The USA Today ad ~ llepard paid for ~ on a web page ~ for better viewing pt 2

[Mark]

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I saw where some couldn't see the 2nd ad draft at work ect, so,
I did the web page thing again.

This time with the original on top, followed by the second draft below,
to facilitate comparisons.


http://www.revmark.org/forumfiles/ad2.htm


Please, be positive and constructive,
if offering suggestions about llepard's ad, Thanks. :)

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[schmeisser]

beautiful - thanks!

[Drknows]

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I saw where some couldn't see the 2nd ad draft at work ect, so,
I did the web page thing again.

This time with the original on top, followed by the second draft below,
to facilitate comparisons.


http://www.revmark.org/forumfiles/ad2.htm


Please, be positive and constructive,
if offering suggestions about llepard's ad, Thanks. :)

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Thank you mark! Yeah the second one looks much better not because of the wording but because it just looks less cluttered.

[tsopranos]

I like it alot Mark. You have a finished version of this? The bottom half looks a bit off on the left.

[DrNoZone]

This looks like the first version to me. Where's the second, updated version?

Edit: Doh! Gotta scroll all the way down.

[european]

great improvements made.

everything is great

lol, im starting to talk like an american, but i really feel like this is GREAT!!!

:D

[european]

This looks like the first version to me. Where's the second, updated version?

Edit: Doh! Gotta scroll all the way down.

lmao :p

[krott5333]

great improvements made.

everything is great

lol, im starting to talk like an american, but i really feel like this is GREAT!!!

:D

sometimes being an American isn't so bad.

how is RP's support overseas?

[Cunningham]

I think the second version is about as perfect as you're going to get. Can't wait to go pick up my USAtoday on wednesday.

[Mark]

I like it alot Mark. You have a finished version of this? The bottom half looks a bit off on the left.

Hmm.. I made both drafts the same width == '975'

and just used a 'paragraph' tag to separate them,
so, they should be aligned properly, but I'll check
and report back if there's a difference. I don't think so though.

[Mark]

ah.. ok.. the top part of the 2nd draft is missing the left border I think.
That wasn't me though, I just reduced the size, I didn't crop it.

(edit)
That's funky.. the original has the border.. let me check.

[Nefertiti]

Some small issues:

On the lower left there are two checkpoints on one line. Move the second one to its own line.

National Debt should be all lowercase.
Federal in Federal budget should be lowercase.
"National Security" should be all lowercase.
Central Bank should be all lowercase.
Doctor should be lowercase.
Flight Surgeon should be lowercase.
federal government should be all uppercase.

The comma should come after (more than any other GOP candidate) rather than before it.

[Mark]

well.. I tried all sorts of things..
it's just not displaying the left border of the top pic of the second draft for some unknown reason.

When I look at the pic on my comp and the web page it shows the border,
but when I open the top pic itself from the web page it is a lot smaller than the original.
I'm a bit lost, which isn't unusual, but, in this case it's a mystery, for now.

I'll check some more.

[Menthol Patch]

The first version was MUCH BETTER.

The second version is WATERED DOWN and SUGAR COATED.

I think the ad has lost a lot of it's impact and meaning. The first ad made me so excited I almost jumped out of my seat. The second ad makes me wonder who on this forum is scared of the true meaning of liberty? Almost everything truly significant has been edited from this new ad.

[Mark]

Now I remember why I'm not a programmer.
Luckily, I didn't pull out all of my hair.
I can't fix it, it's just not displaying the border for some reason.
But, the page should work now.
I hate being dyslexic too. It doesn't help programming.

http://www.revmark.org/forumfiles/ad2.htm

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[Broadlighter]

Looks good. Less cluttered and the reference to the pseudo two-party system was left out.

Nice work!

[Mark]

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Ok.. a BIG difference this time.

I have the 2 ads at the top as before, however,

I also added both tops together, and both bottoms together,
in order to facilitate comparisons of both drafts, top and bottom, together.

I have some squigly lines in between the 2 ads at the top,
and in between the 2 top and bottom comparisons.

And, if you think that confuses you, you should try doing it. :D


http://www.revmark.org/forumfiles/ad2.htm

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[Joey Wahoo]

Thanks. Can you post the second version separately, so I can forward it to some people without the first draft?

[Mark]

sure thing, 1 moment please.

[randolphus maximus]

I like the change of the language, "The founding fathers warned..." sounds much better than "We the founders"

The second version is perfect.

[Mark]

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2nd draft - alone, by itself.

http://www.revmark.org/forumfiles/d2.htm

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[Ridiculous]

Taking the "We" out is MUCH better.

[Mark]

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What the hey,
here's draft 1 by itself,
in case you want to open both drafts in separate tabs
for side by side comparisons. ( clicking back and forth between tabs )

http://www.revmark.org/forumfiles/d1.htm

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[Mark]

Ok, with all the web stuff, I haven't had a chance to really look at it.

1. I'd replace "debt slaves" with "debtors".

It not only flows better, it also eliminates any chance of controversy.

2. I'd lose the www.RonPaulQuitDreaming.com (http://www.RonPaulQuitDreaming.com) website.

It's the name. You read the whole thing, and what's the last thing you see?

"Ron Paul? Quit Dreaming."

Now.. the info there could EASILY be transfered to another site
with a different name.

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[brumans]

Looks good... except on the bottom left where it says

"His campaign is funded strictly by ordinary americans like YOU. Please Donate!"

The "Please Donate!" sounded really out of place and kind of desperate. That section is supposed to be about his views and all of a sudden a "Please Donate!" comes out of no where.

I would suggest taking that off

[brumans]

Also I'm not too sure about the "If not you, Who? If not now, When?" part...

[Mark]

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Ok.. I guess it's.. "Ron Paul? Stop Dreaming."

I guess the psych impression I got was "Quit Dreaming"

both are not the most 'positive' thing to read last.

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[Mark]

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yep.. I put the two "side by side" in different tabs.
and clicked back and forth through the various sections.

I think I like version 2 better, not as complicated,
straight to the point.


However, still, "debtors" seems better.


And "Ron Paul? Stop Dreaming."

Just.. makes it a joke, almost.


Draft 1: http://www.revmark.org/forumfiles/d1.htm

Draft 2: http://www.revmark.org/forumfiles/d2.htm

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