Son of a close family friend takes his life after cops escalate situation.

[Anti Federalist]

Yeah, a cross post, I know.

I'm at a loss for words anymore...just don't...OK...just...don't.


We lost a dear friend today due to the fact that he was on psychotropic drugs and committed suicide. He lost his mother, my best friend, last year and was deeply depressed over his mother's sudden death. He went to the doctor, pushed by other family members to deal with his depression and the doctor put him on psychotropic drugs.

He leaves behind a wife and son.


Thank you all for the prayers and support.

Just wanted to add: The family members thought it was best to call the police because, it was in their opinion, his behavior was quite erratic and he was very agitated. It was when the police showed up and started pounding on the door is when he took his life.

[jonhowe]

To be fair, the cops were called. They knocked. That's what they were asked to do. Can't really blame this one on cops for the escalation...

My thoughts are with donnay and the family.

[dannno]

To be fair, the cops were called. They knocked. That's what they were asked to do. Can't really blame this one on cops for the escalation...

My thoughts are with donnay and the family.

He isn't blaming the individuals who were the cops so much as the family members who called the cops.

Never call the police.

[JK/SEA]

To be fair, the cops were called. They knocked. That's what they were asked to do. Can't really blame this one on cops for the escalation...


hmmm...is that so?.... Well i sure as hell can.

Pretty sure there is a BETTER way to deal with these situations where no one is killed....no?...and i am refering to ''the cops''....

[jonhowe]

He isn't blaming the individuals who were the cops so much as the family members who called the cops.

Never call the police.

Agreed. People do so out of fear, so I totally understand. This is why we need to raise awareness.

Condolences.

[jonhowe]

hmmm...is that so?.... Well i sure as hell can.

Pretty sure there is a BETTER way to deal with these situations where no one is killed....no?...and i am refering to ''the cops''....

Their job, at least in theory, is to respond to emergency calls. An emergency call was made. According to the OP, they didn't break down the door or throw flashbangs or move in with a SWAT team; they knocked. And yes, they have to knock loudly, or people would just claim they did not hear.

So, should they have stood in the front yard and used sign language? Or ignored the call? You say there's a better way, so please share.

[phill4paul]

AF you and donnay are in my thoughts. EVERY one of us on this forum will experience something similar in the next ten-twenty years. Family or friend of family. Even if one wanted nothing more than than 24hrs. to rant and rave and stomp about by themselves this world as constructed won't allow it.

[purplechoe]

As someone who has lost a mother in the last year as well, my thoughts are with you donnay... :(

[Christian Liberty]

AF you and donnay are in my thoughts. EVERY one of us on this forum will experience something similar in the next ten-twenty years. Family or friend of family. Even if one wanted nothing more than than 24hrs. to rant and rave and stomp about by themselves this world as constructed won't allow it.

I almost hope that something will happen to the people who AREN'T here so they'll wake up, although I'd much rather it be an animal that dies than a person if that's what it takes for someone to wake up.

[phill4paul]

I almost hope that something will happen to the people who AREN'T here so they'll wake up, although I'd much rather it be an animal that dies than a person if that's what it takes for someone to wake up.

Your (almost) hope will be fulfilled. It's the way of the current world. It's not going away. People don't know how to leave other people alone in this instant communication world. I had a friend that said the biggest problem in the world can be "Too much togetherness." He attributed demise of friendship, relation and marriage to this one single factor. Sometimes people just need to be left alone. Sometimes all it takes is a day or two to get one's mind "straight." It's happened to me. The situation is even worse when including a third party that may not be cared for by one of the parties nor, in and of itself, care about either parties.
Too much togetherness. I agree.

[Christian Liberty]

Your (almost) hope will be fulfilled. It's the way of the current world. It's not going away. People don't know how to leave other people alone in this instant communication world. I had a friend that said the biggest problem in the world can be "Too much togetherness." He attributed demise of friendship, relation and marriage to this one single factor. Sometimes people just need to be left alone. Sometimes all it takes is a day or two to get one's mind "straight." It's happened to me. The situation is even worse when including a third party that may not be cared for by one of the parties nor, in and of itself, care about either parties.
Too much togetherness. I agree.

I just want people to wake up and realize that the cops aren't heroes, that they're all at least inadvertently bad and that a significant minority (at least) are sociopaths. The thing is, its hard because everybody (at least most people) knows a nice person who also happens to be a cop. It takes emotional discipline, even for me, to look past the individual and at the profession.

[Anti Federalist]

Their job, at least in theory, is to respond to emergency calls. An emergency call was made. According to the OP, they didn't break down the door or throw flashbangs or move in with a SWAT team; they knocked. And yes, they have to knock loudly, or people would just claim they did not hear.

So, should they have stood in the front yard and used sign language? Or ignored the call? You say there's a better way, so please share.

I have not gotten all the details yet, but from my understanding, they were one step away from that (SWAT raid and flash bangs), aggressively beating on the door and barking orders.

