Third Draft of USA Today Ad -- Close to final!!

[Bryan]

This is the third draft of the ad being commissioned by llepard. Obviously the final result will be just one pic. Post your thoughts.

Detailed view - top half:
http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/3248/ad3topwa8.jpg
Lower half:
http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/9649/ad3bottomkd5.jpg


Full view:
http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/4923/ad3fullko4.jpg

[MsDoodahs]

Looks great to me!

Thank you again, Llepard.

:)

[Ron Paul Fan]

Run it.

[brumans]

I think you should take off the words "Please Donate!" in the second checkmark, bottom right.
Sounds kind of out-of-place and desperate. Plus you are already basically saying to donate with the TeaParty advertisement.

[MedicSean37]

Do you guys mind if I use the final draft in my local newspaper?

[BLS]

I think it's great....the only suggestion I might make is:

Where it says how many straw polls RP has won (or took 2nd), should be more asethically pleasing. It represents a page break, and it's as 'heavy' as the final page break.

Maybe 'lighten' it up...not the text, but the graphic itself....something different.

Maybe you'll see what I'm saying.....

Otherwise I think it's great!!!

[paul_v]

I think you should take off the words "Please Donate!" in the second checkmark, bottom right.
Sounds kind of out-of-place and desperate. Plus you are already basically saying to donate with the TeaParty advertisement.

I agree. Take out the "Please donate"

[Austin]

What was changed?

[RonPaulFever]

I think it's perfect except for all of the websites. Limit to ronpaul2008.com and teaparty07.com and make them more visible. If a reader is going to take the time to visit a website, I'd prefer it would be one or the other of the two I listed. Think $$$$ :)

[cien750hp]

looks great! only thing i'd say is space out "***Ron Paul for President***" so it reaches the edges more, just a little bit farther from the picture because theyre almost touching now, and i'd say a bigger picture but it doesn't look like you have space. and i'd agree, to limiting the websites. at the bottom maybe have "it can all happen, find out how at *ronpaul2008.com* maybe the number"
thanks again llepard! but dont feel the need to need to change anything though its fine as is

[Tidewise]

Wow. Love it.

[Devon]

Glad to see that the "Mainstream Media" conspiracy theory stuff has been excised. That stuff just makes us look paranoid and crazy. It's the Mainstream Media that we are using for this ad. The U.S. has a very free press that is largely unregulated - the market is largely the regulator. There is no mainstream media conspiracy against Ron Paul. There are simply certain individuals in the media (both mainstream and non-mainstream) that are dishonest about Paul (for example John Gibson of Fox who still claims Paul is a 9/11 truther).

[Ron LOL]

I have some typesetting quibbles that I'll post to the thread in a minute after I can whip up an example of what I think this should look like.

But I can't emphasize enough just how important it is to use some sort of language in this ad to take away the reader's opportunity to be skeptical. This is as simple as printing a large "yes, this is all actually possible -- find out how at ronpaul2008.com" before all of the promises.

Edit: actually, a fairly major typesetting quibble. This looks like perhaps it was done in Photoshop rather than InDesign or (cringe) Quark... :)

[Ron Paul in 2008]

suggestion
It's fine with me but I still think only teaparty and ronpaul2008.com should be promoted. It clamps up the ad to have the other websites and we shouldn't overwhelm the reader. If they like what Ron Paul has to say they will eventually go to the other websites.

suggestion
In the teaparty box I really think it will be more professional and persuasive to leave out "Now its time to win!" The ad makes a serious plea and then changes tone which makes it less serious. We are really making a plea for the sake of our country and to say we must "Win!" doesn't really give me that impression. We have other positive encouraging remarks but lets not overdo it.

[LibertyEagle]

"who take the lives or our brave soldiers" ----> who take the lives of our brave soldiers.


And the following is a nit, but...
There should be either a semi-colon or a period in the very last line of the ad, after Merrimack, NH. It should not be a comma.

In case you want to consider switching from "Stop Dreaming" to "A New Hope", sans the polygamy reference, the video is here: "www.RonPaulisHope.com"

Note: I still wish you wouldn't reference the Forums in this ad, but of course it is your choice.

[krott5333]

AWESOME!

With permission to run this ad in my campus newspaper, could I please get a high resolution version, one image, to scale?

[Mark Rushmore]

Is the idea of organizing the faces to draw attention inward abandoned? I didn't read the full 2nd thread.

[Menthol Patch]

I think it's awful. The first draft was fantastic. However, this is even more watered down than the second draft! For example, the term "debt slave" has been removed.

[krott5333]

"who take the lives or our brave soldiers" ----> who take the lives of our brave soldiers.

TYPO!!!

good catch

[RonPaulFever]

It's fine with me but I still think only teaparty and ronpaul2008.com should be promoted. It clamps up the ad to have the other websites and we shouldn't overwhelm the reader. If they like what Ron Paul has to say they will eventually go to the other websites.

+1

[TechnoGuyRob]

It should be :

"The lives of our brave soldiers"

Not

"The lives or our brave soldiers"

[max]

Glad to see that the "Mainstream Media" conspiracy theory stuff has been excised. That stuff just makes us look paranoid and crazy. It's the Mainstream Media that we are using for this ad. The U.S. has a very free press that is largely unregulated - the market is largely the regulator. There is no mainstream media conspiracy against Ron Paul. There are simply certain individuals in the media (both mainstream and non-mainstream) that are dishonest about Paul (for example John Gibson of Fox who still claims Paul is a 9/11 truther).

no conspiracy against RP?...

Dont let this media honeymoon fool you. The media lovesfest is only because RP is seen as a novelty act...

When he really makes his move....the media moguls will push every button in their arsenal in order to destry him...

just wait and see what they do to RP and come back to me in 3 months to say there is no such thing as a media conspiracy

[SwanMaiden]

A++:D

[MsDoodahs]

I think it's awful. The first draft was fantastic. However, this is even more watered down than the second draft! For example, the term "debt slave" has been removed.

:rolleyes:

[francisco]

I think you should take off the words "Please Donate!" in the second checkmark, bottom right.
Sounds kind of out-of-place and desperate. Plus you are already basically saying to donate with the TeaParty advertisement.

I disagree.

A Salesman must ask for the sale. Well-known principle.

[lastnymleft]

(1) How about putting the word "far" in, to emphasise the parlous state?:

"...but we have strayed far from their wise counsel."

(2) Dark Teaparty block is not quite center-justified between the left and right blocks, leading to less white to text on right.

(3) Are you absolutely SURE the phone number is correct?

[RonPaulFever]

This has been mentioned previously, but the statement about RP never accepting money from lobbyists or special interest groups is not accurate and should be removed!

[Energy]

If you can, rearrange Fathers and make Ron equal size similar to this (from 2nd draft thread):



http://img527.imageshack.us/img527/4484/newfullnd2.jpg

[Drknows]

Nice! One thing though when i Google RonPaulStopDreaming.com the youtube video comes up. I guess there is no landing page? This might confuse some basic internet users. You have to remember most people use the search function.

No biggie

[MsDoodahs]

This has been mentioned previously, but the statement about RP never accepting money from lobbyists or special interest groups is not accurate and should be removed!

Correct, you are publishing an untruth if you say he doesn't accept money from lobbyists/special interest groups. He will take their money but it does not change his beliefs or his votes.

And I do like the changed photos of FF so they're all staring at me with rather disapproving looks on their faces better.

[brumans]

I disagree.

