Ron Paul Jokes

[interpaul]

In order to lighten the mood just a bit and give everyone a good laugh (or a squeamish upchuck) I have come up with some Ron Paul jokes. If you have a weak stomach, you may not want to read further...


We (should) all know that Dr. Ron Paul is a ob/gyn. This means:

- Dr. Paul believes in 'open' government

- Any votes Dr. Ron Paul receives in the primary will be considered a 'split vote'

- Unlike Bill Clinton, none of Dr. Paul's women enjoyed the experience

- The Dr. Ron Paul administration will now refer to it as "The Ovary Office"

- Dr. Ron Paul will bring a new meaning to the phrase "smear campaign"

- During Ron Paul's presidency, ketchup, tuna, and yeast will be banned form state dinners

- Dr. Ron Paul has experience in removing foreign objects from the human body. Therefore cigars will again be considered safe in the White House.

- Dr. Ron Paul deals with the nastiest, filthiest, scummy, and most raunchy between-the-leg diseases known to man... and that's just talking about his fellow members of Congress

- If you are lucky enough to get to meet Dr. Ron Paul in person, don't offer to shake his hand, ask to sniff it instead

- In order to better understand the Mid East situation, Dr. Ron Paul will view the film 'Lawrence of A Labia'

- When Dr. Ron Paul is president hopefully he can avoid any assassination attempts. During his medical practice he already had to dodge stuff shooting out of the grassy knoll

- When Dr. Ron Paul is president he will hope and pray that Hillary doesn't come in for a 'check-up'

- Dr. Ron Paul knows how to handle all types of fallopian fungus... but enough about the U.N.

- An obvious proponent of small government, when asked about the current president's expansion of the budget, Dr. Ron Paul thinks that 'Bush just gets in the way'

- Dr. Ron Paul was examining a psychic patient on the rag and got his palm red

- Some people are worried about Dr. Paul's age. If he happens to go deaf, we can take comfort in the fact that he knows how to read lips

- Dr. Ron Paul thinks government screws up often. He came to this conclusion after noticing that just like his female patients, a playground is always built next to a sewer


----Yes I made all of these up myself, feel free to pass them around.
^
Courtesy of Matt Collins (http://www.facebook.com/s.php?k=10080&id=38407710)

[quickmike]

Yeah, youre gonna catch some shit from this post by the "sensitive" people here I think. Some people are too uptight, but get ready for all the complaints. LOL



Oh, and by the way..............................



get ready for the pap smear campaign agains Ron:D

edit- I didnt see the smear campaign joke.............. didnt mean to steal it.

[mavtek]

Funny!!!!!

Tearing up!

[Eroberer]

I haven't laughed that hard at one liners for a while now.

[Magsec]

Not quite jokes but FACTS!

Ron Paul doesn't go to the gym, he gets fit by exercising his civil rights.

Ron Paul delivers babies without his hands. He simply reads them the
Bill of Rights and they crawl out in anticipation of freedom.

Ron Paul has no alarm clock, but instead wakes every morning to the
call of freedom

Ron Paul doesn't cut taxes. He kills them with his bare hands.

I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Ron Paul.

Ron Paul can fly, but doesn't because it's unconstitutional.

Ron Paul doesn't act like a patriot, a patriot acts
like Ron Paul.

Ron Paul blew up both Death Stars, but the media spun the facts
in favor of Luke and Lando.

The Chicken crossed the road to vote for Ron Paul.

Ron Paul delivered over 4,000 babies. What is remarkable is
that they were all on time, as promised, and under-budget, unlike the Post Office.

Ron Paul was the OB that Delivered Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris voted for Ron Paul in 88... twice.

[Cjays]

New campaign slogan:

"Ron Paul. He's gotten more pussy than JFK and both Clintons combined."

[mavtek]

Tearing up more............

[Bryan]

Courtesy of Matt Collins (http://www.facebook.com/s.php?k=10080&id=38407710)

Matt of course is a long standing contributor here.

[james1906]

Ron Paul can balance budgets because only he can divide by zero.

[cac1963]

FWIW I got really pissed today when some jerk started in on that "is he that drag queen and is trying to run for president" crap so I broke my own no-insults rule and shouted back, "no, that's hillary!" The people next to me laughed which caught me offguard and cheered me up. So I guess it's funny enough to contribute to the pool.

[derdy]

Great Stuff!!! LOL

[literatim]

Do you really think Ron Paul would appreciate those so called 'jokes'?

[BuddyRey]

Dude, you should be a roast master! This stuff is gold!

[Matt Collins]

........

[Perry]

In order to lighten the mood just a bit and give everyone a good laugh (or a squeamish upchuck) I have come up with some Ron Paul jokes. If you have a weak stomach, you may not want to read further...


We (should) all know that Dr. Ron Paul is a ob/gyn. This means:

- Dr. Paul believes in 'open' government

- Any votes Dr. Ron Paul receives in the primary will be considered a 'split vote'

- Unlike Bill Clinton, none of Dr. Paul's women enjoyed the experience

- The Dr. Ron Paul administration will now refer to it as "The Ovary Office"

- Dr. Ron Paul will bring a new meaning to the phrase "smear campaign"

- During Ron Paul's presidency, ketchup, tuna, and yeast will be banned form state dinners

- Dr. Ron Paul has experience in removing foreign objects from the human body. Therefore cigars will again be considered safe in the White House.

- Dr. Ron Paul deals with the nastiest, filthiest, scummy, and most raunchy between-the-leg diseases known to man... and that's just talking about his fellow members of Congress

- If you are lucky enough to get to meet Dr. Ron Paul in person, don't offer to shake his hand, ask to sniff it instead

- In order to better understand the Mid East situation, Dr. Ron Paul will view the film 'Lawrence of A Labia'

- When Dr. Ron Paul is president hopefully he can avoid any assassination attempts. During his medical practice he already had to dodge stuff shooting out of the grassy knoll

- When Dr. Ron Paul is president he will hope and pray that Hillary doesn't come in for a 'check-up'

- Dr. Ron Paul knows how to handle all types of fallopian fungus... but enough about the U.N.

- An obvious proponent of small government, when asked about the current president's expansion of the budget, Dr. Ron Paul thinks that 'Bush just gets in the way'

- Dr. Ron Paul was examining a psychic patient on the rag and got his palm red

- Some people are worried about Dr. Paul's age. If he happens to go deaf, we can take comfort in the fact that he knows how to read lips

- Dr. Ron Paul thinks government screws up often. He came to this conclusion after noticing that just like his female patients, a playground is always built next to a sewer


----Yes I made all of these up myself, feel free to pass them around.
^
Courtesy of Matt Collins (http://www.facebook.com/s.php?k=10080&id=38407710)

Not funny. These kinds of threads can have serious blowba...err...repercussions.:D

[DogWings]

I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Ron Paul.


That's hilarious! (And true) I had some fun (http://www.allamericanblogger.com/739/i-just-saved-a-ton-of-money/) with that one...

http://www.allamericanblogger.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/uncle_sam_ron_paul.jpg

[empirenine]

http://www.ronpaulfacts.com

[JoshLowry]

That's hilarious! (And true) I had some fun (http://www.allamericanblogger.com/739/i-just-saved-a-ton-of-money/) with that one...

[MG]http://www.allamericanblogger.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/uncle_sam_ron_paul.jpg[/IMG]

That one is good!

Here's one I made pre-straw poll just for kicks...

http://www.stateofbrain.com/images/GEICO.jpg

[Matt Collins]

........

[ronpaulhawaii]

FWIW I got really pissed today when some jerk started in on that "is he that drag queen and is trying to run for president" crap so I broke my own no-insults rule and shouted back, "no, that's hillary!" The people next to me laughed which caught me offguard and cheered me up. So I guess it's funny enough to contribute to the pool.

LOL - great comeback!

cool thread, a sense of humor is a valuable thing.

Thanks, Matt/ etc.

mkauai
www.ronpaulriders.com/forum (http://www.ronpaulriders.com/forum)

[QWE]

Someone on another forum just posted this line, though I should add it here:

"Ron Paul is in touch with women voters."
;-)

[Cowlesy]

Very clever! True the humor was crude, but heavens folks...lighten up!

[ButchHowdy]

Do you really think Ron Paul would appreciate those so called 'jokes'?

Ron has an excellent sense of humor. A few weeks ago he appeared on this forum when someone (likely a Thompsonite) spammed us with some hideous anal photographs.

Ron's comment was "They're over here cause we're over there!"

[blazin_it_alwyz]

I have a rauchy one, I don't know if I should post it..... Whatever, if anyone finds offense to this, I'll delete it.

Ron Paul once told a woman that he believes in freedom. So that is exactly what he got, no charge.

[Matt Collins]

The Republicans would never vote for an old white guy who rambles on about things like money, liberty and the Constitution... clearly impossible :rolleyes:

[Matt Collins]

This should make the rounds again ;-)

[Hope]

I can't imagine why no women have commented on this thread. Can you?

[Matt Collins]

........