Am I a bad brother?

[born2drv]

My sister comes to me every once in a while for some cash (she's a broke student, but refuses to get a job --- I put myself through college and paid for it.) :)

I told her the other day that I no longer run a welfare state or give out any entitlements.

She told me I've been watching too many Ron Paul videos and if I don't pay up she's not gonna vote for him....

Should I stick to my guns or wait till february to cut her off??? :D

[NPursuit357]

If she won't vote for him, because of that, then I don't think RP wants her vote.

[steph3n]

No you need to cut her off now, she likely won't vote anyway :D

[Ron Paul Fan]

Yes, you are a bad brother. Family always comes first. A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man. Unless she owes you a ton of money then I wouldn't give her anymore or raise her debt limit. You and her both have to have some fiscal responsibility unlike the U.S. Congress.

[steph3n]

I have to disagree, family DOES come first but one should not continually fund family who is not willing to work. You can get a 2 night a week 3 hours a night wait staff job at a small restaurant an pull in $80 in tips even in a small town.

My sisters make an effort for this, and I give them money, because they work hard on such days, even while attending school.

[dwdollar]

Family always comes first. It's your genes man! I'm going to college and it would be impossible for me to work with the engineering classes I take, so the family helps. When I get a good job I will help the family. It's what a family does. :)

[LibertyEagle]

What would tick me off is that she thinks blackmail is a valid recourse for her to use. I would make sure she knew that it was not. And no, I most certainly would not let her think that she can blackmail you for a promise of a vote.

I think family is very important. I guess the issue is whether you are willing to help her out until she graduates and if so, under what terms. ie. Do you want to dole the money out to her when she asks, or just give her a lump sum every month. If you are not willing to do either, then since it sounds like you facilitated her getting somewhat used to borrowing from you, then I think you owe her a little advance notice, if you're going to cut her off.

If that is indeed the case, to me, the best thing to do would be to let her know what she can expect in the future and thus, slowly wean her off of borrowing from you. That way, she can plan accordingly. If her borrowing has become a habit, a crux if you will, yes, I think you are doing her more harm than good by continuing to fund her, since she apparently is not willing to take responsibility for herself. But, if you have allowed her to become dependent upon you, then in my opinion, it is your responsibility to set expectations and wean her off slowly.

[Shiranu]

Do NOT keep on giving her money. I have two brothers who always come to my mom to get money, and they do it over and over and over, one of them has wound up stealing my moms truck, and she STILL pays him, the other is a alcholic-druggy. Later on, they will just come to your house and just stay there, say they are looking for a job (When they are not), and, if they are like 2 of my brothers, steal money. The best thing you can do is make people actually work for their survival. Now, if she came like once in a blue moon for money, due to losing a job, etc, THERE is a exception;.

[trispear]

Without knowing the specifics, it's hard to give advice. You don't sound too unhappy with the situation, more like it's a game so it doesn't sound like she is that big of a burden.

In any case, give her a while to get a job - wean her off by gradually reducing what you give her.

In my case, I wouldn't let anybody blackmail me like that.

Whatever you do, don't give in to her terms. If she knows that getting that vote is that important to you, she can leverage that information for more cash. If I had to give her money, I would make it count - make her work for me passing out Ron Paul flyers or making signs or whatever:) That way, if you lost her vote in the end, you got a couple more anyway^_^

[BillyDkid]

My sister comes to me every once in a while for some cash (she's a broke student, but refuses to get a job --- I put myself through college and paid for it.) :)

I told her the other day that I no longer run a welfare state or give out any entitlements.

She told me I've been watching too many Ron Paul videos and if I don't pay up she's not gonna vote for him....

Should I stick to my guns or wait till february to cut her off??? :DPeople are supposed to help their families. There is a fundamental difference between taking someone's money so you can disperse it to other people and being generous (or not) with your own money. I realize you are joking around, but this is not a fine distinction. Being libertarian or being conservative is not about not being generous. It is about not being generous with other people's money. One of the fundamental ideas behind small government is that people will be more than generous on their own without needing the government to serve as an intermediary (a dollar in/37 cents out) and people have proved that they are with every single disaster that has ever happened both here and abroad.