A Salesman must ask for the sale. Well-known principle.

Sure, but as I said, putting it right there between facts and what not about him seems out of place and awkward.

[fcofer]

I think it is excellent! I like it much better than the original. Although it sucks to have to sacrifice content, I think that the extra whitespace makes it much, much more attractive and likely to be read.

My only suggestion is what an earlier poster mentioned: Perhaps you should leave out all of the other websites and have just the official campaign and teaparty. It's a little overwhelming to have all of those sites there.

Also, this might be just because of the quality of the image, but some of the kerning in the type looks like it could be improved. Surely there is someone here who's a typesetting expert or something who might have an opinion -- maybe I'm just making stuff up. :)

[Ron Paul in 2008]

I disagree.

A Salesman must ask for the sale. Well-known principle.

I made the same suggestion in the other thread. I would definitely take it away. A great product sells itself and we dont need a salesman to push it on people. We should give the feeling that the reader is discovering Ron Paul rather than being asked to support him. Its obvious that we want them to donate by promoting teaparty and ronpaul2008.com.

Three people have said this.



My only suggestion is what an earlier poster mentioned: Perhaps you should leave out all of the other websites and have just the official campaign and teaparty. It's a little overwhelming to have all of those sites there.

Agreed. You are the fourth person in this thread who has said that.

[Devon]

Something like this for healthcare:

Paul will push to reduce government management and overregulation of the healthcare industry, so that prices will come down and quality will go up as happens when competition is allowed to flourish in a free market.

[James R]

New & Improved:

Eyes all facing forward!
http://kelsonmedia.com/ronpaul/newtop2.jpg
Lower section less cluttered!
http://www.ronpaulaction.com/img/newimproved.gif

[Man from La Mancha]

Outstanding!!!!:D:D:D




http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/8947/brighton7gs5.gif (teaparty07.com)..copy,paste,linked to teaparty07.com

[American]

I like it allot,

I would like to add, "the media wants to marginalize him, as "unelectable" yet he has been right about everything leading up the the war in Iraq, the economy, and still he wont play the dirty political bashing games with these pundits, why? He doesnt want there votes, Ron Paul is asking for YOUR vote.".

blah blah blah, I like the ad!

[krott5333]

New & Improved:

Eyes all facing forward!
http://kelsonmedia.com/ronpaul/newtop2.jpg



hmmm.. I do like the rearranging of the founders! very nice.

[Paulitician]

So I'm guessing Ron Paul's picture will stay tiny?

[James R]

Suggestion for improvement:

Nearly every single line in the black Tea Party box has a different font size. Have the top and bottom lines with extra large font. However, all the middle lines should be the same font size to improve the flow of reading.

[Duckman]

I thought all 3 versions were good.

My minor suggestion: to balance the text on the right that reads "Ron Paul - The only anti-war, small-government, fiscally conservative Republican running for president", how about on the left: "Ron Paul - A truly honest public servant who isn't afraid to speak the truth and take action, no matter how politically inconvenient."

Also, this might have been debated already but I think "Ron Paul will bring our troops home NOW and keep us out of entangling alliances" might make the casual observer think Ron Paul plans to put all American treaties in the shredder. Instead, I would just say "Ron Paul will bring our troops home and work to keep us out of future entanglements."

[Slist]

Is the idea of organizing the faces to draw attention inward abandoned? I didn't read the full 2nd thread.

I second that. That's really the only thing that annoys me.. I find that quite important although it might look as if it was a small thing

[wisen]

For balance in the area of Dr. Paul's picture--
How about adding to the left of Dr. Paul's picture--

--Ron Paul--A man of true integrity with a vision of peace & prosperity for the 21st Century!

[fcofer]

New & Improved:

Eyes all facing forward! [image]

Lower section less cluttered! [image]



Excellent. The forward-facing eyes grab your attention -- I noticed it in the image before I read your caption!

Now that I'm looking at it again, I wonder if the asterisks on column headers should go. Does anyone else think that they are just adding clutter? Same thing for the stars by the dividing line.

[Ron Paul in 2008]

New & Improved:

Eyes all facing forward!
http://kelsonmedia.com/ronpaul/newtop2.jpg
Lower section less cluttered!
http://www.ronpaulaction.com/img/newimproved.gif

The bottom part is much clearer. I like it better. I love the eyes to the founders. They really come out and grab you. However I have another suggestion:

We should remove "Ron Paul is an honest and principled man of integrity." The heading says "Why Ron Paul received 8 million dollars" and then we should just list why. Lets make the reader find out themselves rather than just telling them. We basically told them what the paragraphs say and basically tell them to not read the information that shows he is principled, honest etc.

Also when it says "Paul for by Lawrence Lepard, a concerned American." Maybe it should be changed to a worried American? If it said worried it would definitely grab my attention.

[lastnymleft]

Story on the NEW phone number, 1-877-RON-PAUL:
http://www.dailypaul.com/taxonomy/term/655

[Ethek]

I just wanted to voice that I think this is great and I can only speculate on the agonizing and scrutiny you are putting on the ad yourself. Its a major, major contribution. I think it will benefit the effort a great deal by giving the pundits something to talk about! Theres a big gap between now and the 16th, or even the Dec 4th debates for that matter. This will get major media coverage. It's almost unprecedented.

[fletcher]

Looks great. Just some suggestions of others that I liked:
Change the founding fathers to face center
Straighten out 'We The People', or maybe even change it to the actual text

[Devon]

The sentences about NAFTA and "free trade" are misleading. They give the impression, to the person unfamiliar with Paul's policies, that he's against free trade. Just putting "free trade" in quotes is not communicative enough. The U.S. would actually be more interdependent with other nations because Paul is for free trade. If it's going to be said that the borders would be closed, then it needs to be mentioned that trade would not be restricted. The way it's written sounds like Paul is a protectionist.

[DesertRat]

I'd still remove the links to daily paul and stop dreaming, and recommend changing the word legions but am not sure what to suggest. Also, I don't think we granted the government the authority to take our money. We certainly do allow it though.

[wisen]

Changes look great.

For balance in the area of Dr. Paul's picture

How about adding to the left of Dr. Paul's picture

--Ron Paul--A man of true integrity with a vision of peace and prosperity for the 21st Century!

[fcofer]

The sentences about NAFTA and "free trade" are misleading. They give the impression, to the person unfamiliar with Paul's policies, that he's against free trade. Just putting "free trade" in quotes is not communicative enough. The U.S. would actually be more interdependent with other nations because Paul is for free trade. If it's going to be said that the borders would be closed, then it needs to be mentioned that trade would not be restricted. The way it's written sounds like Paul is a protectionist.

+1

[Richandler]

Is thing going to be okay for reading purposes. It looks like it will end up being tiny font all over.

[angrydragon]

The point of the ad is to reach as many people as possible correct? If some of the content is removed to make a cleaner, more readable ad, then it's probably worth removing.

[work2win]

Man, this thing just keeps getting better!

What I am really digging:

-all eyes forward
-consolidated body w/conspiracy stuff removed
-changed tone away from the founders giving us a lecture
-more whitespace
-the powerful and attention getting centered section around and including RP's picture


Concerns:

-don't like "please donate"

-concerned about the "doesn't take money from lobbyists" part

-symmetry is powerful, and the main part of the ad is very symmetrical, save the piece of text to the right of RP's photo. Either add something to the left for balance, or remove the part to the right to increase focus on his picture and "we the people." I prefer removing the part to the right, because I think that simplicity in that section is stronger.

