9 US Presidents who had hooks for hands [John Hodgman]

[00_Pete]

John Hodgman, the only comedian/social-critic worthy of the name in all Human History lets you know who was who:

1. Jefferson(who designed his own hook)

2. Van Buren(known as "old kinderhook")

3. Garfield(when president garfield was shot, alexander graham bell attempted to locate the bullet with a crude metal detector of his own design; instead, he discovered "a curved, metallic object in the vicinity of the wrist's end." Historians agree: hook.

4. T. roosevelt(first draft: "speak softly and pierce their eyes with a golden hook")

5. F. Roosevelt(note: his hook was actually a wheelchair)

6. Nixon(many believe that the sight of his horrific hook lost him the first televised debate with kennedy, who was hookless)

7-8. Bush I and II(however, bush II replaced his hook with a chain saw in an effort to seem less priveleged)

9. Edward "thach" teach, aka blackbeard(although technically, president blackbeard was only president of the pirates)


WERE YOU AWARE?!

[00_Pete]

PS - Eisenhower, Clinton and Wall-Street House Negro are not on the list because they had/have "Hammers and Sickles"for hands instead of hooks...

[WaltM]

isn't Van Buren the original OK?

[Rael]

3. Garfield(when president garfield was shot, alexander graham bell attempted to locate the bullet with a crude metal detector of his own design; instead, he discovered "a curved, metallic object in the vicinity of the wrist's end." Historians agree: hook.



Why didn't he just call for help?

[00_Pete]

John Hodgman on the Hobo menace:

YouTube - John Hodgman - Hobo Matters (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1JIa5r5nkE)

[00_Pete]

PS - Nixon started opening his eyes and "doing the math". He unhooked himself (Prescott Bush was the one that implanted his hook), became God-fearing and patriotic so the Hobos had to take him down thru Watergate.

[00_Pete]

A few hobos and some of their quotes:

The Damned Swede:

http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/135526215.jpg

Quote: "In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist...but pay not attention to the possibility that there are people, far more important and powerful than the "military-industrial complex" people, trying to ruin your lifes and even the possibility that your own President is a Soviet Agent trying to derail the fight against the Communist Imperialism and even passing your most important secrets to the USSR."

Iowa Noam Chomksy:

http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/402080842.jpg

(The "H" is a signal that its time for the Hobos to take over the US Government)

Quote: Blah blah blah blah and blah blah blah 911 inside job? Unlikely. Blah blah blah blah CIA going rogue? Illogical Blah blah blah blah Kennedy assasination conspiracy? Who cares? Blah blah blah blah

The Young Churchill:

http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/152884745.jpg

http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/174802525.jpg

Quote 1: We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender...and when you morons finish mass slaughtering each other, Hobos will be more powerful than ever!

Quote 2: I am not a bisexual cross-dressing pervert that is under blackmail from a higher power, that is the product of a vast right-wing conspiracy.

[00_Pete]

Collegeboy Brainiac, the Hobo Einstein:

http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/194563655.jpg

Quote: "Hobo spirits have always encountered violent opposition from great minds.

Illinois Obama:

http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/386043205.jpg

Quote: "New World Order we can beleive in!"

[TNforPaul45]

What?

[00_Pete]

Boxcar Jones, the Boxcar Benjamin Disraeli:

http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/117319007.jpg

Quote: "The world is governed by Hobos and those who are not behind the scenes dont know it."

Boxcar Aldous Huxley:

http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/119329068.jpg

Quote: "Its a Brave New Hobo World!

[doodle]

Any reason no homosexaulity, bakery items references in your own thread so far?

[00_Pete]

Any reason no homosexaulity, bakery items references in your own thread so far?

There is, Winston Churchill the cross-dressing, warmongering, occultist, new world ordist bi-sexual. Besides most Illuminatus are *****. Its a kind of an Aristocratic/If-you-want-to-belong-to-the-club-you-have-to-do-the-initiation-ceremony "thing".

I regreted making this thread (it goes way too far) so thank you doodle :)

[Vessol]

I don't regret you making this thread. This thread is awesome.

[eduardo89]

Wtf?

[Fox McCloud]

I think someone finally lost it...

[Vessol]

None of you all recognize true humor!

[00_Pete]

Wtf?


I think someone finally lost it...

Thats right! This is totally insane and makes no sense at all. Please forget it.

Move along...move along...

[fisharmor]

None of you all recognize true humor!

Part of all of me does.