View Full Version : Wonkette Begging NC Libtards to vote Brannon...

05-02-2014, 02:12 PM
Apparently nobody gave them the memo that Brannon actually polls better in the general election than Tillis, lol. Article itself is nauseating, but I'll take every vote I can get at this point.

It is not often that we ask you terrible people to do much besides laugh at our jokes and give us all of your monies. But now we need your help, or at least the help of our readers who live in North Carolina, the (remarkably) less crazy Carolina. We need you to register as Republicans before next Tuesday so you can vote in the GOP Senate primary for crazypants Tea Party candidate Greg Brannon.

Have you people outside North Carolina not heard of Crazypants Greg Brannon? Our friends at Buzzfeed and Mother Jones have been tracking him like Marlin Perkins tracking a snow leopard through a Siberian forest and hoo boy, of all the wingnuts who have come oozing out of the primordial swamp that is the Tea Party, this guy might be the wingnuttiest. He could out-nutty Paul “Science is lies from the pit of hell” Broun. He could make Christine O’Donnell look like Madeline Albright. He could … you get the idea.

Brannon is a Tea Party activist who has apparently read nothing but John Birch Society newsletters and InfoWars for most of his adult life, resulting in beliefs that are, um, totally whacked-out, poop-brained, Dennis-Hopper-on-meth crazy awesome. Like, such as…

He recently told Glenn Beck the Constitution covers three crimes: treason, “counterfeit” and piracy, “and the Fed does all three of those.”
He thinks President Obama is both a socialist dictator and a fascist.
He thinks that maybe the Articles of Confederation were better than the Constitution, which is funny because he also reveres the Constitution as being perfect.
Death panels? Oh yeah, Obamacare has those. Did we mention Bannon is a doctor?
The following items are all slavery: food stamps, abortion, property taxes, bipartisan compromise.
He’s a lover of the Tenth Amendment who has spoken at “Nullify Now!” rallies in North Carolina. Those rallies have been co-sponsored by the secessionist League of the South.
He has stated publicly that he moved to North Carolina specifically so he could be represented in the Senate by Jesse Helms.
He’s been endorsed by Erick Erickson, which is awesome enough, and also by Rand Paul, who is appearing at a campaign rally with Crazypants this Monday at the NASCAR Hall of Fame in Charlotte.

To win the nomination outright on Tuesday, one of the eight candidates in the primary needs at least 40% of the vote. If no one gets that much, the top two finishers go on to a runoff on July 15. As of Tuesday, a poll showed North Carolina House Speaker and favored establishment candidate Thom Tillis at 46% while Brannon was second with 20%.

People, this is unacceptable! Greg Brannon is a gold mine of crazy, and we could be writing hilarious posts about him for the next six months if he gets the Republican nomination! Do you want your Wonkette to have great material to work with? Then get out there and vote for Crazypants Greg Brannon. We have a feeling he won’t let us down.

05-02-2014, 02:16 PM

Yes, progressives! Please change your registration to Republican or Unaffiliated and vote for Brannon. A vote is a vote!

05-02-2014, 03:22 PM
Why they call him Crazypants?

05-02-2014, 03:36 PM
Pretty sure NC primary is a closed primary so registered Dems (probably 90% of those that read Wonkette) can't vote for Brannon and the party affiliation deadline has already passed.

05-02-2014, 05:36 PM
tis a pity...
this idea
had its

05-02-2014, 07:53 PM
Methinks this a backwards way for them to continue to push the false meme that Tillis is the most electable of the GOP candidates, especially if the deadline for changing Parties has passed.

05-03-2014, 03:28 PM
Wonkette wants hits. They wrote a story on RINO Michael Grimm so they want to co-opt traffic from liberty and conservative people.

05-05-2014, 11:32 AM
They don't think. They don't research. They don't care what the outcome of their vile hate filled bullshit is. They just hate.

They hate Libertarians.
They hate anyone who calls attention to the apartheid government of Israel.
but most of all they HATE WITH A BURNING IRRATIONAL PASSION anything or anyone connected to Ron Paul.

Since Brannon admitted that he wrote in Ron Paul on his ballot for 2012 President he has been targeted by the Progressives.


Methinks this a backwards way for them to continue to push the false meme that Tillis is the most electable of the GOP candidates, especially if the deadline for changing Parties has passed.

yes. They would love it if Tillis won the primary because (as the polls show) he would lose to Hagan.