- don't like "why about 100,000 individuals donated 8 million recently." The "about" part doesn't flow, and I hope we are 100% sure there were 100,000 UNIQUE individual donors. I would say just leave this out since we already include something about the 5th.

[Ron Paul Fan]

I actually agree with the "doesn't take money from lobbyists." When and where has he ever said this? Can you give me a link? I thought he took money from anybody and everybody, but lobbyists know that he's not going to cater to their special interests so they don't give him money. He's not like the others in that regard, but I've never seen where he's said he won't take their money if they're stupid enough to give it to him.

[Devon]

I'm a great writer and am willing to work one-on-one with the person that's controlling this ad. I'm very familiar with Paul's positions and philosophy, and I guarantee the wording will be accurate and highly effective. Let me know.

[jmunjr]

Well Ron Paul won't end birthright citizenship for illegals. That will require the states to support and amendment(as Paul says). I guess there isn't much choice on what it should say though...

[work2win]

The sentences about NAFTA and "free trade" are misleading. They give the impression, to the person unfamiliar with Paul's policies, that he's against free trade. Just putting "free trade" in quotes is not communicative enough. The U.S. would actually be more interdependent with other nations because Paul is for free trade. If it's going to be said that the borders would be closed, then it needs to be mentioned that trade would not be restricted. The way it's written sounds like Paul is a protectionist.

I agree. How about changing it to something like:

so-called "free trade" under NAFTA

[dt_]

Do we really need some five different websites on the ad? Why not just RP2008 and TeaParty07?

Also,

Urgent: I found a typo ... the word "or" should be "of" in the "foreign entanglements" "warned us" section near the top.

[Jojo]

hmmm.. I do like the rearranging of the founders! very nice.

So do I. This way they're all looking right at the reader. I think it's an important change.

[Drknows]

I actually agree with the "doesn't take money from lobbyists." When and where has he ever said this? Can you give me a link? I thought he took money from anybody and everybody, but lobbyists know that he's not going to cater to their special interests so they don't give him money. He's not like the others in that regard, but I've never seen where he's said he won't take their money if they're stupid enough to give it to him.

Exactly most foreign and domestic special interest groups wont give him any money because he votes with the constitution.

I also like all the eyes forward.

[dt_]

Also,

on the TeaParty2007/ThisNovember5th section at the bottom,
please don't say "that got everyone's attention." It's not the greatest English. What does "that" refer to?

[Cindy]

Great except for the anti-war part. Statements like that are a part of why some are calling him a liberal.

He is anti-IRAQ war.

Otherwise, Paul has no problem with defensive war, if we are attacked. Paul did vote to go into Afghanastan after Bin Laden& Al Queda and is currently very miffed at why when we had him on the run in Tora Bora, stopped the chase when he fled into Pakistan, " because they are our allies", gave up on him, and stayed in Afghanastan to nation build instead, then attacked a country where Al Queda had no presense because Saddamn didn't like them.

I would put anti-Iraq war so as not to marginalize him to the liberal side.

[dt_]

He is anti-wars of aggression.

[stewie3128]

This ad would work well in the WSJ - would anyone else like to buy space in that paper for it?

[Ron LOL]

http://img526.imageshack.us/img526/4880/rpusatodayfixer1.jpg

Got distracted by South Park :)

Quick typographical fix. The existing version isn't so great. Going to try a few more things.

[Cindy]

He is anti-wars of aggression.

What was not aggressive about going into Afghanastan? He supported that.


To say he is anti war is false. Someone could call us or Paul on that line in the ad if they see he supported going into Afghanastan.

To be correct and keep constistant and with the truth, it should say, Anti- Iraq War or Anti-Premptive War.

Afghanstan was not pre-emptive either because we went in to the country after Al-Queda who are said to be responcible for the the 9/11 attacks.

I would hate to see that one line backfire if someone brings up his support of going into Afghanastan after Al Queda. The thing we love about paul is the credibility of his message. Paul corrects interviewers when he calls them anti war. he says, "No, I am against pre-emptive strikes and attacks", and then he reminds them that he supported going after Al Queda.

A lot of money is being spent on this and millions are going to see it.

I would make just that one correction, otherwise I think it is awesome and I will be buying a ton of legal size papper tomorrow to print copies for handing out.

[Ron Paul Fan]

Exactly most foreign and domestic special interest groups wont give him any money because he votes with the constitution.

I also like all the eyes forward.

Yep. I think you or someone else also said this in the 1st draft thread and it was ignored. I'd like some confirmation before we put something in the ad that just isn't true. Can someone tell me with 100% certainty that if a lobbyist was dumb enough to donate to Ron Paul tomorrow that he'd give it back? And do you have a verification of this claim from either Ron Paul, Kent Snyder, or Johnathan Bydlack's mouths?

[Mckarnin]

I think the consensus was that Benjamin Franklin didn't belong on the top row and that would have had to happen to make them look inward.

[ronpaulhawaii]

1 - Pics- I liked the eyes looking at and facing in
2 - Warnings -perhaps capitalize WILL in the reduce taxes line
3 - I find the anti-war fiscally conservative thing unnecessary and off balance
4 - Left checkmark #3- perhaps replaced "non-interventionalist" with 'commerce based'
5 - TeaParty - perhaps replace "more than any other ..." with 'from over 38,000 individuals'
6 - Right check #2 - Perhaps 'Lobbyists and Special interests have NEVER bought RP's vote...'

and I'm still stunned. My hat is off to this man. However LLepard sees fit is fine by me...

m- to sleep, perchance to dream (not of pedaling I hope ;))

[Ron LOL]

What about the quote attributed to Newt Gingrich? Something like "Ron Paul is allowed to vote no." That might strike a chord with the neo-cons.

[withallmyheart]

'We The People' should be straightened because it looks like sloppy typesetting (although I think the intent was to follow the curve above the picture.)

The 'T'" in 'The' ('We The People') should not be capitalized.

I also like the portraits looking forward. It gives balance to the page.

[Man from La Mancha]

Me too I still like the eyes forward.


http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/8947/brighton7gs5.gif (teaparty07.com)..copy,paste,linked to teaparty07.com

[austinphish]

I feel like there are some great quotes out there by Franklin or Jefferson, George Orwell, and the like that are really powerful quotes, that substantiate what is being said - you can back up the warnings with any of their numerous statements regarding said warnings.

[RobotJaxxon]

Two thoughts:

1) It does not have a strong, discernible "Quick Glance" message or information for the casual reader. Think of assembling a resume. If someone scans over the ad for 10 seconds, what will they remember? I dunno, I guess Ron Paul is running for president, but there's not much information on him or his stances to be seen quickly. You have to commit to reading the smallest text to see his positions. And if the reader doesn't like the first stance they read, they might make assumptions about the rest of his platform before getting to his next stance and skip the rest of the ad altogether. Is there some way to highlight or enlarge the text explaining his views? In some respects, I think just filling the page with big block letters saying "END THE WAR NOW" with a little info at the bottom would have a broader impact. (I'm not suggesting doing this, I think the ad is beautiful in general...I'm just worried that some people may take nothing from it despite it being a full page ad).

2) Healthcare is conspicuously missing from this rather long list of issues. You have to read the fine print to get that he's an OB doctor, which will get attention from people in the medical field. Perhaps to the left of the RP's picture put in a 3 bullet point bio: "-- OB doctor, delivered 4,000 babies -- 10-term Congressman from Texas -- US Veteran, Flight Surgeon".

