SlimJim Help Me -- Round 2

[GunnyFreedom]

Thanks to MelissaWV for some super help during round 1! Two of the "fronts" (white header) have been polished based on her input -- Government Accountability and The Right To Bear Arms. The third which she helped polish the front on, Constitutional Conservative, has been moved to page 2.

So here is round 2 of helping me polish the SlimJims.

I need critical oversight of the front (white header) on Jobs For North Carolina, and the backs (blue header) of all three.

I especially need help on the back-side of the Right To Bear Arms, as my creative juices kinda ran dry after 48hrs of fine-tuning, and now I am too close to it to make it work for "the rest of the world"

In any case, here is the link to a 616k PDF file w/ 3 SlimJims. Another 3 will be produced hopefully by close of business Wednesday so I can send them off to the printers today.

http://glenbradley.net/nchouse2010/files/cards/slimjimscreen300-1.pdf

So polishing help on the front of "Jobs" polishing help on the back of "Jobs" and "Corruption" and re-writing help on the back of "Guns" and any and all other suggestions/help to make these as awesome as possible would be OUTSTANDING!!! :D

[GunnyFreedom]

sorry gotta bump as it's sliding off

[GunnyFreedom]

:)

[GunnyFreedom]

:D

[MelissaWV]

Gunny I'll take a look at it tonight :) I'm at work and today is kind of swampy as far as projects. I already spotted some singular/plural disagreement, though, so I know I'll have stuff to say ;)

[GunnyFreedom]

Gunny I'll take a look at it tonight :) I'm at work and today is kind of swampy as far as projects. I already spotted some singular/plural disagreement, though, so I know I'll have stuff to say ;)

lol thanks Melissa -- seriously, I have always been very sharp w grammar and syntax, but I guess after hours and days and weeks and months and years I am coming up with language fatigue lol

I know the back of the guns slimjim is likely to have all kinds of issues, but I didn't rework that because I know I need to rewrite it. Just kinda drawing a blank at the moment.

I could go all "everyone should be in the militia and people should own howitzers" but that would probably be taken wrong.

I am facing a lib dem who has been given an A rating by the NRA on the gun issue, and I have to come up with some way of letting people know that I am better on guns than she is, even if the NRA will not be rating me as an unknown challenger.

And as to the previous thread, the reason it was called the Carolina Resolves was drawing on some history, it started as the Vance Resolves (modled after the Halifax Resolves, where NC was the 1st Colony to declare sovereignty from the British crown -- in fact we were the ONLY colony to my knowledge to declare sovereignty PRIOR to Lexington and Concord) and the statewide Pauler movement wanted a more general appeal so it was changed from Vance Resolves to Carolina Resolves. It wasn't a name that I just picked lol -- nor could I take a quick trip in the Tardis back to 1775 and convince them to use a better name ;)

I also dug up mounds of research, and WRT capitalizing federal government, there seems to actually be official disagreement on the matter. The more statist the party was, the more likely they were to insist on it's capitalization, so I went with the friendlier sources. ;)

[GunnyFreedom]

Here is the text from the back of the guns slimjim. Any ideas from the folks here to light a fire of inspiration would be...awesome... :D


The Right To Bear Arms is not a game.

The right to bear arms is not a political football. It is not an easy nor a safe vote with which to secure a segment of the electorate. The right to keep and bear arms is the most fundamental natural right recognized in the US Constitution. From this right all others are secured. It is recognized in both the US and the NC Constitutions, and it should be held wholly inviolate by the governments of our nation and our State.

Unfortunately, in the real world, that is simply not the case. Time and again our Governments renew efforts to disarm the sovereign American population through one form of rhetoric or another. This can never be tolerated - the right of North Carolina citizens to keep and bear arms must be protected from any person or group who might infringe upon it, period. Even if that group inhabits Congress or the White House.

Glen Bradley will fight for you!

The right to bear arms is what distinguishes a sovereign from a serf, and Glen Bradley will fight to preserve your right to be a responsible gun owner.

This SlimJim needs editing.

[AdamT]

Glen those look really good! One thing, I would definitely justify the copy to smooth it up a bit.