[SIXSHOOTER13]

There Is A Great Motivater To Get A Job! It Called Hunger. If The Federal Goverment Was More Like You, More People Would Get A Job. Ss13

[Dustancostine]

You may have an obligation to help your family, but that obligation extends to her as well. She has an obligation to help her family by not mouching funds from you when she could be doing something different (such as get a job). But if you don't want to give her the money, loan it to her and makes sure she understands that it must be paid back.

--Dustan

[LibertyEagle]

I was raised with the notion that you never "loan" money to a family member or a friend. If you want to help them out, just freely give it to them. If you don't want to do that, say no.

This ends up saving a lot of relationships.

[lucius]

My sister comes to me every once in a while for some cash (she's a broke student, but refuses to get a job --- I put myself through college and paid for it.) :)

I told her the other day that I no longer run a welfare state or give out any entitlements.

She told me I've been watching too many Ron Paul videos and if I don't pay up she's not gonna vote for him....

Should I stick to my guns or wait till february to cut her off??? :D

Cut her off...what she does in that voting booth is her own business--manipulating your passion is wrong; don't give her your power.

[dircha]

My sister comes to me every once in a while for some cash (she's a broke student, but refuses to get a job --- I put myself through college and paid for it.) :)

I told her the other day that I no longer run a welfare state or give out any entitlements.

She told me I've been watching too many Ron Paul videos and if I don't pay up she's not gonna vote for him....

Should I stick to my guns or wait till february to cut her off??? :D

This is a question only you can answer.

But remember that the federal government is constrained by law - the Constitution - in what it can do; you are not. The federal government has no money but what it forcibly takes from others; you do.

You do not have the luxury of justifying your action on the basis of whether it would be justifiable for the federal government; you are not a federal government; you are a human being acting of your own volition.

You need to look at your own values and convictions, as well as your own relationship with your sibling.

I believe you should 1) ensure that your sister is faithfully using the money that you give her. 2) If she is, I believe you should continue to help her as you are able, 3) whether or not she is able to give you anything in return. If you are a Christian, I offer the following passages in support.

1 Timothy 5:8 (NIV) If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Luke 6:34 (NIV) And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full.

[dsentell]

You are a very good brother for teaching her that she has to stand on her own. She cannot expect to always be taken care of by you or the government.

If she is not going to vote for Ron Paul because of this, then she needs a lot more help than just financial. Is she going to vote for someone who will destroy America, just to spite you for refusing to give her a few bucks? She needs an education on what is going on in the world and in America, in particular.

[Corydoras]

Cut her off...what she does in that voting booth is her own business--manipulating your passion is wrong; don't give her your power.

Right. I think you're only joking about not running a welfare state. What is really going on is that she has gone past your limits, and now she is trying to manipulate you, which is wrong to do in interpersonal relationships.

I say this having had to ask multiple relatives for help myself some years ago and having been told yes or no with various degrees of clarity. A clear frank honest no always feels better than a sullen yes or a weird, equivocating, wishy-washy no.

[born2drv]

Thanks for the replies... I like the idea of paying her to hand out fliers, not a bad way to go ;) She was 1/2 joking when she said she wouldn't vote for him....

She is very dependant on government... not 100% her fault, for example she wants universal healthcare because she can't get any... even though she's young and mostly healthy she had surgery a few years ago while she was still under my parents coverage, and now she's over the age she can't get any on her own because no one will cover her. She's the kind the cries often and sees the doctor for everything... I know she still has "pain" from her surgery and condition but come on... I told her to stop going to the doctor unless she's dying and hopefully after year or 2 she can get her own insurance for a more reasonable rate but she never listens ... ah well.

