Ron Paul, Herman Cain, and Mitt Romney Walk Into A Bar

[1836]

Ron Paul, Herman Cain, and Mitt Romney walk into a bar. The bartender, wearing big aviator glasses and a sport coat, greets them.

Ron orders a Goldschlager, straight. "It's got real gold in it!" he says gleefully.

Herman orders a Sex on the Beach. "Mmmmm." he mumbles salaciously.

Mitt orders an O'Doul's. "I walk the line, you know" he toots confidently.

The bartender goes and fixes them up and comes back with the drinks. Ron gets his Goldschlager, Herman gets his sex, and Mitt gets some cloudy pink concoction.

"What the 'h' is going on here, bartender?" Mitt says. "This isn't what I ordered!"

"Sure it is," says the bartender.

"Okay, what did I order?"

"The first was a Goldschlager, the second was the Sex on the Beach."

"What was the third?"

"Uhh, it was uh.."

"Was it a scotch?" asked Ron.

"No, it was uh..."

"9 ounces of 90 proof with 9 ice cubes?" asked Herman.

"No, it was uh..."

"The EPA?" said Mitt.

"No. I just. I can't remember. I'm sorry."

Everyone stared at him, as he took off his shades. It was Rick Perry, fresh off his stint as a presidential candidate.

"Oops," he said.

[ShaneEnochs]

AHHHHH Good stuff

[bwlibertyman]

lol

[V3n]

groan :p

[Steve-in-NY]

Ta-dum!

[Jingles]

LOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

[anewvoice]

Cain, Newt and Romney walk into a bar. Ron Paul says "How did you not see that coming?"

I'll be here all night. :D

[rambone]

When Mitt said "the EPA" I knew the punchline. lol

[Aratus]

^this^

[heavenlyboy34]

not that funny, but I chortled a bit. :)

[futfut]

A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “yes,” so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus over there? The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “My treat.”

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there honey! How’s about gettin’ me a cold glass of Miller Light?” He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that God’s boy over there?” The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. “On my bill,” he said.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, “Don’t touch me…I’m collecting disability.

[1836]

A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “yes,” so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus over there? The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “My treat.”

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there honey! How’s about gettin’ me a cold glass of Miller Light?” He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that God’s boy over there?” The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. “On my bill,” he said.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, “Don’t touch me…I’m collecting disability.


HAHA!!! I'm going to have to share this with Republican friends.

[rp713]

A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “yes,” so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus over there? The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “My treat.”

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there honey! How’s about gettin’ me a cold glass of Miller Light?” He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that God’s boy over there?” The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. “On my bill,” he said.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, “Don’t touch me…I’m collecting disability.


now that was funny. the joke from the thread starter was not.

[xFiFtyOnE]

Me likes.

[1836]

now that was funny. the joke from the thread starter was not.

I'm not a comedian. But I'm not rude, either.

[AlexG]

I'm not a comedian. But I'm not rude, either.

I thought your joke was very creative, but could use some tweaks.

[Athan]

LOL. Loved the democrat one. Yeah the first one isn't as funny, but still I love bad jokes!

[Revolution9]

I thought your joke was very creative, but could use some tweaks.

Ditto.

Rev9

[Revolution9]

Ron Paul, Herman Cain, and Mitt Romney walk into a bar. The bartender says "What's this? Some kind of frakkin' joke?"

Rev9

[Revolution9]

I always liked this one.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, ‘Excuse me, can you
help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know
where I am.’
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, ‘You’re in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above
sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.’
She rolled her eyes and said, ‘You must be a Republican.’
‘I am,’ replied the man. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, ‘everything you told me is technically
correct , but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still
lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.’
The man smiled and responded, ‘You must be a Democrat.’
‘I am,’ replied the balloonist. ‘How did you know?’
‘Well,’ said the man, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you are going.
You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your
problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but,
somehow, now it’s my fault.’

Rev9