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Lucille
10-05-2013, 02:35 PM
The Dog Ate It: US Treasury Reimburses Man For $500 His Dog Ate
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2013-10-05/dog-ate-it-us-treasury-reimburses-man-500-his-dog-ate


Here's a new and very bizarre entry for the annals of "the dog ate it" excuses. According to Reuters, Montana man Wayne Klinkel, who last year pieced together the remnants of five $100 bills eaten by his one-eyed golden retriever, Sundance, is sporting a $500 check he says he received this week from the U.S. Department of the Treasury to replace the digested funds. Sundance sniffed the wad of bills out of a car cubby space while waiting for Klinkel and his wife to return from lunch, and the canine made the currency his lunch.
[...]
So what did Klinkel do upon discovering the Benjamins had become fast food: he literally pieced together the evidence.
[...]
Obviously, the Fed was not interested in the fecal byproduct. After all, Ben Bernanke is far more adept at creating USD-based, one-ply toilet paper, not so much the target object of said toilet paper. The Treasury on the other hand...
[...]
Luckily, Klinkel's remarkable persistence at sorting through all sorts of monetary shit ultimately paid off.
[...]
As of this writing the Treasury's check was not eaten by the dog.

Surely at this point one can appreciate the light bulbs going above Bernanke, and Yellen's, head. Because it is not secret that the biggest failure with QE for the past 5 years has been getting the trillions in freshly injected currency into the hands of consumers, and bypassing the banks who merely use it to generate more asset price bubbles, thus generating the Fed's desired inflation. All it would take is for the Treasury to "loosen" both the threshold of Multilated Currency permissive applications, and the bowels of imaginary dogs. Because there is nothing that would stimulate the velocity of money more than if the treasury were to send crisp $100 bills to all who complain their "dog ate the money" - with or without fecal proof.

And since such canine currency consumption can persist indefinitely not subject to any reserve requirements, it would flip traditional fractional-reserve banking if not on its head, than certainly on its back, as imaginary omnivorous dogs become the primary facilitators of monetary transmission mechanisms across the economy.

The inflationary possibilities are virtually endless.

As for the tragicomic ending of this tale, "an operator with the U.S. Department of Treasury on Thursday said department representatives were furloughed and unavailable for comment on Klinkel’s reimbursement."

http://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/helenair.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/0/68/068e406a-2ade-11e3-9d68-0019bb2963f4/524b3a7b3ded4.preview-100.jpg http://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/helenair.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/0/08/008b4d8e-2ade-11e3-9ee3-0019bb2963f4/524b3a7130b89.preview-100.jpg

See more digested FRNs here: http://helenair.com/news/local/us-treasury-reimburses-helenan-after-pet-s-expensive-snack/article_717856e4-2b2a-11e3-9029-0019bb2963f4.html

Zippyjuan
10-05-2013, 06:47 PM
The Treasury will replace damaged currency if they can determine the value of the bills including how many of them there were. They will check all the remains you send them to try to determine the value of what it was worth (How many products do you get THAT kind of guarante for replacement?) If notes are mostly intact (more than half in one piece) you can trade them in at banks. Mangled currency gets forensic treatment so it can sometimes take a while to get your money back.

http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/consumerawareness/a/replacemoney.htm


Replacing Mutilated Currency
Mutilated currency is considered to be any bill NOT CLEARLY more than one-half of the original bill and/or requires special examination to determine its value. Most mutilated currency has been damaged by fire, flooding, chemicals, explosions, animals or insects. Another very common source of damage to currency is petrification or deterioration by burying.

Mutilated currency must be mailed or personally delivered to the Bureau of Engraving and Printing. Here, according to the U.S. Treasury, is how to do it:

When mutilated currency is submitted, a letter should be included stating the estimated value of the currency and an explanation of how the currency became mutilated. Each case is carefully examined by an experienced mutilated currency examiner. The amount of time needed to process each case varies with its complexity and the case workload of the examiner.

The Director of the Bureau of Engraving and Printing has the final authority for the settlement of mutilated currency claims.

Although Treasury examiners are usually able to determine the amount and value of mutilated currency, careful packaging is essential to prevent additional damage.

Procedure for Mailing Mutilated Currency
The following procedures should be used when packing mutilated currency for examination and possible replacement by the Bureau of Engraving and Printing:
•Regardless of the condition of the currency, do not disturb the fragments any more than is absolutely necessary.


•If the currency is brittle or inclined to fall apart, pack it carefully in plastic and cotton without disturbing the fragments and place the package in a secure container.


•If the currency was mutilated in a purse, box, or other container, it should be left in the container to protect the fragments from further damage.


•If it is absolutely necessary to remove the fragments from the container, send the container along with the currency and any other contents that may have currency fragments attached.


•If the currency was flat when mutilated, do not roll or fold the notes.


•If the currency was in a roll when mutilated, do not attempt to unroll or straighten it out.


•If coins or any other metal is mixed with the currency, carefully remove it. Any fused, melted, or otherwise mutilated coins should be sent to: Superintendent U. S. Mint, Post Office Box 400 Philadelphia, PA. 19105.

presence
10-05-2013, 07:15 PM
Is it wrong that my first thought is to feed $1 bills to my dog so I can send shit samples to the federal leeches in washington?

HOLLYWOOD
10-05-2013, 07:56 PM
I would of made golden retriever, Sundance, eat every bit of the $500. Then, wait for Dance to take a dump, pack it up Dance's dog shit, and send it off with a note to the US Treasury's reclamation department stating,

Dear US Treasury,

My dog Sundance ate $500 dollars in Federal Reserve Notes and shit out the remains of the bills(Included pile). Could you please send a reimbursement check of $500 for replacement and since we all know the 'Smell of Money' take a good wiff of Sundance's shit for verification... thanks.

Carson
10-05-2013, 08:10 PM
I wonder if he came across any of our homework?

Barrex
10-05-2013, 10:37 PM
If there is 51% of any bill it is considered currency.