[jenius]

Devon, just make your suggestions. Those who are working on the ad will see it.


-symmetry is powerful, and the main part of the ad is very symmetrical, save the piece of text to the right of RP's photo. Either add something to the left for balance, or remove the part to the right to increase focus on his picture and "we the people." I prefer removing the part to the right, because I think that simplicity in that section is stronger.
I agree. Here's one idea: move the Ron Paul text to the left side, and on the right side (where the Ron Paul text currently is) add the quote from the "Ron Paul: A New Hope" video currently on YouTube: "Liberty, when it begins to take root, is a plant of massive growth. - George Washington."

I'm an English major myself, so hopefully I can make a couple of useful suggestions on phrasing:

- Don't change the phrase "concerned American" to "worried American." Don't listen to the idea that the ad is now "too watered down" to get people's attention.

- I agree that the "Donate Now!" command is unnecessary and redundant. Do away with it.

- I agree that too many websites are listed below. If they're interested, they need only go to RonPaul2008.com and they'll eventually find their way to the other websites. Personally, I would only list RonPaul2008.com and teaparty07.com.

- I want to work on the opening sentence, currently reading: "In 1776 our Founding Fathers risked their "lives, fortunes, and sacred honor" to set up a free and prosperous nation. They warned us that it was our responsibility to keep it that way, but we have strayed from their wise counsel." First, there should be a comma after In 1776. Secondly, I think you should remove the quotes around "lives, fortunes, and sacred honor," and instead bold and italicize that phrase. It will look better and will clearly indicate that you're referencing a historic quotation. Change the words "set up" and replace it with "create."

I would also like to change that opening paragraph a bit. I think this would be better:
"In 1776, our Founding Fathers risked their lives, fortunes, and sacred honor to create a free and prosperous nation. Yet in the years since, we have allowed our nation to be overtaxed and overrun by bureaucrats and politicians who believe the people exist to serve the government, NOT the other way around." I think that would be a far more direct and to-the-point thesis for the points that follow.

As for the points themselves, if there's any way you can squeeze them in a little bit, it would look better aesthetically. I.E., change them from taking up the middle 80% of the ad to the middle 70% of the ad. It's a minor detail, but it will help.

In point 1, the point that Ron Paul will keep us out of "foreign alliances" is made in point 6. Instead of that phrase, change the phrase at the end of point 1 to read, "Ron Paul will bring our troops home NOW and END the interventionist, preemptive war policies of the neo-conservatives."

Point 2, change it to read: "...warned us to follow the Constitution because power corrupts. Now a secretive government spies on us and detains its citizens at will under the guise of "National Security." Ron Paul will restore civil liberties and habeas corpus and work to make the government transparent."

Point 3: change "taxes at all levels" to "a myriad of taxes" and change "groans beneath this cruel burden" to "groans beneath the burden."

Point 4: italicize "nine trillion dollars."

Point 6 should not say "we submit to the UN global authority," IMO, because we don't, really. We went to war with Iraq without UN approval, we don't participate in Kyoto, we don't allow our President to be tried by international tribunals, etc. We are in the United Nations, true, but we don't really play by those rules. For the average American, our involvement in the UN is not really an issue that voters have a problem with at this time, so there's really no reason to mention it. That's the way I see it, anyway. Point 6 should focus on American sovereignty and our security HERE AT HOME. Not sure how to rephrase it right now, probably because I'm falling asleep.

Hope that helps!

[acmegeek]

I posted this under the second draft thread, but I just updated the graphic to use the third draft text.

-----------------------------------

We can debate copy forever, but more important than getting every word right is getting people to notice, period. We simply need people to stop as the flip through the pages, arch one eye, and say "Hey, just who is this guy?"

If we can get people to at least recognize Ron Paul's name and be interested in finding out more, then this ad will have done it's job. If people actually read the ad and make a decision based on it, then that's a huge bonus.

That being said, I own a small web development/design company and my natural inclination is to try to redesign things. So I redesigned the ad, at least the graphic part of it. I didn't touch the text, in fact, I simply overlaid the text from the current draft. So, understand that the text and faces, don't looke all that great because they were just copied from the low res web version.

But all the rest is done in Illustrator and could scale to be as big as a bus. (or more I guess)

Let me know what you think!

http://s3os.com/misc/ron_paul_ad.jpg

http://s3os.com/misc/ron_paul_ad.jpg


Thanks for looking!

[jenius]

acmegeek, it looks GREAT! That's a fantastic redesign. I do wonder, though: will it look as good in print as it does on a computer screen? Just want to make sure the font would still be legible if it were actually printed with the background Statue of Liberty and such.

[syborius]

This is the third draft of the ad being commissioned by llepard. Obviously the final result will be just one pic. Post your thoughts.

Detailed view - top half:
http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/3248/ad3topwa8.jpg
Lower half:
http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/9649/ad3bottomkd5.jpg


Full view:
http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/4923/ad3fullko4.jpg


My Main concern is that it is OVERKILL, you are hoping that people will sit and read "all" the info, and here you have a plethora. I would consider also making another ad , where you just have the Basics, and use huge FONT like :

Ron Paul will END THE WARS NOW
Ron Paul will "Eliminate Income tax" and work to phase out the corrupt IRS

Sorta make the impact, like "the revolution has arrived" here, with the current ad, it makes sense, but it's a bible. I would consider changing it. Reduce the content by 80%. You need to remember most people do not have the attention span to read all that, AND, most Americans hate being "sold", what they like is "intrigue"
Using my strategy We will get more converts out of sheer curiosity.

Think about it!..

[RobotJaxxon]

Ok... looking over it a few times, here's my suggestion about the "Quick Glance" comment I made above.

Each bolded sentence that begins with "Ron Paul will..." should be placed on its own line just under the "...warned" part, and centered. Maybe use a larger font for it as well, or a smaller font for the '...warned" part, or both. This will let someone read the ad for 30 seconds and get the gist of RP's candidacy, while still allowing the overall flow of the letter, which is lovely, to remain unchanged.

Also, maybe consider changing the title to "An open letter to my fellow americans", just so its immediately clear this letter is from an american citizen.

[devil21]

I dont think you can do much to improve on this ad. People will read it.

[Brandon1982]

I posted this under the second draft thread, but I just updated the graphic to use the third draft text.

-----------------------------------

We can debate copy forever, but more important than getting every word right is getting people to notice, period. We simply need people to stop as the flip through the pages, arch one eye, and say "Hey, just who is this guy?"

If we can get people to at least recognize Ron Paul's name and be interested in finding out more, then this ad will have done it's job. If people actually read the ad and make a decision based on it, then that's a huge bonus.

That being said, I own a small web development/design company and my natural inclination is to try to redesign things. So I redesigned the ad, at least the graphic part of it. I didn't touch the text, in fact, I simply overlaid the text from the current draft. So, understand that the text and faces, don't looke all that great because they were just copied from the low res web version.

But all the rest is done in Illustrator and could scale to be as big as a bus. (or more I guess)

Let me know what you think!

http://s3os.com/misc/ron_paul_ad.jpg

http://s3os.com/misc/ron_paul_ad.jpg


Thanks for looking!



I think those additional graphic design touches are AMAZING acmegeek!

[literatim]

How about adding 'Opposes any form of military draft and end Selective Service'?

[acmegeek]

Thanks, I'm just about to update the graphic with a full-sized one. Unfortunately I'm just pasting in the text as a graphic since I didn't feel like retyping and formatting all of that. So, the text may not look good now, but I have done enough print jobs to know that this would look awesome in a full sheet.

Again to everyone here, the text and faces were just copied from the web version here. In an actual print version, with access to the text and high res photos, everything would look great.

Thanks!

[krott5333]

I posted this under the second draft thread, but I just updated the graphic to use the third draft text.

-----------------------------------

We can debate copy forever, but more important than getting every word right is getting people to notice, period. We simply need people to stop as the flip through the pages, arch one eye, and say "Hey, just who is this guy?"

If we can get people to at least recognize Ron Paul's name and be interested in finding out more, then this ad will have done it's job. If people actually read the ad and make a decision based on it, then that's a huge bonus.

That being said, I own a small web development/design company and my natural inclination is to try to redesign things. So I redesigned the ad, at least the graphic part of it. I didn't touch the text, in fact, I simply overlaid the text from the current draft. So, understand that the text and faces, don't looke all that great because they were just copied from the low res web version.

But all the rest is done in Illustrator and could scale to be as big as a bus. (or more I guess)

Let me know what you think!

http://s3os.com/misc/ron_paul_ad.jpg

http://s3os.com/misc/ron_paul_ad.jpg


Thanks for looking!


ewwwww I dont like it. The bars going across are tacky.

[theprolific]

the ad looks great!

[jenius]

Ok... looking over it a few times, here's my suggestion about the "Quick Glance" comment I made above.

Each bolded sentence that begins with "Ron Paul will..." should be placed on its own line just under the "...warned" part, and centered. Maybe use a larger font for it as well, or a smaller font for the '...warned" part, or both. This will let someone read the ad for 30 seconds and get the gist of RP's candidacy, while still allowing the overall flow of the letter, which is lovely, to remain unchanged.

I like this idea as well, but in order to do this, one of the seven points will have to be removed or merged, or there will be no room to do this.

Here's one idea for getting a little more space: remove the "Now" section of point 7, to make it read: "...warned that a federal government big enough to give us everything we want is strong enough to take everything we have. Ron Paul will stop federal redistribution of our earnings and shrink the size of the federal government, allowing us to keep more of our money to spend as we see fit."

[acmegeek]

I updated the linked image so you won't be able to see the old version. I made a few changes.

[RobotJaxxon]

Here is a quick and crappy visual I made to help show what I meant in my comment. I only did the first 3 lines so you can see the difference. RP's stance jumps out at you more, its harder to miss. I might even make his stances a little bigger than what I could do with cut-and-paste here. Maybe make "The founding fathers" smaller so to make more space for RP's stances and to keep the visual context of the stances separate from the flow of the letter (it might be confusing to read "The founding fathers.... Ron Paul will bring our troops home...").

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2355/2031252972_5f6cc9bd77.jpg?v=0

[Ron LOL]

Ok... looking over it a few times, here's my suggestion about the "Quick Glance" comment I made above.

Each bolded sentence that begins with "Ron Paul will..." should be placed on its own line just under the "...warned" part, and centered. Maybe use a larger font for it as well, or a smaller font for the '...warned" part, or both. This will let someone read the ad for 30 seconds and get the gist of RP's candidacy, while still allowing the overall flow of the letter, which is lovely, to remain unchanged.

Also, maybe consider changing the title to "An open letter to my fellow americans", just so its immediately clear this letter is from an american citizen.

Got distracted again. I had this idea too:

http://img527.imageshack.us/img527/3433/rpusatodayfk7.jpg

And there's always enough room in typesetting. That's why God invented kerning :D

[Ron LOL]

I just had a thought.

This is a really high visibility venture, so we need to take some care with the copy. Specifically, it would probably be worthwhile to source every claim we make. That way when we get challenged on it (and we will get challenged on it), we can simply point to our references and grab a cup of coffee...

[angrydragon]

Instead of anti-war, put pro-peace.

[dc74rp]

The ad is great!

But I think a couple of suggestions from the earlier thread, that I didn't notice til they were brought up, would improve it alot......

The Founders heads should be arranged the way someone edited them in the last thread to all face the center.........

And the "Teaparty" black box should be moved all the way to the bottom left corner.

I know these aren't dealing with the real substance of the ad, but just looking at the alternate versions made me realize how much more impact these changes to the layout would add.

It's like the composition just creates a much better impression on a subliminal level.

[Bruce]

(3) Are you absolutely SURE the phone number is correct?

It says 1-877-RON-PAUL (that's 1-877-766-7285) over at DailyPaul so no it doesn't seem to be correct, unless somebody hooked up a second number. See: http://www.dailypaul.com/node/7442


Correct, you are publishing an untruth if you say he doesn't accept money from lobbyists/special interest groups. He will take their money but it does not change his beliefs or his votes.

I'd have to agree, think 'Ron Paul Fan' said this before. I don't see any reason he wouldn't, he takes money from pretty much anyone and I think he's actually affirmed this position in interviews.

[enjoiskaterguy]

Looks damn good...I agree with the other fellow saiyng that the

******RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT****** Should be stretched more to emphasize he is a presidential candidate.

I think you should also mention he has won most of the post-debate polls.

[Bruce]

The sentences about NAFTA and "free trade" are misleading. They give the impression, to the person unfamiliar with Paul's policies, that he's against free trade. Just putting "free trade" in quotes is not communicative enough. The U.S. would actually be more interdependent with other nations because Paul is for free trade. If it's going to be said that the borders would be closed, then it needs to be mentioned that trade would not be restricted. The way it's written sounds like Paul is a protectionist.

Agreed Ron Paul always refers to NAFTA as "Managed Trade", so that would probably work better.

[Conza88]

Like the fix that i suggested was done.

Head SHOULD be re-arranged to like they were mentioned in the second draft thread.

Correct the phone number. Reduce the other websites.

NO NEED to re-arrange the layout at the bottom, its great!!!!

[syborius]

Here is a quick and crappy visual I made to help show what I meant in my comment. I only did the first 3 lines so you can see the difference. RP's stance jumps out at you more, its harder to miss. I might even make his stances a little bigger than what I could do with cut-and-paste here. Maybe make "The founding fathers" smaller so to make more space for RP's stances and to keep the visual context of the stances separate from the flow of the letter (it might be confusing to read "The founding fathers.... Ron Paul will bring our troops home...").

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2355/2031252972_5f6cc9bd77.jpg?v=0

Exactly my idea, hope they change it....honestly i would reduce the whole thing, its jjust toooo much in my opinion, people become intimidated with small print. I would have kept the msg muchhhhhhh simpler with huge font.

[syborius]

Do we really need some five different websites on the ad? Why not just RP2008 and TeaParty07?

Also,

Urgent: I found a typo ... the word "or" should be "of" in the "foreign entanglements" "warned us" section near the top.

i concur

[Libertarian]

I agree also. Limit the links on the bottom to Ronpaul2008.com and Teaparty07.com, along with the phone number so people can donate over the phone..


5 sites is too overwhelming...and makes it more likely the reader won't visit ANY of them. We can get rid of dailypaul.com, ronpaulstopdreaming, and paullibrary. Those are great sites, but it's just too much. Other than that, the ad is perfect.

[Matt]

I posted this under the second draft thread, but I just updated the graphic to use the third draft text.

