Homeland Security has advice for confronting mass murders: scissors

[Origanalist]

Those cynics who claim the Department of Homeland Security is more concerned with expanding government power than with the safety of Americans need to read this handy advice about what to do if a madman attacks your workplace. Step one: Cower. Here's how: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/shear_bravery_beats_guns_feds_d9BanDpupuVezePd6trY oM

http://dixienet.org/rebellion/images/Cower.jpg

“To protect your hiding place, lock the door if you can. Block the door with heavy furniture,” recommends the male narrator, speaking in measured, authoritative tones.

Other survival strategies promoted in the video include hiding “behind large items such as cabinets or desks. Remain quiet. Silence your cellphone or pager. Even the vibration setting can give away a hiding position.”

That's great advice. However, my new cell phone and I do not get along very well. Even when I'm not being fired at by a lunatic with a gun, I have difficulty figuring out how to set my phone to vibrate. No matter what I push, I get the message "You have selected AT&T's Premium Text Messaging Service. A charge of $6,000.29 will appear on your next bill." So I can just imagine myself fumbling with my cell phone while Omar Thornton is stalking the cubicles searching for co-workers to aerate.

The DHS video even provides this tip on how to take a stand against your murderer:

“If you are caught out in the open and cannot conceal yourself or take cover, you might consider trying to overpower the shooter with whatever means are available,” says the narrator in the video, which shows an office worker pulling scissors out of a desk drawer.

Because, obviously, no one would have something as icky and scary as a handgun at work. So behold the weapon of choice of Metrosexual America:

http://dixienet.org/rebellion/images/Scissors.jpg

But then, it's just a matter of time until liberals and Neocons start demanding scissor registration. Me, I'm stocking up on these babies. Let Diane Feinstein try and stop me. Molon labe!

http://lsrebellion.blogspot.com/2013/01/homeland-security-has-advice-for.html

[Fukthenannystate]

Those brightly colored safety scissors are pretty terrifying...

[AFPVet]

This society has done a very good job of turning people into subservient and dependent sissies. They can have their scissors, I am going to have my pistol.

[Acala]

This society has done a very good job of turning people into subservient and dependent sissies. They can have their scissors, I am going to have my pistol.

I want a pistol that shoots scissors. With a 30-scissors magazine.

[ronpaulfollower999]

Makes sense to me. After all, the supposed hijackers on 9/11 used box cutters.

[kathy88]

I want a pistol that shoots scissors. With a 30-scissors magazine.

ME TOO!

[ZENemy]

More Marxism?

[VBRonPaulFan]

"Remember, walk, do not run, after your attacker when brandishing assault scissors."

[Origanalist]

"Remember, walk, do not run, after your attacker when brandishing assault scissors."

Thread winner!

[angelatc]

ME TOO!

Send it to kindergarten...

[Occam's Banana]

Scissors? Better keep some paper handy, too.

After all, Mr. Terrorist might have a rock ...

[Origanalist]

Scissors? Better keep some paper handy, too.

After all, Mr. Terrorist might be armed with a rock ...

Or high on one.......

[sailingaway]

Then they can have my scissors, and I will take their AR 15s and hollow point bullets.

Deal?

[Origanalist]

Then they can have my scissors, and I will take their AR 15s and hollow point bullets.

Deal?

Full belly laugh.

[J_White]

any perpetrator would be blinded with those colors !!

[Working Poor]

I prefer a letter opener.

[Expatriate]

Better get yourself a set of laser-sighted assault scissors before Feinstein goes after those as well.

http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3370/3441668304_00b7baa5fc.jpg

And they can have my high-capacity paper clip holder when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers!

[heavenlyboy34]

The story sounds silly, but if you have weapons training, you can use scissors as a good weapon. :cool: Learn your knife and sai katas, and you're good to go. :)

[HOLLYWOOD]

Has anyone read the DHS budgets and their actions? This years is 200 pages, and DHS is now running screenings in multiple countries. Outright crazy Communists

FY2013 Budget: hXXp://www.dhs.gov/xlibrary/assets/mgmt/dhs-budget-in-brief-fy2013.pdf

[heavenlyboy34]

But then, it's just a matter of time until liberals and Neocons start demanding scissor registration. Me, I'm stocking up on these babies. Let Diane Feinstein try and stop me. Molon labe!
They're going to make me register my entire body and all my possessions as weapons. The future is fail. :( I shall do my best to fend them off with my bow staff and various other Japanese weapons.

[PursuePeace]

I prefer:

1729

Black, scary, looks military-ish.
They're probably going to be banned soon.
Better stock up.

[Origanalist]

I prefer:

1729

Black, scary, looks military-ish.
They're probably going to be banned soon.
Better stock up.

Racist.

[heavenlyboy34]

Racist. Zuh? https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTKUbEJ9n8Lt7dnWTonf0XJMrB_8_363 doMLsVcRXKV7Q3Ngu9DvA

[presence]

Because, obviously, no one would have something as icky and scary as a handgun at work. So behold the weapon of choice of Metrosexual America:

^^^^

[TonySutton]

Breaking News: Diane Feinstein introduces bill in Senate to ban scissors.

[oyarde]

They will not even allow my scissors on the plane .....

[Occam's Banana]

Fear-mongering propaganda as a means of inducing rabbit-like quiescence among the general population has sunk to a sad and pathetic estate - a lame echo of halcyon days of Red scares and fallout shelters.

Once upon a time, it was "duck and cover" when the Godless Commies of the Evil Empire unleash world-ending Armageddon.

Now, its just "cower and hide" when a scary bad man comes around ....

[alucard13mmfmj]

lol there was a show where this girl is cursed with a crab spirit and she can summon office supplies that she takes out under her clothes.. and her signature weapon is a stapler.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7XFsOq0EZsA/Sm0D7mCzXqI/AAAAAAAACMM/5fs3oF7PnaQ/s1600/bakemonogatari.png

[libertygrl]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXceET3-awc

[Danke]

http://www.moviemail.com/images/large/Edward-Scissorhands-02_cmyk.jpg

[AFPVet]

I prefer:

1729

Black, scary, looks military-ish.
They're probably going to be banned soon.
Better stock up.

Hey, that's an assault staple remover and I'm gonna need to see a permit for that son :p

[opal]

this thread.. full of fail and WIN

why is it the only place that makes sense anymore is here?

[DamianTV]

this thread.. full of fail and WIN

why is it the only place that makes sense anymore is here?

Because people are provided information in such a way that the conclusion they are expected to make is one of dependancy. We conclude the exact opposite, which is far more in line with liberty, and that is Independence.

[heavenlyboy34]

this thread.. full of fail and WIN

why is it the only place that makes sense anymore is here?
LRC and mises.org make sense. I suspect the reason this is pretty much the only more or less sensible place on the interwebz is that it's inspired by (and named after) one of the few remaining rational people in public life. :D

[heavenlyboy34]

Because people are provided information in such a way that the conclusion they are expected to make is one of dependancy. We conclude the exact opposite, which is far more in line with liberty, and that is Independence.
That too^^, generally. There are still a few here who are working their way up to that.

[Carson]

Those brightly colored safety scissors are pretty terrifying...


If you had enough of those loaded in your bowling ball cannon, they never would have messed with you in the first place.