View Full Version : A different political tactic

06-19-2009, 12:16 PM
In a thread on H.R. 2749


TGGRV wrote: “Soon these people will regulate the way people put their toil paper on that rack thing.”

That got me thinking (YES! - I know my parents warned me about doing that!) These congress critters get tons of e-mail all in favor or opposing this resolution or that one. It's the rare one that gets noticed and more importantly remembered. Sooo... how about trying a different tactic:

Dear Congress Critter,

I am writing you today with trepidation, for I both support and don't H.R. 2749, the latest food safety legislation in front of you now. This bill simply does not go far enough to keep us safe and protect the food supply.

For starters, I am overjoyed that this legislation actual effect will be to drive small farmers, organic farmers and farmers markets out of business! I just don't trust these skanky individuals who do not comply to bureaucratic regulatory standards designed for BigAG.

Likewise, we should do through background checks on those people audacious enough to grow their own food. We are being robbed of federal tax revenue! - we need to tax these people. Gardens need to be inspected – what for, it doesn't matter... just fine um if they aren't up to spec. and make sure these deviants never so much as give a tomato to their neighbor. Community gardens should be closed down immediately and the ground salted!

We also need a new federal agency to keep our food safe and of appropriate quality. I can't tell you how dismayed I am every time I find an ear of corn that does not have an even number of kernels or when the color of the peas in a can are slightly different than the picture on the front. Seriously, these should be felonies and we need a national tip line to complain to!

For that matter, I worry constantly about Islamic terrorists infiltrating our grocery stores and poisoning us. All grocery workers need to go through a through background check, made to change clothes and go through a metal detector and subjected a full body cavity search when reporting to work. Further, placing a federal officer in every grocery isle would really cut down on shoplifting, the very real possibility of tainting food and purse snatching.

We also need a food testing laboratory at every grocery store to test each batch of any item being put on the shelves. To do any less would be a crime against humanity.

As to food served at restaurants, tracking the food isn't enough! - we need to track who ate each animal or grain of wheat. Only then can we solve this problem – I mean ignoring that every single case of food poisoning originated at a corporate farm. What we really need is to start chipping people or doing retinal scans or something and feeding each contact between a person and an item of food. Who cares about the cost! What's a few Trillion dollars between friends – the federal government MUST keep us “safe”!

On the item of inspection of any vehicle that transports food items, I don't see a nationwide program to do complete toxicological and biological scans of cars transporting groceries from the place of purchase to the place of consumption. Surely, this could be done during vehicle emissions inspections. Likewise, we need federal inspections of food storage and preparation areas. Every cupboard, every counter, every stove and refrigerator. At least yearly!

So please improve this food “safety” legislation. What you have is simply inadequate. I am really counting on the federal government to micro-manage every aspect of my life from how many calories I'm allowed to eat to my bowl movements.

Thank you,

Your constituent



06-19-2009, 12:35 PM
They'd probably take it to heart and take the advice never guessing it is sarcasm.

06-19-2009, 12:37 PM
I actually sent that to my congress critter and RP - wonder if I'll get a reply...


06-19-2009, 12:41 PM
Our congressmen are probably too stupid to figure out sarcasm when they see it, living in the world of irony that they do. That tactic might just backfire on us, so I suggest we write letters to our representatives, asking them to give Constitutional justification for any bill they support. That will be enough to make their heads hurt.

06-19-2009, 12:55 PM
I think it's funny, but I hope you said bowel, instead of bowl, in the letter. :)

06-19-2009, 01:16 PM
I think it's funny, but I hope you said bowel, instead of bowl, in the letter. :)

Cringe! - damn spell checker!

Glad you liked it! Hope the congress critters do and get the message.


06-19-2009, 01:40 PM
If I would have been your congressman, I would have sent this back to you:

06-19-2009, 01:54 PM
If I would have been your congressman, I would have sent this back to you:

Glad you liked it! - hope the congress critters like it to - AND GET THE MESSAGE!


06-19-2009, 05:06 PM

06-19-2009, 09:56 PM
Writing the same type of letters to newspapers is a great way to get the point across. I had read about the tactic some time before in this book 179 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution