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View Full Version : Is your asparagus dry? You might be a racist!




jdmyprez_deo_vindice
07-17-2013, 08:18 PM
Fresh on the heels of discovering peanut butter and jelly sandwiches dirty little racist secret comes a shocking revelation that reveals that hate foods extend far beyond mere sandwiches.

http://www.examiner.com/article/dry-asparagus-prompts-allegations-of-racism-against-missouri-grocery-store


The presence of dry asparagus prompted questions of racial discrimination at a Schnucks grocery store in University City, Mo., the St. Louis Post Dispatch reported late Tuesday.

According to Stephen Deere, David Olander, a local resident who serves on the city’s human relations commission, noticed the asparagus was not sitting in any water while shopping in May.

“It was just sitting there dried out,” he said.

Olander asked an assistant manager if the quality of the asparagus had any relationship to the store’s location in a black neighborhood.

"I certainly hope not," the assistant manager reportedly said.

But Olander was so concerned about the asparagus he wrote a letter to CEO Scott Schnuck. That letter prompted a meeting with employees Deere said was "tinged with allegations that the St. Louis area’s largest grocery chain was discriminating against minority communities."

“Schnucks does not discriminate on any level,” spokeswoman Lori Willis said.

Dr.3D
07-17-2013, 08:21 PM
I would worry if they were keeping it in a jar of water. What does he want them to do, grow bacteria around them till they are sold?

TER
07-17-2013, 08:25 PM
How is this perceived to be racist? I don't get it...

paulbot24
07-17-2013, 08:26 PM
They'd better be keeping the watermelons stocked up. I know, lousy joke, but this is ri-god-damn-diculous.

cajuncocoa
07-17-2013, 08:28 PM
Another sign the apocalypse is upon us....

Anti Federalist
07-17-2013, 08:28 PM
How is this perceived to be racist? I don't get it...

"If this was a store in a white neighborhood, the asparagus would be of higher quality and not dried out".

Clearly racist.

Anti Federalist
07-17-2013, 08:28 PM
They'd better be keeping the watermelons stocked up. I know, lousy joke, but this is ri-god-damn-diculous.

And purple drank?

ClydeCoulter
07-17-2013, 08:32 PM
*shakes head, getting headache*

specsaregood
07-17-2013, 08:33 PM
I once ate asparagus for a week straight because I liked the stink of my pee. None of that asparagus was dried out.

Lucille
07-17-2013, 08:33 PM
What's the PBJ nonsense about now?


Olander, who reportedly saw fresh asparagus sitting in water just a few miles away, admitted being in a foul mood when he visited the store and said he "just felt like stirring it up a little bit, letting them know that somebody cares.”

So b/c this dick was in a bad mood, he decided to cry racist. Just great.


According to the store, the tray of water in which the vegetable sat had simply tipped over the day Olander observed the dry asparagus.

Reaction from readers was incredulous and somewhat sarcastic, with one reader demanding justice for asparagus and DOJ involvment.

Another reader called Olander a "jerk" who should be removed from the commission.

"Quick someone call Jesse Jackson, maybe we should him involved," another reader suggested.

"No asparagus! No peas!" added another reader, playing off the now well-known cry of "No justice, no peace."

LOL

ClydeCoulter
07-17-2013, 08:38 PM
A green man noticed that purple men always shake the last drop of gas from the hose when he is behind them. Congress appropriated 1.2738224 million dollars to study whether it is only when green men are waiting in line, or if it is only when THAT green man is waiting in line. Orange people are making claims that purple people also do it when they are behind in line, but have not provided any particular evidence to substantiate their claims. More on 5 at 9:00.


What?

liberty2897
07-17-2013, 08:41 PM
And purple drank?

and Purple Dank?

http://i49.tinypic.com/2lsze3l.jpg

paulbot24
07-17-2013, 08:42 PM
Why does it feel like we are being pressured into a race war that none of the people even want? Not sure if it is primarily the media, the current regime, or what, but this is getting to be obvious and now it is almost creepy.

https://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu8s1feKIu1r43g5po1_500.jpg

Luciconsort
07-18-2013, 05:18 PM
and Purple Dank?

http://i49.tinypic.com/2lsze3l.jpg

yay bud porn!

paulbot24
07-18-2013, 05:23 PM
Excellently timed bud porn.

tangent4ronpaul
07-18-2013, 05:34 PM
Lets throw some gas on this fire, shall we?

OK, so you got a grocery store in a black neighborhood.
Who is most likely to work in that grocery store? - blacks!
Therefore, black people don't know how to keep asparagus hydrated and appetizing looking for customers.

QED

-t

paulbot24
07-18-2013, 05:38 PM
Maybe they are "self-hating Blacks." :D

For the record: I hate the whole self-hating race crap. Usually I only hear this expression when a Joo talks negatively about other Jooos. Only our media could come up with an idea this dumb.

Warrior_of_Freedom
07-18-2013, 05:39 PM
They'd better be keeping the watermelons stocked up. I know, lousy joke, but this is ri-god-damn-diculous.