I've told her the problem with why medical treatments are so expensive and out of reach is because of monopolies in the system, and lobbyists for HMO's and drug companies who like to keep us hooked/dependent on the current system so they can price-fix as they like and that we need some good honest competition. She's studying in the pharmacy field as well... so hopefully she'll come around :)

I think I'll tell her if she gets a job, any job, I'll match funds...... so if she didn't want to work for min wage before perhaps for double min wage she will... .we'll see ;)

[steph3n]

I think I'll tell her if she gets a job, any job, I'll match funds...... so if she didn't want to work for min wage before perhaps for double min wage she will... .we'll see ;)

now that's a good idea!

Just make sure you have a cutoff point, if she starts pulling 50+k a year you'll be out a lot :D

[loupeznik]

What does she look like? Maybe I'll give her money ;) Joking

[brandon]

Family always comes first. It's your genes man! I'm going to college and it would be impossible for me to work with the engineering classes I take, so the family helps. When I get a good job I will help the family. It's what a family does. :)

I HEAR YA MAN!!

I am in my junior year of electrical engineering, and having a job with all these classes would be IMPOSSIBLE. Going to school full time for EE is like working 50 hours a week.

I am living off dad's money right now, and while i'm not proud of it, i know it is only temprorary, in 2 years I will be making minimum 60k a year. There is no shame in helping a family member financially while they are in college.

[jonahtrainer]

Thanks for the replies... I like the idea of paying her to hand out fliers, not a bad way to go ;) She was 1/2 joking when she said she wouldn't vote for him....

I think I'll tell her if she gets a job, any job, I'll match funds...... so if she didn't want to work for min wage before perhaps for double min wage she will... .we'll see ;)

What type of food, clothing or shelter does your sister want? Does she need money to buy a new iPhone or something? We should never let our own family go hungry, not have clothing or shelter.

However, the quality of that food, clothing or shelter can be very low. For example, I eat bread I make and it costs $.068/loaf or $2.04/month for my breakfasts. Sure, lots of people would find it bland but it will sustain life. Likewise, you can find her clothes at Goodwill. Shelter may be slightly more expensive ...

By putting her on the dole you actually stifle her own personal growth. When I was 4 I wanted a bicycle. I asked my Dad for one. He responded "How are you going to buy one?" I earned my own money and bought my own bicycle. I have rarely asked them for anything monetarily since and we don't talk much about money. My Mom wanted to encourage my sister and I to save so she promised to double our bank accounts when we graduated high school. She made good on her promise but had to liquidate part of her 401k. Yes, I took it. :eek:

People have to learn personal responsibility and to keep the contract. Many of my family members know I am doing just fine but they don't even ask for anything because they know I only give if they absolutely need it. I make them show me their financial statements and where they spend their money before I even think of giving them anything. Also, I give the money I don't lend it. I can find better investments elsewhere. Good advice from my Mom "Neither borrower nor lender be."

[McDermit]

Do NOT keep on giving her money. I have two brothers who always come to my mom to get money, and they do it over and over and over, one of them has wound up stealing my moms truck, and she STILL pays him, the other is a alcholic-druggy. Later on, they will just come to your house and just stay there, say they are looking for a job (When they are not), and, if they are like 2 of my brothers, steal money. The best thing you can do is make people actually work for their survival. Now, if she came like once in a blue moon for money, due to losing a job, etc, THERE is a exception;.

My ex is in this boat with her brother. She even bailed him out after he got arrested, and he continues to jack off while out on bail.. putting her home and cash on the line.

[Pauliana]

Awww, just give the poor kid some money. :)

Every household/family to some extent is communist. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. But the key is its a voluntary association and that's why it works.

If its a lot of money she wants and you truly resent it, then maybe cut her off, but it sounds like you sort of like being needed. And I'll bet she'll make it up to you somehow. Maybe her grades are better for not working and she'll end up with a better job later... I don't know. Will you really miss the money you give her?

[hopeforamerica]

Umm, this chick needs to get a job! Why is it your responsibility to fund her college? Family comes first, and the best way to help her, is to help her become independent. Ron Paul would agree.

[kylejack]

Tell her that if she's not going to vote for Ron Paul, that he'll be needing more money to promote his message, and send what you would have given her to Ron Paul.