-----------------------------------

We can debate copy forever, but more important than getting every word right is getting people to notice, period. We simply need people to stop as the flip through the pages, arch one eye, and say "Hey, just who is this guy?"

If we can get people to at least recognize Ron Paul's name and be interested in finding out more, then this ad will have done it's job. If people actually read the ad and make a decision based on it, then that's a huge bonus.

That being said, I own a small web development/design company and my natural inclination is to try to redesign things. So I redesigned the ad, at least the graphic part of it. I didn't touch the text, in fact, I simply overlaid the text from the current draft. So, understand that the text and faces, don't looke all that great because they were just copied from the low res web version.

But all the rest is done in Illustrator and could scale to be as big as a bus. (or more I guess)

Let me know what you think!

http://s3os.com/misc/ron_paul_ad.jpg

http://s3os.com/misc/ron_paul_ad.jpg


Thanks for looking!

I think this is damn near perfect. :cool:

The "Together we can change the world!" part seems kind of out of place to me though since this is a national election. Maybe something like "Together we can restore the Constitution!" Just nitpicking though, this is amazing!

[framecut]

I like it but:

- Has making Ron Paul's face larger been discussed? He looks kinda tiny.

Also,

Has this been discussed with Ron Paul's campaign?

John McCain has been against this type of 'soft money' ads.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5ga2kAdKirsvZaveEETrmKn8VAo7wD8SSE0401

Don't shoot the messenger!!!

[Aballistar]

Just a very slight nitpick, instead of saying "set up" a free nation I'd use "establish."

Looks great!

[SwooshOU]

In the first warning it should say "...lives of our brave soldiers..." and not lives or our brave soldiers..."

[literatim]

I agree also. Limit the links on the bottom to Ronpaul2008.com and Teaparty07.com, along with the phone number so people can donate over the phone..


5 sites is too overwhelming...and makes it more likely the reader won't visit ANY of them. We can get rid of dailypaul.com, ronpaulstopdreaming, and paullibrary. Those are great sites, but it's just too much. Other than that, the ad is perfect.

Agreed.


In the first warning it should say "...lives of our brave soldiers..." and not lives or our brave soldiers..."

What he said.

[llepard]

I actually agree with the "doesn't take money from lobbyists." When and where has he ever said this? Can you give me a link? I thought he took money from anybody and everybody, but lobbyists know that he's not going to cater to their special interests so they don't give him money. He's not like the others in that regard, but I've never seen where he's said he won't take their money if they're stupid enough to give it to him.

Right. I think we will change it to

does not receive money from lobbyists.

Basically a true statement, if there are exceptions they are very few.

LWL

[llepard]

Just a very slight nitpick, instead of saying "set up" a free nation I'd use "establish."

Looks great!

Great comment. Accepted.

LWL

[JMO]

one thing i would change.



I would change the wording of "insists on a balanced budget". when i read that my first thought was only a weak person will insist. i would change the wording to "he will VETO every unbalanced budget." not only does that make him look strong, it is what he would really do.

Either way i love it, i just think that would be a improvement...

[deedles]

If you can, rearrange Fathers and make Ron equal size similar to this (from 2nd draft thread):



http://img527.imageshack.us/img527/4484/newfullnd2.jpg

That's what I've been saying, too... they all need to face inward. Much better to look at.

I think the ad is better and better..

[freedom_junkie]

When this is done, can you please post the full file in PDF somewhere. My local paper will give a full page ad for 400 ducks.

[llepard]

When this is done, can you please post the full file in PDF somewhere. My local paper will give a full page ad for 400 ducks.

No problem. This is all OPEN SOURCE. The advertisement will be available for everyone.

LWL

[musicmax]

- Where are the rearranged founding fathers with the Jefferson that looks you in the eye?

- I'd identify the FF with small surname-only labels like the ones on our paper money.

- The first "warning" is very wordy - could lose the reader's interest.

- Weren't there many suggestions to change "legions of illegal immigrants" to "millions"?

- Put www in front of all websites.

- Remove ronpaulforums.com, dailypaul.com, ronpaulstopdreaming.com.

- Change "taxpayer dollars to build and police foreign nations" to "taxpayer dollars to subsidize and police foreign countries".

- Change the Federal Reserve line to "...dangers of allowing a Central Bank to print money out of thin air and erode our savings. Ron Paul will stop run-away inflation and strengthen the dollar by stabilizing our monetary system." People do not understand what "fiat" means (except an unreliable foreign car!).

- Change "never accepts money from lobbyists..." to "never solicits money from lobbyists...".

- PATRIOT Act should be ALL CAPS.

[NinjaPirate]

Looks great! Thanks Llepard!

[Mordechai Vanunu]

- Remove ronpaulforums.com, dailypaul.com, ronpaulstopdreaming.com.


This is important.

[hillertexas]

"It's time to remind Washington that government in the USA works for the People, NOT the other way around"

The capitalization is weird here. You have me in a "founding fathers" frame of mind so when I see "Washington" i think you are talking about Washington, the man. The wording is also a little awkward. Maybe add a word in front of "Washington". Like, "It's time to remind the men and women in Washington" or "It's time to remind the fatcats in Washington".

[hillertexas]

But I can't emphasize enough just how important it is to use some sort of language in this ad to take away the reader's opportunity to be skeptical. This is as simple as printing a large "yes, this is all actually possible -- find out how at ronpaul2008.com" before all of the promises.

AGREED

[LibertyEagle]

Llepard, did you see where in the first "warned you" statement that there was an "or" that should have been an "of"?

I just want to be absolutely sure you caught this typo.

[fight4liberty]

IMO one of the most important sections of your ad is in the black section at the bottom of the ad that directs readers to take some action. In regards to the text in this section it says, "Help us make December 16 the largest ever, one day fundraiser for any political candidate in history!" How many people will know the significance of December 16th? Probably none of them, right? And by not using the fact that this is the anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, which according to Wikipedia "helped to spark the American Revolution", you are missing out on a powerful image that almost everybody knows about. In fact this is what makes Dec 16th such a brilliant choice for the biggest ever fundraiser event in history.

Anyway the obvious suggestion is to incorporate this data into the ad. So, by using your existing text and making a couple changes by borrowing from the teaparty07 site and Wikipedia I would suggest the black section read something like this:

"When Ron Paul's supporters raised a record 4.3 million dollars in one day (more than any other GOP candidate) it got everybody's attention.

"Now the time has come to set an even higher record!

"On December 16th, 1773, American colonists staged the Boston Tea Party to protest an oppressive tax by the British which helped to spark the American Revolution.

"Help us make this December 16th the largest ever, one day fundraiser for any political candidate in history!

"Go to www.teaparty07.com or call 1-877-ronpaul and pledge to make your most generous donation this December 16th.

"Together we can change the world!"

I believe this text should dominate the lower part of the page so that it really catches the reader's eye. This can be done many ways. I like the black background and white text but the font size should be much larger. At least as large as the font size you are using for, "Now it is time to win!" which BTW I would not insert in between the above text as you now have it.

I realize this is quite a bit more text than you have now in this section but it is a vital part of the ad. First you give them a lot of good data on Ron Paul and then you get them to DO SOMETHING. So, if you have to decrease text and/or space in the existing ad to fit this in I am confident that it will make your ad more effective and so be worth it.

Whatever you do or don't do with my input is fine with me. I am satisfied with the knowledge that I made a good effort to contribute to a very worthwhile project. And I commend you, llepard, for funding this ad!

Any thoughts anybody?

