Oyate
09-21-2009, 09:37 PM
Folks I near about busted a gut laughing with my pop.
See we got a deep Christian tradition in the family but pop is advancing in years and he's kind of getting soft in the memory department, so in talking to him today he offered to give me his blessing. Which is actually pretty serious, it's a lifetime accomplishment award to be blessed officially by your pop.
But right in the middle of the thing, the old guy forgets my name. Right in the middle of a major prayer the guy blanks on my name.
So this reminds me of an old story so I said "Father, I am Yacob".
And the old guy got the joke because he started laughing fit to choke. "Let me feel your wooly arm" he said and I said "wait a minute and I'll kill a sheep" and I swear I almost gave the guy a coronary.
So then we hypothesised about the guy who was ordered by God to kill his son. He had a name too. It was Abraham. But we were laughing because what if my pop was Abraham and he couldn't even remember his son's name? Boy that would have generated some confusion. We laid out the dialog:
Father Abraham: hey which one of you guys is my son?
Sons Of Levi: why do you want to know?
Father Abraham: God told me to kill you, that's why, now where is my son?
Sons Of Levi: Ain't seen him.
And then for an extra joke which i wasn't sure would turn out good I said "for purposes of this discussion I am Jefferey" which is my dead brother long gone but pop laughed about that one too. "Oh the old blame it on your brother trick" he managed to choke out.
It's not a bad thing that my pop can indulge in a bit of humour at Jeff's expense. He's finally getting over it.
It just hit me and pop funny and what made it funnier is he still couldn't remember my name. I was like "how do you even know I'm your son?" and he was laughing and I said "this is how you know beyond the shadow of a doubt".
And he fell for it. He said "how?"
And I said "gimme the car keys". And he near about died.
Just then mom gets on the phone. She's pretty protective over dad and she thinks, she knows something sneaky is afoot. She gets on the phone and asks "ok, what in the devil are you two up to?"
I told her to turn around or she'd turn into a pillar of salt. Pop turned up the laugh machine a couple points into the red zone on that one. Remember Lott's wife? He got the joke.
We somehow invented the excuse that we were planning a great mountain vacation with the best, simply the best activities. Kind of like the adult version of vacation bible school. Could she come and pack a lunch and a really choice, sharp kitchen knife?
I was like "hey pop, want egg salad? Mom, could you make some of those kickass egg salad sandwiches?"
At this point my pop is laughing so hard he can't make no sense. We ain't been like this since the days in the mountains when we made apple jack.
Mom at this point knew she was beat. The last word I fit into mom was "yeah and I'm giving him ice cream too" before she hung up on us both. Which was a good thing because I was about to tell her that we are both sleeping with Chinese prositutes just for added spice. So I told pop that same thing and again, the poor old guy. I really gotta take it easy on pop because I ain't heard him laugh like that in years. And moms was a mountain girl. She knows not to trifle with the men when get their hands on some money and they find themselves a bottle. 'Cept me and pop don't need no bottle now, he's in 2nd stage dementia. The guy will laugh at the drop of a hat.
It's a strange and welcome nuance to me that my pop is now my best buddy. I lived my life in fear and awe of the man. His feet shook the mountains, his voice was like thunder, he put a brutal lashing on us boys when we acted out of line and now he's this nice old guy I tell biblical jokes with.
My pop. Father Abraham that can't tell which son he's supposed to kill. We laughed and laughed and finally calmed down. And it occurred to me we were right in the middle of a prayer. Like the most importantest prayer, my pop was giving me the blessing of our lineage. Oops.
So I said "pop, we were sort of praying and you were giving me your blessing" and he said "ah yes" and began praying again but he still couldn't remember my name. Which set us back to laughing so I closed with "Father God up above, you know my name, you know the number of hairs on my head and I'm grateful for my father's blessing because right now he's out to lunch. In Jesus' name, Amen" .
It's a good thing God has a sense of humour.
Brethren and Sisters of my heart, this blessing was sincere no matter how much fun we had of it. I have been given something that our tradition aspires to, we work all our lives sometimes to have the approval of our lineage and to some of us this is not granted. Some of us don't even have the benefit of parentage or tradition. The fact that I can have this relationship with my father I now give to you.
You without people, you without parentage, you without approval, you who are lonely, my family, I come to you with a double whammy: your heavenly father loves you. Because I have my father's blessing I am now authorized to tell you this.
Also because of our native tradition, I am authorized to tell you that the Earth is your mother and once you understand this, you can never, ever be homeless by simple definition. This is your home. You are at home. You belong here, you are supposed to be here, this is where you are supposed to be. And you have a place here. With all your laughter, with all your sorrow, with all your experiences, you are one of us.
MY FATHER'S HOUSE IS A HUGE-ASS MANSION AND IN THIS MANSION ARE MANY ROOMS.