[GunnyFreedom]

Glen those look really good! One thing, I would definitely justify the copy to smooth it up a bit.

Good idea, I have never seriously used justification in any publication I have done, so I don't generally think of that option, but in this case it may actually be appropriate. Another thing which I tend to abhor (perhaps wrongly) is hyphenation to split a word onto 2 lines. I ALWAYS turn hyphenation off lol. I generated another PDF with the text justified -- pics are low res this time tho to save bandwidth on my site.

180k PDF http://glenbradley.net/nchouse2010/files/cards/slimjimscreen72-2.pdf

[GunnyFreedom]

nobody has any sparks to inspire a better reverse side on the guns slimjim? :D


ETA -- or votes on whether they like the justified version better than the unjustified version ;)

[disorderlyvision]

i'm not good with grammer glen, so I won't be much help. Melissa is though

[GunnyFreedom]

Not really asking for grammar help, Melissa is the true wiz on that point, hands down. I'm talking more about content now. :) Melissa will be taking a look at the syntax and grammar sometime between tonight and tomorrow afternoon, which will be great! But we also have crap-tons of people here who are passionate and opinionated on matters of policy, who can help refine idea-wise, as well as politic-wonks who can help me sell the vote.

[MelissaWV]

“Governments cannot create any jobs except for
government jobs -- which consume taxes and places
an even greater burden on the taxpayers. Only the
market can create jobs, and government regulation of
the market serves only to stifle this job growth.”

Reduce Spending: While the citizens of [consider a hard return between "North" and "Carolina" so that justification doesn't cause such huge gaps?]
North Carolina suffer layoffs and skyrocketing
unemployment, government hiring is exploding,
along with government pay. We must end waste,
fraud and abuse in government programs, and stop
spending millions on unnecessary positions.

...

Attract Industry: Ending the regulatory systems
that have sent industries overseas, and protecting
in-state companies from enduring Federal overreguation,
will draw those companies to North
Carolina and develop jobs and prosperity for all.

...

Was:
The right to bear arms is not a political football. It is not an easy nor a safe vote with which to secure a segment of the electorate. The right to keep and bear arms is the most fundamental natural right recognized in the US Constitution. From this right all others are secured. It is recognized in both the US and the NC Constitutions, and it should be held wholly inviolate by the governments of our nation and our State. Unfortunately, in the real world, that is simply not the case. Time and again our Governments renew efforts to disarm the sovereign American population through one form of rhetoric or another. This can never be tolerated - the right of North Carolina citizens to keep and bear arms must be protected from any person or group who might infringe upon it, period. Even if that group inhabits Congress or the White House.

Glen Bradley will fight for you!

The right to bear arms is what distinguishes a sovereign from a serf, and Glen Bradley will fight to preserve your right to be a responsible gun owner.
This SlimJim needs editing.

Proposed:
The right to bear arms is not (a political football. It is not )just a cause to champion when it secures the vote of the electorate or the applause of the crowd. The right to keep and bear arms is the core right recognized in the US Constitution, and is the right by which all others are secured. It is reinforced by the NC Constitution, and it should be held wholly inviolate by both our state and national government. Unfortunately, this is not currently the case. Time and again our governments renew efforts to disarm sovereign Americans one law at a time. This cannot be tolerated! The right of North Carolina citizens to keep and bear arms must be protected from anyone who would infringe upon it, period. It does not matter if that threat comes from Congress or the White House.

Glen Bradley will fight for you!

The right to bear arms is what distinguishes a sovereign from a serf, and Glen Bradley will fight to preserve your right to be a responsible gun owner.

*Note: You could take out the portion within the parenthesis, or you could leave it in. You might need to take it out due to space.