This is what you DO NOT do when dealing with a potential suicide victim.

You talk in calm, soothing tones, and DE-ESCALATE the situation.

Militarized cops do not know this, or willfully ignore it.

Bug Splat.

RTB

[Anti Federalist]

AF you and donnay are in my thoughts. EVERY one of us on this forum will experience something similar in the next ten-twenty years. Family or friend of family. Even if one wanted nothing more than than 24hrs. to rant and rave and stomp about by themselves this world as constructed won't allow it.

God help us all...

[Anti Federalist]

AF you and donnay are in my thoughts. EVERY one of us on this forum will experience something similar in the next ten-twenty years. Family or friend of family. Even if one wanted nothing more than than 24hrs. to rant and rave and stomp about by themselves this world as constructed won't allow it.

God help us all...

[Christian Liberty]

I have not gotten all the details yet, but from my understanding, they were one step away from that (SWAT raid and flash bangs), aggressively beating on the door and barking orders.

This is what you DO NOT do when dealing with a potential suicide victim.

You talk in calm, soothing tones, and DE-ESCALATE the situation.

Militarized cops do not know this, or willfully ignore it.

Bug Splat.

RTB

Honestly, and I know you won't disgree with me, but I don't think a majority of cops would care in the slightest that they encouraged your family friend to kill himself. A minority would, but I suspect most would not.

[phill4paul]

I have not gotten all the details yet, but from my understanding, they were one step away from that (SWAT raid and flash bangs), aggressively beating on the door and barking orders.

This is what you DO NOT do when dealing with a potential suicide victim.

You talk in calm, soothing tones, and DE-ESCALATE the situation.

Militarized cops do not know this, or willfully ignore it.

Bug Splat.

RTB

I would think that with all the love of the state that there would be many reported instances of a simple door-knoCk. A "Hey, how are you? Someone called because they are concerned. We are too. We can talk through the door if you want. Or you can call me on my personal phone. I'm gonna walk away right now. When you feel you're ready will you please call me."

Nah.

WE DON"T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

[JK/SEA]

I have not gotten all the details yet, but from my understanding, they were one step away from that (SWAT raid and flash bangs), aggressively beating on the door and barking orders.

This is what you DO NOT do when dealing with a potential suicide victim.

You talk in calm, soothing tones, and DE-ESCALATE the situation.

Militarized cops do not know this, or willfully ignore it.

Bug Splat.

RTB

Thanks AF for the answer. I thought it was obvious to most in here....except..well...

[Miss Annie]

So so sorry. :( My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet wife. HUGS to you both. :(

[jonhowe]

I have not gotten all the details yet, but from my understanding, they were one step away from that (SWAT raid and flash bangs), aggressively beating on the door and barking orders.

This is what you DO NOT do when dealing with a potential suicide victim.

You talk in calm, soothing tones, and DE-ESCALATE the situation.

Militarized cops do not know this, or willfully ignore it.

Bug Splat.

RTB


Again, this is what police do. They aren't puppies; they're armed thugs. Someone, clearly distraught and in fear for a family member, called armed thugs to the house. The caller escalated the situation (again, most certainly in a state of extreme emotional distress). The police just did what police always do, and what most people (sadly) support them in doing.

It's like saying "I pointed the gun and I pulled the trigger, but it's the bullet's fault". Except most people don't realize that in the analogy I just used, the gun is the police.

(IE, we agree about police. I just get frustrated that people are still naive about the issue. I shouldn't have distracted from the point of the thread.)

[DamianTV]

I've known a person that committed suicide. So you have my utmost sympathies as I know from experience what youre going through.

When it happens, you cant blame yourself. There are a LOT of things that get involved in that persons decision and it is a very complex issue. At the end, one choice is made and that choice is beyond your ability to control. You can influence the decision but you do not have total control of the choices someone else makes. Take a gun away right now and they will find another means to accomplish their choice. So you can not blame yourself. You can only try. We all make mistakes, we misinterpret, we react, we feel, we are humans. We sometimes screw up when we offer support, or we dont.

People will continue to try to end the lives of others as long as there are people. Taking the means of destruction away isnt the solution because alternatives will be sought and found. The only real effective way to externally influence either a planned Suicide or Homicide is to try to remove the Cause for Intent. Person loses their job. They're fired, they may seek to attack the person that got rid of them. Laid off, they take the frustrations out on themselves. Solution for that specific case would be to find not only another job, but a better job. Typically there are a lot of things involved, not just one incident. Spouse cheating coupled with mounting bills plus loss of job and a situation that overall progressively goes downhill. In most of these situations, there is a commonality. Loss of Hope.

If you can do anything for anyone, give them a Sense of Hope. Real Hope. It could very well turn their world around.

[PaulConventionWV]

To be fair, the cops were called. They knocked. That's what they were asked to do. Can't really blame this one on cops for the escalation...

My thoughts are with donnay and the family.

Three words: Culture of fear.

The cops have created this, and now this is what we end up with. Don't call the cops.