See we got a deep Christian tradition in the family but pop is advancing in years and he's kind of getting soft in the memory department, so in talking to him today he offered to give me his blessing. Which is actually pretty serious, it's a lifetime accomplishment award to be blessed officially by your pop.
But right in the middle of the thing, the old guy forgets my name. Right in the middle of a major prayer the guy blanks on my name.
So this reminds me of an old story so I said "Father, I am Yacob".
And the old guy got the joke because he started laughing fit to choke. "Let me feel your wooly arm" he said and I said "wait a minute and I'll kill a sheep" and I swear I almost gave the guy a coronary.
So then we hypothesised about the guy who was ordered by God to kill his son. He had a name too. It was Abraham. But we were laughing because what if my pop was Abraham and he couldn't even remember his son's name? Boy that would have generated some confusion. We laid out the dialog:
Father Abraham: hey which one of you guys is my son?
Sons Of Levi: why do you want to know?
Father Abraham: God told me to kill you, that's why, now where is my son?
Sons Of Levi: Ain't seen him.
And then for an extra joke which i wasn't sure would turn out good I said "for purposes of this discussion I am Jefferey" which is my dead brother long gone but pop laughed about that one too. "Oh the old blame it on your brother trick" he managed to choke out.
It's not a bad thing that my pop can indulge in a bit of humour at Jeff's expense. He's finally getting over it.
It just hit me and pop funny and what made it funnier is he still couldn't remember my name. I was like "how do you even know I'm your son?" and he was laughing and I said "this is how you know beyond the shadow of a doubt".
And he fell for it. He said "how?"
And I said "gimme the car keys". And he near about died.
Just then mom gets on the phone. She's pretty protective over dad and she thinks, she knows something sneaky is afoot. She gets on the phone and asks "ok, what in the devil are you two up to?"
I told her to turn around or she'd turn into a pillar of salt. Pop turned up the laugh machine a couple points into the red zone on that one. Remember Lott's wife? He got the joke.
We somehow invented the excuse that we were planning a great mountain vacation with the best, simply the best activities. Kind of like the adult version of vacation bible school. Could she come and pack a lunch and a really choice, sharp kitchen knife?
I was like "hey pop, want egg salad? Mom, could you make some of those kickass egg salad sandwiches?"
At this point my pop is laughing so hard he can't make no sense. We ain't been like this since the days in the mountains when we made apple jack.
Mom at this point knew she was beat. The last word I fit into mom was "yeah and I'm giving him ice cream too" before she hung up on us both. Which was a good thing because I was about to tell her that we are both sleeping with Chinese prositutes just for added spice. So I told pop that same thing and again, the poor old guy. I really gotta take it easy on pop because I ain't heard him laugh like that in years. And moms was a mountain girl. She knows not to trifle with the men when get their hands on some money and they find themselves a bottle. 'Cept me and pop don't need no bottle now, he's in 2nd stage dementia. The guy will laugh at the drop of a hat.
It's a strange and welcome nuance to me that my pop is now my best buddy. I lived my life in fear and awe of the man. His feet shook the mountains, his voice was like thunder, he put a brutal lashing on us boys when we acted out of line and now he's this nice old guy I tell biblical jokes with.
My pop. Father Abraham that can't tell which son he's supposed to kill. We laughed and laughed and finally calmed down. And it occurred to me we were right in the middle of a prayer. Like the most importantest prayer, my pop was giving me the blessing of our lineage. Oops.
So I said "pop, we were sort of praying and you were giving me your blessing" and he said "ah yes" and began praying again but he still couldn't remember my name. Which set us back to laughing so I closed with "Father God up above, you know my name, you know the number of hairs on my head and I'm grateful for my father's blessing because right now he's out to lunch. In Jesus' name, Amen" .
It's a good thing God has a sense of humour.
Brethren and Sisters of my heart, this blessing was sincere no matter how much fun we had of it. I have been given something that our tradition aspires to, we work all our lives sometimes to have the approval of our lineage and to some of us this is not granted. Some of us don't even have the benefit of parentage or tradition. The fact that I can have this relationship with my father I now give to you.
You without people, you without parentage, you without approval, you who are lonely, my family, I come to you with a double whammy: your heavenly father loves you. Because I have my father's blessing I am now authorized to tell you this.
Also because of our native tradition, I am authorized to tell you that the Earth is your mother and once you understand this, you can never, ever be homeless by simple definition. This is your home. You are at home. You belong here, you are supposed to be here, this is where you are supposed to be. And you have a place here. With all your laughter, with all your sorrow, with all your experiences, you are one of us.
MY FATHER'S HOUSE IS A HUGE-ASS MANSION AND IN THIS MANSION ARE MANY ROOMS.