tangent4ronpaul
04-01-2014, 05:10 AM
The bottom line is that people that like fan pages only receive updates from the pages they liked 1-2% of the time. FB wants owners of said pages to pay to reach more of their fan base than that.
http://blog.eat24hours.com/breakup-letter-to-facebook-from-eat24/
Dear Facebook,
Hey. It’s Eat24. Look, we need to talk. This isn’t easy to say since we’ve been together so long, but we need to break up. We’d love to say “It’s not you, it’s us” but it’s totally you. Not to be rude, but you aren’t the smart, funny social network we fell in love with several years back. You’ve changed. A lot.
When we first met, you made us feel special. We’d tell you a super funny joke about Sriracha and you’d tell all our friends and then everyone would laugh together. But now? Now you want us to give you money if we want to talk to our friends. Now when we show you a photo of a taco wrapped with bacon, you’re all like “PROMOTE THIS POST! GET MORE FRIENDS!” instead of just liking us for who we are. That’s hella messed up.
To be honest, lots of our friends warned us about you (not to name names but to definitely name names: Forbes, Fast Company, Wall Street Journal). But we ignored them and trusted you because we loved you. Now we find ourselves questioning our entire relationship.
So we Googled you (nothing too creepy, just some light research) and found out you’re doing this because of a new algorithm that decides what people want to see in their news feeds. If that’s true, that means your algorithm is saying most of our friends don’t care about sushi porn, that they aren’t interested in hearing our deepest thoughts about pizza toppings. Are you listening to yourself? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? You know that all those people clicked ‘Like’ on our page because it’s full of provocatively posed burritos and cheese puns, right?
But we loved you, Facebook, so we tried to understand you and your algorithm. As far as we could tell though, it involves the words ‘affinity’ and ‘time decay.’ There also might be a Greek letter in there somewhere but we’re not sure cuz we got bored and ordered a panini. Look Facebook, all we’re saying is that we wanted to share a joke about chicken wings, not ponder astrophysics.
Truth be told, your actions make us feel like you don’t respect us. Maybe you think our food-related pick-up lines and sexy tater tots memes come out of nowhere, but we spend a lot of time trying to make people happy. Seriously, we dedicate at least an hour a day to finding a word that rhymes with Havarti because we want to write the first-ever cheese Sonnet.
All we do is give, and all you do is take. We give you text posts, delicious food photos, coupons, restaurant recommendations… and what do you do in return? You take them and you hide them from all our friends. Maybe you steal our random musings about pork buns and claim them as your own. Guess we’ll never know.
Even if we could figure out your mysterious, all-knowing algorithm, it’s constantly changing, so what works today might not work tomorrow. Posting something that most of our friends see is like biting into a burrito and actually getting all seven layers…never gonna happen. The point is, you’re wasting our time and cock-blocking food porn from our friends. Not cool, Facebook, not cool.
But the bigger picture issue is that we can’t trust you. You lied to us and said you were a social network but you’re totally not a social network. At least not anymore. When we log in to Facebook, we want to see what Aunt Judy is doing next weekend (hopefully baking us cupcakes) and read hilarious headlines from The Onion and see pictures of a cat who got his head stuck in the couch cushions. Instead, we get this:
http://blog.eat24hours.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/adsfb.jpg
Go away. For reals.
It makes us think all you care about is money. Why should we have to wade through a dozen promoted posts about how to lose belly fat (are you trying to tell us something?) and requests for Candy Crush (NO! Just no.) and suggesting we like our arch nemesis’ page (seriously, WTF) before we can finally find the perfect Doge meme, It really seems like you’ve lost your way and have become nothing more than an ad platform.
Yeah, you’re right. We made mistakes too. We actually paid for some of those annoying promoted posts. You were all like, “Dude, you gotta try out promoted posts, It’ll help you make more friends and then more people can enjoy your LOLZ.” So we tried it because we loved you. Also, YOLO.
And it’s true, we got a ton of new likes on our page. Look at all these new friends, we thought. There’s a guy in Houston, and this guy in… Bangladesh? And this girl in… Dubai? WTF Facebook!? When we said “we want to take over the world with taquitos” it was mostly a metaphor (also it was 4:20 at the time). Well, we really do want to feed the whole world one day, but right now we’re only in the U.S., so even though we love our new international friends, we’d prefer not to piss them off by showing them a photo of a delicious calzone that they can’t even order. Why did you think we wanted friends we can’t actually feed? That makes about as much sense as getting a pepperoni pizza and only one slice has pepperoni on it.
And don’t you dare play mind games and say we’re being crazy. We aren’t the only ones who feel this way. Check out this little video the fine folks at Veritasium made that puts a bit more insight into these “likes.”
Honestly, we’re kinda hurt that you’ve changed so much. We hardly recognize you with all the facelifts you had. Take a look back. You’ve changed your look more times than Madonna. Seriously. It’s not that we don’t like change, it’s just super annoying that you decide to increase banner dimensions by 5 pixels for no reason.
Real talk, if we had to choose between making 142 different size banners to conform to whatever you’re feeling that particular week, or lie on the couch and think about fried sushi rolls, we’re always going with sushi. Just saying, but maybe you could take a lesson from this amazing webpage for the Space Jam movie. The website hasn’t changed since 1996 and it’s AMAZING.
http://blog.eat24hours.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/spacejam.png
Best. Website. Ever.
What? You don’t like being compared to an older, more distinguished website? Fine. Let’s talk about your peers. Not to hit below the belt, but we have a lot more fun when we hang out with Twitter and Instagram. They don’t have weird algorithms, which means all of our besties get to see everything we post. You might have noticed that when Ellen decided to take a selfie of beautiful people being beautiful, she did it on Twitter. And she got so many RTs, she broke it. The whole site went down. When was the last time you got that much action?
So that’s it. We’re done. All you’re left with are some single-serve freezer meals. Us? We can eat a whole pizza by ourselves so we aren’t even worried about that. We’ll pack our things and be gone by 11:59pm on Monday night. Yes, you read that right. Eat24, the company that is always telling customers to Like our page, post on our wall, and ask us for coupons on Facebook… is deleting its Facebook. This is real.
Will anyone miss it? Will anyone even know it’s gone?
Who knows what’ll happen between now and Monday. Maybe so many of our friends will write on our wall to say goodbye that your API will break. Ok, we don’t actually know what an API is or if it can break but something might crash or have an error or make the mouse do that pinwheel thing. So have a nice life and good luck playing Words With Friends alone.
P.S. If you are reading this and your name isn’t Facebook, and you are in fact one of our beautiful hungry customers – WE STILL LOVE YOU and we’re giving you a chance to say goodbye. Any last words? Since we’re deleting the whole thing on Monday at 11:59 PM, you can say pretty much whatever you want. Confess your love of brussel sprouts, admit that you still suck your thumb, reveal your celebrity crush. We’ll never tell. Say goodbye to Eat24’s Facebook.
P.P.S.S. If you are reading this and you’re hungry, luckily our app isn’t powered by social media or even blogs. We’d love to help you make food happen. Get the Eat24 app and summon egg rolls to your couch.
--------
About Us
Enjoy. That's all there is to know about Eat24.
We all worked in the restaurant business for years, so taking care of customers is in our DNA. Unfortunately, it's not in the DNA of the typical delivery-or-takeout experience. So we fixed it.
Having someone cook you exactly what you want and then bring it to exactly where you're sitting is an experience that can't be described in words. Blissful. Euphoric. Exhilarating. Okay, maybe there are a few words that work. The point is, it's freaking awesome.
But the reality is, most of your time isn't spent dining at fine restaurants. It's spent working your butt off, running errands, and managing life. That's where Eat24 comes in. We catapult you to food nirvana whenever you need it – and in just a few clicks.
Ordering food by phone presents so many hassles, it can ruin your appetite. Getting put on hold. Crappy cell reception (we're not naming names, carriers). Not being able to communicate with the person on the other end. Reading your credit card digits over the phone. Receiving your order only to find they got it wrong.
These gems and more are why online food delivery is the best thing since sliced bread. And we work to make it the best possible experience for you, with things like:
Over 25,000 restaurants in 1,000+ cities - with more being added each day
Live chat, email and phone support – 24 hours a day, every day (literally)
A service that's 100% free and insanely intuitive to use
A 100% free and insanely intuitive mobile site
Easy re-ordering and pre-ordering
Cash back for future orders through CashCoupon
Exclusive offers and content through our Eat24 VIP program
We're here to help you. Enjoy your food, enjoy the time you get back in your day, and most of all, enjoy the delightful feeling of being taken care of. So whether you're working late, in need of a one-night staycation, or just don't feel like cooking – let us handle the food. Your only job is to enjoy every minute of it.