[Southern Grey]

I wish that it could be produced in a form that would allow us to reproduce it and use it as a handout!!!

[bolidew]

Doesn't the "RonPaulStopDreaming.com" come across as Negative at first look?

[VRP08]

I say stop messing with it, it is great!!!

[kylejack]

"Congressman Paul never accepts money from lobbyists or special interest groups."

Why has this not been fixed? Its patently false! He does accept money from any special interest group that wants to give it to him. It just doesn't sway his vote. Please change this factual inaccuracy before its published!

[JoeTB]

The bottom part is much clearer. I like it better. I love the eyes to the founders. They really come out and grab you. However I have another suggestion:

We should remove "Ron Paul is an honest and principled man of integrity." The heading says "Why Ron Paul received 8 million dollars" and then we should just list why. Lets make the reader find out themselves rather than just telling them. We basically told them what the paragraphs say and basically tell them to not read the information that shows he is principled, honest etc.


I think this is really an excellent idea and should be considered carefully.

[kipload]

This is looking great!!! Thank you Mr. Lepard.

I do have a few simple suggestions...

1) The pictures of the founders need to be rearranged so all are looking toward the center, and Jefferson's eyes looking forward. An example should be listed in the second draft section.

2) The wording in the "warned us..." section has come a long way. The only thing I would do is remove the bold Ron Paul excerpts. Just let the warnings stand on their own without referencing the Doctor. It helps the flow, makes you think, and is more entertaining without them.

3) "When Ron Paul supporters raised a record $4.3 million in one day, (more than any other GOP candidate) that got everyone's attention." - The cynic in me would ask: "If it got everyone's attention then why run the ad?" - It might be a good idea to have it read: "Everyday Americans raised $4.3 million dollars in one day for Ron Paul. -break- (more than any GOP candidate, EVER!) -break- Now its time to WIN!

Note: LOVE THE STRAW POLL REFERENCE!

4) Lower case "t" in We "t"he People

5) Rearrange the list on the right hand side from 1-2-3-4-5 to 1-3-4-5-2

6) Definitely link to "Land of the Free" video. The creator is making a second edit, I assume he could find a way to create a dedicated web-page for you to publish an address to.

That's it, and again THANK YOU! Mr. Lepard, you are a true American patriot.

[freelance]

Originally Posted by Libertarian View Post
I agree also. Limit the links on the bottom to Ronpaul2008.com and Teaparty07.com, along with the phone number so people can donate over the phone..


5 sites is too overwhelming...and makes it more likely the reader won't visit ANY of them. We can get rid of dailypaul.com, ronpaulstopdreaming, and paullibrary. Those are great sites, but it's just too much. Other than that, the ad is perfect.

I agree. The purpose of the ad is donations, right? If so, there are way too many good things to easily distract the reader from that goal.

P.S. I LOVE this ad.

[wisconsinite]

Doesn't the "RonPaulStopDreaming.com" come across as Negative at first look?

I agree here. It might be a very good video, but the name is a little unfortunate. It kind of sounds like somebody telling Ron Paul to give up on his dreams. Keep in mind also that you wouldn't know that it's a video just by seeing the name of the website.

[Drknows]

Doesn't the "RonPaulStopDreaming.com" come across as Negative at first look?

i sort of agree, there should be a site with a positive name with all of aravoth's videos and eliberty's plus some others.

Like a landing page with pics of each video and a play button. Keep in mind a lot of internet users still have a LOW bandwidth connection so too many flash objects is a bad idea.

So i think thumbnails for each video would work if they go that route.

[jb4ronpaul]

Right. I think we will change it to

does not receive money from lobbyists.

Basically a true statement, if there are exceptions they are very few.

LWL

My understanding is he would accept money, the most powerful statement is that the lobbyists themselves choose not to send him money in the first place because they know he cannot be influenced with the money.

Lobbyists and special interests do not fund Dr. Paul's campaign because he has a reputation for sticking to his principles and not being influenced by money. His campaign is funded by average Americans.

And I would say together we can change America, helps invoke a patriotic spirit in people.

would feature the official campaign website larger than the other links, that would be the first and best place to go.

[Leslie Webb]

I like AcmeGeek's redesign. One person objected to the lines running across the page separating the top from the middle and the middle from the bottom parts of the ad. How does it look without the lines? Also, the black box teaparty 07 info on the bottom is slightly off-center. Would it look better in the center?

We have to trade off between text and visual impact. Since we do have a full page, I hope we can go a bit heavy on the text. The top of the ad looks great, and the middle has a lot of text. Visually, would the ad look better with less text on the bottom? If so, could someone tighten up, simplify, combine, or cut some of the text and headlines on the bottom? I defer to the professionals on this. We want a clean and crisp visual impact, with lots of content (like Ron Paul). :)

I think the following correction would make this sentence in the bottom left section read better. Change "He has never voted to raise taxes or for an unbalanced budget" to "He has never voted for a tax increase or an unbalanced budget."

[jp5065]

Am I the only one that think this think should be redesigned from the ground up?

I mean it doesn't look like an ad for Ron Paul it looks like an ad for the founding fathers!

Ron Pauls name and picture should be much bigger!

I just made this in like 2 minutes and its not a complete ad but I think his name and picture should be at least this big.


http://i65.photobucket.com/albums/h236/jp5065/Untitled-1copy.jpg


Does anyone agree with me?

[Naraku]

This is what I posted about the second draft and I think this got some support and I was disappointed that it wasn't implemented, since it seemed acceptable to most of the people involved:


Who approves of the idea of just leaving out any mention of Ron Paul in the warnings, but having it all spoken by the Founders?

Then the part about "For these reasons We the People support Ron Paul for President" can be kept. That way it doesn't have the Founders "supporting" Ron Paul but does have them attacking the ills of our current government.

Other than that I suggest the warning be kept the same except for "legions" switched with something else and putting the warning about eternal vigilance back in and maybe including something about politicians who are deceitful and flip-floppers instead of bringing back the media reference, since I think that criticism of politicians is one reason people would support Ron Paul.

Then people can look at the bottom to see what his record and views are, rather than being told them in the main ad.

I also suggest making the Tea Party mention less wordy and keeping it in the center as it is, right now all the words are distracting an unattractive compared to the original version. There's no need to mention the record. Getting rid of the Ron Paul Stop dreaming site is a good idea, I think and talking to Max about he wants to be mentioned in the ad or if he wants to since the Ron Paul Forums mention involves him.

Other than that I think it's good as it is.

I also think re-arranging the pictures is a good idea as well.

[Matthew Zak]

In the empty white space on the left side I think it would balance the whole thing out if you added one of Ron Paul's profound quotes about liberty and/our freedom. :)

[Joey Wahoo]

"Congressman Paul never accepts money from lobbyists or special interest groups."

Why has this not been fixed? Its patently false! He does accept money from any special interest group that wants to give it to him. It just doesn't sway his vote. Please change this factual inaccuracy before its published!

This is true, and will generate criticism of this add. opensecrets.org lists the groups that have contributed to various politicians, and although Dr. Paul's list is insignificant in comparison to most politicians, I know for example that he has received contributions from the NRA, and others.

Out of the $8 million raised so far, less than $11k came from PACs, but thats not zero.

If the NRA, or the NRLC, or an antitax PAC wanted to lay out a ton of money on this campaign, I'm sure we'd be glad to have it. And it wouldn't change Dr. Paul's politics in the least

[Revolution9]

This is what I posted about the second draft and I think this got some support and I was disappointed that it wasn't implemented, since it seemed acceptable to most of the people involved:



I also think re-arranging the pictures is a good idea as well.

