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View Full Version : The condom gap & bailout




tangent4ronpaul
01-29-2009, 07:12 PM
As the Federal government has decided that it it vital to bail out the condom industry, as noted by the $200 Million line item in TARP2 for these rubbery sheaths, perhaps we should consider the serious ramifications this move will have.

As with the banks, we are sure to see some condom manufacturers merge while others get driven out of business. Trickling farther into the economy we can expect mom and pop gas stations and owners of condom vending machines to suffer a major financial loss.

As we would essentially be nationalizing this very important part of our market, for a short time - we have to ask: Is it enough, or just a down payment? The going rate for 1,000 condoms is $100, and while such a large order would warrant an additional discount 10 cents each is a nice round number. Clearly this is inadequate, an an analysis of South Africa's condom gap (which I guarantee Obama will make us pay for too) shows that it would not even be adequate for South Africa's 12 million males between the ages of 15 and 59, according to a BMJ article:

http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1121457

Fortunately, a sole source supplier has been found that is completely appropriate and up to the task, as every condom would be a reminder of who's giving the taxpayers the shaft: (hmmm... these might be good for handouts with fliers too...)

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/01/03/LVS914B2H6.DTL&type=living

"Make family planning cool: The Obama condom, originally produced along with a McCain condom (tagline: "Old but not expired") this summer by New York entrepreneur Benjamin Sherman continues to be a strong seller, especially after comedian Lewis Black gave it a shout-out on "The Daily Show" recently. With more than 100,000 Obama condoms already sold, it may well be the item of the year."

So keep your eyes on your mailbox as Obama will be sending you a bunch of condoms soon!

In related news:

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

It just doesn't get more accurate than that!

-t

tangent4ronpaul
01-29-2009, 11:41 PM
blimp

Matt Collins
01-29-2009, 11:48 PM
Sorry I couldn't resist this...


So the contraceptive industry needs a bailout?

Apparently They are asking for a wad of money. I hope they don't go down, but if they did it would be a load off my mind because putting these things on is hard work. However if they did indeed get a shot from the government it would really suck the taxpayer dry. Once again the honest tax paying American takes it on the chin. No wonder it's so hard to get ahead these days. We really need to get a grip because you never know what is coming after the stroke of a pen. Apparently the shrinking caucus is no longer surrounded by Bush and eager to shove some legislation down the throats of the People. We really need a one-on-one debate where the two sides can pound each other with their oral arguments. The whole thing is hard to swallow.

Matt Collins
01-29-2009, 11:49 PM
This reminds me of the other "Gap" described in the movie "Dr. Strangelove"

tangent4ronpaul
01-30-2009, 12:05 AM
Sorry I couldn't resist this...


So the contraceptive industry needs a bailout?

Apparently They are asking for a wad of money. I hope they don't go down, but if they did it would be a load off my mind because putting these things on is hard work. However if they did indeed get a shot from the government it would really suck the taxpayer dry. Once again the honest tax paying American takes it on the chin. No wonder it's so hard to get ahead these days. We really need to get a grip because you never know what is coming after the stroke of a pen. Apparently the shrinking caucus is no longer surrounded by Bush and eager to shove some legislation down the throats of the People. We really need a one-on-one debate where the two sides can pound each other with their oral arguments. The whole thing is hard to swallow.

ROTGLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks!

-t

kathy88
01-30-2009, 05:39 AM
Sorry I couldn't resist this...


So the contraceptive industry needs a bailout?

Apparently They are asking for a wad of money. I hope they don't go down, but if they did it would be a load off my mind because putting these things on is hard work. However if they did indeed get a shot from the government it would really suck the taxpayer dry. Once again the honest tax paying American takes it on the chin. No wonder it's so hard to get ahead these days. We really need to get a grip because you never know what is coming after the stroke of a pen. Apparently the shrinking caucus is no longer surrounded by Bush and eager to shove some legislation down the throats of the People. We really need a one-on-one debate where the two sides can pound each other with their oral arguments. The whole thing is hard to swallow.



This is the second or third time I've seen you do this, it's hysterical. Perhaps you should get into stand up comedy instead of politics? Another great way to get the message out, and I'm not trying to be smart ass. I would rather watch political comedy than ANYTHING on the boob tube.

Matt Collins
01-30-2009, 12:31 PM
Perhaps you should get into stand up comedy instead of politics?Naaw... I'm not that good. Besides, political comedy is a very small niche because it tends to offend most everyone but the small niche. Look at Bill Maher and Al Franken...