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Lord Xar
09-17-2007, 11:27 PM
Does this line make sense.. and how could you make JUST this one line better.
This is in the context of a 30 second ad.

"Learn about Ron Paul's philosophy of individual rights, low taxes, honesty
and why he is called The Champion of the Constitution'."

risiusj
09-17-2007, 11:34 PM
I'd change "philosophy" to a stronger word. Something along the lines of, "die-hard defense" would catch eyes and ears a lot better than philosophy.
Ron Paul is different than all the other politicians, his ads have to show that.

LibertyEagle
09-17-2007, 11:35 PM
x =
advocacy of?
strong stance on?
firm belief in?
unwavering stance on?

"Learn about Ron Paul's x on individual liberty, low taxes, limited government, a strong national defense,
and why he is called The Champion of the Constitution'."

Lord Xar
09-17-2007, 11:36 PM
in that case.. "honesty" wouldn't fit in there... but I like your idea.. point taken.. good..

SwanMaiden
09-17-2007, 11:36 PM
Does this line make sense.. and how could you make JUST this one line better.
This is in the context of a 30 second ad.

"Learn about Ron Paul's philosophy of individual rights, low taxes, honesty
and why he is called The Champion of the Constitution'."

Personally, I would change the phrase "Learn about" to "Discover", because that is exactly what it feels like the first time you really hear about Ron Paul and his message.:)

Ninja Homer
09-17-2007, 11:36 PM
Does this line make sense.. and how could you make JUST this one line better.
This is in the context of a 30 second ad.

"Learn about Ron Paul's philosophy of individual rights, low taxes, honesty
and why he is called The Champion of the Constitution'."

Without the context it can be a little tough, but how does this look:

Learn about The Champion of the Constitution, Ron Paul's, passion for individual rights, low taxes, and honesty in government.

Bryan
09-17-2007, 11:38 PM
Yes, it makes sense but if you split hairs it's not totally clear of the philosophy is meant to apply to "honesty" or not (which doesn't make much sense). I'd almost say "Re-learn about the Constitutions philosophy of individual rights" or something.

I would also suggest saying "... and why Ron Paul is called The Champion..." That ties his name in there so well. Overall it sounds like good material for a 30 second ad.

Just my fiat $0.02.

Lord Xar
09-17-2007, 11:40 PM
OKAY -- HERE IS THE CONTEXT. I THINK this is a good 30 second ad that someone submitted. BUT I"d like to flesh it out.. any ideas..

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified with todays policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the statesmen you've been waiting for.

All accross the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul for President.
Learn about Ron Paul's philosophy of individual rights, low taxes, honesty and why he is called "the champion of the Constitution".

Let's get one of our own into the White House. Ron Paul for President.
There is Hope for America.

Shatterhand
09-17-2007, 11:42 PM
Learn about Ron Paul's philosophy of freedom and personal liberty and find out why he is the champion of the Constitution, the defender of individual rights . . .

:D :D :D

quickmike
09-17-2007, 11:44 PM
Learn about Ron Paul's in depth understanding of individual rights, low taxes, honesty
and why he is called The Champion of the Constitution'

Lord Xar
09-17-2007, 11:46 PM
x =
advocacy of?
strong stance on?
firm belief in?
unwavering stance on?

"Learn about Ron Paul's x on individual liberty, low taxes, limited government, a strong national defense,
and why he is called The Champion of the Constitution'."

hahha.. good, I was actually thinking "gotta find a way for strong national defense to fit in there..".. good..

Chester Copperpot
09-17-2007, 11:47 PM
Does this line make sense.. and how could you make JUST this one line better.
This is in the context of a 30 second ad.

"Learn about Ron Paul's philosophy of individual rights, low taxes, honesty
and why he is called The Champion of the Constitution'."

Should have a colon there..


"Learn about Ron Paul's philosophy of individual rights: "

Heres my 2 cents

"Learn about Ron Paul's philosophy: Smaller Government, lower taxes, lower spending."

Or perhaps something like "Smaller government = smaller taxes."

LibertyEagle
09-17-2007, 11:48 PM
OKAY -- HERE IS THE CONTEXT. I THINK this is a good 30 second ad that someone submitted. BUT I"d like to flesh it out.. any ideas..

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified with todays policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the statesmen you've been waiting for.