Boo fucking hoo. It was great before all you"creative" types got involved.. I will bet you all loved scribbling and pasting torn colored tissue paper in "art" class.

Randy

[Revolution9]

Llepard, did you see where in the first "warned you" statement that there was an "or" that should have been an "of"?

I just want to be absolutely sure you caught this typo.

Now.. this is the only proper type of suggestion. The rest of you are blowhards and coattail riders.

Best Regards
Randy

[PeacefulHorizons]

This 3rd draft is even better... really like it! Congrats!!

Before adding my 2 cents, just want to say this is an amazing ad, one that I don't think I could have ever created ... and so quickly!
Of course it's easier to find the "problems" after OTHERS did all the HARD work. :-)

Just some observations, and I know some of this has been covered so please forgive the redundancy:

- The typo in the first "warned" line mentioned already

- agree with others that the deficit amount should be highlighted, eg ALL CAPS or bold... it's such a significant amount

- Too many stars all over the page, distracting -- same with the asterisks - OH, just noticed there are less now, better
I like the simpler re-design by Acmegeek (on page 8 of this thread) - nicely done, and not so many stars in that design, so it's easier on the eyes/less distracting

- good idea to have only 2 main sites to avoid confusion. or make the main two prominent (www.ronpaul2008.com and www.teaparty07.com), and the others can be smaller font or otherwise distinguishable as supporter sites??

- agree with concern about "anti-war" implying RP not strong on defense. How about "pro-peace" terminology", or "against UNDECLARED wars" terminology" (eg "Ron Paul will pursue peaceful alliances and trade with all nations, while maintaining a strong military to defend against any threats" ...something like that)

- the part re Central Bank and RP "restoring honest money"- huh? how do you "restore honest money"? what does that really mean? RP supporters know what you mean by that ... don't see how that ADDS VALUE to the ad because it will seem meaningless to most people.

- re accepting lobbyists money: since he has accepted, can simply state that he "cannot be influenced / bought by lobbyists or special interests"


- near bottom, would read more smoothly to change :

From: "Has NEVER voted to raise taxes and for an unbalanced budget"

to (if fits ok): "Has NEVER voted to raise taxes and has NEVER voted for an unbalanced budget"

-

I'm sure whatever you decide, if it's anything like these drafts ... the final ad will be just brilliant!
:)

[ProBlue33]

I think it has been universally approved by all posters in 2 threads to fix the heads of the founders. If one change needs to be made thats the one, get them all looking at you. If your a person looking at a newspaper that really grabs your attention, then you start reading. Again it's like they are talking too you, asking "well what are you going to do about this mess were in"

Pictures are worth a thousand words as you know, thats why this 1 change should be made.

[LizF]

Excellent work. Each version gets better and better!


1. I like the mention of the GOP Straw Poll wins. :)


2. I'd like to echo the suggestion Energy (post #28) and James R (post #35) made about having the Founding Fathers looking in the same direction.


3 Typo (pointed out earlier): "or" ==> should be replaced with "of" ==> "the lives of our brave soldiers"



4. "Ron Paul will bring our troops home now" ==> I'm not sure how you'd feel about adding something along the lines of "in an orderly fashion" ==> (perhaps: "Ron Paul will bring our troops home in a prompt and orderly fashion"). I realize this may seem a bit milquetoast to some of our members, but I think it's important to counter the misperception that RP doesn't care if the withdrawal is chaotic.
FWIW, in a recent interview, I remember RP saying something about the withdrawal process taking around 4-6 months--which does sound different from (or perhaps more reasoned than) what is suggested by "now" or "pronto" (from the 1st TV ad).



5. Perhaps consider changing "obey" to "uphold" ==> " uphold the Constitution".


6. Though not imperative, consider adding a comma after "liberty" in "individual rights, liberty, and habeas corpus"


7. "left open to legions of illegal immigrants" ==> you might consider substituting "legions" with "millions" or "countless numbers"


8. "put America and Americans first" ==> this is fine, though perhaps something about American interests would be preferable ==> "put America and American interests first" (it might sound less Nativist that way, though YMMV)


9. Second checkmark, bottom right of the ad: It might just be my screen/my eyes, but it looks like you may need a space between "or special" in "or special interest groups". (Currently looks like "orspecial")

10. Consider removing the reference to this forums (RPF) at the bottom of the ad

[adam1mc]

I like it.

The only thing that stood out to me was in the black box on the second part of the ad. The statement (more than any other GOP candidate that got everyone's attention) does not seem grammatically correct.
It should either be 2 sentences:

More than any other candidate. That got everyone's attention!

or possibly re-worded to sound a little better...





Actually, as I look at it, the wording does need to be changed.


The text starts:

WHEN Ron Paul supporters raised (...)


When what?


When Ron Paul Supporters raised a record 4.3 million in one day, Now it's time to win.


That doesn't work.

How about something to the effect:

Ron Paul supporters raised a record 4.3 million in one day. This is more than any other GOP candidate has raised. This record is impressive and was seen by everyone.


yada yada yada...



Any thoughts?

[robatsu]

I think it is great. At this point it is hairsplitting, so I'll split a hair.

I would not make "more than any other GOP Candidate" in parentheses. Precede it by a comma as is already done on the line above, and conclude it with a comma. Not exactly grammatically correct, but will be cleaner look and the same point gets across.

[adwads]

It looks fantastic!

I don't think there needs to be a comma after "foreign aid packages" in the first bullet.

[PineGroveDave]

Well done. It works...:cool:

[Bryan]

The fourth draft is up here- post there! :)
http://www.ronpaulforums.com/showthread.php?t=37365

[JoeTB]

I think the whole thing should just look less like an advertisement.

Remember that this will be the message that saved the world. Less is more.

Dr. Paul gives his own message better than anyone.

Something like this would get ANYONES attention and would require them to investigate further.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Underneath
Open Letter to Americans
Pictures of founders etc.....

We were warned:



“The democracy will cease to exist
when you take away from those who are willing to work
and give to those who would not.”

“Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies;
The principle of spending money to be paid by posterity
is but swindling futurity on a large scale.”

“Do good to your friends to keep them,
to your enemies to win them.”

“The less we use our power, the greater it will be.”

“Leave no authority existing
not responsible to the people.”

“Experience hath shown that
even under the best forms of government,
those entrusted with power have,
in time, and by slow operations,
perverted it into tyranny.”

“The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield
and government to gain ground.”

"To take a single step beyond the boundaries
thus specially drawn around the powers of Congress,
is to take possession of a boundless field of power,
no longer susceptible of any definition."

“One of the qualities of liberty is that
As long as it is being striven after, it goes on expanding.
The man who stands in the midst of the struggle and says, ‘I have it,’
Merely shows by doing so that he has just lost it.”

“I am not concerned that you have fallen;
I am concerned that you
rise.

"In matters of style, swim with the current;
in matters of principle,
stand like a rock.”


-----------------------------------------------------------------------


It's time for
another
Tea Party.


www.teaparty07.com
www.ronpaul2008.com
December 16, 2007

“One man with courage is a majority."
.

[blamx8]

Could the bottom refer to the Boston tea party instead of simply having a link to teaparty. It would tie the link to a movement for liberty rather than make new veiwers think of it as a cute little frills and lace gathering.