Was:
North Carolina is becoming a byword in political circles around the nation. Scandal after scandal rocks the State and sends shockwaves into all 50 States. Why do these things keep happening to us again and again with no end in sight? It’s because of the culture of partisan acceptance where our elected representatives fail to hold the leadership accountable. When the only principle is partisanship, the people will always be the victims. It is time to send a message to those who represent us that we will no longer sit silent while they fail to represnt our values and our principles. It is time to vote the bums out of offi ce! Restore a culture of Statesmanship! Glen Bradley has built a reputation around the State of being a Constitutional Conservative who will without fail stand on principle over party every single time. Glen led the coalition in 2008
which swung the vote and elected Dr. Ada Fisher as the first African American Repubican National Committeewoman in United States History. Glen has never failed to call out members in his own party who violate the Conservative and Constitutional principles which they claim to cherish, and Glen
will never fail to represent the values which you hold dear

Proposed:
Political scandals are a dime a dozen lately, and North Carolina is too often at the center. Why do these things keep happening again and again? Our elected representatives fail to hold themselves and each other accountable. When what’s most important is partisanship, the people will always pay the price. It is time to send a message to those who represent us that we will no longer sit silently while they fail to represent our values and our principles. It is time to vote the bums out of office!

Restore a culture of Statesmanship!

Glen Bradley has built a reputation in North Carolina of being a Constitutional Conservative who will, without fail, stand on principle over party every single time. Glen led the coalition that turned the vote and elected Dr. Ada Fisher as the first African American Republican National Committeewoman in United States history in 2008. Glen has never failed to call out members in his own party who violate the Conservative and Constitutional principles they claimed to cherish, and he will never fail to represent the values which you hold dear.

Was:
This is not a new situation, it has been going on for years. When national unemployment rises, North Carolina’s rate (and particularly District 49)
rises faster than the national rate. When national unemployment falls, North Carolina and District 49 falls slower than the national rate. That means that our jobs policy has been out of balance for decades, and it is in times of recession
like today, that the pain really hits home. It’s time to put North Carolina to work!
Small business is the engine of economic and jobs growth. It is critical that we remove the heavy burden of over-taxation and irrelevant regulations which
tie the hands of our small businesses, preventing hiring and raises, and the giving giant corporations an unfair advantage to exploit the marketplace at
the people’s expense. Glen Bradley will work to relieve legislative and
regulatory burdens on our small businesses, putting North Carolinians to work, and giving every citizen a fair shot at the American Dream.

Proposed:
The current economic situation is not new. When national unemployment rises, North Carolina’s rate (and particularly the rate in District 49) rises faster than the national rate. When national unemployment falls, North Carolina falls slower than the national rate. This history is evidence that our jobs policy has been out of balance for decades, and it is in times of recession that the pain hits home hardest.

It’s time to put North Carolina to work!

Small business is the engine of economic and jobs growth. It is critical that we remove the heavy burden of excessive taxation and overregulation that tie the hands of small business owners, preventing hiring and raises. It is vital that we stop giving giant corporations an unfair advantage to exploit the marketplace at the people’s expense.

Glen Bradley will work to help our small businesses, so that they can put North Carolinians to work and give every citizen their fair shot at the American Dream.

[MelissaWV]

I decided to make this separate to make it easier on the eyes :)

The slimjims look fairly good. Even if you don't take my suggestions/edits to heart, please double check your spelling. There are various misspelled words throughout the second page of the .pdf. You also need to watch very carefully that you are consistent between using "government" and "Government" throughout the document.

I still hold my position that the slimjim(s) would benefit greatly from a personal photograph, and I still believe the best place for it would be to replace the picture of the shooter under "Right to Bear Arms." This would be a very good place for a nice photograph of you, preferably with your favorite hunting rifle :D

Your use of italics and bold were excellent. For some reason they didn't paste to here, and I am too lazy to go in and put them into my "Proposed" paragraphs.

I do like the full justification, but please be careful because some of the lines have excessively wide gaps. You also have hyphenated words/phrases, so you'll want to try not to break those up. I also hate the line-ending hyphenations, except in novels :p They're generally not that great for short items like these slimjim blurbs.

Good luck!

[TCE]

Mention Governor Bev Perdue at least once. Poll after poll has come out showing her approval ratings in the 30's. If you just want to run bio stuff without the attacking, I can understand.

After Melissa's edited, looks good. If you have any endorsements, put them on there as well. I would like at least one more mention of you being in the Marines, particularly in the gun section on the second Slim Jim. The Marines aren't small time, it's a big deal. Most Congressmen are former military personnel. Playing this up a bit can't hurt you.

More than once you have "Government" when it should be "government,"

Time and again our
Governments renew efforts
to disarm the sovereign
American population through

The above is one example.

