as president...

Gimmie that veto/repeal/fire your ass power for just one week...:D

RJB
06-07-2017, 08:51 AM
Anyone who denies that he is 6 years old is a despicable hater and should be banned from society.

tod evans
06-07-2017, 08:53 AM
Anyone who denies that he is 6 years old is a despicable hater and should be banned from society.

Hold on!

As a white male he's only permitted to 'identify' as a girl...

It's in the social contracts fine print.

William Tell
06-07-2017, 08:54 AM
Hold on!

As a white male he's only permitted to 'identify' as a girl...

It's in the social contracts fine print. How about as a 6 year old girl?

tod evans
06-07-2017, 08:54 AM
How about as a 6 year old girl?

That'd be okay. ;)

RJB
06-07-2017, 08:55 AM
Andy Kaufman was ahead of his times.