Racist for not stocking enough watermelon!

Warrior_of_Freedom
07-18-2013, 05:40 PM
Lets throw some gas on this fire, shall we?

OK, so you got a grocery store in a black neighborhood.
Who is most likely to work in that grocery store? - blacks!
Therefore, black people don't know how to keep asparagus hydrated and appetizing looking for customers.

QED

-t
omg ur such a racist u should go to jail. Wait, racism isn't illegal? Oh ok.

dannno
07-18-2013, 05:40 PM
and Purple Dank?

http://i49.tinypic.com/2lsze3l.jpg

Good God.

tod evans
07-18-2013, 06:17 PM
Lets throw some gas on this fire, shall we?

OK, so you got a grocery store in a black neighborhood.
Who is most likely to work in that grocery store? - blacks!
Therefore, black people don't know how to keep asparagus hydrated and appetizing looking for customers.

QED

-t


Equal employment quotas is the answer!

Bus in "majorities".....

Start a whole new federal program....Hooo-Yah!

eduardo89
07-20-2013, 05:06 PM
How long until Obama voices his opinion on this matter just to stir up racial feelings?

"35 years ago, that could have been my asparagus."

pcosmar
07-20-2013, 05:23 PM
Good God.
Yes, He is.

Origanalist
07-20-2013, 05:34 PM
and Purple Dank?

http://i49.tinypic.com/2lsze3l.jpg

That shit looks lethal.

I'll bet that asparagus would look pretty good after some of that^^^^

paulbot24
07-20-2013, 05:35 PM
That shit looks lethal.

Hell of a way to kill a man. :D

Origanalist
07-20-2013, 05:37 PM
Hell of a way to kill a man. :D

I can think of worse....

Origanalist
07-20-2013, 05:38 PM
I once ate asparagus for a week straight because I liked the stink of my pee. None of that asparagus was dried out.

Thanks for sharing.

Dr.3D
07-20-2013, 07:24 PM
I once ate asparagus for a week straight because I liked the stink of my pee. None of that asparagus was dried out.

I've wondered if it is the asparagus that makes the urine smell like that or is it something in your body that the asparagus makes your kidneys excrete that does it?

eduardo89
07-20-2013, 07:34 PM
I've wondered if it is the asparagus that makes the urine smell like that or is it something in your body that the asparagus makes your kidneys excrete that does it?

Asparagus contains a high concentration of a sulfur-containing compound called asparagusic acid, named for the vegetable, of course, which can also be found in other pungent-smelling foods such as rotten eggs, onions and garlic. When your digestive system breaks down asparagusic acid, it releases volatile odoriferous components that are the culprits of the strange smell associated with asparagus urine. This process is so quick that the distinctive smell can develop within 15 to 30 minutes of eating asparagus, which can lead to unfortunate social circumstances such as awkward dinner-party bathroom breaks and avoidance of all beverages when asparagus is on the menu.

Dr.3D
07-20-2013, 09:14 PM
Asparagus contains a high concentration of a sulfur-containing compound called asparagusic acid, named for the vegetable, of course, which can also be found in other pungent-smelling foods such as rotten eggs, onions and garlic. When your digestive system breaks down asparagusic acid, it releases volatile odoriferous components that are the culprits of the strange smell associated with asparagus urine. This process is so quick that the distinctive smell can develop within 15 to 30 minutes of eating asparagus, which can lead to unfortunate social circumstances such as awkward dinner-party bathroom breaks and avoidance of all beverages when asparagus is on the menu.
Well, thanks. That's interesting.

jkob
07-20-2013, 09:23 PM
and Purple Dank?

http://i49.tinypic.com/2lsze3l.jpg

holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

Anti Federalist
07-20-2013, 09:45 PM
http://www.strainbrain.com/files/strains/purple-kush-868l.jpg

Dr.3D
07-20-2013, 10:18 PM
holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

It just might be.

libertyjam
07-21-2013, 04:16 AM
Asparagus contains a high concentration of a sulfur-containing compound called asparagusic acid, named for the vegetable, of course, which can also be found in other pungent-smelling foods such as rotten eggs, onions and garlic. When your digestive system breaks down asparagusic acid, it releases volatile odoriferous components that are the culprits of the strange smell associated with asparagus urine. This process is so quick that the distinctive smell can develop within 15 to 30 minutes of eating asparagus, which can lead to unfortunate social circumstances such as awkward dinner-party bathroom breaks and avoidance of all beverages when asparagus is on the menu.

Something like 10 or 20% of the population don't even produce the enzymes to break down the A. acid, and another percentage cannot even smell it when they do, all leading them to think their pee doesn't stink. :)

libertyjam
07-21-2013, 04:17 AM
http://www.strainbrain.com/files/strains/purple-kush-868l.jpg

I want some of that!

BuddyRey
07-21-2013, 04:54 AM
To you guys posting bud pics...thanks a pantload for making my dry spell feel even worse! :( :D