All accross the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul for President.
Learn about Ron Paul's philosophy of individual rights, low taxes, honesty and why he is called "the champion of the Constitution".

Let's get one of our own into the White House. Ron Paul for President.
There is Hope for America.

"Honesty" kind of sticks out there like a sore thumb. Are you talking about Ron Paul's honesty or his belief that there should be honesty in government? I'm guessing the former, but the way it's worded now, it sounds like youre' saying he has a philosophy of honesty. That doesn't make sense. At least to me.

Chester Copperpot
09-17-2007, 11:52 PM
OKAY -- HERE IS THE CONTEXT. I THINK this is a good 30 second ad that someone submitted. BUT I"d like to flesh it out.. any ideas..

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified with todays policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the statesmen you've been waiting for.

All accross the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul for President.
Learn about Ron Paul's philosophy of individual rights, low taxes, honesty and why he is called "the champion of the Constitution".

Let's get one of our own into the White House. Ron Paul for President.
There is Hope for America.

Most people dont understand what a statesman is so I think you should clarify it.
tell em real simple

"Statesman = a politician that doesnt play politics."

I think that sums it up nicely and simply

LibertyEagle
09-17-2007, 11:54 PM
I like what Mike is going for here.


"Learn about Ron Paul's philosophy: Smaller Government, lower taxes, lower spending."

People will understand those words better than saying limited government, etc. I also liked that he added "lower spending". Maybe we could tack on "a strong national defense" to this. I'm not sure how to fit in the focus on the individual. Without explanation, I'm not sure if a lot of people will get that. If you disagree, we could put in individual liberty or individual right, like you had.

Lord Xar
09-17-2007, 11:55 PM
is this too strong?


Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified with todays pandering policitians

libertyeagle, yes - i will remove honesty --- too much and doesn't fit


**********************

This is what I have now:

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified with todays pandering policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been waiting for.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul.
Discover Ron Paul's philosophy: Smaller Government, lower taxes, lower spending.
and find out why he is called 'The Champion of the Constitution'.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.

Ninja Homer
09-17-2007, 11:58 PM
Breaking it into 2 sentences:

Learn about Ron Paul's commitment to individual rights, low taxes, and a strong national defense. Discover Ron Paul's honesty and why he is the champion of the constitution.

Shatterhand
09-18-2007, 12:00 AM
is this too strong?


Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified with todays pandering policitians

libertyeagle, yes - i will remove honesty --- too much and doesn't fit

The stronger the better, Xar, like your bourbon!

Are you dissatisified, dissillusioned and downright disgusted with today's pandering porkbarrel pig politicians squealing from the taxpayer's trough?

Lord Xar
09-18-2007, 12:01 AM
what i last posted is JUST at 30 seconds.. so I have to keep it within that wording..

Ninja, do you feel that "commitment to individual rights, low taxes nad strong national defense" is more poignent than what is above?

Lord Xar
09-18-2007, 12:02 AM
The stronger the better, Xar, like your bourbon!

Are you dissatisified, dissillusioned and downright disgusted with today's pandering porkbarrel pig politicians squealing from the taxpayer's trough?

well, I think i will add "dissillusioned"... hahha.. I like your sentence.. very amusing.. hahahah.. reminds me, I'll be right back (hahhaha.....you KNOW what I am getting).

Lord Xar
09-18-2007, 12:04 AM
okay..

which one:::::

SCRIPT A:

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified and dissillusioned with todays pandering policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been waiting for.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul.
Discover Ron Paul's philosophy: Smaller Government, lower taxes, lower spending.
and find out why he is called 'The Champion of the Constitution'.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.


SCRIPT B:

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified and dissillusioned with todays pandering policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been waiting for.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul.
Learn about Ron Paul's commitment to individual rights, low taxes, and a strong national defense. Discover Ron Paul's honesty and why he is the champion of the constitution.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.

Ninja Homer
09-18-2007, 12:10 AM
what i last posted is JUST at 30 seconds.. so I have to keep it within that wording..

Ninja, do you feel that "commitment to individual rights, low taxes nad strong national defense" is more poignent than what is above?

I like it both ways...

If you go with:
Discover Ron Paul's philosophy: Smaller Government, lower taxes, lower spending.
and find out why he is called 'The Champion of the Constitution'.

I would change the last part to just "Ron Paul is the champion of the Constitution."

I think it's good leaving the honesty part out; it doesn't really fit in that sentence.

"Pandering" isn't strong enough for me either. Lying, sleazy, idiotic, or fork-tongued maybe?

Bryan
09-18-2007, 12:14 AM
Rather than pandering say "cater to lobbyist and special interest"

jjschless
09-18-2007, 12:16 AM
"Learn about Ron Paul's principled stance on individual rights, low taxes, honesty
and why he is called The Champion of the Constitution'."

Lord Xar
09-18-2007, 12:17 AM
YAY OR NAY?

Do I need to add in "strong national defense in there somewhere?"

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified and dissillusioned with todays fork-tongued policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been waiting for.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul.
Discover Ron Paul's philosophy: Smaller Government, lower taxes, lower spending.
and find out why Ron Paul is the Champion of the Constitution.

Honesty, Integrity.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.


OR

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified with politicians who cater to lobbyists and special interests?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been waiting for.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul.
Discover Ron Paul's philosophy: Smaller Government, lower taxes, lower spending.
and find out why Ron Paul is the Champion of the Constitution.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.

LibertyEagle
09-18-2007, 12:19 AM
okay..

which one:::::

SCRIPT A:

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified and dissillusioned with todays pandering policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been waiting for.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul.
Discover Ron Paul's philosophy: Smaller Government, lower taxes, lower spending.
and find out why he is called 'The Champion of the Constitution'.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.


SCRIPT B:

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified and dissillusioned with todays pandering policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been waiting for.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul.
Learn about Ron Paul's commitment to individual rights, low taxes, and a strong national defense. Discover Ron Paul's honesty and why he is the champion of the constitution.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.

I like part of both. I know you're going for the list of 3 rule. But, I sure wish we could fit in smaller government. Without that, we cannot have lower taxes. Maybe I'm splitting hairs. I darn sure think we need strong national defense in there. :)

katao
09-18-2007, 12:19 AM
YAY OR NAY?

Do I need to add in "strong national defense in there somewhere?"



Yea - and I like B more than A.

LibertyEagle
09-18-2007, 12:23 AM
I like B the best. I'm too tired right now to think up anything better. I'm not even sure if I could if I was more rested. ;)

Lord Xar
09-18-2007, 12:25 AM
haha.. I posted two B's ...argghhh. The Latter B? :)

LibertyEagle
09-18-2007, 12:28 AM
Which is more important to put in this line? Individual liberty or Smaller government? I ask, because I wonder if most people even know what individual liberty means.

LibertyEagle
09-18-2007, 12:30 AM
Learn about Ron Paul's commitment to smaller government, lower taxes, and a strong national defense. Discover Ron Paul's honesty and why he is the champion of the constitution.

or

Learn about Ron Paul's commitment to individual rights, low taxes, and a strong national defense. Discover Ron Paul's honesty and why he is the champion of the constitution.

katao
09-18-2007, 12:32 AM
All republicans spout rhetoric about smaller government, but never mean it. No one talks about individual rights, which is why it catches my attention.

LibertyEagle
09-18-2007, 12:32 AM
We need Freelance.

Shatterhand
09-18-2007, 12:33 AM
Xar, I tried to come up with a hybrid just for fun.

Are you one of the millions of Americans dissatisfied with politicians who cater to lobbyists and special interests? Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate for you.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Ron Paul for president. Discover Ron Paul's commitment to individual rights, low taxes, limited government, and a strong national defense and find out why he is the Champion of the Constitution.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.

Lord Xar
09-18-2007, 12:33 AM
We need Freelance.

I will get the final draft and then ping freelance with it...

LibertyEagle
09-18-2007, 12:33 AM
All republicans spout rhetoric about smaller government, but never mean it. No one talks about individual rights, which is why it catches my attention.

Yeah, well they all talk about cutting taxes too, but they don't talk much anymore that this isn't possible unless they cut the size of government.

Lord Xar
09-18-2007, 12:35 AM
Xar, I tried to come up with a hybrid just for fun.

Are you one of the millions of Americans dissatisfied with politicians who cater to lobbyists and special interests? Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate for you.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Ron Paul for president. Discover Ron Paul's commitment to individual rights, low taxes, limited government, and a strong national defense and find out why he is the Champion of the Constitution.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.



Sounds good.. anyone weight in on Shatterhand's interpretation?

LibertyEagle
09-18-2007, 12:35 AM
I will get the final draft and then ping freelance with it...

Good. :)

austin356
09-18-2007, 12:36 AM
B all the way; either ending of the first sentence it good to me........... :)

trispear
09-18-2007, 12:36 AM
Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified and dissillusioned with todays pandering policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been waiting for.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul.
Discover Ron Paul's philosophy: Smaller Government, lower taxes, lower spending.
and find out why he is called 'The Champion of the Constitution'.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.This one, script A is a good start.

You have to edit out the apostrophe in the first occurence of American, it's supposed to be plural, not possessive.

Also consider using three short questions as a lead up to Ron Paul being the answer, not just one.

LibertyEagle
09-18-2007, 12:37 AM
Xar, I tried to come up with a hybrid just for fun.

Are you one of the millions of Americans dissatisfied with politicians who cater to lobbyists and special interests? Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate for you.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Ron Paul for president. Discover Ron Paul's commitment to individual rights, low taxes, limited government, and a strong national defense and find out why he is the Champion of the Constitution.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.


This is pretty good. It breaks the rule of 3, but...

It's up to you, Dean.

PennCustom4RP
09-18-2007, 12:40 AM
okay..

which one:::::

SCRIPT A:

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified and dissillusioned with todays pandering policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been waiting for.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul.

Discover Ron Paul's philosophy: Smaller Government, lower taxes, lower spending.
and find out why he is called 'The Champion of the Constitution'.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.


SCRIPT B:

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisified and dissillusioned with todays pandering policitians?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been waiting for.

All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul.
Learn about Ron Paul's commitment to individual rights, low taxes, and a strong national defense. Discover Ron Paul's honesty and why he is the champion of the constitution.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.

How about this Xar, make this a declaratory statement, instead of a question...You are instead of Are you tell it like these are facts that everyone apparently knows, those who 1st hear it would accept it as gospel...as follows:

You are one of the millions of Americans dissatisfied and disillusioned with todays politicians.

Congressman Ron Paul is the presidential candidate you have been waiting for.
All across the country, Americans just like you are supporting Dr. Ron Paul.

Ron Paul's commitment is to your Individual Rights, a Smaller Fiscally Responsible Government, and Lower Taxes.

Ron Paul is an Honest Statesman, and 'The Champion of the Constitution"
Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.

Ninja Homer
09-18-2007, 12:56 AM
I hate to be an ass, introducing another version and then going off to sleep for a few hours before I have to drive, but here's my hybrid:

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisfied with politicians who cater to
lobbyists and special interests, while ignoring your individual rights?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been looking for.

Discover the honesty and integrity of Ron Paul and his philosophy:
Small Government, low taxes, and a strong national defense.
Throughout the country, Americans just like you are supporting Ron Paul, the
Champion of the Constitution.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.

Nash
09-18-2007, 01:33 AM
"why he is called" == "why they call him"?

katao
09-18-2007, 01:46 AM
I hate to be an ass, introducing another version and then going off to sleep for a few hours before I have to drive, but here's my hybrid:

Are you one of the millions of American's dissatisfied with politicians who cater to
lobbyists and special interests, while ignoring your individual rights?
Then Congressman Ron Paul is the Presidential Candidate you've been looking for.

Discover the honesty and integrity of Ron Paul and his philosophy:
Small Government, low taxes, and a strong national defense.
Throughout the country, Americans just like you are supporting Ron Paul, the
Champion of the Constitution.

Ron Paul for President. There is Hope for America.

That is very good.

Bryan
09-18-2007, 01:54 AM
Discover the honesty and integrity of Ron Paul and his philosophy:

One thing to note, it's not just a philosophy, it's an impeccable 20 year track record of public service. As said, many politicians talk about these things, Dr. Paul has lived them for 20 years. That's what makes him different.

ronpaulhawaii
09-18-2007, 02:14 AM
I liked the latter B and shatterhands the most. They are all good. I would probably change one tiny thing. Substitute "perhaps", for "then RP is the..."

ISTM people like being reminded that it is their choice, and will listen closer to a question than a statement.

jus thinking out loud...