Send um a thank you and do some business with them!
@eat24
http://eat24hours.com/index.php?SCR=s_about
-t
http://blog.eat24hours.com/breakup-letter-to-facebook-from-eat24/
Dear Facebook,
Hey. It’s Eat24. Look, we need to talk. This isn’t easy to say since we’ve been together so long, but we need to break up. We’d love to say “It’s not you, it’s us” but it’s totally you. Not to be rude, but you aren’t the smart, funny social network we fell in love with several years back. You’ve changed. A lot.
When we first met, you made us feel special. We’d tell you a super funny joke about Sriracha and you’d tell all our friends and then everyone would laugh together. But now? Now you want us to give you money if we want to talk to our friends. Now when we show you a photo of a taco wrapped with bacon, you’re all like “PROMOTE THIS POST! GET MORE FRIENDS!” instead of just liking us for who we are. That’s hella messed up.
To be honest, lots of our friends warned us about you (not to name names but to definitely name names: Forbes, Fast Company, Wall Street Journal). But we ignored them and trusted you because we loved you. Now we find ourselves questioning our entire relationship.
So we Googled you (nothing too creepy, just some light research) and found out you’re doing this because of a new algorithm that decides what people want to see in their news feeds. If that’s true, that means your algorithm is saying most of our friends don’t care about sushi porn, that they aren’t interested in hearing our deepest thoughts about pizza toppings. Are you listening to yourself? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? You know that all those people clicked ‘Like’ on our page because it’s full of provocatively posed burritos and cheese puns, right?
But we loved you, Facebook, so we tried to understand you and your algorithm. As far as we could tell though, it involves the words ‘affinity’ and ‘time decay.’ There also might be a Greek letter in there somewhere but we’re not sure cuz we got bored and ordered a panini. Look Facebook, all we’re saying is that we wanted to share a joke about chicken wings, not ponder astrophysics.
Truth be told, your actions make us feel like you don’t respect us. Maybe you think our food-related pick-up lines and sexy tater tots memes come out of nowhere, but we spend a lot of time trying to make people happy. Seriously, we dedicate at least an hour a day to finding a word that rhymes with Havarti because we want to write the first-ever cheese Sonnet.
All we do is give, and all you do is take. We give you text posts, delicious food photos, coupons, restaurant recommendations… and what do you do in return? You take them and you hide them from all our friends. Maybe you steal our random musings about pork buns and claim them as your own. Guess we’ll never know.
Even if we could figure out your mysterious, all-knowing algorithm, it’s constantly changing, so what works today might not work tomorrow. Posting something that most of our friends see is like biting into a burrito and actually getting all seven layers…never gonna happen. The point is, you’re wasting our time and cock-blocking food porn from our friends. Not cool, Facebook, not cool.
But the bigger picture issue is that we can’t trust you. You lied to us and said you were a social network but you’re totally not a social network. At least not anymore. When we log in to Facebook, we want to see what Aunt Judy is doing next weekend (hopefully baking us cupcakes) and read hilarious headlines from The Onion and see pictures of a cat who got his head stuck in the couch cushions. Instead, we get this:
http://blog.eat24hours.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/adsfb.jpg
Go away. For reals.
It makes us think all you care about is money. Why should we have to wade through a dozen promoted posts about how to lose belly fat (are you trying to tell us something?) and requests for Candy Crush (NO! Just no.) and suggesting we like our arch nemesis’ page (seriously, WTF) before we can finally find the perfect Doge meme, It really seems like you’ve lost your way and have become nothing more than an ad platform.
Yeah, you’re right. We made mistakes too. We actually paid for some of those annoying promoted posts. You were all like, “Dude, you gotta try out promoted posts, It’ll help you make more friends and then more people can enjoy your LOLZ.” So we tried it because we loved you. Also, YOLO.
And it’s true, we got a ton of new likes on our page. Look at all these new friends, we thought. There’s a guy in Houston, and this guy in… Bangladesh? And this girl in… Dubai? WTF Facebook!? When we said “we want to take over the world with taquitos” it was mostly a metaphor (also it was 4:20 at the time). Well, we really do want to feed the whole world one day, but right now we’re only in the U.S., so even though we love our new international friends, we’d prefer not to piss them off by showing them a photo of a delicious calzone that they can’t even order. Why did you think we wanted friends we can’t actually feed? That makes about as much sense as getting a pepperoni pizza and only one slice has pepperoni on it.
And don’t you dare play mind games and say we’re being crazy. We aren’t the only ones who feel this way. Check out this little video the fine folks at Veritasium made that puts a bit more insight into these “likes.”
Honestly, we’re kinda hurt that you’ve changed so much. We hardly recognize you with all the facelifts you had. Take a look back. You’ve changed your look more times than Madonna. Seriously. It’s not that we don’t like change, it’s just super annoying that you decide to increase banner dimensions by 5 pixels for no reason.
Real talk, if we had to choose between making 142 different size banners to conform to whatever you’re feeling that particular week, or lie on the couch and think about fried sushi rolls, we’re always going with sushi. Just saying, but maybe you could take a lesson from this amazing webpage for the Space Jam movie. The website hasn’t changed since 1996 and it’s AMAZING.
http://blog.eat24hours.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/spacejam.png
Best. Website. Ever.
What? You don’t like being compared to an older, more distinguished website? Fine. Let’s talk about your peers. Not to hit below the belt, but we have a lot more fun when we hang out with Twitter and Instagram. They don’t have weird algorithms, which means all of our besties get to see everything we post. You might have noticed that when Ellen decided to take a selfie of beautiful people being beautiful, she did it on Twitter. And she got so many RTs, she broke it. The whole site went down. When was the last time you got that much action?
So that’s it. We’re done. All you’re left with are some single-serve freezer meals. Us? We can eat a whole pizza by ourselves so we aren’t even worried about that. We’ll pack our things and be gone by 11:59pm on Monday night. Yes, you read that right. Eat24, the company that is always telling customers to Like our page, post on our wall, and ask us for coupons on Facebook… is deleting its Facebook. This is real.
Will anyone miss it? Will anyone even know it’s gone?
Who knows what’ll happen between now and Monday. Maybe so many of our friends will write on our wall to say goodbye that your API will break. Ok, we don’t actually know what an API is or if it can break but something might crash or have an error or make the mouse do that pinwheel thing. So have a nice life and good luck playing Words With Friends alone.
P.S. If you are reading this and your name isn’t Facebook, and you are in fact one of our beautiful hungry customers – WE STILL LOVE YOU and we’re giving you a chance to say goodbye. Any last words? Since we’re deleting the whole thing on Monday at 11:59 PM, you can say pretty much whatever you want. Confess your love of brussel sprouts, admit that you still suck your thumb, reveal your celebrity crush. We’ll never tell. Say goodbye to Eat24’s Facebook.
P.P.S.S. If you are reading this and you’re hungry, luckily our app isn’t powered by social media or even blogs. We’d love to help you make food happen. Get the Eat24 app and summon egg rolls to your couch.
--------
About Us
Enjoy. That's all there is to know about Eat24.
We all worked in the restaurant business for years, so taking care of customers is in our DNA. Unfortunately, it's not in the DNA of the typical delivery-or-takeout experience. So we fixed it.
Having someone cook you exactly what you want and then bring it to exactly where you're sitting is an experience that can't be described in words. Blissful. Euphoric. Exhilarating. Okay, maybe there are a few words that work. The point is, it's freaking awesome.
But the reality is, most of your time isn't spent dining at fine restaurants. It's spent working your butt off, running errands, and managing life. That's where Eat24 comes in. We catapult you to food nirvana whenever you need it – and in just a few clicks.
Ordering food by phone presents so many hassles, it can ruin your appetite. Getting put on hold. Crappy cell reception (we're not naming names, carriers). Not being able to communicate with the person on the other end. Reading your credit card digits over the phone. Receiving your order only to find they got it wrong.
These gems and more are why online food delivery is the best thing since sliced bread. And we work to make it the best possible experience for you, with things like:
Over 25,000 restaurants in 1,000+ cities - with more being added each day
Live chat, email and phone support – 24 hours a day, every day (literally)
A service that's 100% free and insanely intuitive to use
A 100% free and insanely intuitive mobile site
Easy re-ordering and pre-ordering
Cash back for future orders through CashCoupon
Exclusive offers and content through our Eat24 VIP program
We're here to help you. Enjoy your food, enjoy the time you get back in your day, and most of all, enjoy the delightful feeling of being taken care of. So whether you're working late, in need of a one-night staycation, or just don't feel like cooking – let us handle the food. Your only job is to enjoy every minute of it.
Send um a thank you and do some business with them!
@eat24
http://eat24hours.com/index.php?SCR=s_about
-t