EDIT: Melissa beat me to it...

[TCE]

Also, how important is being pro-life and gay marriage in North Carolina? Or, for the General, is it better to evade those questions?

[KCIndy]

A+ work, Melissa! I have to vote in favor of your rewrite.

My only comment/suggestion regards the phrase, "Time and again our governments renew efforts to disarm" from the RKBA text. I'm assuming the words "our governments" as a plural is meant to denote Federal, state and local. I understand that, and it's technically correct, but might be confusing to the average voter. Unfortunately, most people, even citizens who are conscientious voters, tend to view government as a single, monolithic entity - especially when they're railing against it! :)

Just a stray thought.

Overall, I like the look of the slimjims in general, Melissa's rewrite in particular, and will second her suggestion that a personal picture would go a long way to... um... personalize the message.

Best of luck!!

[TCE]

and will second her suggestion that a personal picture would go a long way to... um... personalize the message.

Best of luck!!

Picture of Gunny in his Marine uniform=big win. I would prefer that over you in a suit. Who would you vote for? A marine, or a guy who looks like a career politician in a suit? Can I get a second?

[MelissaWV]

Picture of Gunny in his Marine uniform=big win. I would prefer that over you in a suit. Who would you vote for? A marine, or a guy who looks like a career politician in a suit? Can I get a second?

I would adore the picture of him in his Marine uniform, but I believe there might be regulations pertaining to use of uniformed photographs on campaign materials. He would be better able to address that concern. If it's not possible to get a uniformed picture, then I wouldn't go with a suit... I would go with clean, casual clothing in a hunting setting with his rifle :) Out of all the photos in the document, the guy shooting is the most awkward. Something is entirely wrong about how that hat sits on his head :eek:

[TCE]

I would adore the picture of him in his Marine uniform, but I believe there might be regulations pertaining to use of uniformed photographs on campaign materials. He would be better able to address that concern. If it's not possible to get a uniformed picture, then I wouldn't go with a suit... I would go with clean, casual clothing in a hunting setting with his rifle :) Out of all the photos in the document, the guy shooting is the most awkward. Something is entirely wrong about how that hat sits on his head :eek:

A good point. Gunny: I would check that out, because if it is acceptable, that picture would be awesome.

[LibertyMage]

Those slimjims need a picture of you. Image/branding is a big part of campaigning.

[GunnyFreedom]

OK, I'm back. After pulling couple 24-hr days, my circadian rhythm got completely reversed again, but when I hit the rack at 10PM tonight, I'll be back on human time! :D

Thanks everyone for all your great suggestions. I will be incorporating them during then next 10 hours, and should have the revised copy by noon.

Y'all have been an incredible help!

[tangent4ronpaul]

Gave them a quick scan. Noticed 2 things right off the bat:

1) Jobs for NC - initial quote under pic - need a bit more space under the sig.

2) Thight to bear arms. While a vivi rifle in the pic, the shadows/lines give a subconscious impression of a military rifle (bipod) - might consider swapping the front pic out.

-t
hmmm...

3) Gvmt accountability - enhace colors on front pic.

[GunnyFreedom]

workin on it workin on it. I am in desperate need of pictures of myself......... seriously.......

[GunnyFreedom]

still polishing, quote came back at less than 10 cents per slimjim. It'll run us $967 for 10,000 slimjims

[GunnyFreedom]

OK, I've set up a photo shoot this weekend. So the slimjims will be submitted Monday morning. Anticipate revised copy on 1st sheet tonight, and fresh copy on 2nd sheet tomorrow before noon.

I'll probably make 1111 of the first sheet (issue items referenced above), and 2222 of the second sheet, aimed at 1) generic republicans and unaffiliateds, 2) generic Democrats, and 3) generic Constitutionalists

[TCE]

Sounds good to me. How many people are in the district? Also, has the filing period for primary opponents ended?

[GunnyFreedom]

Sounds good to me. How many people are in the district? Also, has the filing period for primary opponents ended?

There are approx 49,950 registered voters in the district, and filing ends the end of February.

[GunnyFreedom]

Thanks again Melissa! Your help was more valuable than I can quantify! :cool: