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View Full Version : Colbert Tweet-destroys Senator Jon Kyl




thehighwaymanq
04-12-2011, 09:50 PM
It was a remark seemingly made for late-night TV comics: Sen. Jon Kyl's claim that abortion is "well over 90% of what Planned Parenthood does."

When the actual figure turned out to be 3%, his office released a statement clarifying that Kyl's figure was "not intended to be a factual statement."


Enter Stephen Colbert. The Comedy Central host lampooned the line on last night's show... but it turns out he was just getting started.


http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2011/04/12/stephen-colberts-not-factual-hashtagging/



Jon Kyl can unhinge his jaw like a python to swallow small rodents whole. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

The secret to Jon Kyl's success can be found on page 53 of the Necronomicon. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Every halloween Jon Kyl dresses up as a sexy Mitch Daniels. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Along a certain stretch of Mexican highway, Jon Kyl is known as El Autoestopisto Blanco Borracho. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl destroyed love in 1973. All feelings since then have been but a shadow of the original concept. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl actually prefers Hydrox to Oreos. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl's torso is covered in superfluous nipples. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl can, and will, deny that you're a jolly good fellow. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl has the world's most extensive catalogue of snuff films. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl was sent from the future to kill Sarah Conner. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl is an accomplished nude hula dancer. He is not welcome in Hawaii. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl is so mean he once shot a man just for snoring. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

For the past ten years, Jon Kyl has been two children in a very convincing Jon Kyl suit. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl sponsored S.410, which would ban happiness. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl calls the underside of his Senate seat: "The Booger Graveyard." #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl cheated on Sandra Bullock. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

John Kyl is 90% prune juice. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl let a game-winning ground ball roll through his legs in Game 6 of the '86 World Series. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Once a year, Jon Kyl retreats to the Arizona Desert and deposits 2 million egg sacs under the sand. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

In 2009, Jon Kyl lost $380,000 wagering on dwarf tossing. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Citing religious reasons, Jon Kyl refuses to utter the number 8. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl murdered a caricaturist for drawing him with a basketball instead of a surfboard. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl once ate a badger he hit with his car. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl = ax2 + bx + c #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl holds the Guinness World Record for "Largest Collection of Penis Enlargers." #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Carly Simon wrote that song about Jon Kyl. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl has a $1000-a-day Lik-M-Aid habit. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl calls all Asians "Neil" no matter what their name is. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl's knees bend both ways. He's part racehorse. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl assassinated Archduke Ferdinand. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

On weekends, Jon Kyl shoots manatees with paintball guns. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Legally, Jon Kyl cannot be within 100 yards of Helen Mirren. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl was the CEO of Enron when they took all those people's pension money. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

All this Choxygen is making me thirsty. Better crack open a cold Coca-Colair.

Jon Kyl is one of Gaddafi's sexy female ninja guards. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement


http://twitter.com/StephenAtHome

Hahahahaha. So funny!

Kotin
04-12-2011, 09:54 PM
That is so good. Hahahahahhs

Vessol
04-12-2011, 09:55 PM
#Winning

but..

inb4 this turns into another abortion debate

heavenlyboy34
04-12-2011, 09:58 PM
epic hilarity :):D

sailingaway
04-12-2011, 09:59 PM
Jon Kyl is an accomplished nude hula dancer. He is not welcome in Hawaii. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

lol!

mport1
04-12-2011, 10:09 PM
Colbert is by far the funniest and wittiest politics/talk show out there. Wish he was a libertarian, but I enjoy him demolishing Republicans.

Vessol
04-12-2011, 10:10 PM
Colbert is definitely the wittiest pundit out there by far. He is a lot better than Stewart.

mport1
04-12-2011, 10:13 PM
Colbert is definitely the wittiest pundit out there by far. He is a lot better than Stewart.

Agreed, Stewart is good but does not come close to Colbert. I'm truly amazed at how they can come up with this kind of stuff four nights a week.

thehighwaymanq
04-12-2011, 10:16 PM
Haha another one!


Everything you would only do in the privacy of your own home, Jon Kyl prefers to do on a subway car. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

http://twitter.com/StephenAtHome